Maelstrom Chapter 31
Conversations in the Kitchen Part H
Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original Maelstrom Comics and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.
Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex.
Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!
Conversations in The Kitchen Chapter 2
Getting to know everything about you
Part H
Continued from Part G!
Security at Metroplex was never the same. Kup hung the first note on the wall in Prime's office as "inspiration for some crankin' vigilance around here!" Shortly Prime's pristine office was cluttered with notes from all sorts of sources. The one from Magnus got pinned under a few others as it contained words Prime didn't approve of. Arcee submitted a smiley face and a kiss applied with lip stick she borrowed from Carly for that purpose. Springer's simply said "Gotcha!" in big green letters. Marissa's contained a few helpful pointers, and Lancer drew a fairly realistic scowling self-portrait with the caption "this is just sad." Optimus hid that one too; the eyes followed him and made him antsy.
Far and away, the most were from Hot Rod and Rodimus. They had obviously made a bet with each other as to who could be the most obnoxious. Notes with supposedly humorous musings about the goings on in Metroplex were found all over the base. They both delighted in spying on people and recording what they observed happening. Usually, the person they were tailing also had to endure some form of prank.
Optimus' stolen energon cost him an entire weekend's worth of pizza. Then his drawers got rearranged. His chair was sabotaged. A bunch of his personal belongings migrated from his quarters to his office. A fish bowl full of live fish appeared on his desk and he REALLY didn't know what to do about that.
Around base there was even more chaos. Someone straightened out Perceptor's lab and he had near hysterical surges when he couldn't find anything. Grimlock claimed a "voice from the vent" in the weapons room taught him a "song which don't end" and asked him to sing it always. He did his best to comply, continuously and out of tune. Caricatures of various Autobot's materialized all over base. Some were even pretty good. Teletran Two's work screens all had one of Op in a yoga pose for about three days. The caption read, "I am at peace. I am serene. I will not worry....Like hell I won't!" It took Wheeljack three days to clear it because the perpetrator had done his hacking so well... according to Wheeljack. Optimus suspected Wheeljack took his time, mostly because of the quaver of laughter in Wheeljack's voice every time Optimus demanded a status report.
Then things got more elaborate. Swoop's collection of shiny trinkets showed up strung like bangles on a wire. He wore it around his neck and circled the base screeching joyfully for about 6 hours. Even Elita was looking to hurt someone after that. The speaker systems started playing a cacophonic mix of rock music unless someone was actually paging someone else.
Optimus was at least grateful none of the pranks actually inhibited the functioning of the base, but since some of the music hadn't even been written in this dimension yet, Blaster admitted to leaving it on deliberately. He confessed when Kup caught him dancing to it in the communications room.
It was funny, it was frustrating, and it had Kup running all over the base cursing and modifying as he went.
"I'm gettin' too blasted old for this head-crackin' job!" Kup cried. "I THOUGHT we were pretty locked down but those... those vermin find cracks everywhere!"
"Did you just call my son and his twin vermin?" Optimus asked mildly.
Kup paused. Then "You bet your tail-pipe I did!"
"Good," Optimus said, "I was thinking the same thing."
Grimlock passed their door, humming his song.
Both of them watched the Dinobot go by in silence.
"Maybe we should call an exterminator. As for you being too old, Kup I am so glad it's you handling this. I wouldn't even want to be on the same planet as Magnus if they were trying this stuff on his office!"
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"You aren't doing anything to my office are you?" Magnus asked in a very neutral voice. He was sitting in "his" armchair, with his body slunk low in the seat, and his arms running down the length of the armrests.
"Hell No!" Hot Rod exclaimed. "I don't have a death wish!"
Magnus looked at his nephew appraisingly. The boy seemed utterly sincere. Then his eye fell on Rodimus who was cuddled next to Lancer on the couch. They were watching the news, and Rodimus didn't even appear to hear Magnus' question. Magnus' eyes narrowed suspiciously. The older twin did have a death wish. His hands clenched the ends of the armrests. He forced them to relax.
