Wow, this update was a doozy. Took me way longer than I thought it would. I'm exhausted right now so if there's typos I'm sorry. I'll go back and fix 'em tomorrow or something. I wanted to make sure this chapter got out though because a couple of people were waiting for it.
Are you guys still interested? Should I keep going with this story?
As always thanks to the awesome people who reviewed Chapter 10: dreamngo4it9, kairikh2, i-heart-music-is-life, NenaaTH, PsychWardSiren, ravens23fan, and lyndon's angel of light.
Special thanks to AmeryMarie for always giving me awesome advice on here, you are sucha sweet person! I adore ya!
And also to my musical muse Maiya9182, you know I just LOVE your song choices for my chapters! I put the last four on my writing playlist and I am in love with them! Thank you soooo much! You're the best!!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, Rob Pattinson owns me, plain and simple.
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EPOV
The next week and a half Bella and I spent working on our Bio project. Each day had ended with me giving her another one of her stuffed animals or pictures back. Each day I felt like I showed her I was okay with her and Jasper together.
Don't get me wrong, my goal of allowing them to get closer was infuriating but it had to be done.
I hadn't tried to get her to stay overnight or to make out with me, so in my book that equaled success.
It probably helped that I hadn't drank anything alcoholic since the last tequila disaster though.
Nothing kicks your ass quite like a tequila hangover.
Well, maybe Emmett actually physically kicking your ass for waking him up at 3 in the morning screaming and crying like a little bitch because of said tequila but that's a whole different story.
Bella and I were sitting with Carlisle in his study, sifting through a few of his medical journals and goofing around at the same time. We were on the small couch next to Carlisle's desk while Carlisle sat in a large armchair by one of his bookshelves. We were trying to find the specific physiological reactions the heart goes through when a person is in love. We had a thorough amount of factual research thanks to my tendency of being a perfectionist bastard, so Bella had the task of trying to sort out what questions she wanted to ask the couple's we interviewed on love.
She was sitting with her legs sprawled over my lap on the couch and she kept digging her toes in between my legs to keep warm. The feeling was almost too much for me to take and if Carlisle wasn't right there, I may have tried to take her there in his study.
Breaking me from my naughty thoughts, she said, "I think that we should interview couples going through each stage of love and get them to tell us what they physically felt rather than what they emotionally felt first and then go on from there," she suggested.
I nodded, "Yeah, that's a good idea. We could have people that are newly in love answer questions and see how they compare to those of a couple who have been in love for years. See if there's any comparison."
Bella had that dopey, faraway look in her eyes that girls get when someone mentions being in love for years. Her eyes glazed over and she did that silly sigh girls do as she probably thought of holding the love of her life's hand on a porch somewhere, hair white as snow, grandchildren playing all around them.
And then I fucking sighed because I thought of Bella being the one holding my hand when we're old and having our grandchildren all around us. Then I fucking groaned because to have grandchildren you have to have a child with someone and to have a child with someone you have to have sex with someone and Bella and I definitely weren't having sex anytime soon so, fuck, this sucks.
I could just amend my fucking 'I'm not good enough for Bella' rule and kiss Bella right now and just be who she needs. I could stop being so "God damned virtuous" as she put it.
But no, I'll continue to suffer from afar and have so much stress and tension inside my body that I swear I'm going to fucking explode sometime in the very near future.
Bella interrupted my thoughts again, looking up from one of Carlisle's books, "Did you know that being in love can put your heartbeat into a different rhythm than normal?"
I knew the feeling all too well.
Since I discovered I was in love with Bella, my heart pounded about forty times faster than normal around her and as fruity as it sounded I swear it beats her name just to taunt me.
Thump, thump, Bel-la, thump, thump.
Stupid heart.
What the hell does it know?
My brain knows I'll never be good enough for her.
Why can't my heart catch up?
"That's weird." I said lamely, not knowing how else to answer her question without opening a floodgate of emotion.
She went on, "Yeah, it also says that people who are in a constant state of emotional turmoil, like frustration, anger, and irritation are at a higher risk of developing heart disease than those who experience love, care, and appreciation on a regular basis."
Perfect.
I'm constantly fucking frustrated, angry, and irritated that I can't have Bella. So on top of feeling shitty all the time, I get a higher chance of developing heart disease.
Awesome.
Bella turned to Carlisle then, "Can you tell us about falling in love with Esme? How did it feel when you first saw her?"
He smiled warmly, clearly recalling the memory, "It was definitely love at first sight. And as cheesy and cliche as that sounds, it was absolutely the truth. My palms started sweating, my whole body felt flushed, and I just had the hardest time catching my breath."
He went on, "She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. When I walked into my freshmen year business course at college and saw Esme sitting in the front row, I had to grab on to the corner of a desk to steady myself."
