No One Heals Me Like You

Chapter Four

November 2009

The funeral was scheduled for three days away, the day after Thanksgiving. Penelope and Derek had just got done eating breakfast when Emily called to let Penelope know.

Penelope told her "I'll tell JJ and Derek. Save you some calls. You okay, sweetie? Anything I can do for you today?....Just don't try and tough this out alone, okay? .....Its hard for you too. Its hard for all of us. Don't minimize your own pain just because someone else's is more....JJ wants everyone over for Thanksgiving and you're gonna be there. Bring booze. I have a feeling we'll need it....Okay, see you then."

Penelope hung up and told Derek, who was sitting on the other side of the kitchen table, "The funeral is Friday."

He nodded. "Anything we can do for Hotch?"

"Emily said Rossi is staying with him. Jessica is coming by everyday too- for Jack. And Em is there as much as Hotch will let her be. I'm sure it tears her up to have to leave him when he's like this. God, baby, this is a living nightmare...our poor family is in hell right now. How are we going to get through this?"

Derek's hand covered hers. "We're gonna take it an hour at a time, girl."

Just then her cell rang again. She looked at the screen and tensed before she answered "Hey.....Thank you for checking in. I'm okay....No, I don't need anything, Kevin. Just space to process and grieve.....I will....Bye."

After she hung up Derek said "Go see him if you need to."

"I told you that I don't need him right now. I need you. Its as simple and as complicated as that. After the funeral I'll try and get my head together enough to sit down with him but, to tell you the truth, I can't stay with Kevin. We've been fighting for a straight month now and its been bad."

Derek tensed and moved back in his seat. "Why didn't you say anything? I can't stand it when I hear about your life from other people or long after the fact. Damn it, girl, what makes you push me out?"

"You want to know why Kevin and I were going at it like cats and dogs? Because I was pissed off about you and Tamara. I don't know what it is, Derek, but she's different than any other woman you ever told me about and it was making me crazy to think about you getting involved with her. I was a total bitch to Kevin cause I was mad and worried about you."

"You need to get honest, okay?"

Her eyes searched his.

Derek went on "You haven't heard about me with any women since you got with Lynch- not until what you convinced yourself was going on with Tamara- and you got jealous."

"Jealous? It was more than just that and you know it. She's a threat to your career and your happiness and our life. You refused to see it cause you wanted her more than you gave a damn about the consequences."

"Whoa, I did not want her as bad you got it in your mind that I did. It wasn't about that. She needed a friend. She needed me. It felt good to be needed like that by someone. You sure hadn't needed me for a long time until this week."

"I always need you, Derek!"

"It doesn't feel like it though. It feels like Lynch gives you everything I wanted to....it feels like you replaced me. And you were afraid I was about to do the same thing to you with Tamara." He paused and let out a calming breath. "Things aren't like they were before....before you were hurt....back then we both were playing games and dating whoever we wanted but since then its different, for me at least, and it will never go back in time to when it was okay for you to be held by anyone but me." He stood up and walked over to the sink, carrying his dishes. "You spent a month torturing yourself with thoughts of me and her. Stop, baby girl, and think about how long I've spent being torn apart over you and Lynch."

She gasped and a long moment passed. "If that's true then you should have said something."

He turned around and leaned on the counter. "I had no right. I messed up when I didn't make a move on you years ago. You got over me and I had to let you go. I missed my chance. But don't think it doesn't hurt me everyday to not be with you. It hurts, Penelope. So I know what you felt when you thought I was going for Tamara....you felt like your life stopped making any sense....I feel like that every damn time I see you smile at Lynch."

Penelope stood up and looked at him. Tears glittered her eyes. "God, we royally screwed this up this time, haven't we? How could we ever make it right now?"

"You giving up?"

She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest. "Never, my love. I need you here with me. If you want to stay....and be my noir hero twenty four hours a day....at least until we have to go back to work and then for as many hours a day as you can spare..." She looked up and into his eyes. "Please do. That's all I ever wanted. No one else can make me feel like you do."

"Tell me, baby girl, how I make you feel."

