Title: Sinful Thoughts
Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama
Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars, Are you reading her stories yet? Cause you should be.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Continuity: AH/AU
Rating: M cause you never know when a lemon writes itself.

Chapter 12

BPOV

When you've experienced something once it's hard not to want it all the time. No matter what I seemed to do, I couldn't stop thinking about Edward's anatomy. We had not had any real alone time together since grad and I was going insane with the lack of contact. It made me sad that things were so hard between us. If Edward wasn't my brother, he was the kind of guy my parents would be thrilled to see me dating. He was polite and respectful and really cute. Okay, so my parents probably wouldn't care about the cute part, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.

I had been working for two weeks at my new job when I met him. Apparently he was the regular delivery guy but he had been on vacation since I started. I knew by his copper skin that he probably lived on the reservation at La Push. The first thing I noticed about him was his eyes, they shone with kindness.

"You're new," he said strolling up to the desk. The waiting room at the dentist's office was empty and I was grateful for a little company to break up the work.

"I was going to say the same thing to you," I replied.

"I'm Jake, your regular delivery guy." He smiled brightly at me and his teeth looked so white against his dark skin.

"So, do you have a package for me, Jake?" As soon as the words escaped, I willed them back in. Instead of looking uncomfortable, Jake just laughed.

"Why, yes. Yes I do." He handed me a small brown box which I knew to be the restock of our forms.

I blushed as he kept eye contact with me after I had taken the parcel from him. When he finally released me from his gaze, he looked down to my name plate.

"Have a good afternoon," he said turning to leave.

"You too."

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I'll have another package for you tomorrow as well." With that a big smirk overtook his face and I scoffed.

Over the next few weeks, I spent a lot of time chatting with Jake. He was a nice guy who was easy to hang around and I could tell that he was interested in me. I didn't worry about it too much as he had never asked me out, so I figured he just liked to flirt. Part of me wished that I could like him. How easy it would be to fall for a guy like Jake. Good looking, funny, steady job, not related to me, it should really have been easy.

"Bella, you've hardly eaten anything," Renee whined as I pushed her latest creation around my plate. She wasn't a bad cook, but every once in a while she would try to invent her own recipe, and the only thing she ended up with was a disaster.

Edward flung a steamed carrot at me, and I looked up to glare at him. When I met his eyes I saw concern. "Eat," he said.

I looked down at my plate, embarrassed. With the stress of us moving our relationship along, I had been having a hard time developing an appetite. I ate, just not , and this 'meat surprise' that stared at me from my plate was not helping.

When Renee and Charlie went to bed that night, Edward and I decided to stay up and watch a movie. We would never snuggle full out on the couch as we knew that it would be too easy to get caught. Instead we would sit side by side under a blanket and let our fingers touch. The tiny contact filled my heart but did nothing to quell the rush of endorphins I felt when near Edward.

I finished the filing and the outstanding data entry an hour into my shift. I lost the staring contest with the duster and decided to dust off the reception area. Once that was finished, I sat and stared at my computer monitor. The first appointment arrived and then we were steady until lunch. Jake usually dropped off the packages around eleven, so when he wasn't there by quarter to twelve, I resigned myself to a day without our banter.

At twelve, I flipped the closed sign over the door and was getting ready to lock it when I seen Jake bounding up through the parking lot. I opened the door and was unable to stop the smile that spread across my face. He really was the sun in my dreary work filled days. My job wasn't so bad, it was just boring.

"Hey Bella," he said, stepping through the door, "I'm glad I caught you."

"Running a little behind?" I asked teasingly.

"Uh, yeah." His response was odd and uncomfortable. "So, since this is my last delivery this morning, I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch."

"Sure, let me just grab my purse." When I looked up at him, I knew that I had said the wrong thing. The boy looked like he had just won the lottery. I cursed myself for not explaining that it wasn't a date, I was accepting as friends.

We settled in at the restaurant across the street from the dental office. Jake had wanted to go somewhere nicer but I gave him an excuse about not wanting to be late getting back. I fidgeted with my napkin, suddenly uneasy with the situation I was in. Jake was a great guy, and I liked having him as my work buddy, so I didn't want to hurt him.

"So Bella, why don't you tell me a bit more about yourself," he started.

"Uhm, like what?" I said, not enjoying being put on the spot.

"I don't know. What's your favorite color? What do you like to do in your spare time? Are you seeing anyone?" His voice stayed strong and I was blown away by his forwardness. His confidence added to his attractiveness. The problem was, I didn't know how to tell him I was seeing someone when technically I wasn't.

"Green, read, and not officially but I have my eye on someone," I said, answering his questions. The smirk on his face told me I misspoke again.

"So, this someone, do I know him?"

"He's just some guy from school," I said hoping to let him down easy. His face dropped but he recovered quickly.

