Warnings: none really...thoughts of BDSM if you squint, abuse of Heero's glare, abuse of Heero's abilities...generally, abuse of poor sexy Heero. This part has not been beta-read. My beta reader decided she needed to have Christmas holidays--- like the gundam boys will attest to, it's highly overrated. ^_^

Chapter 7

Unconventional Methods

Heero Yuy had highly honed powers of observation developed over years of intense training and thus had learned a lot of things throughout his week spent at the Winner household-- things like how parents spent the first year of a child life oohing and aahing over their child's first word, first step-- and the remaining seventeen years telling them to sit down and shut up. Things like physical torture was laughable compared to being stuck in a room with a two year old who knew the words 'why' and 'no'. Things like pairing the older children (who were already scarily proficient at getting things to go boom) with their resident explosive expert was a Bad Idea.

Notice the capitalization.

Today was proving to be no different. Heero was about to learn many things. Things he probably didn't need to know, but was going to anyway. In fact, the only difference about today's planned activity was that Heero had willingly volunteered for it. When Quatre was outlining it over breakfast that morning, it had sounded like the perfect task for him to do. There were no pets involved, no women involved---and best of all, no children allowed within a hundred foot radius of the room he was assigned to. That wasn't even his rule, it had been implemented by Quatre days before.

Perhaps it was because Heero was under the mistaken impression that all the disasters that had occurred previously had only happened when he was around Duo. Perhaps that was that mistaken notion that led Heero to conclude that all the disasters were therefore Duo's fault.

Admittedly, it did make him slightly nervous when no one else had volunteered.

But really, how hard could it be? From the mission parameters, it sounded right up his alley. Utilizing basic mathematical calculations, the ability to use spatial rationalization, resource allotment—no, Heero was quite sure that wrapping the Christmas presents would be a proverbial piece of cake. If fact, the only rule he had to follow, besides the obvious one of being finished before Christmas day, was that the presents had to look 'pretty'.

He could do pretty. He'd been well armed with ribbon, and bows and lots of tissue paper. Not his standard arsenal, but much more effective. Duo had even loaded up everything he could possible need into a utility belt. It was good to indulge Duo in the harmless jokes. Heero'd learned that the hard way.

Heero really didn't see why Quatre was so worried. After what they'd been through this past week, how hard could this really be?

The first setback occurred when he entered the room. Since he was only wrapping the presents from himself, Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei, he hadn't expected the project to take too terribly long. In fact, he'd brought his laptop with him for that precise reason. Why bother having an outright ban on the room if he wasn't going to take full advantage of the peace and quiet?

But, as he surveyed the room, he could feel his computer time (and therefore any hope of reclaiming his sanity) slipping away before his eyes. He hadn't counted on Quatre buying individual presents for every single member in his family, right down to two month old Elia. What one got a two month old for Christmas was beyond him. Nevertheless, he would rise to the challenge. Pulling up his sleeves, he plunked himself down on the floor and reached for the first present.

It didn't take long for Heero to realize there was a slight amount of skill required to wrapping Christmas presents, and that skill wasn't being able to disassemble, clean and reassemble a hand gun in under forty seconds. He'd decided to break himself in slowly and picked what he though would be an easy present—a child's toy in a square box. He measured the paper as carefully as he could, but the wrapping paper was insistent on curling back up around the tube. Still, he persevered and soon had the paper cut out.

It wasn't until he wrapped it around the box that he realized he'd cut the paper on an angle, and so no matter how he rotated the box, there was still one corner left sticking out.

He threw the paper to the side to use later on a different gift, and cut a second piece from the roll. This one ended up being too big, but he went with it. There was definitely no shortage of wrapping paper in the room. He folded the first two sides of paper around the box, and then realized he'd forgotten the tape. He spotted it on the over on the side table, and, after eying the situation carefully, used his foot to hold the paper down around the present while he balanced on one leg to stretch for the cello tape.

It all went down hill from there.