"Rodimus?"
"Hmm?" Rodi turned towards him, one eyebrow quirked in question.
"Have you made any...modifications to my office?"
"No, although I have been in there. You really do need to do something about the size of those air-shafts Major General."
Hot Rod snickered at the nick-name. Magnus glared. Hot Rod stopped.
"Are you sure?" Magnus intoned.
"Positive! What would be the point of annoying you there when I can do that here and enjoy the results?" Rodimus asked. He blinked stupidly at Magnus.
Magnus settled for scowling. He knew he'd never get across the room in time to throttled the asshole.
"Whoops," said Lancer, elbowing her mate in the ribs.
"Ow!" Rodi complained.
"If you want to start trouble either take it out or wait until after the news," Lancer snarled.
"As you wish, Lady Assassin," Rodi said with a small salute.
"And you call my twin whipped," Magnus smiled, baring his teeth.
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Then finally, almost 5 months after the big crash in the back-yard, came the call from Metroplex.
"No more tests today, Rodimus. Bring everyone in, what we need to say affects everybody."
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They all crammed into Spike's van. Lancer and Foul Play ended up sitting on the laps of their mates, not that anyone minded too much at first. Rodimus took the opportunity to start trouble with Lancer, and with this sterling example to live up to, Hot Rod attempted similar things on the sly with Foul Play. Her pale skin got redder as the trip progressed and he was pleased she couldn't protest.
She tromped on his foot. He behaved. By the time they got to Metroplex Hot Rod was sulking and complaining his legs were asleep.
Everybody who knew about the travelers met in Optimus' office. The humanized Autobot's tested their new skills by climbing up onto the chairs and the desk to get comfortable. The full-sized Autobots crowded in. The real humans once again wondered why they were crazy enough to cram into small places with all this metal moving around.
"Well, we have compiled all of our data," Perceptor began when everyone assembled. "Let's begin with the good news. Although the process which turned our dimension's people into humans is different from the Jabez technique we were able to find enough similarities and information to extrapolate a possible method for returning you all to your rightful forms. It is even a slim possibility you may be able to use this technique to turn back and forth should any of you ever want to...although I can not imagine this would be the case. We owe a great deal to Rodimus for helping us with this research, although that does not excuse vandalizing a scientific research facility."
"Um...Perceptor...I was the one who cleaned-up your lab...I thought it was helping," Hot Rod confessed in a small voice.
"Hmmph," Perceptor snorted, "Be that as it may, we will be able to utilize our information, now that we can locate it, to embark on designing a device which will return the five of you to normal."
"I really did think I was doing a good thing," Hot Rod whispered to Foul Play.
"Sure ya did," she retorted out loud. She was still stewing, and not in a sympathetic mood.
"If I may continue?" Perceptor said primly, "As for our guests, their problems are a bit more...complex."
"What else is new?" Rodimus sighed.
Wheeljack took over. He had bad news for the travelers, and he didn't trust Perceptor to be diplomatic. "We took your teleporter apart. There really wasn't much left to do on the circuitry. You guys were pretty thorough. Nice work by the way, for people who claim to have no idea what they're doing. As you guessed though, the crystal is the problem. As far as we can tell, it is the brains of the device. We can see the crystal has patterns in its structure, but not how to read them or how they are made. I can get some feedback from it if I pass a current through it, so I don't think it's totally destroyed, but unless we can find a replacement I think you are stuck."
"Unless we take a piece off of the Matrix that is," said Ratchet.
Optimus winced. He was afraid it might come to that, and had been wrestling with his morals. On the one hand, he knew Rodi's Autobots needed their leader back. On the other, the few hours he had given it to his science team to look at had been the longest of his life...even though he hovered the whole time. In the end though, he knew what he had to say, "If it comes to that..."
"No...no way," Rodimus interrupted.