Bella clutched her heart, then grabbed her notebook and pen, "That is so sweet, Carlisle. Did your heart pound at the sight of her?"
He chuckled, "You bet it did. I felt like the second I laid my eyes on her, my heart beat for her and her alone. Every single beat of my heart was hers. Like my whole life centered around this beautiful girl and we hadn't even spoken yet. It was as if my heart was in control of my brain."
I started to become enraptured with the story because Carlisle's description of his love for Esme hit home. My damaged heart beat for Bella, that I knew for sure, but it was too augmented by my birth mom to beat properly for her. I would only end up hurting Bella in the long run.
As if she knew we were talking about her, Esme came into the study then, "Well here's where everyone's hiding, huh? I was wondering why the house was so quiet."
Bella smiled warmly as Esme kissed her on the forehead, smoothing a lock of hair behind her ear, "How are you my Bellissima?"
"Good, we've just been asking Carlisle about how he felt when he first saw you and how he felt when he realized he was in love with you."
Esme smiled, blushing a bit, "And did he answer like a gentleman?"
Bella giggled, "It made me swoon."
Esme kissed Carlisle on the cheek then, winking at Bella, "I trained him well."
I spoke up then, "What about you, Mom? How did you feel when you first realized you were in love with Dad?"
"Oh my, that's so hard to put into exact words. The feelings I had and still have today for your father go bone-deep. He is my heart, plain and simple."
Bella looked down then probably thinking about the fact that I call her my heart, and changed the subject, "What physical reactions did you have when you saw him for the first time?"
She smiled, "Well besides my heart feeling like it jumped into my throat when he smiled at me? I'd say everything in my body felt like it was on fire. Like this spark was ignited inside me that could only be lit when he was around. He made me nervous, excited, confident, and shy all at once."
Bella nodded then, writing in the notebook again, fascinated, "And that feeling has remained throughout your whole relationship?"
Carlisle and Esme held hands then before Esme answered, "Oh, most definitely. The feelings only intensified with each milestone that's passed. Having Emmett and Edward solidified our bond even more. It is completely unbreakable."
Even though Esme didn't technically birth me, it still made me smile when she referred to having me herself because she was my mother for all intents and purposes and I loved her.
She had known my birth mother growing up and when she found out Elizabeth was pregnant helped her all through her pregnancy. Elizabeth told Esme she wasn't ready for a child yet and promised Esme if she took me in that she'd never come around, that Esme could tell me she gave birth to me.
Elizabeth read an article in the newspaper about Esme and her interior design business success and tracked us down in hopes of having some type of relationship with me according to her. Thirteen years had passed and all of a sudden she sees Esme in the paper and she wants to see me? I think it was probably in hopes of getting some kind of money from us but oh well. I never needed her.
I just wish Esme's love alone was enough to make me whole again.
"You know what, Bell? I've had just about enough of all this research crap. How about we do something else?"
We had plenty of research already and I felt like I couldn't take one more second of love torture.
She sighed, probably because she knew I was avoiding thinking about the adoption shit, and said, "I would but I told Jazz that as soon as we were done for the day I'd call him. Charlie's working a double tonight so he's going to come hang out with me."
Esme looked at me like she knew my heart was breaking hearing about Jasper and I swallowed hard, feeling like I was going to be sick, "Jasper is going to stay over night with you? Don't you think that's a little soon?"
Esme and Carlisle said their goodbyes and left the room, probably sensing an argument.
She narrowed her eyes at me, "Did I say that Jasper was staying the night, Edward? No. I said he's coming to hang out."
I breathed a sigh of relief and then asked something I wasn't proud of and something that would set me back in the 'letting Bella get close to Jasper department', "Well, can I come hang out, too?"
She looked shocked but then a grin spread across her face, "Really? You wanna hang out with Jazz and I?"
No, I really did not want to hang out with Jasper but the asshole in me loved the idea of cockblocking him with Bella so I said, "Yeah, why not?"
She shrugged her shoulders, pulling me along with her, and said, "Okay, awesome! Come on, let's go to my house."
And so began my night of pure torture. The only time I truly smiled the whole night was when Jasper first walked in and saw me sitting on the couch with Bella and a look of pure annoyance crossed his face. Apparently, she forgot to tell him when she called him that I was going to be joining them for the evening.
He set the pizza he had in his hands on the table and Bella jumped up off the couch to greet him. She hugged him tightly and he glared at me over her shoulder.
He looked her up and down, "Hey sweetness, you look gorgeous today."
I rolled my eyes, tugging hard on my hair, thinking he couldn't be any more generic. If I could, I'd tell Bella how fucking exquisite she was. How everytime she looks into my eyes I become completely breathless and I feel like there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be then right there in that moment with her. I'd kill to be able to show her through my kiss just how fucking important she is to me.
