Title: Sinful Thoughts
Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama
Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars, Who is teaching me all sorts of things.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Continuity: AH/AU
Rating: M cause you never know when a lemon writes itself.

A/N- Because Twilighted was superfast validating my prologue here is chapter 1.

Chapter 1

The fall leaves always remind me of death. I have never been one who found the season pretty. My mom says I am melodramatic. She may be on to something. The summer would always end too quickly for me and then I would head back to school.

I was your typical average child. I lived in a mid-income household with both of my parents, my brother, and a dog. Everything about me was 'normal,' to an outsider anyway. I held a dark secret through most of my teenage years, but I am getting ahead of myself.

My mother, Renee, was the love of our small town's life. Forks had never had such a social butterfly and, consequently, such a fast gossip chain. My mother was never cruel, but if there was news, you were sure to hear it from her first.

I was a little like my mother, only on a smaller scale. Being plain in the looks department had caused me to flourish in other departments. I was popular at school, I think partly because the popular girls didn't see me as much of a threat.

My father, Charlie, was my polar opposite. He was quiet and reserved. He was the local Chief of police, but in a town as small as Forks, he spent most of his time doling out speeding tickets.

I'll start my story at age fifteen because that is where I think the change occurred. There were other moments, earlier in life that made the pendulum start swinging but I think I became aware of it at fifteen.

I rolled out of bed, glaring at my alarm clock. Summer vacation was over and it was the first day of school. I hopped in the shower, allowing the warm water to give me a few minutes of faux sleep. I never understood how people said showers wake them up; I always felt they had the opposite effect on me.

I blow-dried my hair, spending twenty minutes getting rid of the flip on the one side. I knew that my parents had bought me the flat iron I wanted for my birthday, and I was dying to use it, but I would have to wait two weeks until my birthday to actually get it.

I headed downstairs into the kitchen. Now, I know I said that I lived in a middle-income family, but what you have to understand is that we all liked to cook. So when I tell you about our kitchen, you will have to understand that the rest of the house is literally falling apart; cracks in the drywall, flooring coming up, and the wonderful brass lighting from the early eighties.

So where was I, oh yes, the kitchen. The counters were rust colored granite. The tiles on the backsplash were black with rust marble veins. The cabinets were a dark wood that was almost black, and the whole kitchen was accented with stainless steel appliances. A large island was in the middle of the kitchen. We had knocked out some walls and made the room larger, adding a breakfast nook. It was any chef's wet dream.

"Smells good mom, what are you making?" I asked Renee's back as she frantically worked over the stove.

"Eggs Florentine," she replied. "Bella, honey, can you go get your brother out of bed? You have to leave in thirty minutes."

I groaned but left to go wake him up. My brother and I were close. We fought like any siblings would but we also had a connection that was almost like twins, maybe because we were only eleven months different in age. We were always there when we needed each other. But there were things that got on my nerves. He was one of those guys who could get out of bed, run his hands through his hair a couple of times, and look great, while I spent an hour just to look plain. He was naturally good at things where I had to study all the time to maintain my B average. Mom had even put us in figure skating when we were younger. He was graceful, and I broke my ankle.

I banged on his door before I slung the thing open. He just grunted and rolled over. I took a couple of steps and leapt up, landing on top of him.

"Bella, leave me alone!" He said, annoyed at my wake-up strategy.

"Just be grateful I didn't come up with a glass of water this time," I replied smiling. "Come on, Edward, mom says you have to get up."

Edward finally lifted his head and looked at me. He had a lazy smirk on his face and I noticed that his cheeks had thinned out over the summer. He was no longer sporting the pudgy cheeks and his jaw was becoming more pronounced. His green eyes sparkled unnaturally for someone who was just bounced out of a deep sleep. I found it odd that I was essentially noticing that my brother was becoming more attractive, but then I chalked it up to jealousy, as I still looked the same.

"Okay, okay, I'll be right down," he responded and then promptly pushed me so that I fell off the side of his bed.

I bounded back into the kitchen and took my seat at the table. Renee had already put out the plates of food in our spots. Charlie was reading the paper and sipping his coffee, looking every bit the stereotypical patriarch.

"Bella, wait for your brother," Renee chastised as I shoved the eggs in my mouth.

I rolled my eyes and put my fork down. No matter how much of a rush we were in, we always ate as a family.

Edward entered the room less than a minute later, dressed for the day and yawning.

"About time," I jabbed playfully.

"Shut it Lizardbella," he retorted pulling out his oh so original nickname for me.

"You shut it, Tirdward," I replied chucking a piece of bacon at him. He caught it dexterously and popped it in his mouth, smirking.

"Enough," Renee quipped, sitting down at the table.

Charlie lowered the paper once his wife sat down. The man carried a gun but was scared to death of Renee's cold shoulder. We ate our breakfast, making typical conversation.

Edward and I kissed our mom goodbye and headed out to hop in the cruiser. We used to love getting dropped off at school by Charlie, when we were younger, but now it was just plain embarrassing.

Edward would be starting high school with me this year. It was weird last year being in different schools, I think he was happy to be back with our friends. Edward and I hung out with the same group of friends. There was Jasper and Rosalie Hale who we called the double-mint twins. They were blonde and beautiful and the most loyal friends as you could find. Then there was Emmett McCarty; he was a barrel of fun, but you just knew he was the kind of guy that would never grow out of the fart jokes. Then there was little Mikey Newton who was four inches shorter than me but would always lend a hand no matter what. All of our friends were in the same grade as I was, so I think Edward's last year was pretty lonely.