"You've got to get home Rodimus. The Matrix is meant to protect the Autobots, whatever dimension they may be in," Optimus said gravely.
"Putting your own people in jeopardy only has two dimensions of Autobots in peril, Optimus. You can forget it." Rodimus argued.
"You have children..."
"So do you."
"You're people need you back..." Optimus tried.
"They have a whole bloody council. I'm expendable," Rodimus said.
"But..." Optimus began.
"You're sitting on it....and if you make one move to crack that Matrix Lancer and I will disappear and that will be the end of it," Rodimus snapped.
"That's ridiculous...it's not that important!"
Rodimus treated Optimus to his limited command of the Drazi language. When Rodi was finally done suggesting Optimus do things to himself the elder Autobot didn't have the anatomy for, Rodimus explained his view a bit more coherently. "Optimus Prime, you are forbidden fuck up the Matrix."
Optimus blinked. He was unused to anyone but Magnus contradicting him this way.
"But..." he tried, not willing to surrender to a six foot human.
Rodi morphed. He put his wild, green optics about two inches from Optimus'. "The Matrix is NOT an option!" he growled. He poked Optimus' chest plate. "Not an option! Do I make myself entirely clear? There is a great deal of my history I edited...and don't ask me for more information, 'cause I'm an asshole and I won't tell you. However, I will tell you that no less than twice in the last few decades have we been compelled to use the Matrix to, well, save the universe, actually. You will not crack into what may be the only thing that can save your people to give Lancer and me a microscopic chance of getting home! Just so we can have an equally microscopic chance of doing some good there! Don't get me wrong...I want to get home, if only to see my girls again, but even if we fix the teleporter the return trip may well kill us. Thanks anyway. It was nice of you to offer." He smiled, morphed back to human, and took his former place next to Lancer as if nothing had happened.
She sighed.
"Er..." said Wheeljack.
"Do you guys know where your Matrix came from in the first place?" Lancer asked. "Ours was Jabez manufacture. It pisses me off. There are about 300 of them on the Maelstrom...most bigger than the Matrix. If we were there, we could just take one."
"If we were there, we wouldn't need the teleporter," Rodimus observed.
"Well, that's true, " Lancer agreed.
"The Matrix has been passed down from leader to leader since the Quintisson days," Elita answered.
"It was in our dimension too, but no one ever bothered to figure out where it originated," Lancer complained, pinching her mate.
"Hey!" I wasn't the first one to carry the damned thing ya know," Rodi protested.
"No excuses," Lancer said. "Might have saved people a lot of trouble....might have saved a lot of people if any of you Prime Yahoos had thought to check into things."
"I don't think Vector Sigma would have approved of such radical ideas," Rodimus sneered.
"Well, that's probably true," Lancer sighed. "Lying piece of fucking shit. We have to get back if only to make its benighted existence sheer hell."
"Do you suppose the Quintissons actually made it here?" Elita wondered.
Rodimus looked skeptical, "Elita...I don't know. If they are anything like the Quints we have, the Matrix is WAY out of their league. It's...it's too elegant for them."
"I never thought I'd hear you use the word elegant in relation to the fucking squid," Lancer said to her mate.
"I never said the Jabez didn't have style," Rodimus hissed. "I hate their style, but you have to admit every damned thing they do is refined. Right down to the knives they used to peel my skin off."
"Still, even if the Quints didn't make it, maybe they know who did," Magnus mused.
"Truth," Rodimus cheerfully, "I guess we'll have to go ask."
"We'll send a task-force out right away," Optimus said.
"No ya won't!" Rodimus countered.
"What?" Optimus cried. Contradicted! Twice in one day!
"Optimus, look. They'll see your guys coming. This is the kind of mission Lancer and I specialize in. It's our problem anyway. Keep your people at their posts and we'll deal with it."
"You can't mean to take yourself and a human..."
"Mutant," Lancer growled.
