Title: Sinful Thoughts
Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama
Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Continuity: AH/AU
Rating: M cause you never know when a lemon writes itself.

A/N- Thanks to http://lovingangels07(dot)blogspot(dot)com/?zx=a15801499ef7f9c1 for rec'ing my fic.

Chapter 17

BPOV

I fiddled with the sweet pea charm on my bracelet. It made me feel connected to Edward while we had to stay apart. My old bed in my old room looked cold and lonely. I thought briefly of just outing us to our parents and kidnapping Edward to have my way with him in the bed that housed all my Edwardian fantasies. And yes, some of them did involve a corset, so I do think that is an apt description.

I shook the feeling off and changed into my pajamas. It had been three torturous days since we had arrived. Charlie had whisked Edward off to go buy a Christmas tree and Renee cajoled me into baking cookies. This was common practice in our household, something that I looked forward to every year, but it felt empty. Christmastime was a time to be thankful for loved ones and I felt dishonest not being able to express my love in the way I wanted.

It wasn't that I didn't get to see Edward much; it was just that the time spent together was almost harder than the time spent apart. To have him sit across from me at the table, or to have to tease him as a sister would playing games, it made me feel like I had a hole in my chest.

We did have one respite, and that was Charlie and Renee had taken up jogging. I know, I was shocked too. Apparently, after we had left home, they felt the need to rekindle; something about flapping bits not being sexy. To be honest, I tuned out and am better for it. But that left us with an hour and a half of uninterrupted time from seven to eight-thirty in the morning. We kept it PG most mornings, as we didn't want to look freshly fucked when our parents returned. That was so not the way we wanted them to find out.

We curled up on the couch and started a movie; we had been home for four days and were enjoying our morning time together. I laced my fingers into his, and was about to lay my head on his shoulder when, I heard a voice behind me.

"What are you kids watching?"

I let go of Edward's hand immediately and righted my head. I heard Edward swallow as we both stared, frightened, at the TV.

"I thought you were running," I said, not answering her question.

"I wasn't feeling well, so your dad went without me," Renee replied. The lack of accusations or yelling told us that she hadn't seen anything.

"Bella, I can't take this anymore," Edward said, standing in my room. "I need to touch you. I just need to say I love you."

"I love you too, baby. It's just ten more days."

"No, it's not," he replied sadly.

"What?"

"Bella, this is forever. If we never tell them, this is what Christmas will look like every year. What if we want to have kids, Bella, how are we going to explain that to them?"

"If they find out, they will hate us," I whimpered.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Edward, we are from a small town. Can you think of the gossip if this was Jasper and Rose? We would shame them."

"What do we do?" He inquired softly.

"Maybe it's best if we cut them out of our lives. I think it will hurt less than them finding out."

"Either way, we lose our family."

"Or we lose us," I stated. "Listen, we have lots of time to think about this. Let's just get through this Christmas first, okay?"

"Okay," he conceded. "I need to kiss you."

"Me too baby, me too."

If you've never had a tiny person wrap themselves around your body like a parasite, you've likely never met Alice. She exploded and all her bits latched onto me when we met up with her and Jasper for a visit.

"Bella, I missed you so much," she said in her high pitched voice, "and Edward, come here." She detached from me and proceeded to ooze herself onto Edward. I might have been jealous if it wasn't so funny.

"Hey Alice," he said, returning the hug with just as much vigor as her.

"Hi Jasper," I said, giving my friend a quick hug. He smiled and returned the greeting.

"Where are Rosalie and Emmett?" Edward asked once free of the vice grip.

"Vegas," Alice said simply.

"No freaking way!" I said surprised that they did it.

"I think they are coming back hitched," Jasper replied.

"You think?" Edward asked. "But they are so young."

"When you know, you know," Alice responded.

"What about you man, do you know?" Edward queried as he slapped Jasper on the back. Jasper's face turned pale as he lost his calm façade and started stammering.

"Don't worry Jazz, I can wait until you know," Alice said sweetly but her next words felt like a threat, "cause you will know."

Edward raised his eyebrows at me and I broke out into a laugh. Looking into his eyes, I almost forgot Alice and Jasper were there, and that was a dangerous thing to do.

"So, what about you two, single life in college must be a lot of fun?" Alice looked between Edward and me, curious to see who would answer.

"Uhm, I've been too busy to really go out. The workload is a lot more than I expected," I reasoned lamely.

"I went out with a couple of people but no one really caught my interest," Edward said, shocking both me and Alice.

I felt a sting at his words but I knew it would look better if one of us was getting out. Our alibi always had to be more important than our feelings when we were at home. It was one of the reasons I just wanted to change our names and run away.

Edward gave me a small paintbrush charm to add to my bracelet for Christmas. He also provided me with a Laura Corn tear-away book, but that was given in private. Each page was a secret seduction for either him or her to surprise the other one with. I couldn't wait to get back home to use it.

I realized while visiting my parents that I no longer felt like that was home. Home was where Edward and I were free to be who we were; together and in love. Home was a small flat in Chicago with great neighbors and a broken garbage disposal. I missed home.

EPOV

I really missed Alice. I didn't realize how much until I saw her again. If I could see the future, I would love to know what would happen if I told her about Bella and me. I would love nothing more than for her and Jasper to live in the same city as us and be able to keep our friendships. And it wasn't just because I missed my shopping buddy, although that was a part of it.

"Edward, those shoes are hot, you have to get them," Alice said to me as I tried on a pair of brown leather sneakers. University had done little to quell my 'shoe fetish' as Bella had dubbed it.