"So, why aren't you with him?"

"Well I kind of am. We are just keeping things a secret for now."

"Bella, what kind of man would keep you a secret? If you were mine, I would stand proud at your side."

I wanted that, a man that would stand proud beside me, but I wanted it to be Edward. The words cut deeper than he could ever know and my eyes began watering. I pulled my hands up to my face quickly, trying to hide my pain and embarrassment. Jake reached over and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Sorry Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know; it's just really complicated."

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me. We can just have lunch okay?"

"Okay."

"And Bella? If you ever want something simple, I'll be here."

I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up when I heard a small knock on the door.

"Hey," I heard Edward's voice say as he opened the door. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness yet so I let the sound of his voice carry his beauty.

"What's up?" I asked, sitting up on my arms.

"You seemed kind of bummed today, do you want to talk?" I felt the bed dip as he sat down on it.

"I had a guy ask me out on a date today," I said openly. A downside to having Edward as my best friend for so long was that I sometimes forgot to edit my thoughts.

"Oh, I see," he said, his voice filled with hurt. "Did you want to go out with him?"

"NO!" I said, a little more loudly than intended, but then lowered my voice and continued, "It just made me sad that we can't go out on dates or even really tell people we are taken. I just want to be with you."

"I know Bella, I feel the same way. I love you so much and I want to be able to give you everything and I feel like I have nothing to offer you."

"All I need is you," I whispered, reaching out to touch his face in the dark.

Edward leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I deepened the kiss and Edward whimpered. I wanted so much to claim him and wipe away any insecurity he may have had, but I knew that with our parents sleeping down the hall, that it was unwise to continue any further.

I chose not to be wise that night.

I pushed his body back and straddled his hips but he quickly flipped me over and positioned me under him.

"Bella, you have to let me…" he mumbled through kisses as his hands wandered my body.

"I'm yours," I said simply.

His hands made quick work of my pajama pants, leaving me in a tank top and boy shorts. The Goosebumps on my skin had nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with Edward's fingers tracing patterns on my inner thigh. I let out an embarrassing moan as his fingers skimmed the fabric of my underwear, causing him to stop.

We looked at each other in panic as we listened to see if we had been heard. Once he was sure that Renee and Charlie were still asleep, Edward continued his exploration.

"Bella, you are so alluring. You have no idea," he whispered and then continued to pepper my belly with kisses. He threaded both hands through the sides of my panties and then looked at me for confirmation. I nodded and he pulled them off.

I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. I had never been on display like this for another man and I waited for the powerful feeling that I always read about in books. It came right about the time that Edward licked his lips. I pulled him down on top of me again, kissing him frantically. My brain was so foggy that it didn't even register the feel of his hands until they swept across my naked sex. I jolted in pleasure and Edward gained some power of his own in the guise of a smirk.

Edward continued to stroke me as he kissed the juncture where my neck met my shoulder.

I put my mouth by his ear and in a shadow of a voice said, "Edward, please. I want you inside me." There was a slight falter in his breathing and then I felt the most wonderful feeling; Edward's slim fingers pushing into me. I bit my lip to stifle the cry of joy that came straight from my soul.

His fingers worked slowly at first, learning and playing. When my body felt hot and unable to take anymore, I whimpered, causing him to speed up his movements. With more speed came more depth and my body was convulsing in no time.

"I love you," I breathed as my orgasm overtook me. It was only when I came down from my high that I realized how sore my body was. Edward rested his head against my chest and took a few deep breaths.

"I better go wash my hands, and take care of this," he said motioning towards the strain in his sweats.

"Okay," I said, closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

EPOV

Bella, once again, had given me exactly what I needed. I had wanted to give something to her, to make myself feel worthy of her. To watch her come undone like that was the most beautiful moment in my life. I only wished that the lights had been on so that I could have seen more clearly.

I stepped into the bathroom and flicked on the lights, squinting at the change. I flicked on the tap and looked down. I gasped. Blood.

I had hurt her. I was angry at myself for being so rough and even angrier at her for not telling me. I rinsed my hands and then stormed back to her room.

"Bella," I said gruffly as I walked over to her bed.

"Edward?" She asked sleepily.

"Why didn't you tell me I hurt you?"

"What?" She sat up. "You didn't."

"Bella, you're bleeding. I just washed your blood off of my hands."

"What!" she repeated reaching for the light.

The light switched on and it took only a moment for my eyes to adjust this time. I looked down and below her was a red stain on her sheets.

"Why didn't you tell me I was being too rough?" I asked softer than before. If she was hurt, I needed to not be a jerk about it.

"You weren't, Edward, I didn't even notice any discomfort until after. I'm just a little sore but I had no idea that could happen with fingers."