"Right. Sorry. You can't mean to take just yourself and a mutant..." Optimus started again.
"Ya just had to go there didn't ya Op?" Rodimus said.
There was a crack of lighting. It vaporized the chair right out from under Optimus without making a singe anywhere else in the room. He yelped as he plummeted to the floor.
Lancer stalked to the other side of Prime's desk so she could glare at him eye to optic.
"By all means, go right ahead," Optimus said in a weak voice. "Best of luck!"
"That's what I thought you meant," Lancer said.
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"So I assume you have a plan for finding the Quints?" Magnus asked Rodimus once they got back to the house. Rodi made a bee-line for Spike's office.
"Well, not really, since I don't make plans. They are against my religion. Spike! I'm borrowing your computer!"
"What?" Magnus cried.
"Really. I just wing it. Spike! Your modem is slow!"
"You are insane," Magnus avowed, not believing a word of it. "What are you looking for anyway?"
"Dance clubs in Miami," Rodimus said. "Best place to start looking for Quints. Dance clubs! The swankier, the better!" Rodimus laughed, and to Magnus' amazement, that was exactly what he searched for. "Spike! Prime owes you a new computer! This one runs like a car-carrier! Clunky and slow!"
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The next day Rodimus asked Carly if she wanted to go sight-seeing.
"Where?" she asked, handing him Daniel.
"Why," he said, more to the baby than her, "To check out all the nice dance clubs I found on Daddy's worthless computer last night."
"You never told me what you wanted with those," Magnus said. He didn't want to admit it, but he was intrigued.
"You were too busy trying to chase me to really talk to," Rodimus reminded him.
"Trying? It seems to me I caught you once," Magnus reminded back.
"Only 'cause Lancer cheats with the tail," Rodimus griped.
"I only cheat when you run around the house yelling 'Clunky and slow, clunky and slow!"
"I was only talking about Spike's computer," Rodimus tried.
"Were not," Magnus rumbled.
"My computer is state of the art! I'm the ambassador to the Autobots! It's not my fault you are from decades in the future!" Spike was proud of his computer. Wheeljack had built it from scratch.
"You know," Carly observed,"A change of scenery might be just what this group needs."
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They drove around for hours. Rodimus offered to drive, but Spike wouldn't let him, so he sat in the passenger seat and told Spike where to go. They would arrive at an address on Rodi's extensive list and usually they would keep right on going. A few times Rodi would ask Spike to slow down, but that was it.
Once, at a club on the waterfront, Rodimus smiled. At the end of the block by the yacht pier, he asked Spike to pull over. Lancer got out. Rodimus told Spike to keep going, but this time they sort of circled the area. About 20 minutes later, just when Spike was about to crush the steering wheel like tissue, Lancer met them at a traffic light about 2 blocks away.
She was slightly winded when she hopped in the car, but she took her spot on the floor, and only smiled when asked what she's been doing.
They would repeat this process only twice more before it was time for lunch. They found a little bistro not far from downtown.
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"If I was hoping to settle everyone down with this lunacy I must have been out of my mind!" Carly fumed quietly as they waited to be seated. "Five hours squashed in a mini-van with half the Autobot army...on the same damned seat as Ultra Magnus no less! Spike! We need a bigger car!"
"Sure," Spike snapped, "How's about a Winnebego?"
Carly laughed hysterically until the hostess came to seat them.
"It wasn't that funny," Rodimus said.
"So what exactly are we doing except getting some real quality time?" Springer wanted to know. "Hot Rod and Foul Play are going to be mates by the time this is over the way they're crammed on top of each other back there."
Foul Play dropped her fork. "Excuse me," she muttered to herself. She then proceeded to eat her mashed potatoes with a spoon. Hot Rod gave her his fork. Foul Play smiled at him, saw Marissa looking at her, and refused the fork. The mashed potatoes disappeared via spoon.
