Title: Sinful Thoughts
Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama
Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Continuity: AH/AU
Rating: M cause you never know when a lemon writes itself.

A/N- I have finished writing this story and just wanted to let you know that there are 27 chapters and a short epilogue.

I am currently drafting up an outline for a new story that I am super excited about. It will be an AU that will take the place of the Twilight book. It will be darker than Ms. Meyers work as Bella will be an adult in the story but that also means it can be sexier. I will be taking a short break before I start posting that story so I do hope you will add me to Author Alert so you will know when I being posting.

Thanks to everyone who has been reading, I love all of your comments and passion for my story.

Chapter 25

"Do you think Renee every really loved me?" Edward asked as we sat facing each other on the couch. I had my feet resting on his lap; our casual position betrayed the serious conversation we were having.

"Of course I do," I said honestly. I truly believed that Renee did love Edward. I just think that Renee loved herself more. The scandal that our relationship would cause in our tiny hometown was enough to make her squirm. After years of being in charge of all the local gossip, Renee would have suddenly been at the centre of it. It was too much for her to handle. I wasn't defending her. She was horrible and I had cut off contact almost immediately.

"It still hurts," he said quietly. "Months after and it still hurts." The look on his face broke my heart again.

"It will probably always hurt. I feel bad for dad. He is stuck in that town and everyone thinks he is the bad guy. As far as Charlie says, no one, but who we have told, knows about us. Everyone still thinks that he cheated on Renee."

"I went from finding out I was adopted to losing my so-called mother and gaining another family in such a short time. Sometimes I think it must be a dream."

"Or a nightmare," I whispered.

"No, being with you could never be a nightmare no matter how many other things went wrong."

"I love you," I said sitting up and leaning over to kiss him.

He grabbed my head and pulled me over, flipping my body onto his. I could feel all of his hurt leaking into our kiss. It had been building up again lately. I guess a shiny new family couldn't erase the pain caused by Renee.

This was how these conversations always ended. As soon as we talked about Renee, Edward would become very needy. It was always intense and I knew that it was his way of letting his frustrations out. The problem was that I was starting to have a Pavlovian response every time we mentioned my mother. A psychiatrist would have a field day with me. Dating my brother and turned on by conversations regarding abandonment. I was pretty sure I wasn't a very healthy individual.

Edward used a firm hand to squeeze my behind, causing me to lose my train of thought and enter back into the moment. He pushed me up and I was confused until he jumped up off the couch and pulled me to him.

While frantically trying to remove my shirt, Edward backed me up until I was flush against our wall. I hit it with a thud and the shock sent a jolt of passion through me. He broke the kiss only to pull my top over my head. When his eyes settled back on me, they were filled with lust.

Delicious, beautiful lust.

I reached around and undid my bra as Edward yanked my pants down my legs. I stepped out and teetered for a moment, he grabbed my hips to steady me but his action only made me weaker in the knees.

He bit and nipped my neck and breasts until I was shaking with need. When I tried to pull him to me to create more friction, he just growled and held my hands tight over my head. His need to control something after feeling so lost was evident. One really hard bite on the juncture of my neck and shoulder caused me to cry out and moan simultaneously. The sound egged Edward on, and before I knew it, he had freed himself from his pants and was slamming into me.

He had grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist to allow him to stand straight while taking me.

Every thrust pressed me into the wall and sent a new sensation through my body.

Bang.

Being trapped in this position made me feel completely consumed by him.

Bang.

His kisses became feverish.

Bang.

I was stuck somewhere between pain and pleasure, and I never wanted it to stop.

Bang.

He began a desperate grunting that had me feeling mixed up.

Bang.

I came, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

Bang.

He followed me, sliding us to the floor as his own legs became weak.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he said weakly. I looked at him and furrowed my brow. I thought it was pretty obvious that I had enjoyed myself.

"What for?" I asked.

"I forgot to use a condom," he replied. I could see him beating himself up for his mistake.

"Hey, it's okay." And it really was. I was still on the pill; the condom was just an extra precaution. It's not like we never went without one in the shower.

"Sometimes I just need you so much, Sweetpea. I can't even focus on anything else. I never want you to feel like I am disrespecting you."

"Were you disrespecting me Edward?" I asked in a small voice.

"Never!" he exclaimed.

"Well then don't worry about it. The way that we choose to express our love can vary, I actually need it to. I like variety Edward." He looked at me strange, so I clarified, "With you. I like variety with you. Don't ever apologize about needing me the way you do. I don't know that I would do if you stopped."

A small smile crept on his face. "You really are a dream, Bella."

I answered him with a soft kiss on his lips. We made our way to our bed and curled up under the covers. He still had a lot of healing to do over what mom had said to him and I didn't know quite how to help him through it. I would just have to be there for Edward when he needed me and I hoped that would be enough.

I spent the next few weeks doing research on the internet. I even called a few lawyers. Only one of them didn't hang up on me. I didn't tell Edward what I was doing as I didn't want to put any pressure on him. I knew in that we decided that we would be together forever but part of me wanted to make it official.

It turns out that what Edward and I were doing was wrong in the eyes of the law. It made me angry that such a pure love could be considered so bleakly. In order for us to get married, we would have to try to void Edward's adoption. This option would surely break Charlie's heart. I knew that he would allow it, but at the same time, it would break his heart. Again, I just couldn't bring myself to do that.