"Do you think you should go to the doctors? Make sure I didn't scratch you too bad or something." I asked, panicked again.

"Edward it wasn't your nails, it was your freakishly long fingers," she said, laughing quietly.

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't damage me, Edward, you broke my hymen."

"Oh….OH," I said shocked, "are you...are you mad?"

"Of course not Edward, I fully intended on having you break it," she said with a smile, "at least our first time won't be painful now."

I shook my head and stared at the beautiful girl in front of me, she was truly one of a kind.

After that night something had changed between Bella and me. While I still considered her a virgin, we had shared something that could never be undone. I had always wanted all of my firsts with Bella, and now that they were happening, I was elated. Of course that didn't stop me from thinking about her in the shower, or at night in bed or well, really anywhere.

The summer was hard. With Bella working, I hadn't gotten as much time with her as I would have hoped. I still felt a bit of jealousy about the delivery guy. While never having watched a porno myself, I knew there were a lot of fantasies circling around with that exact scenario. I trusted Bella, I didn't trust him.

I knew they went for lunches occasionally. Bella told me that she informed him of her taken status but I knew she was worth fighting for and I assumed he did too. The caveman boyfriend wanted to go in there and 'mark my territory' as they say, but I knew all that would come across would be an overprotective brother, not exactly threatening.

Nearing the end of summer I thought back on some of the most life changing moments. One of course was that night between Bella and I in her room. Another was celebrating my birthday in June for the first time. Of course the good thing about it was my parents had felt so guilty about lying to me for so long they bought me a Volvo. It may not be the sexiest car out there, but I rocked it.

Bella and I had been getting sloppy and we knew it. Renee had almost caught us once. We were sitting in the backyard, as far as we knew Renee and Charlie were out. Bella was talking about a long day at work. She was frustrated with one of the hygienists who kept talking down to her. I had reached out my hand and placed it on hers and she immediately intertwined our fingers. I pulled her hand into my lap and that is when I heard the back door close. Bella quickly pulled her hand back as Renee came out to check on us.

She had given me a look that made me think she had seen us holding hands but she said nothing about it so I didn't worry about it. The almost outing didn't stop us from taking chances every time we could. Our love was growing and with that, our desire.

I parked my shiny, new to me, Volvo in the back of the lot. While it may have been a guilt gift, I was sure that if I scratched that puppy on the first day of school there would be hell to pay.

I checked my schedule and headed towards my first class, biology. The teacher had decided to go with the alphabet seat chart putting me beside a girl named Charlotte Simpson. I had seen her around but never really talked to her. She wasn't one of the girls that always hounded me with notes and I was thankful for that.

"Hi," I said, taking the seat next to her.

"Hi," she replied shyly. Even though she wasn't one of the girls that tracked me through school, I recognized her look. The girl liked me.

She was more subtle than the others but I still caught her looking at me during class. I groaned internally and prayed for the year to go quickly. With all of my core group graduated, I was left undefended.

Rose and Emmett were going to school together in Seattle while Alice and Jasper had taken off to California. It was hard for me to say goodbye to Alice after how close we had become but having Bella with me helped.

The day felt like it took forever, and when I got home, all I wanted was to see Bella. Unfortunately, what I got was Renee waiting to blindside me.

"Edward, can I talk to you please." Her tone was hard to read. I was pretty sure I wasn't in trouble but it was hard to tell.

"Sure," I said, following her to my dad's study.

She sat down behind the desk, and I shuddered thinking about the last time I was in here. If I was getting another sex talk, I was out of there. I shuffled in my chair, waiting for her to talk.

"Honey, I just wanted to talk to you. We haven't had a heart to heart in a long time."

"Oh, sure, what do you want to talk about?" I asked wanting to shoot myself.

"Well, I noticed you haven't taken any girls out since Irina."

"Yeah, I guess I just haven't found one I'm interested in yet."

"It's just, you spend so much time with your sister, and I'm worried that you are closing yourself off from a female companion." Seriously, who says 'female companion'? It sounded like my mother wanted me to get a prostitute.

"I'm not. If there was someone I was interested in, I would date them," I said, hoping to get her off my back.

"You're not gay are you?" I started to speak but she cut me off, "Because that would be okay. Your father and I just want you to be happy."

"No mom, I'm not gay."

"Then you should date, Edward. Give one of those nice girls a chance, maybe they will surprise you."

"Okay, I'll think about it." I was officially done thinking about it.

"That's a good boy," Renee said, ruffling my hair as she left the room.

We still had a year to go before we would get out of this town. We could spend it dodging questions or we could do something about it. I didn't know if Bella would go for it, but it seemed like a good idea. If we could create fake dates, then maybe we could have some of our own. Maybe Charlotte would get to date me after all, she would just never find out about it.