Duo had finally been relieved from babysitting duty after Quatre and Wufei had returned from the mall after taking the second battalion of kids to see Santa, and 'relieved' was the perfect term to use. He had nothing against kids, nothing whatsoever. But after being stuck with twelve babies, the oldest only eighteen months old, he'd spent day changing diaper after diaper (each one more pungent then the last) extracting foreign objects from ears and noses and in general, being completely helpless as his braincells slowly died off one by one from lack of real human contact.

His day drastically improved however, as he approached the door leading to the room that Heero had been holed up in for the day. And the unmistakable sounds of moaning could be heard...

As he opened the door, he remembered thinking that it wasn't quite the scene he'd pictured in his mind-- that image had Heero wearing a lot fewer clothes—but he'd be willing to settle. After all, it wasn't every day you walk in a room to find that your lover (however unintentional) had gift wrapped himself, complete with ribbon and a bow perched on the top of his head. He actually looked pretty—Duo remembered Quatre stressing that word several times as soon he realized Heero would be the one wrapping the presents-- which is more than he could say for the presents surrounding him.

'Course, he was biased.

"Um, Heero?"

Heero jumped, and tried to turn around. He only succeeded in wrapping another strand of ribbon around himself. He appeared to be in a mild state of panic. Duo looked down at what Heero was working on.

"Why do you have a present tied to your toe?"

Heero glared. "Because the ribbon kept moving when I tried to tie a knot and I needed to keep it still."

"And what was the matter with using a finger?"

"I needed all of them. "

"And why is it still tied to your toe?"

"I can't find the scissors."

Duo stifled a snort. He was surprised he could still see Heero amidst the scraps of wrapping paper, tissue paper, confetti, and god knows what else, never mind a puny pair of scissors. Not even bothering to start hunting for them, he pulled a swiss army knife out of his pocket and cut Heero's big toe free from it's bindings.

That was when Duo noticed the tape.

"Love, why do you have scotch tape in your hair?"

Heero blinked, and a hand drifted up to his forehead, where it promptly got stuck in the scotch tape. "Because I needed it," he grumbled, wincing as he ripped one stripe off his forehead and taking half his eyebrow with it.

"In your hair?"

Heero gave him a frosty look. The fact that the glare still retained it's full power, even with the shiny bow on his head, the ribbon snaked around him and the glitter on his cheeks, was a testament to the true power of the glare. "No, I couldn't hold the paper, the present and still rip the tape off the roll at the same time, so..."

"You stuck it on yourself," Duo finished, ripping another piece off the end of Heero's nose. "You... couldn't have just used the edge of the table?"

Heero positively glowered. Judging by the color if his face, he hadn't actually thought of that idea. Duo debated about taking off the large bow stuck to the top of Heero's hair, and then decided against it. The gold went

quite nicely with his red face. While Heero was preoccupied with picking the rest of the tape out of his hair, Duo stuffed some of the ribbon in his pockets. That would definitely come in handy later. He wasn't about to waste the inspiration that came from seeing Heero tied up like a Christmas present.

"So, is this one mine?" Duo grinned, flipping over a present that felt like it had four sides, and looked like it had twelve with Heero's unique wrapping method.

Heero shrugged, looking bored. He aimed his big ball of scotch tape towards the garbage can and tossed it in with ease. "I don't know who's it is. Quatre made a list that matches all the people with the presents."

Duo was suddenly on his guard, staring warily at the present, and then at Heero. "Love... please tell me you remembered to label the freakin' presents."

There was a long pause. Duo could almost see the gears working in overdrive in Heero's brain.

Heero never did answer him. He simply picked the nearest present off the floor and then handed it to Duo. "I am not rewrapping these. Start guessing." As Heero shook his own mystery package, he realized that his earlier belief had just been confirmed.

It was all Duo's fault.

A/N: Sorry about the delay. I've never been one for keeping a good schedule. There will be one more chapter, and it will be short-- probabl just a bit longer then the first chapter was. I never meant for this to go this long after Christmas, so the last chapter will just be an official ending. I'm not even going to begin to guess when it'll get posted. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed the latest installation!