There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery

the time when we were happy.

~ Dante

I had cried. I had sulked. I had begged and pleaded. I had tried everything. I didn't eat for over a week, and then found my resolve quickly faded when I chanced upon a human in the woods and nearly attacked them for my hunger.

I preferred human blood, though I could feed from animals and eat normal food too. Living with a bunch of vegetarian Vampires had kind of conditioned me into not eating humans. I do drink blood though, brought by Carlisle from the blood bank. But not often. It was like a treat.

But I could not go without eating anything.

I had tried starving myself in an attempt to change their minds. I had begged Emmett. I had cried to Esmee, but she just held me to her chest and stroked my hair until I had no more tears left to cry. Carlisle had refused to argue. Alice had told me it was "for the best", and Jasper had tried to soothe my anger. I had appealed to Rose. She was my closest ally. But even she had declined to help me on this matter.

Bella and Edward (I was refusing to call them mum and dad now) had stuck by their decision. Nobody wanted Jacob to come. They were all hoping that our bond would just go away with time apart.

Jacob even, was impossible to convince. Though he had been visibly hurt by my emotional outbursts, he was clear in his resolve. He would not be leaving Forks. He would stay. Away from me. The elastic bond between us pulled at my heart even at the thought of leaving him behind.

"It will be just for a year, Renesmee. You will visit in the summer. We can E-mail. It will give you the chance to change without me being there to confuse you. You have to understand… My being there would force us apart… just like it did with…oh -" He pulled me into a desperate embrace. He didn't really want me to go, but for some reason, he had to let me… "Please, will you go… for me?"

I pulled away from him and looked at his face. I could see the hurt in his eyes and I wanted to help him. At whatever cost. I would make it easy for him.

"E-mail." I stated simply, and forced my lips into a smile, even as the tears streamed down my face. I closed my eyes then, sighing in defeat. We were to leave tomorrow night. I had been packing all morning. It all seemed so…final.

Jacob's huge paw-like hands cupped my face and I felt his rough thumbs wiping away at my tears. His warm, soft lips brushed my forehead. I could feel something inside me, on the verge of awakening. I felt… a need. I wanted to be closer to my Jacob, wanted to feel those soft lips on mine…

And then he stepped back, dropping his hands.

"I'll see you again before you go." He whispered painfully. Then he just turned and walked away into the woods, leaving me stranded in the garden of our small cottage. The birds chirped, happily oblivious to my distress. The world was continuing on, unaware that for two people, everything had changed. I could hear the forest whispering, as it always had. Somewhere nearby, a frog croaked.

I knew my father – Edward – could hear me. But I would not shield him from my angry thoughts. He deserved to feel my pain. He had made me this way. And now he was taking away the only thing in my life that made any sense. He was making me leave – I knew this, because my mother would never suggest it, not with Charlie here.

I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I were like everyone else. I don't want to be a half-breed. I don't want to be me!

I screamed the thoughts as loud as I could. I hadn't learnt to project my talent – I could only put my thoughts and memories inside someone's head when I could touch them. I wanted to tell the whole world right now.

But I couldn't.

Edward would hear me, though. And that was better than nothing. The tears were falling in earnest now, as I sank to the ground, my fists clawing at the ground in anger.

It's not my stupid fault he imprinted on me. You keep taking it out on me like I have a choice. You're taking me away, like it's going to be easy on me. Expecting me to just – just – arghh!

I couldn't even form coherent thoughts.

I know that he heard me. He never went too far, especially when Jake was around. I suppose he still didn't trust us.

But he did not react to my thoughts. He stayed inside the cottage, where I knew he would be when I decided to go in. And where his arms would encircle me and hold me as I cried some more.

My father would always forgive my outbursts. He at least understood how difficult it was to be me. After all, he could see inside my head.

It was nearly Dusk when I decided I had cried enough. In truth, the summer was nearing its end, and I could feel the chill in the air. My mother – or Bella, as I had so stubbornly decided to call her – was still visiting Charlie. She was breaking the news to him.

Ah Charlie, I would miss him so much too. His unconditional love for me was almost rivalled to that of Esmees. Though I could never be completely at ease with him, for his own protection, I would miss his love. And his camaraderie. I vowed to one day show him all the memories I had stored of our time together. He would see that I hadn't forgotten.

My thoughts of Charlie were sending me into a fresh wave of sadness. Still, I picked myself up, not bothering to brush the dirt off my clothes, and I dragged my feet into the house.

I had sat on my bed, numly, for less than a minute when there was a quiet knock on the door.

Come in, I thought. My dad would be the only person I wanted to welcome, right now.

There was a light ripple of a breeze, and then I was in his arms.

I wish I could do that. I wish I could move like you.

"I know, sweetheart." He waited a moment and stroked my hair gently. "It will be okay, I promise. And don't you ever forget. We love you just the way you are, okay?"

I know dad. Love you too. I thought. And then I lifted my hand to his face – out of habbit, not of need, of course – and showed him a string of images, flashes of my life, flashes that clearly showed my family's love for me. I paused on an image of Jacob, and his hands on my face, wiping away my tears, his lips on my forehead.

Somewhere, in the distance, a wolf howled.

Author's Note:

I promise it will get a little happier soon.

I hope you are enjoying this, if you are reading.

The next chapter sees the Cullens leaving Forks and arriving in the strange Finland. Their arrival sparks some interest in the locals… and Alice sees something frightening…

Thanks for the lovely reviews. It's nice to know you have enjoyed the story so far! Please give me any constructive feedback too.

Sara x