Then I realized just how much of an actual girl I sounded like and quit thinking altogether.
Thinking only got me in trouble.
"Hey Jazzy, Edward's going to hang out with us tonight, that's cool, right?"
I challenged him with my eyes to say that it wasn't okay which would upset Bella, but of course he didn't.
He smiled at her, "It's just fine, darlin'. It'll give me a chance to get to know ol' Eddie, now won't it?"
She giggled, "He hates to be called Eddie, just so you know."
He smiled again, wider this time, looking at me, "Does he now? I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't know. I thought I heard that Tanya girl call you that when we saw her the other night. Must have heard her wrong."
Dick. I sneered, "That's okay, Jazzy. Simple mistake."
Bella must have sensed the tension because she cleared her throat and asked us if we wanted to watch a movie. Both of us agreed, unwillingly flanking Bella on the couch.
After about a half hour of watching Jasper absent-mindingly playing with Bella's hair as his arm was thrown over her shoulder, I said I needed a drink. As I went to get up, Bella said, "No, no. I'll get it. I'll make up some iced tea."
She made a bee-line for the kitchen, leaving Jasper and I to stare at each other.
He started, "I know what you're doing, man, and it's not cool."
I looked to him with my eyebrows furrowed, "What the hell are you talking about, dude?"
He chuckled, "Do you think I'm blind or something? I know that you came here tonight to make sure I don't try anything with Bella while Charlie's at work or at least that's the bull you're probably telling Bella. You're here because you're jealous."
"I have no idea what you mean. Bella and I were done working on our project and she said you were coming over. I just wanted to try to get to know you better, man. That's all."
I wondered for a second if he bought it, but then he answered, "Bullshit."
Damn. Being a smart ass I asked, "How so, Jasper?"
"Well, Edward, it's bullshit that you're here on the pretense of trying to be my friend. You're not fooling her or me."
"I do want to get to know you...just not to be your friend. I don't want you to fuck her over and she's blinded by your southern charm right now. I want to make sure you're the real deal with her, not some cowboy prick trying to get in her pants."
"As opposed to the best-friend bastard that fucks with her emotions and uses her as his little play thing when he drinks?"
I wanted to punch him but he was right.
He went on, "Listen, I know that it must be hard to share her with someone. You guys have a bond that is hard for anyone outside of it to understand, but I like her. A lot. And I will fight for her. So, please just back off a little? Fuck, give someone else the chance to make her happy. You had that for so long and you took it for granted."
"What do you mean back off?"
He started to say something but stopped himself, then he started again, calmer, "Listen, I'm not asking you to stop talking to her. I'm not stupid, I know that'll push her away from me. I'm just asking you, mano a mano, not to spend every waking minute with her like you have been lately. There's not enough research in the world to justify the amount of time you two have spent together this past week. She's never going to get over you completely if you keep sniffing around giving her reasons to think you two still have a chance."
I looked to the kitchen to make sure Bella was still occupied with making drinks, "If she wants to hang out with me, I'm not going to tell her she can't. It just sounds like you're scared she's not going to like you like you know she likes me."
It was a dick thing to say but I was over fighting fair for Bella. If this asshole thinks I'm going to stop hanging around my friend just so he has a better chance at banging her he's got another thing coming.
He laughed bitterly, "I know that right now she's not going to like me like she likes you because you won't fuckin' let her, man. You've been milking the shit out of this whole Tanya thing. From what I've heard from Emmett and Bella, no one even knew you had this girlfriend so she obviously didn't mean that much to you. It's just a damn excuse to get Bella to feel sorry for you. It's bullshit. You only want her 'cause I do and it drives you fucking crazy that she might want me too."
What. The. Fuck.
Who was he to dictate how much time I spent with Bella and who the fuck did he think he was to tell me why I want her. That's not why I want Bella. He has no clue.
"Are you and Bella a couple now, like officially?"
He glared at me, "Not yet. I haven't really had a chance to ask her, you're always around."
I nodded, feeling like an asshole then, because he was right. I haven't let Bella have any free time really. And my whole fucking idiotic plan was to let her spend time with this prick.
Kicking myself for getting worked up, I took a deep breath to assess the situation.
I was always claiming we needed to work on the project or that I had just talked to Tanya and she made me upset, which was a lie, and suddenly I felt guilty over what I was doing to her.
"Look, I'm sorry I've been taking up all her time. I haven't meant to. She's my best friend, I've always hung out with her. I don't really know anything different."
"And like I said, only you two fully understand your friendship, but you had to have known that one day someone was going to come along and see how absolutely fucking perfect that girl is."
Relenting a bit I said, "I'll back off some, okay? But I can't promise that I won't hang out with her."
