Title: Sinful Thoughts
Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama
Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars, Who has stories of her own, so go read.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Continuity: AH/AU
Rating: M cause you never know when a lemon writes itself.

Chapter 6

BPOV

As I lay in bed that night, replaying the kiss in my mind, I thought how unfair the world was. I was bridled with this attraction for my brother. I could hear his breath even out behind me and I knew he had finally fallen asleep.

Renee and Charlie had been back at the room when I arrived, providing me sanctuary from the discussion I did not want to have. Edward had burst in the door moments after me; his panicked face quickly became neutral when he had seen that our parents were there.

I noticed Renee watching us curiously throughout the short rest of the evening. It could have been due to the fact that Edward and I hadn't spoken a word to each other since returning from the beach.

I rolled over and studied his sleeping face. I would have to have been blind not to notice that Edward was attractive, but seeing him so peaceful in front of me, he was nothing less than a beautiful angel. I bit back at my feelings; words like wrong, sinful,and abomination alltore through my mind. I knew I had to get over my attraction, and I was going to have to distance myself from Edward to do it. Avoiding him physically would be impossible but I could do so emotionally. He didn't have to be my best friend. He couldn't be my best friend.

My heart ached at the thought of losing our close connection, but that was part of the problem. As I lay there, my fingers throbbed to touch him, his body so close, I could see his pulse beat from beneath his skin. My hand moved on its own accord, lightly brushing Edward's chest and relaxing on top of his heart.

The last resolution I made before falling asleep that night was to make sure after that trip, I would keep Edward out of my bed. The temptation was far too strong to resist.

Avoiding Edward for the rest of the week was easier than I expected. Just mentioning the word shopping had caused Renee to squeal and Charlie to recoil. Charlie had him and Edward booked on a fishing trip within the hour. Other than the supervised meals with the parents, I was able to dodge spending any time together.

Until the day of the flight.

We were left alone together in the hotel room while Renee and Charlie went down to confirm our shuttle to the airport. I all but begged to go with them but they were insistent that we stayed put. Knowing Renee, she probably thought we were fighting and needed time to work it out. If she knew the real reason, that I didn't want to be sharing space with Edward because I didn't know if I could keep my hands off of him, she likely would have let me go to the lobby with her.

The moment the door clicked, signifying it was closed, the air in the room became heavy. Edward paced back and forth a couple of times before sitting on the edge of the bed, putting his head in his hands. I stayed frozen like a statue, trying as hard as I could not to notice the way his pants hung low on his hips or the sliver of black boxer briefs that smiled at me as he leaned forward. I was definitely not going to notice the way his forearm muscles flexed as he fisted his hair in his hands. Nope, I didn't notice any of that.

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" His voice broke the silence of the room and my heart started beating impossibly faster.

"I…we took it too far," I said, my breath the only thing carrying my voice out. He lifted his head and looked at me. He looked torn, like he hadn't expected me to speak and now he wasn't sure that he wanted me to.

"Maybe," was all he replied.

"It was weird, right? Kissing your sister?" I needed him to tell me it was wrong. If he said it was wrong, I would know that we just slipped up and we could recover.

"No," he said. It was only one, small word, but the rawness of his voice said everything he couldn't.

"But it's wrong," I said.

"I know." I didn't know if he felt the same as I did, I only knew what we both were well aware that no matter what, we couldn't be together. The thought made me want to cry.

The plane ride back was full, and there were only two seats together, so I told Renee and Charlie to take them, and Edward and I sat apart. Two orange juices and one bottle of water later, I was sorely in need of the lavatories. I hobbled up to the bathrooms in the middle of the plane, cursing myself for always waiting until the last possible minute to pee. I was closer to the rear ones, but I would have to pass Edward, and I had just successfully stopped fantasizing about him. One look at his face would start the vicious cycle again. There was one person ahead of me in line so I shifted back and forth, waiting for my turn. That is when I heard them.

"Something happened, Charlie, I can feel it."

"Renee, you always think 'something happened.'" I could picture my father rolling his eyes as he said this.

I hadn't even noticed that my parents had the seats in the row in front of the lavatories. I would like to say I felt bad for eavesdropping, but I was sixteen, so I didn't.

"Do you think it was a bad idea to keep it a secret?"

"Renee, I said from day one that it was a bad idea, but now I think it's too late…don't want to hurt…"

I strained to hear more but the flush of the toilet drowned out their suddenly hushed voices. I hadn't even noticed the person in front of me disappear but I took my opportunity and slipped into the tiny room.

Whatever it was that they were talking about, it was big. I had never heard such sharp tones between my parents. There was nothing that I wanted to do more than run back to Edward and see what he thought about it. Instead, I returned to my seat and pressed the call button and asked for another orange juice, obsessing over the secret conversation.

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"Hi Mikey," I said as I approached him. This was the night. I had been back from Hawaii for four days and had avoided a date with him until then.

"Hi Bella," he replied, his face lighting up like a tree on Christmas morning.

I would like to set the scene for you, but I honestly can't remember what we did on the date. It was usually date stuff that was mildly fun, resulting in my second first kiss. I do, however, remember the end. We stood on my porch awkwardly, Mikey much too shy to go for it. He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm, causing him to stumble. He recovered before turning to face me.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Uhm, I'm gonna kiss you now," and then added as an afterthought, "Okay?"

"Okay," he replied.