"We are doing recon of course," Rodimus said, nonchalantly. "Or rather, my love is doing recon and we are just keeping her company."
"Would anyone like desert?" their happy waitress asked. It was a small establishment. There were rarely checks the size of the one this group was racking up.
"Vanilla ice cream all around," Carly said adroitly. There was no avoiding desert, but she could keep the damage down.
"Right away," said the waitress, wondering how they all stayed so thin.
Marissa shook her head and waited for the waitress to get out of earshot. "OK... why here? You don't really expect to see a Quint doing disco moves under the strobes Rodi."
Magnus choked on his last bite of burger. Springer helpfully pounded on his back as he had seen Carly do to Spike.
Magnus punched him and kept coughing.
"Not so hard Springer," Marissa suggested. She kept her eyes on Rodi.
"Well, that would make some great photos, but no," Rodi grinned. "I'm not really looking for a good dance club. I wish I was. When was the last time you and I went dancing love?"
"I'm not answering that," Lancer said, blushing.
Rodi grinned at her and then turned back to Marissa. "What I'm really looking for is gangsters," Rodimus said. He looked back at Lancer who flushed.
"Well that's clear as mud," Marissa sighed.
"Surely only a Prime could communicate in this fashion," Magnus said.
"In case you missed it, that was sarcasm," Springer said sarcastically.
"You have a twin in my dimension Springer, I marinated in sarcasm from the day I was activated believe me," Rodimus informed him. "It is very simple guys. Gangsters like money and trouble. Quints like money and trouble. This is Miami, capitol city of money and trouble...and Miami Intergalatic Spaceport." He affected a New York accent. "If we were in the Big Apple, I'd hit the docks, but here in the Sunshine state business is conducted all civilized...in the offices of swanky night clubs. We go in, we see who's in charge, we arrange a conversation, and maybe catch some good tunes and some dancing in the process. Except you Dan-o. You're underage and the fake license thing won't cut it for a while yet. Sorry man. I'll bring you back a paper umbrella." He grinned.
It was good the waitress showed up with their desert at the moment. Most of the table was at a loss for words.
"You think the Quints are doing....business here on Earth?" Magnus said in a voice like shards of glass.
"I am staking my trip home on it," Rodimus said gravely. "Do you think they don't see Earth as ripe for the picking? I'm sure they are falling over each other trying to beat the off-world crime lords to the underground networks here."
"EDC has been encountering a lot of smuggled off-world weapons lately," Marissa mused, almost to herself.
"I know," Rodimus said.
"How do you know?" she asked, surprised.
"Because we read the newspaper...and I hacked into their data bases last night with Spike's computer," Rodimus said cheerfully.
"YOU ARE GOING TO GET ME ARRESTED!" Spike hissed in a furious whisper.
Rodi grinned wolfishly...but his grin faded as he looked out over Spike's shoulder.
"HIT THE DECK!" he and Lancer roared in unison.
Foul Play squeaked as Hot Rod pulled her out of her seat onto the floor. People all over the restaurant were screaming in fear as the windows shattered and safety glass peppered the room.
An enormous object thumped down outside the windows and from their vantage on the floor it was a moment before most of them identified what it was. Another object like the first came down and shattered windows further down the street. A foot. Bruticus' foot to be precise.
"Is everyone OK?" Magnus asked. He got a chorus of OK's. Carly took a minute to unwrap herself so she could check her son. Finally she nodded. No one in the restaurant was hurt badly...just shocked and bruised from hitting the floor. Their waitress dropped a tray on her foot but claimed she was fine.
Foul Play stood up quickly. Her eyes were dilated and looked solid black. "What a mess..." she whispered.
Rodimus leaned out the empty window and followed Bruticus with his stare. It didn't take a mind link to see what he was thinking.
"You can't go after them," Magnus whispered. "They can't see you...it will put Hot Rod in danger if they see you."
"My ice cream...my ice cream has glass in it," Foul Play said to no one in particular.