He smiled, "I didn't ask you to stop hanging around her, just stop making it so no one else can."
Fucker.
Well, now that I was thoroughly pissed and agitated, I decided to call it a night. Tonight would definitely be a night that I find solace in some type of liquor.
That much was certain.
I snorted a goodbye to Jasper before walking into the kitchen to tell Bella I was leaving. She whipped around with a plastic spoon she was using to stir the tea in her hands, "What do you mean you're leaving? The movie's not over."
"Eh, we've seen Anchorman like forty times, Bell. Nothing's going to change. He loves scotch and Baxter...that's about it."
She giggled, "I know but this is a big deal. You, me, Jasper all together without you punching him. I'm excited."
"He's important to you, right?"
She nodded, "Yes, he is."
"Then trust me when I say I gotta go, okay? You don't need my judgmental ass hanging around being grumpy."
Her forehead did a cute little crinkle thing as she looked at me, "Did something happen while I was out of the room?"
She was always so perceptive but I didn't want to rat Jasper out for saying anything, "Nah, I just feel like going home and bugging Emmett. I'll see you tomorrow or something, okay?"
"Okay, well listen- I was thinking we have to finish typing up the scientific report on the project tomorrow and then we have to interview Rose and Emmett since we already talked to your mom and dad and I was considering calling my mom and asking her about Phil...what do you think?"
I was surprised, she hadn't talked to her mom in a couple of months, "I think that's a big deal, are you sure you want to call her?"
"She's my mother, Edward. Of course I want to talk to her, I just don't know what will happen after I do."
The last time Bella called her mom she was upset afterwards for almost two whole days. Her mom had told her she wouldn't be able to visit at Christmas because she would be traveling with Phil and his needs took precedence over her teenage daughter's need to see her mother and that devestated Bella. I never understood how Renee could have changed so completely when she left but I guess being in love with a much younger man made Renee feel young again. Therefore, I assumed, the only logical explanation was that she somehow lost some of her maternal instincts or something. No one knew for sure how she could just up and leave her daughter but I knew Esme hadn't talked to Renee in years because of it.
"You don't have to call her, Bell, we can interview Charlie instead."
She shook her head sadly, "I don't want to stir up any unresolved issues with Charlie. He doesn't need to talk about any of the times that things were good with Renee...he hasn't been the same since she left."
I hugged her to me then, "I know, you're right. But just know that we don't need Renee's opinions either. We can do without what she has to say."
She nodded, still holding on to me, "I know we can. I just want an excuse to call her really. I feel like maybe she'll talk to me longer or something if I'm calling to talk about her. I don't know it's stupid." She sniffed angrily then and my heart broke for her.
Not letting go of her, I told her honestly, "No one should need an excuse to talk to their mother, Bella. You're a wonderful person, she should thank her lucky fucking stars she has someone like you still wanting to be a part of her life."
She sniffled again, "I miss her so much, you know?"
Jasper picked then to walk in, catching Bella and I in a rather intimate embrace and he got a shitty look on his face, "Am I interrupting?"
Yes, fucker. She's crying her eyes out over her mom and I'm comforting her, thanks. Go away.
Bella pulled away then, wiping at her eyes, "Oh, Jazz. I'm so sorry we left you in there, Edward was just telling me he was leaving and I started to tell him about calling my mom and I got all upset. It's silly, I'm really sorry."
He walked up to her then, wiping a non-existent tear from her perfect face, "Oh, darlin' I didn't know you were upset in here. I woulda been in here in a heartbeat, if I did."
She smiled, blushing as she did, "Oh, I know that. Trust me." Looking to me then she said, "So, I'll, uh, see you tomorrow then to finish the project?"
Jasper looked at me like he thought I planned that or some shit, and I said, "Uh, yeah or the next day, whatever. No hurry," trying to show him I was at least fucking trying to do what I said I would do.
She looked at me strangely, "No, I'll see you tomorrow. I want to interview Rose and Emmett to get it done and over with. So, I'll call you and let you know when I can come over. Good night, Edward. Thanks for, you know, talking to me."
Jasper asked me to stay away from her and she's asking to hang out with me.
I could take the high road and make up some lie that I'm busy tomorrow or I could hang out with Bella and smell her delicious scent while Jasper sat at home alone not making out with her.
I mean come on, do you think I'm not going to hang out with her when she's asking me to?
Of course I'm going to hang out with her.
Opening the door, I smiled at her and then at Jasper, "Sure. And yeah, see you tomorrow," I said over my shoulder.
Eat shit, Jasper Hale. You'll have to woo her some other way.
I'm not going anywhere.
She's my Bella.
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BPOV
After Edward left, I was nervous for some reason.
I was trying to chalk it up to nerves about calling my mom later but I didn't think that was what was making me nervous.
