Title: Sinful Thoughts
Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama
Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars, Are you reading her stories yet? Cause you should be.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Continuity: AH/AU
Rating: M cause you never know when a lemon writes itself.

Chapter 8

BPOV

"So our parents are taking us to Texas for a month, Jasper is shitting himself," Rose said as she flipped through a magazine on my bed.

"Poor Alice, but I guess this will give her some time to get to know the rest of us. Those two are attached at the hip," I replied, adding the last coat of nail polish to my toes. Rose just shrugged as she continued to read the latest Hollywood gossip.

"So I've been spending a lot of time with Emmett lately," she said, keeping her eyes glued to the page.

"Yeah, it feels like everyone is coupling up," I said, swallowing my bitterness; I really did want my friends to be happy. Rose and Em thought they were hiding their attraction but I saw that coming a mile away.

"It's not my fault you chased away the only guy left in our group." She was right. Mike had slowly left the group. We saw him around but he spent most of his time with a new group of friends now. "I mean it's not like you can date your brother," she said, laughing. I didn't have it in me to join her.

"Do you ever think Jasper is attractive?" I asked, surprising myself. A part of me had wanted to ask her this question for months. If she said yes, then maybe I was normal. That these feelings would go away on their own, eventually.

"Ewww," Rose said, and I got my answer. "You're not after Jasper are you?" She asked suddenly with wide eyes.

"Oh no, no. I am all aboard the Jasper/Alice train."

"Then why were you asking?"

Thinking quickly, I blurted, "Well when I went out with Mike, it kind of felt like dating a brother. I was just wondering if in-dating in the group could work."

She looked at me strangely, trying to determine what the heck I was talking about I think. She mumbled something before turning back to her magazine. I sat back and put my feet up, waiting for my toes to dry.

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May was spent looking for a summer job. The only thing I was able to find was with a landscaping company cutting lawns. It was boring but I got to be out enjoying what little sun we had.

We had a couple of weeks before the Doublemint Twins were heading to Texas so our group hung out frequently. The problem was, Jasper and Alice were keen on some alone time, and Emmett and Rose spent the majority of the time flirting, leaving Edward and I in close quarters.

"Hey," he said as he sat beside me on the bench. The smell of floor polish and shoe deodorizer filled the air. It was disgusting, but bowling was one of the only things to do in Forks.

"Hi," I replied.

It was all we said to each other in that first hour but it was enough for me to replay it over and over again in my mind. The sad look in his eyes, the pained way the word came out of his mouth, I knew he was hurting just as much as me.

With an abysmal score of seventy five I hung up my shoes for the night. The couples decided they wanted to play another game so I said goodnight and headed out. I walked out into the parking lot and made my way towards the path.

"Hey, wait up." I spun quickly to see Edward jogging towards me. "I'm going to call it a night too," he said.

His eyes met mine when he caught up; swiftly the confidence in his eyes was gone. The pain in my chest told me that I did that.

"So how's the job hunt going?" He asked.

"Okay I guess. The diner is hiring but I don't really want to work there."

"I'm sorry I kissed you," he blurted out.

"What?" I said my voice barely a whisper. I couldn't seem to hide the hurt in my eyes from his comment.

"I just, I miss you and we used to be such good friends and I feel like I messed it all up with that stupid suggestion."

"It wasn't stupid, Edward," I replied.

"Then why won't you talk to me anymore? I thought you needed some space but you just keep getting more and more distant. Bella, there is so much I want to talk to you about and I feel so alone because you're not there anymore. So if you can just tell me what I did wrong or how I can fix it because I am going crazy here without you."

"You didn't do anything. I am scared if I tell you what I'm thinking, that you will hate me. There is something wrong with me, Edward, and I'm afraid more than anything that if you find out what it is that you will be sickened and want nothing to do with me." My voice shook as the emotions of the past few months caught up with me.

"Bella, there isn't anything that you could say that would stop me from loving you. You're my best friend." His eyes pleaded with me. "Tell me."

I stared at the road for a while, building up the courage. Edward grabbed my arm and spun me around, effectively stopping me. He then pulled me into his arms and cradled me to his chest. The feeling of completeness that I had been missing came rushing back. Silent tears fell from my eyes as I returned the hug that would probably be the last.

After a few moments I pulled myself out of his embrace. I looked up into his eyes and saw acceptance. I longed for it to continue. Surely he would hate me when I told him how I felt.

"When you kissed me," I sniffed.

"Go on," he said as he pushed a stray piece of hair off my face.

"I liked it." He stared at me for a moment before answering.

"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously.

"I mean, I liked it because it was you."

I started walking again, needing to move my nervous legs. He was close behind me, his footsteps falling in sync with mine. We were almost home before he spoke again. "I liked it too," he whispered before climbing the porch steps and entering the house.

I stood there for a moment on the front lawn trying to understand what I had heard. He said that he liked it too. Did that mean that he felt the attraction too? And so what if he did, it didn't change anything. But maybe we could get through it together.

"Are you coming?" Edward asked, popping his head out the front door and smiling.

I returned his smile and followed him in. I did not expect the weight to lift off of me so quickly, but it did. Misery enjoys company, and if we were going to battle this sinful attraction, I was glad we could do it together.

Edward was sitting on my bed when I entered my room. The sight would have sent panic through me before but I was contented to seeing him there. I wanted him there and I was no longer scared to admit it.

"I think we should talk some more," he started.

"About the kiss?" I asked and then immediately blushed, thinking about his lips on mine.

"I know we can't do that again," he said, "but I want to."

His words were honest and brave to me. I tried to repay him with my own thoughts. "It was all I could think of when I was with Mike." Edward blanched at my comment.

"So why were you with him for so long?"

"I was trying to ignore my feelings for you."