She grinned at him as her eyes dried up. "You set me on fire just to hear your voice over the phone, Hot Stuff. I sit there and squirm thinking about doing all the things we joke we want to do to each other. Just imagining your touch is hotter for me than being with someone else. Its so much more than just being attracted to you, though. I love everything about you. The things that tick me off and the parts that are so beautiful they amaze me. I pinch myself all the time and wonder if you're real....and why you ever looked twice at me."

"Silly girl, you're everything I need and want. Don't sell yourself short. I wouldn't fall in love with a woman that was anything less than phenomenal...and just in case you're wondering still in that hard head of yours....I've been in love with you since before you were hurt...It took what happened that week to wake me up but I got the truth bashed over my head when we got in that fight....That's why I wanted to take you out that night. To tell you that I was an idiot for not saying something sooner....That I'd cross a room to hit on you.....Look in my eyes, baby girl, and tell me you don't see all the love I got for you?"

She sniffled and nodded. A smile adorned her lips. Her hands rose to hold his face. He bent forward and they shared a very soft and tentative kiss.

Shivers racked her body. She snuggled closer to him as his arms wrapped around her, making her flush to him. He gave her another short kiss. She let her tongue slip out and lick at his lips and then opened her mouth for him. Soon she was moaning as their kisses deepened.

Finally he broke away from her.

Looking into his eyes, that were filled with love and lust, she whispered "Oh my God, do you know how damn sexy you look right now?"

He grinned. "Are you trying to get me to take you on the kitchen table? Because if you keep up that kind of talk it will happen, baby girl."

She giggled and moved back. "Save that one for later, my love."

He smiled and moved close to her. Taking her face in his hands he kissed her forehead and then her nose and her cheeks and then her mouth. "Garcia, this better not be a dream."

"I'm in your dreams?" she teased and then looked down at her pajamas. "Dressed like this? I really thought you had a more wicked imagination, Hot Stuff. How very tame."

He picked her up off her feet and carried her to the living room. Then he put her on the couch, grabbed the remote to put on the TV, lay back and pulled her on top of him. "Hush, woman. You will see just how dirty my mind can get but not today. Today we just relax and enjoy this. I'm not moving from this couch for hours so get comfortable."

She wiggled her body against him and he went hard. His hands went to her hips and his eyes locked on hers. She giggled and started to kiss his neck and jaw. "Mmmm, I'm very comfortable. How about yourself?"

He slapped her ass. She squealed "Morgan!"

"There is more where that came from if you don't behave," he teased.

She gave him one more gentle kiss and then relaxed against him. After a few minutes passed she asked him "Is it wrong that it took this to make us admit what we what?"

"Baby, don't look for a way to feel guilty right now. What happened to Haley....her murder...that's horrible enough all on its own without us adding our own junk to it. Like what if I drove faster and got to her before that happened? What if Foyet never escaped that time with my credentials?"

"Don't do that to yourself."

"You either. There's nothing wrong with us saying we want each other right now. We're not insulting her memory or using her death to get what we want....we're just listening to the last words our friend ever said. Love is the most important thing, baby girl. Whenever I think I can make it through this life without you I always find out how wrong I was.....I can't get through this or anything without my girl. I need you now and if you push me away I'd be somewhere thinking about you, missing you and needing you."

"I need you too," she whispered.

They fell asleep on the couch together as they watched TV. Later they moved to the bed and woke up holding each other. Derek was hard and Penelope pressed against him.

In a sleep filled tone he said "Morning, princess."

"I'll show you a good morning, Hot Stuff," she said and then caught his lips in a kiss. Penelope got out of bed before it went any further, even though she was aching for much more, because she knew it would feel even better to make love to him for the first time once she was broken up with Lynch and if her and Derek had some distance from the heartache weighing them down.

They had each other now and that was enough.

She shot him a heat filled look before she headed to the bathroom. "You in my bed is an image I'll never forget."

"You won't get the chance to forget cause you're gonna see it every day."

"Oh," she said in her sexiest tone "you do know how to make my motor purr. Keep talking that way and I'll never let you out of my bed again."

"Woman, I gotta remind you that I'm the one with the handcuffs? If anybody gets locked to a bed anytime soon its gonna be you."

Her eyes danced with amusement. "You think that would be punishment for me? More like heaven on earth. Sign me up, Hot Stuff."

She headed for the bathroom before he could drag her back into bed, which is what the look in his eye said he wanted to do.