I was nervous Jasper was going to try to stay the night. We were currently hovering in the only making out with slight groping going on level and I wasn't willing to budge on that until things were a little more official with us.
And we had a few months of an exclusive relationship under our belts.
I'm not going to lose my virginity after a few great weeks with Jasper. No matter how hot he is.
But telling that to my traitor brain when Jasper has his hand up my shirt and his unbelievably hot lips on my neck was another story.
Exhaling loudly, I said, "Jazz...we have...we have to stop."
He pulled away smiling, "I was just getting started there, beautiful," placing another kiss on my shoulder.
"I know, I know. It's just I don't want to get ahead of ourselves and..." I started to ramble.
"Hey, I had something I really wanted to talk to you about. You're the one who suggested we come upstairs, to your room, to talk about it," he said with a shit eating grin.
"You caught me. You're totally right. I definitely planned on doing more of that with you and not talking."
He laughed, "See. You have a one-track mind girl, I swear. I was trying to ask you to be my girl and you're up here jumping all over me, taking advantage of my gentlemanly ways."
Back the truck up.
"Your girl...like your-your girlfriend?" I stammered like a baffoon.
He looked down and then up through his adorable lashes and I had butterflies in my stomach as he said, "Yes. Bella, I want you to be my girl."
I was dumbfounded but managed to choke out a "Yes" to him before he scooped me up into a hug, spinning me around as he held me.
This was a really big step for us.
I was thinking a hundred things at once but only one screamed out at me.
I was free to make that choice on my own.
A little while ago, this would have seemed impossible for me. Edward would have never allowed me to date someone let alone for that someone to call me their girl.
But now, I was making my own decisions and I had decided Jasper was someone I wanted to get to know. And if he wanted to call me his girl in the process of getting to know him, I'm okay with that. There are worse things one could be. Jasper Hale's girlfriend was alright in my book.
A small part of me felt guilty for being so happy when Edward was so miserable, but another larger part of me was telling me it was my time to have a little happiness. Edward was never concerned how his having a girlfriend would affect me so why should I worry how my having a boyfriend will upset him?
The answer was simple...I won't let it worry me.
He'd have to deal with it.
No Edward tantrums allowed.
I'm happy and he won't screw it up.
Or so I thought.
Jasper and I were in my room still celebrating our new relationship when my cell phone started going off.
I ignored it the first time, still deep into mine and Jasper's kiss, but then it started going off almost immediately after whoever had called hung up.
"I have an inkling whoever is calling isn't going to give up, sugar."
I sighed, knowing he was right, it was either Rose or Edward, both extremely talented in hitting the redial button with extreme speed, precision and accuracy and breathed into the phone, "Hello?"
"When the hell were you going to call and tell me you and Jazz were together?" Rose bellowed into the phone.
"Um, maybe when I'm done kissing him and he left my house. And when I had a chance to call you? How do you even know that? Neither one of us have talked to anyone yet."
She laughed into the phone, "I knew he was planning on asking you tonight and considering how late it is I figured it had already happened and you two were celebrating. I just wanted to be a bitch and interrupt you because Jazz interrupted Emmett and I earlier."
I glanced at the clock, seeing it was already close to midnight, and laughed, "Oh, yeah. Well, now you know. And now you know I'm getting off the phone to celebrate more."
"Ew, you whore. That's my brother." She giggled.
"You're the one who wanted this, Rosalie. Now you have to face the consequences of unleashing me on your hot ass brother." I winked at him while laughing into the phone.
"Ugh, yuck. I'm going to call Emmett. See you later, be safe," she sing-songed into the phone and then hung up.
I shook my head as I tossed my phone on the bed-side table, "Your sister is an absolute nut-case."
"Oh, I know trust me. She probably mentioned me 'interrupting' her today, right?"
I shook my head yes and he continued, "Not the case at all. My dad and her mom are out of town this week and I totally walked into my own kitchen to find them...let's just say, not cooking in the kitchen."
I laughed, even though I was completely disturbed, and pet his head affectionately, "You poor, poor thing. I bet you'll never look at that breakfast bar the same way again, will you?"
He looked at me in both wonder and shock, "How in the hell did you know they were using the breakfast bar?"
"Emmett's always very descriptive about his sexcapades and unfortunately so is Rose. Plus, I've also been an unwilling participant in witnessing that firsthand."
"Why? Why the breakfast bar, Bella? I love to eat pancakes there...it has this perfect view of our little pond in the morning. And now it's tarnished forever. All I'll ever see," he pretended to throw up, "...is Emmett's bare ass there now. No more fluffy pancake goodness. Only muscled beefcake grossness."
I laughed hysterically at this, "Ugh, Jazzy, that was way too descriptive. Are you trying to ruin pancakes for good for me? Yuck."