"Did it work?"

"Not in the least," I replied honestly.

"Yeah, Irina was a lost cause as well."

"So you never really liked her?" I asked curiously.

"Not like that," he answered.

I sat down beside him on the bed, and the tension in the room increased. I looked down at my hands folded in my lap and sighed. I could feel Edward's eyes on my face, providing me with warmth. His hand slipped over mine and he intertwined our fingers together.

"So what now?" I asked.

"What choice do we have?"

I didn't answer him. We both knew. We had no choice.

EPOV

After our talk things were both better and worse for Bella and me. We were finally on the same page but we couldn't act on it. She was still my sister and nothing but hurt and pain could come from us being together. I repeated this over and over in my head, hoping that my heart would believe it.

Bella had gotten a job mowing lawns and was working five days a week. With Emmett at a summer football camp, Alice and I had taken to spending time together. I was surprised at how much we had in common with each other. I even confided in her my darkest secret…okay, my second darkest secret. I loved shoe shopping. I easily had twenty pairs of shoes, enjoying both dress and casual shoes.

Alice's love of shopping had become contagious, and after spending the three weeks in May hanging out with her, I was a full blown shopaholic. Clothes, shoes, hair product; it didn't matter, I needed it all.

I sat on the small picnic table we had in our backyard. The sun was shining for once and I was going to take advantage of it. I heard the back door open but was feeling too lazy to turn around and see who it was.

"Hey," Alice's chipper voice called out as she hopped up on the table next to me.

"Hey Squirt, how's it going?" The squirt comment earned me a punch in the arm every time but I couldn't seem to stop saying it.

"So, I've noticed that you've been a little weird lately," she said. She was right, Bella and I had returned to friendlier waters but that was just causing me more confusion. I was getting lost in my head more often. "I've been told I am quite intuitive and I wanted to talk to you about something." My face drained of color as I looked over at her. Alice's bright eyes turned serious and I felt my heart pound in my chest. If she knew, this would be the beginning of the end.

"Uh, what about?" I squeaked out.

"I want you to know that I am extremely flattered. You're a good guy, Edward, and any girl would be lucky to have you, but Jasper, he's it for me. I hope you understand." While I was relieved that things had not gone the way I feared, I could feel my eyes widen further at her comment. Before I could say anything she continued, "I feel really bad though, so if you wanted to like squeeze my boob once, that would be okay."

I couldn't help it my eyes shot down to her breasts for a split second before I looked up at her face. The feeling that ran through my body was the one I had been praying for, with Bella. I felt nauseated at the thought of touching Alice like that. I'm sure my face showed my discomfort as she broke out in laughter.

"Crap Edward, you should have seen your face!"

"You were playing me?" I asked in mock anger. She answered with a laugh. "You are going to get it now," I said, picking her up and flinging her over my shoulder. She screamed and flailed but I refused to put her down until I was at the garden hose. I grabbed the nozzle and turned on the water, drenching her under the tap.

We lay out in the sun for an hour, Alice drying off and me with a smug sense of satisfaction for having won that round.

"Hey E," she said, her eyes closed.

"Yeah?"

"I know it's not me, but it's someone. She might not be available to you now, but if it's right, she will be."

She meant her words to help but all they did was hurt. Bella would never be available to me because it wasn't right.

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"What's the date today?" I asked Renee as we sat in the kitchen eating lunch.

"The twentieth," she replied. I scrunched up my face wondering why it even occurred to me to ask. Then I realized what it was. June twentieth.

My birthday.

I took another bite of my sandwich, willing myself to keep a calm face. I hadn't thought about the birth certificate in weeks. With Bella and me getting along again, I had just forgotten it. My mom grabbed my plate as I finished, adding it to hers in the sink.

"Okay, so I am off to the grocery store. Is there anything you need?"

"No, I don't think so," I replied.

"Okay, take some soup up to your sister later, she isn't feeling well," Renee said before grabbing her keys and heading out the door.

I watched the taillights of the car disappear down the road. As soon as I knew she was gone, I bolted for the sock drawer that I knew held my birth certificate. My hands shook as I pulled out the piece of paper. My eyes narrowed in on the birth date. Sure enough it said June Twentieth, Nineteen Ninety. It was only after a few seconds that I realized that the name on the birth certificate didn't match mine. The name before me read Edward Masen Platt.

Who the fuck was Edward Masen Platt?

I needed Bella. I raced to her room, the certificate still in my hand. I knocked on the door before flinging it open. Bella lay on her bed, bundled in her covers. Her eyes were open but hooded.

"Edward?" She whispered as I entered the room. What's wrong?"

"I need to show you something," I said, sitting down roughly and shoving the paper at her.

"What's this?" she asked looking it over. Her eyebrows scrunched up before raising high onto her forehead. "What does this mean?"

"I think I might be adopted," I said, the word sounding foreign on my tongue.

I watched as Bella studied the paper. "Who the heck is Esmeralda Platt?"

"What?" I asked.

"Didn't you read this? It says here; mother, Esmeralda Platt."

"What does it say about the father?" I asked, suddenly worried that Charlie was keeping a dark secret from us.

"It's blank," she said, looking up at me.

"What do I do?" I felt panicked. I was lied to by the people who were supposed to love me the most in the world. My life was a lie and I suddenly felt like I didn't belong.

"You're not my brother," Bella said softly. The words stung at first until I realized the meaning behind them. I looked into her eyes and saw the first trace of hope. I didn't allow my thoughts to wonder yet. There was too much to sort out first.

"What do I do?" I asked again.

"We have to talk to mom and dad," she said sternly.

E/N- I know that they would have amended his birth certificate after the adoption in real life to have the adopted parent's names. So I hope you will allow this deviation in reality for the purpose of storytelling.