Disclaimer: (I own nothing to do with anything Twilight...except for my books, my shirts and other various collectibles)
edwards point of view
who says "woot woot" to that?
i really have a lot of fun writing his thoughts, he's a very interesting character
so i hope you enjoy reading
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Music
Sitting in the corner of this dark room certainly gave me a new found love for the sun. I hadn't seen it in weeks and I didn't really want to. Kind of odd how I loved it, but totally rejected it. It represented something that I just wasn't ready for. Light mixed with darkness wasn't something meant to be. And I was dark. At least that's what I told myself everyday. Why not remind myself of what I am? Just because I'd been locked in this room for four days didn't mean I'd changed. I was still a killer.
"We'd like to see you upstairs today". Opening my eyes I then noticed Carlisle standing at the door. How I hadn't known he was there before was odd to me. I was getting less observant as the days passed. Somehow my thoughts had formed the power to take me in, making everything around me unseen.
"It's too soon", I admitted. Quickly I could feel his eyes search over me. Probably calculating how right I exactly was. A soft breath escaped his mouth.
"Edward, I'm unlocking the door. When you feel like coming up we'll be waiting". As he started to walk back through the door I heard his final statement. Alice would really like to see you. Once the door shut I hid my head between my palms. Pressing as hard as I could I wished right then that I could go up there. That I could get past my self loathing enough to show my face. But that was exactly it. I wouldn't be showing my face, I would be revealing a different Edward. One that should stay in this dark room for everyone's own good. And because of that I would not be going through that door. Nothing could make me.
…
In the distance I heard a phone ring. Four times it chimed and still no one answered. For some reason I felt a connection to this call. It was like it was trying to sing to me to lead me out of the room. And it worked. Passing through the halls and up the stairs I made my way into the light. At first my eyes didn't accept this change, but within seconds I could see perfectly. Letting my eyes scan around the room I realized that no one was here. The phone rang again, pulling my attention to the kitchen. Eying the small silver phone on the counter I instantly grabbed it in my hand. Without looking at the name I knew who it was. The only problem was, would I answer it? But after the last ring the phone fell dead. She had hung up. Silence again took over the house. Dropping the phone to the counter I thought at how close I had been. What would I have done? I didn't want to think about it. Turning to walk out of the kitchen I started to head up the stairs. Since I was already up here I decided to check on my room. It didn't take me long to get there, but when I opened the door I saw that it was exactly the same. Giant bed and all. Her bed. Walking up to it, I sat on the edge letting it's springs hold me up. Her smell was here. It seemed like just yesterday we'd shared this room. Taking in a deep breath I engulfed my nose in her smell. It was like nothing had changed, except for one thing. She wasn't here anymore. She'd never be here.
Deciding that forcing myself to smell her lingering presence wasn't the safest idea I got up off the bed and made my way out of the room. Shutting the door I felt almost as if I was shutting away a part of my life. Like the action of closing the door was giving up on something that I had once believed I would always fight for. Maybe it was time to let myself lose.Pulling the door shut with a silent click of the lock I made my way further down the hall. With a few more steps I stood outside Carlisle's office. Gazing at the door I couldn't help but remember all the conversations I'd had with my partial father. The hours that I'd spent questioning our lives and how we chose to live. And always he made me feel exultant with what we did. Proud that I had chosen this way of life instead of continuing my endless days with darkness and death. Carlisle had save me. A deep feeling of regret pulled itself through my veins. And in thanking him I had given up all of it for a broken heart. Placing my hand on the knob I contemplated on weather or not to go in. Did I really want to enter into a place that I clearly did not belong? Did I want to do something like that to myself? Deciding that no, I did not want to pull myself into that I dropped my grip and walked back towards the main floor. Seeing the piano out in the open caught a glimmer in my eyes. I hadn't touched it's keys in weeks. The white ivory sang out to me, begging for my touch. Deep down I'd been desiring to play it for days, but the better half of me knew it would have been wrong. I didn't deserve the simple pleasures in life anymore. I'd given those up the day I willingly let the stain of blood pass my lips. Yet at this moment I felt the strong erg to place myself at the grand piece and flex my fingers. Maybe I could just sit at it, but not play it. That wouldn't be so bad.