He tickled my side, "I'm sorry."
We started kissing, I think to free our minds of Emmett and anything of his that might bulge, and the mood started to get a little hot and heavy again. I pushed his head down onto the pillow as I straddled him, deepening the kiss. He had his arms wrapped around my waist and his hands kept grabbing the very tips of the ends of my long hair. The feeling sent a shudder through my body. He slowly started to lift my shirt over my head, all the while telling me how beautiful I was.
He kissed a trail from my shoulder to under my ear and I felt my entire body go warm. He shifted us quickly so that he was on top again and put his hand behind my head, gripping my hair with one hand and my chin in the other, "You are so gorgeous, my girl. I'm so lucky."
I blushed, feeling beautiful with him here kissing me like there was no one else in the world, "No, I think I'm lucky."
As if fate were listening in to find the most inopportune time for an interruption, my cell phone went off again.
I told Jazz to ignore it, "It's probably Rose again, it's been a whole hour and I haven't called to give her the play-by-play yet."
We went back to kissing, slowly and passionately, when my phone rang again.
He sighed but continued making small circles around my tongue with his.
"I swear, from now on when you come over, we turn off all phones and electronics." I kissed him again, swatting at my phone.
Finally, when whoever was calling, called a third time, I pushed away from Jazz and answered in a huff, "Hello? Can't this wait?"
"Bella?"
"Emmett? What's going on?"
"Edward is going on. He's out of control drunk over here. I wouldn't ask this if I absolutely didn't have to, but can you help me please? If he wakes up our parents him and I are both in deep shit. We're fucking bombed, Bells."
"Dammit, Emmett. You fucking owe me big for this shit. I mean like gigantic diamond tennis bracelet big."
"Whatever you want, Bells. Please just calm this drunk fucking asshat down, will you?" I heard a smash in the background and Emmett curse quietly on the phone, trying to shush Edward.
Looking at Jasper's sad face as I said, "I'll be there in two minutes" into the phone killed me.
"What's going on?" He asked me quietly.
I sighed, while getting my shirt back on and putting my shoes on quickly, "Edward got really drunk tonight with Emmett. I can almost guarantee those idiots were playing some drinking game pertaining to Family Guy trivia or something equally ridiculous and Edward lost. The last time something like this happened, it was Emmett who got hammered and locked himself in his bathroom with half of Edward's music collection threatening to break each one to pieces. It took Rose and I an hour to get him out of the bathroom."
Jasper looked at me questioningly and I went on, "Those two are oddballs when it comes to competition. I gotta get over there before Esme and Carlisle wake up and kill them."
Jasper stopped me, "What if they wake up and catch 'em, honey? It'll teach 'em a lesson and you can stay here with me..."
"As tempting as that sounds, I don't want those dummies to get in trouble and Emmett swears it's Edward being obnoxious this time and unfortunately I'm always the one that's able to talk Edward off a ledge so, I have to, but I'll make it up to you, okay?"
He smiled weakly, "Well how about I go with you and then I can stay here when we're done over there?"
I felt terrible but I wasn't ready for a sleepover with Jasper yet.
"I don't know how long it will take for me to calm him down. It could be minutes, it could take an hour and I have a feeling that if he's as hammered as Emmett says he is, he'll be an even bigger asshole if you're there."
Dammit, Edward. You're making me disappoint my boyfriend on the first day we're together.
"I understand, but I'll see you tomorrow right, my girl?"
I smiled and kissed him deeply, "You just try to avoid me tomorrow."
He walked me out and I kissed him goodbye, watching him as he pulled out of my driveway and down the street.
Turning to stare at the Cullen's house, I knew I was in for some kind of drama.
Shaking my head and walking forward, I quietly pushed open the front door and made my way up to Edward's room.
Emmett was leaned up against the far wall and Edward was busy taking books off his bookshelf, throwing them across the room.
He hadn't seen me come in yet and I heard, "Oh, she fucking loves this one...she can fucking take it 'cause I don't want it in my room anymore. I don't fucking," he took a deep breath before shouting, "...want it anymore!"
Edward's copy of Wuthering Heights breezed past my face fast and I cleared my throat to make it known I was there, "Uh, I'm going to go out on a limb and venture to say you're mad at me for something?"
Edward whipped around, his bronze hair in disarray over his perfectly chiseled face, "You're here?"
"Yep, in the flesh. What the hell are you doing?" I said as I took inventory of what his room looked like.
There was a pile of books near the book he had just thrown past me, CD's were strewn across his desk, clothes were torn out of the closet, my pile of Family Guy DVD's were on top of the DVD player, open, proving me right that they were playing a drinking game involving Peter Griffin, and a pile of my hair scrunchies were tossed all over his bed. It looked like I had at least a hundred there just on his bed and I knew there were more in his desk drawers.