"Okay, you two, have fun today," Charlie said pulling up to Forks High.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that," I said rolling my eyes. I was actually excited to be back at school with all my friends, but there was no reason for the parents to know that.

"Bye dad," Edward said, jumping out of the car and opening the back door for me.

"Do you need any help figuring out where you are going?" I asked Edward.

"Naw, I think I'll just wander around for a few minutes before the bell rings," he replied.

"Okay, see you later," I said.

I watched my brother walk away, noticing that he was now taller than me. It didn't take much with my 5 foot 4 frame.

"Bella!" I turned towards the sound of my name being screeched.

"Jessica, hi. How was your summer?" I replied. Jessica was one of those girls who are nice to you when they wanted something. I was always nice back but it didn't mean I was going to give her what she wanted.

"Good. I see you have been holding out on us. Who is the new hottie?"

"Uhm, I don't know? Where?" I asked genuinely confused.

"The one you were just talking to. The one over there with the yummy bed head," she hedged, seemingly annoyed with me.

I followed her manicured finger to where she was pointing to see my brother, standing and chatting with Emmett near the front doors.

"Ew, Jess, that's my brother," I replied.

"Well, well, well, it looks like little Edward Swan has entered the big leagues," she rambled.

"What do you mean?" I asked naively.

"Come on, Bella, even though he is your brother you have to be able to see how hot he has gotten. Can you set me up?"

"I'm going to class now," I said, desperate to get out of the conversation. I wouldn't wish Jessica on anyone I liked. I looked over to Edward, standing with his weight on one foot, the other crossed behind. He was leaning against the wall and his hand raked through his hair. I guess if I was going to look at it objectively, I would have to say he was good-looking. Tall, well he was getting there, dark, and handsome, wasn't that everyone's type?

He looked over and caught me staring; his eyebrow quirked up and he gave me a smile. I shook off the weird feeling I got, getting caught ogling my own brother. I didn't understand it then but that day was the beginning of a hard journey.

EPOV

Bella starts her story at fifteen, but I think mine started much earlier. I remember at age six, playing with some neighborhood kids. I was the only boy but it never bothered me much. I didn't mind playing dolls with the girls as long as they played cops and robbers with me. I was very diplomatic, even then.

Most of the details of that day are blurry. I can't remember names or even faces of some of our friends but I do remember the conversation.

"I'm gonna to marry Mr. Barkin," the little blonde haired girl said.

"The mailman?" Bella responded.

"Yup, he's gots blonde hair just like mine," she responded.

"How about you Edward, who are you going to marry when you grow up?" The chubby brunette asked.

"Uhm," I started, "I'm going to marry Bella."

Bella's eyes became wide and her chubby face produced a wide grin. "Yeah, when we grow up, Edward and I are getting married."

"You can't marry him, he's your brother," the little girl retorted.

"Uh huh I can, my mom says you marry your best friend and Edward is my bestest friend."

It's not uncommon for young children to want to marry their family members. Many young girls say they will marry their fathers, and many young boys, their mothers. It is, however, uncommon for that feeling to never go away.

I knew I wasn't going to marry my sister. I just wanted to find someone like her. She was, and is, unlike any other woman I have ever met.

At thirteen, I had my first wet dream. It was, for lack of a better word, intense. I know that most boys would wake up and feel embarrassed, but I felt relieved. I realized then and there that my dreams were the one place I could have whatever I wanted. Even if other people thought it was wrong, even if it could never happen. My dreams were mine and I would cherish every one.

The dreams started out being once a month, and then their frequency increased to once a week. By the time I was fifteen they were almost nightly. I was thankful that I didn't talk in my sleep like Bella. These dreams were my secret, my journal, the desires I couldn't even bear to write down. They were my everything.

Starting off at Forks high was exciting and terrifying at the same time. I was glad to be back in the same school as most of my friends. The year before had been lonely, but consequently, it had caused me to get good grades. My grades had even allowed me to skip a couple of entry level classes, allowing me to share some classes with Bella.

Bella was a great sister, but an even better friend. She wore her heart on her sleeve and tried to see the best in everyone, but so help you if you picked on one of her friends. The kitten became a panther and she defended readily. I remember in first grade a boy three years older stole my lunch snack. Bella found out and tracked him down, kicking him in the shins until he promised to bring me snacks for the rest of the week. She got in trouble but I had Oreo cookies every day that week.

I noticed as I walked around the school that I received more looks than I was used to. The guys seemed to be sizing me up while the girls were blatantly staring. I knew that I had grown over the summer. My skin had stayed clear while others around me were getting acne. I had taken to playing a lot of sports over summer and my body had toned up a bit. Add to that an extra two inches on my height and I suppose I looked a bit different. I was still just me though, most of these people had known me forever and I was unsure of the attention.

"Hi, Edward."

"Hi, Irina, how was your summer?" I responded. Irina was one of the few friends I made the previous year while separated from my group. We didn't really hang out outside of school but we had kept each other company at lunch and during breaks.

"Pretty good, we went to the Grand Canyon and my dad dropped his camera," she giggled. "How was yours?"

"Okay, I just hung around with some friends, nothing much."

"Well, I should get going to class. I'll see you around?" She asked nervously.

"Yeah sure," I replied. I liked her, she was a nice girl. She was pretty quiet and I didn't know if she would mesh well with my friends, but I had no intention of ignoring her now that I had them back.

I spent the day confused and baffled by the new attention. I had no less than seven girls approach me with notes confessing everything from 'I think you're hot' to 'I can give you a blow job if you want.' Not one of them had kindness in their eyes, not one of them bit their bottom lip because they were nervous; they weren't right, they weren't even close.

They weren't Bella.

E/N- Thank you everyone for reading. Please review.

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