I leaned in and he bent down. Our faces seemed to be moving in slow motion towards each other. I thought to myself, this is it, this is the moment that things will really change. When our lips met I expected the fire I felt with Edward's kiss, but all I got was the wood. Mikey's erection pressed into my hip bone as he stepped into the kiss. Our lips moved together. The kiss was nice. No tongue. No slobber. Fresh breath. Nice.

"Does this mean we are boyfriend and girlfriend now?" Mikey asked.

"I guess," I responded.

While Mikey wasn't Edward, he was the boy I was allowed, so I owed it to myself to keep trying.

EPOV

They say you never know what you've got until it's gone. While I have no idea who 'they' are, I am unnerved by the accuracy of their findings.

Bella's refusal to speak to me the first week back had wreaked havoc with my fantasies. No longer was I dreaming of sordid encounters of the flesh, I now laid awake at night, dreaming of talking to her. I wanted to sit next to her and feel her body heat again. Or watch a scary movie where she would squeeze my fingers until I couldn't feel them. I didn't have a lot, but what I did, I took for granted and now missed furiously.

It was obvious to me that she needed some time. The kiss had been pushed too far, and yet I knew I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried. I get that she was freaked out, but she kissed me back, so I figured I would give her some time and she would get over it. I started eating lunches with Irina, giving her the time and space to work through it.

I sat across from Irina and appraised her face, deciding she was the definition of plain. I thought at first she was pretty, but the truth was, there was nothing extraordinary about her. Her eyes were even, her nose was small, and her lips were perfectly proportioned. Bella's bottom lip was larger than her top, causing her to have a small pout even when her face was neutral; her eyes were large for her face, leaving me hopelessly lost in them. Irina's hair was dyed blonde, leaving the color monotone, while Bella's was natural and sun-streaked, looking like a muted rainbow of browns and reds. Irina was symmetrical, but Bella was interesting, her face told a story that invited you in. But here before me sat the girl I had decided to give a chance and I hadn't given her that yet.

"So Irina, do you want to do something tonight?" I asked her.

Her face beamed as she answered, "Yes."

"Okay, I'll come and pick you up around seven?"

"Sure," she replied still smiling; it was infectious and I couldn't help but smile back. I glanced over and thought I caught Bella looking over at us for a second. I let out a sigh and said goodbye to Irina, telling her I would see her later.

I walked out of the cafeteria and into the hallway. My locker was close and I had seen Kate standing there as soon as I walked out the door. I groaned and rolled my eyes but kept on course.

"Hi Edward," she said as I approached.

"Hey Kate," I replied, "how's Emmett?"

"He didn't tell you?" She purred. "We broke up over spring break. We wanted different things."

"Oh yeah and what was that?" I sounded bored but I was actually really interested in the fact that Emmett hadn't told me that they had broken up.

"Well I'm pretty sure he wanted that bitch, Rosalie, and I wanted you." I choked back a laugh. I couldn't decide what I thought was funnier, the thought of Rose and Emmett together or the blatant come on to me.

"I'm dating someone right now, Kate," I said, hoping that would deter her.

"Oh really? Who?" She asked.

"Irina," I replied. Kate laughed and shook her head.

"Call me when you're ready to play in the big leagues." She walked off, swinging her hips comically. I wonder if she would still want me if she knew I kissed my sister. I smirked to myself as I grabbed my books and headed for class.

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I dressed casually for my date with Irina. I wore the same jeans that I had worn to school but I changed into a white and black striped Billabong button down shirt. I found myself shifting self consciously on Irina's porch at about five minutes after seven. I knocked on the door hoping, that her father would be out tonight. The door opened and I let out a sigh of relief to see Irina standing there. She had changed since school and was now wearing a skirt. I couldn't help but notice I had no desire to check out her legs.

"You ready?" I asked, smiling.

"Sure," she replied.

I stared at the girl who held no attraction for me. I wondered if I was deluding myself into thinking I could date her. Would a kiss with her hold even a small percentage of the attraction that I felt with Bella? I decided not to waste anymore of either of our time.

She pulled the door closed and turned letting out a small yelp of surprise at my closeness. I pushed my body into her space, but there was no pull. Her body tensed slightly when she realized my intent. I leaned my chest down and brought my face just inches from hers. The electricity didn't spark, the only thing between us was air, and yet I closed the distance between us anyway. Her lips were warm and soft and I massaged them softly with mine. My hands were unsure of where to go, almost flailing before deciding to rest on her cheeks. I gave it a few more seconds before I backed off.

Irina stared up at me almost expectantly. She was a sweet girl, but I couldn't lie to her. "Listen, Irina, I like you a lot, but I have to be honest, I'm not really feeling it."

"Oh, thank goodness," she replied, exhaling. "I was scared I was going to hurt your feelings."

"So friends then?" I asked.

"Friends."

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Arriving at home, I felt kind of shitty. I knew that separating had been a mutual decision, but I felt like I had lost my buffer between Bella and me. I figured she would get over her desire for distance if she thought I was with someone else, no longer a threat to her. I walked up the stairs and paused at her door, wanting more than anything to go in and tell her about my night. I could almost hear her laughing at the kiss and my bumbling hands. Why couldn't I have felt like that when I kissed Bella?

I reached for her doorknob, pausing before deciding to just screw it and try talking to her. The knob wouldn't budge. She had never locked her door before. Bella didn't want me in there and it was the only place I wanted to be.

E/N- Please review.