"Good Lord, I have a lot of scrunchies here."
He sneered, "Yeah and you can take them all home. I'm de-Bella-ing my room."
I giggled, "It doesn't really have the same ring to it that de-Edwardizing has."
His mouth turned into a frown and then a scowl, "I'm not laughing here, Bella. I saw you and Jasper. It was disgusting and I'm so mad at you I could...I could..." he didn't answer, he turned his bookshelf over instead making a loud boom and it landed just inches from my feet.
Emmett jumped up then, I guess fearing for my safety and said, "Edward, that's enough man, you could have hurt her doing that. Not to mention wake Mom and Dad up. Our asses are grass if they hear any of this."
Poor Emmett was wasted and I knew Edward would never hurt me physically so I kissed his cheek and told him to get to bed.
"I'll handle Drunkward, it'll be fine."
Emmett grumbled something about Edward being a bitch and a sore loser before retiring to his room to sleep off his inebriation. He'd need all the rest he could get because when Rose finds out he was drunkenly competing with Edward again she was going to rip his ass a new one for hours. And then when she finds out that I had to leave Jasper to calm Edward down, he was really going to hear it.
Emmett promised since the bathroom incident that he wouldn't get drunk and challenge Edward anymore.
So much for that promise.
I looked at Edward. His eyes were blood-shot, his hair wild, and his shirt looked like it had rip on the shoulder.
"What the hell happened to you from the time you left my house to now?" I asked him.
"What happened?! What happened, she asks. I'll tell you what happened. My fucking heart is done, Bella. I can't do this anymore."
I was confused, "Keep your voice down or your parents will hear you. You're heart's done? What does that mean?"
And then I realized he must be talking about Tanya, "Oh God, Edward. Tanya's not worth all this. Don't let her get you all upset."
"If I was upset with Tanya, why would I be getting rid of things that remind me of you, Bella?" he slurred.
"Because...you're drunk? Because I'm the reason you know she was cheating on you. I told you, so naturally you're taking it out on me, whether you mean to or not."
"You're so fucking blind, Bella. But hey, I was too, so whatever."
I furrowed my eyebrows, not sure what the hell he was talking about as he went on, "So, are you and Jazzy," he sneered, "official now? Do I have to stay away from you for good? Are you fucking spoken for by Jasper now, Bell?"
"Whoa, whoa. What the hell are you so mad at me for, Edward?" I touched his cheek softly, a move I learned would always calm Edward down, no matter how mad he was at me.
He fell on his knees on the floor, still keeping his cheek on my hand, "I don't fucking know exactly why anymore, Bella. I'm angry for a plethora of reasons, I guess. I'm mad that I'm so fucked up, I'm mad that I can't be a good guy, I'm mad that you let Jasper take your shirt off and fucking touch you..." I stopped him before he could go on, pulling my hand away as if it had been burned.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Back the fuck up, Edward. How did you know that?"
He swallowed hard, probably realizing what he drunkenly let slip, "What? That I know that I'm not a good guy?"
"No, no. Go back to the Jasper had my shirt off part, Edward."
"Oh...," he said sheepishly.
"Yeah, oh, what the fuck, Edward? Were you spying on us?"
"Not on purpose."
"How could it be an accident that you spied on us, Edward? What the hell...did you climb my fucking tree again?"
He looked up at me, face full of guilt, "I was just going to make sure he wasn't spending the night, you know, I thought maybe you guys fell asleep and I was just going to wake you, I thou-"
"Edward, no! That's weird! Why did you do that?! You could have called, you could have knocked on the front door for crying out loud! Ugh, you promised, Edward! You promised me you were going to back off and let me make my own decisions! No interference from you, remember?"
I kicked the desk next to me, screaming out in pain as I did, "Gah! Why do you have to do this stuff Edward? Why? Don't give me that I'm like your sister bullshit either because Emmett is fine with me being alone with Jasper."
He grew quiet then, the only thing I heard were the steady intakes of his breath before he said, "I don't know."
He stood up and walked closer, and I could see he was undoubtebly planning to kiss me because in Edwardland all could be solved with a kiss from him, but I was prepared this time. I slapped him in the face as his lips descended to mine.
"Don't. Don't you dare try that tonight, Edward. You're right. I am spoken for. Jasper and I are a couple now. He asked me tonight and you will respect that."
"Oh, just like he respects our friendship, Bella? He fucking threatened me today. He doesn't want us hanging out so he begged me to leave you alone. He must not know that much about our friendship if he's thinks you'd want me to stop hanging out with you."
I scoffed, "Jasper would never threaten you, Edward. He wouldn't want you stay away from me. He knows how important you are to me, though I'm starting to forget why myself."