Running my numb fingers along the untouched keys a shiver of delight passed through my veins. A sigh of shock broke through my lips as I realized the familiar sensation. Then I curled my hands away from the white ivory and let the guilt set in. I hadn't deserved to feel that. Then without thinking I ran a hand across the keys again. A sweet sound escaped from the heavenly contraption that filled my ears. Then as I slowly pulled up my other hand and placed it on the keys I played a simple note. Following that was a blur. My hands started to think for themselves as they moved along the instrument and did what they had wanted to do for so long. I had been holding them back and now they were finally free to move. Then without thinking I played the note. At first it hit me with a wave of shock. It had happened so suddenly and un-expectantly that I didn't know how to react. Instead of running from the sound I sat there in dismay. A familiar pain crept itself along my throat, constructing my unneeded breaths. Then I played more, continuing the melody that the single note represented. It was years ago that I had written this particular song and now it was being re-earthed for my own desires. I hadn't written it for myself, but at the time it hadn't occurred to me that I would have to use it for such a purpose. As the tune played out and rose then fell, I felt as if she was there sitting beside me. Just inches out of my reach. By gliding my fingers along the keys I was bringing her back. With music I was letting her return to my heart. Then as if there wasn't anymore to add the tempo changed. I hadn't planned on adding to the song, but now there was an entirely new ending. It spoke of pain and loss and the establishment of the sting to come. Once the notes started to dull and the song came to its end, I pulled back my hands and placed them lightly in my lap. A single question slipped through my mind. What had I just done? Letting out an unnecessary breath I admitted to myself the truth. Even if I didn't want to believe it, I had just taking her back into my heart without once thinking of what could come out of it. I had just pulled myself into something I most likely wasn't ready for. I knew that I wasn't ready for.
…
Time passed and still none of my family had returned. The light in the house started to grow less and less as the sun sunk lower into the trees. Watching as the giant windows surrounding the living room grayed, I thought about what the air tasted like. Here in the house it was a mixture of familiar scents of my family, but out there it looked as though it would be fresher. Perhaps milder. Getting up off the couch my mouth tingled with anticipation of what I was about to taste. Opening the door I soon felt the a cool breeze pass through my hair, blowing back my unbuttoned shirt. Trying as hard as I could, I couldn't bring back a memory of being able to feel the wind. Normally it was just a noise that pricked at my ears. Now I could actually feel the sensation of the moving current gliding past my skin and circling around my body. Floating up in the air the breeze strengthened as another smell passed my lips. Breathing in I could taste the sweet aroma of something so familiar that my whole body became livid by its unexpected presence. Each pour of my body inviting it to enter as it pleased. Ignoring the voice in my head telling me to go inside and retreat back to the basement, I stepped off the entrance step and brought myself further into the scent, heightening the aroma. With the sudden erg to follow the aroma my speed grew as I closed the distance between it and myself. Soon my stride broke into a run and tree after tree blurred into a strip of green. The gravel beneath my feet provided as a track, taking me further in the right direction. And the first breeze that caught my attention provided a reminder of what I was getting closer to. In a matter of minutes I would be there. I would see her.
Stopping with the quickest of jerks, I pulled in the scene of what lied before me. I was standing at the reservation line, just about to cross it when for some reason it felt wrong to be so eager to run right by it. Unlike before, when I'd all but ignored the barrier. Thinking on it I couldn't come up with any reason not to just turn around and ignore this insane situation. Really it had been wrong to let myself even consider this. Then another fragrant current of wind caught up in my nose. That was it. There was no turning back now. Without another thought I stepped across the line and ran into the woods. To hell with the right thing to do. It didn't matter anymore. I wanted her.
Seconds passed and soon the opening to the beach came into view. Looking up into the sky I could see that the clouds were heavy. Then as if I hadn't noticed before I looked up and saw the rain. Had it been raining before now? Looking down at my bare chest I realized that it had been. Down to my pants I was dripping in the saturated residue. Small drips trickled from my wet locks and trailed down my chin. Taking another step past the trees, I broke my concealment and walked into the open air. Just along the beach I could make out several footprints that trailed along the water. Quickly with my searching eyes I caught where they ended. With a slight break of person a tear formed above my cheek. She was less than a hundred yards away. I could hear her rhythmic heart beat. I could even smell her through the stale and misty air. For a moment I watched as she sat there. Alone she looked so helpless and vulnerable. She could be yours! The voice in my head screamed. Ignoring it, I took a few closer steps towards her. Then as if she'd seen a ghost, her body stiffened and her eyes popped. In that brief second time seemed to freeze. It was just me and her. My eyes and her eyes. Her fear and my desire. Walking with a slightly quicker stride I figured it was too late now. She'd seen me.