"Foul Play...are you all right?" Hot Rod asked. "Did you get hit on the head?"
"Where are your Autobots?" Rodimus asked. Bruticus turned the corner but they could still see him standing head and shoulders above the buildings. He laughed his booming laugh and punched at the corner structure. Inside, people were screaming.
"They'll be here," Magnus promised, but he could tell Rodi wasn't listening.
"No, I'm not all right," Foul Play pointed to a bowl on the floor. "My ice cream has glass in it."
"Foul Play," Hot Rod said, "I think you need to sit down."
"Where are they?!" Rodimus asked again, whirling on Magnus with those unnerving green eyes. Lancer glided up next to him with a low growl.
"Don't fang out in here," Magnus begged her. Bruticus laughed, and punched the building again. It collapsed, and suddenly all of Magnus' arguments and fear melted away. Instinct and anger over ran common sense. Human or not, he was Ultra Magnus...and Ultra Magnus did not hide in a hole when Decepticons were around.
Rodimus ran out of the restaurant and Magnus made one, half-hearted grab for him. He followed in Rodi's wake, suddenly more interested in getting at Bruticus than catching Rodi. To his amazement as Rodimus morphed he also disappeared. Magnus felt a rush of air beside him and was stunned again as Lancer also seemed to morph and disappear. For just an instant, he saw her become a full-scale robot before she vanished.
Stopped in his tracks for just a second he yelled after them "It would have been nice if you'd told me you could do that you bastards!" Then he took off down the street as fast as his considerably long legs would carry him. He saw no sign of Lancer or Rodimus but he was acutely aware that some of his other companions were hot on his heels. He spared a glance at them.
Marissa and Spike both had weapons drawn as they ran. Arcee sprinted like a pro. Springer moved his mass far more quickly than anyone would have given credit for, but in the lead was of all people, Foul Play. Hot Rod was trying to catch her with all he had. The boy was fast, but she ran wild-eyed... looking almost as possessed as Lancer.
Something down the street picked up a lamp post and clanked Bruticus on the back of the head. Stunned, the combiner lost cohesion and fell into various surprised pieces.
Foul Play flew past Magnus like she still had jet engines, propelled by thrusters he couldn't see.
Hot Rod went by just as fast. "Foul Play! It's dangerous! Foul Play STOP!"
Eyes wide, Magnus resumed running, dodging and leaping over fallen debris as he ran. The end of the street was blocked by an avalanche of concrete. Any sane person would have avoided it, but Foul Play rocketed heedlessly up the side. Hot Rod and Magnus scrambled awkwardly after her.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she screamed at the nearest Combaticon. She picked up a piece of rubble and threw it at Brawl. She missed. Undeterred she picked up another as she slid down the other side of the wreckage hill. Firmly on her feet, she aimed better. The next chunk hit Brawl squarely in the back of the head.
Turning from the sight of Swindle and Vortex being mysteriously electrocuted by some downed wires, Brawl laughed at the enraged human throwing rocks at him.
"THERE IS NOTHING HERE! THERE IS NO TARGET FOR YOU HERE! YOU ARE JUST SCARING THESE PEOPLE! YOU ARE JUST MAKING A MESS! IT ISN'T FUNNY BRAWL!" the woman cried.
A little red-haired human tried to pull her away, but she broke free of him, and threw another rock.
"THERE IS NO TARGET HERE! THERE IS NO HONOR HERE! THESE ARE NOT AUTOBOTS! THEY ARE JUST FRIGHTENED FLESHLINGS TRYING TO HAVE LUNCH!"
"FOUL PLAY LOOK OUT!" Hot Rod screamed. More of the building gave way and fell towards them. Hot Rod's legs convulsed with sheer adrenalin and he hit her with a flying tackle that threw the two of them across the street. It wasn't enough. Half of the building's four stories were still falling towards them.
Continued IN Conversations in the Kitchen Chapter 3
Part A