I crossed my arms over my chest then and turned away from him, "You've got to stop being like this. He's not going to be okay with us hanging out and being friends if you try to kiss me everytime I turn around."
"He shouldn't be okay with us hanging out..."
Tired of fighting, I asked quietly, "What does that even mean?"
I continued speaking faster, "Why does everything you say have to be so damn cryptic? Why can't you just say what you feel instead of speaking in fucking riddles?"
He flopped on to his bed then and with a shaky voice said, "I don't know that either. I wish I could be clear on my feelings, too. Trust me."
I started cleaning up his room then, because that's how our friendship worked, Edward throws tantrums and I clean up after them. It was a way for me to always have something to do with my hands so I didn't have to face whatever issues we were going through at the time.
Everything in this moment was too serious.
I flitted about his room as he lay on his bed, watching me with eyes clouded over with an emotion unknown to me.
"So, you're Jasper's...girlfriend now?" He said the word like it left a bad taste in his mouth.
As I put the CD's in their cases and back up on the shelf, I said, "Yes. So, behave. Be respectful. Had I known you were with...Tanya all those times you kissed me, I never would have kissed you back. That was wrong of you to do to her and I will not do that to Jasper, got it?"
He nodded minutely, sighing and rolling towards the wall, "I'll do my best. I don't like him though, Bella. I'll try to behave when he's around me and I'll make sure I keep my lips to myself when I drink, but I don't have to like him."
"That's all I'm asking, Edward. Don't be... the possessive you when he's around and I'll be happy."
Rolling back towards me, he said, "He makes you happy, Bell?"
"Yes, he makes me very happy."
I could have sworn I saw a tear fall from his eye and onto the pillow, "Then I'll fucking keep trying to be nice, Bella, I will. But only because it's you."
He patted the spot next to him on the bed, and I warned him with my eyes not to try any funny business as I flopped onto the bed next to him.
"So, what set you off tonight really? Seeing us like that or something else?"
He sighed, "I don't know. Emmett and I were watching Family Guy drinking vodka and things got out of hand."
"I figured as much from looking around the room...but Stewie planning world domination couldn't have possibly had you trying to get rid of all things Bella and scaling trees and causing general destruction to whatever you touched, so what happened?"
He chuckled, but his voice was without humor, "I just feel alone, Bell. Completely fucking alone."
"Why would you ever feel that way?"
"Well, I mean not to make you feel bad but look at my life. You're with Jasper now, Esme and Carlisle still can't keep their hands off each other and are always off on business or being like newlyweds somewhere, Rose and Emmett well you know how they are...Christ even Tanya has James again. Who the fuck do I have?"
"Well, I'm not trying to be mean either but in my defense, I was alone for a long time, too. I mean you had Tanya for six months and I had no idea. At least with me having Jasper, you know about it, up front. No bullshit. There I was thinking that you and I were lonely and bored together when you were very much entertained. Plus, you're not Meg Griffin...you're Edward fucking Cullen, you could go to school tomorrow and hold American Idol-like auditions for a girlfriend and have close to a hundred girls to choose from."
I nudged his shoulder then and he smiled, drunkenly, "I hate American Idol and you entertained me more than Tanya ever did and all you did was kiss me."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Edward."
"Seriously though, Bell, I just...I don't want Jasper...to take my place in your life." He managed to say.
"Edward, no matter how close Jasper and I get, he can never replace you. You are and always will be my crazy, slightly alcoholic best friend."
I put my head on his shoulder then and he said, "But I can't see the twins like he can."
I smacked him then and he laughed, "It's just not right."
"I can't believe I stopped kissing Jasper to come over here and help your drunk ass. I should have let Carlisle and Esme find you and ground you into next year."
"Shit. I'm glad you came here. I got you to stop kissing Jasper and I didn't get caught. But seriously, thanks for coming, Bell. It means a lot to me."
Yeah, yeah.
"You've got to stop drinking to feel better. This shit can't keep happening. Jasper probably won't be so understanding next time."
He grumbled, "Thanks, Mom" before dozing off into his alcohol induced sleep.
I gently got out of his bed and kissed his forehead before picking up the remainder of the things on the floor. I couldn't pick his bookshelf back up so I left it for him to deal with in the morning.
It serves him right for turning it over in the first place. I picked up Wuthering Heights and put it on his pillow to be a smart ass and walked out of his bedroom door, turning the light off as I left.
I sent Jasper a text message, telling him thanks for understanding and being the best boyfriend ever. It made me giddy to type out boyfriend and I told him to come over tomorrow for breakfast as soon as he woke up.
I brushed my teeth, washed my face and changed into pajamas before getting a text back from Jazz saying as long as I wasn't making pancakes he'd be there.
Little did I know, after tomorrow, my life would start to change forever.