"Bella will kill me if I bring home one more pair of shoes," I said, looking down at the attractive footwear.

I felt Alice's eyes on me and I noticed my slip. I pretended to keep interested in the footwear, not knowing what to say.

"Who cares, it's just your sister, right?" Alice's question was loaded and I feared she realized that.

"Yeah, but we have a tiny apartment and a full shoe rack," I backpedaled.

"I guess. You wouldn't want any of the girls you bring back to know about your freaky love of shoes too soon anyway," Alice giggled.

"Yeah, I guess it would be a one-in-a-million kind of a girl that would love me for me." And I was lucky enough to have found her.

"Don't be so emo, Edward, you'll find your girl," Alice said, misreading me. "I'm going to buy you these shoes and you are going to meet hot girls in them."

"Sounds like a plan," I said, heavy-hearted.

Bella bought me a video camera for Christmas. I had been wanting one for a while, but what I wasn't expecting was returning to my room that night to find a small disc on my pillow with a note saying, 'Watch me.'

I put the small disc in the camera and pressed play. My eyes widened when I saw what was on the tape; Bella, standing in our room at home, wearing a slinky, black dress. I both dreaded and prayed for certain things to be on that tape. My prayers were answered.

Bella left the screen for a quick moment and music started to play. I could hear the beat but couldn't make out the song. When she returned, she winked at the camera and shimmied out of her dress. Underneath said dress was a blue lace underwear set that I had never seen. My hand landed on my dick by its own accord.

I stroked myself as I watched Bella dance on the tiny screen. She turned away from the camera and looked back over her shoulder before undoing her bra and dropping it to the floor. She turned back around but kept her arm folded over her chest. I shifted in my bed, sitting up higher so that I was at a better angle.

"Do you like what you see baby?" She purred, staring into the lens.

"Fuck yeah," I answered, only feeling slightly stupid for talking to a recording.

Bella then dropped her arms, exposing her breasts to me. I moaned at the sight. It had been too long since I touched them, kissed them, loved them. She turned sideways to the camera, bending her front leg slightly and then wiggled her way out of her panties. The side S curve of her body caused my hand to move faster.

The strip-show was fantastic, don't get me wrong, but what followed blew more than just my mind, if you get my drift. Bella lay down on the bed and began touching herself. I am not embarrassed to say I didn't make it to the end of the video before I finished. I did, however, rewind and watch it three times before going to sleep that night.

"Merry Christmas, baby," I heard her breathy voice say through the speaker as I fell asleep.

I had been thinking a lot about my birth parents over the holidays. I wondered what they were doing. Did they have their own families? Were they happy? Did they ever regret giving me up? And with no father's name on the birth certificate, did he even know I existed? Or worse, did my mother not know who he was? I had nothing but my mother's name to go from, but I was scared to search. I wasn't even sure I wanted to meet her.

One thing that neither Bella nor I had thought about was New Years. We were heading back to Chicago on January first which meant we wouldn't get a New Years kiss. I pouted like a fat kid getting kicked out of a candy store.

We planned to spend the evening with Alice and Jasper. Renee and Charlie were going out with friends of theirs so that left us guilt free to spend it with our friends. I wanted to blow off Alice and Jasper, telling them we would be with the parents, but she said it was too risky. She was right, but after that video, I needed more than my hand.

Alice and Jasper ended up coming over to our place for the night; they were handsy and it pissed me off. My sour mood effected Bella and it wasn't long until we were silent observers of the night.

"Lighten up, you two. If it makes you feel any better, I can kiss Bella at midnight and Jasper can kiss you, Edward." Alice laughed as she took another swig of her drink. Her absurd comment was just the thing I needed and I felt myself smile. And when you smile, the whole world smiles with you. Cheesy but true.

Bella looked as if a weight had been lifted off her and she began smiling too. Alice jumped up and returned with drinks for all and we cranked on some tunes. It didn't take any time at all for me to realize that Alice had spiked the drinks. The problem was by the time I noticed, I was too inebriated to care.

I'm too manly to admit what happened next, but let's just say there was dancing. No one reenacted the scene from Risky Business, and no one had a pair of tighty whities around to do said dance.

When the clock struck midnight, I pulled Bella over to me.

"Happy New Year, sis," I said, planting a sloppy yet chaste kiss on her lips. It was innocent and yet it wasn't something I would have done without alcohol in my system.

When Alice and Jasper stopped sucking face, she gave me a peck on the cheek while he did the same with Bella. They left shortly after that, claiming to be tired. What they were was tired of not having sex. I could relate.

I followed behind Bella up to her room; she tried to push me out but I laughed and pinned her to the bed with my dead body weight. I kissed her lips, giving the New Years kiss that I had wanted to. I fully intended on making it back to my own bed, but when her little arm slid over mine, I fell fast asleep.

"Hey," a loud voice reverberated through the room. I groaned as my head pounded. I looked up and saw that my arm was sprawled across Bella's back. I was lying on my back and she on her front and the voice came from the door.

I shot up out of bed, causing visions of sugar plum fairies to kick me in the head. Bella made a weird noise out of her throat that kind of sounded like that freaky kid in The Grudge.

I looked to the door and saw Charlie standing there with a stern look on his face.

"Had a little too much to drink last night?" He asked cracking a small smile. I knew then he was just giving us shit about drinking.

"Yeah, something like that," I replied, running my hand through my hair. He shook his head and walked away.

If I had known being drunk was an acceptable method of being in Bella's bed, I might have picked up the bottle much earlier.