I paid more money than I would like to admit to Mr. Jenks, my lawyer, in attempts to find a loophole. I even tried to check out other countries that would allow us to marry, but Google came up empty.

What I did learn was most people can marry their cousin in the United States, about one in every thousand do. About twenty percent of all couples worldwide are first cousins and I can guarantee they share more common blood than Edward and I did.

The more I read that it was impossible that we could get married, the more I wanted it. I started compiling a list of countries where incest was allowed. I hated that word, and I didn't think that what Edward and I were doing classified as incest, but my government did.

I tucked the list into the desk drawer and logged off the computer. I felt Edward's hands on my neck as the screen turned black. I jumped.

"You startled me," I said lamely.

"What were you doing?" he asked.

"Just checking my e-mail," I lied poorly. Edward could tell, the look on his face told me he wasn't buying it but he left it alone.

I took a quick shower and then joined Edward in the bed. His delicious scent of ocean waves both calmed and excited me. I laid my head on his chest and the soft thud of his heartbeat on my cheek lulled me to sleep.

EPOV

One of the things I loved most about Bella was her ability to compartmentalize. She could take any problem and break it down to its simplest form. Not that she had the ability to solve world hunger or anything, well maybe if she put her mind to it, but she had a way to make everything in my world seem better.

I would have small panic attacks or bouts of anxiety when I thought about Renee. Not all the time, but they would hit me once a month or so. I desperately wanted to erase her from my memory, but how could you do that with a woman you called 'mom' for your whole life? And as much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, there were good times as well. It was those remembrances that hurt the most.

Carlisle and Esme had been wonderful to me and Bella. After the small hiccup, she was feeling more at ease with them. I knew for a fact that they were starting to think of her as a daughter and that thought thrilled me. Tanya was a bit of a harder nut to crack. Bella was a beautiful girl and Tanya was a typical pre-teen. She felt threatened by Bella, causing her to be insecure and act a bit snarky. Bella started to just wave it off and they were both coming around.

In the late summer, I decided it was time to tell Charlie that I had found my birth parents. It was a call that I was dreading. With all the hassles Renee was putting him through with the divorce; I didn't want to add any stress to him. I didn't know whether he would be happy for me or if he would feel like I was replacing him. One thought that ran through my head was that this would be the final straw. Charlie would lose it and come down here to shoot us all. Of course my overactive imagination had reared its head. The damn thing fed on my stress.

Bella had pumped me full of positive energy and provided me with a relaxing round of fellatio before I made the call. Her sweet eyes stared at me from her side of the bed as we both sat cross-legged and opposite from each other.

"You can do this," she said softly as I dialed the number. You would think after telling your father that you are dating his daughter that nothing could rattle you. You would be wrong.

I shot Bella my best attempt at a smile which I am sure was more like a grimace. The phone rang three times before Charlie picked up but it felt more like twenty.

"Chief Swan," Charlie said answering.

"Hey dad," I replied.

"Edward, how are you son?" he asked. I had noticed that he tried to use that word as often as he could since Renee had left. He wanted me to know that I was still his son in every sense of the word, and that his love never stopped. I was sentimental enough to be elated by it.

"Good dad. There is something that I wanted to talk to you about," I started.

"You're not making me a grandpa yet are you?" he teased and I laughed awkwardly.

"No, not yet." The word yet felt both strange and exciting as I said it. "What I wanted to tell you was…Well through a series of weird coincidences, I found my birth parents." The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening.

"Both of them?" he asked confused. "There was no father's name on the birth certificate."

"They were childhood sweethearts that ended up getting married after high school," I said, then relaying the story as Esme and Carlisle had told me.

"You would really like them, dad," I said, "They are really great to both Bella and I." I decided not to tell him about them funding our apartment. I figured one step at a time.

"Well I am glad to hear that Edward. I am happy that you have some support out there." There was an awkward pause and then he said, "Do they know about you and Bella?"

"Yeah, and they are okay with it. They were a little freaked out at first but Carlisle had seen us around the university and could tell that we were in love."

"That's really great son."

Bella nestled her head in my lap as I continued to chat with Charlie. I stroked her hair absentmindedly while Charlie told me about the happenings of Forks. Apparently he had an admirer that he didn't know what to do with. He joked around but I could tell that he was lonely.

I decided then and there to invite him out for Christmas. I thought it would be a more relaxing time to do it in Chicago without the task of hiding. While none of us were ashamed of our relationship, I didn't want Charlie to get in any trouble.

He sounded relieved that we wanted him to come spend the holidays with us. Bella smiled up at me from my thigh and I winked at her.

The phone rang again shortly after I hung up with Charlie. Ever since Alice had found out that we were related she had been calling at least once a week. To say she was thrilled would be like saying Walt Disney was a profitable company. The understatement was immense.

I would like to say that we talked about our new mutual family and she gave me insight on them, but the truth is we usually just chatted about nothing, and shoes. After an hour one evening, even I was starting to think I was getting carried away with my habit. Bella called it a fetish but I didn't like that word. It implied something sexual, and while the thought of Bella in nothing but a pair of high heeled shoes excited me, I was pretty sure that any man would think the same.

On this particular call, Alice had some rather exciting news. Jazz had stated his intention to marry her. I asked if that meant he proposed but she said not technically.

"He said he can see himself spending the rest of his life with me. It is as good as a proposal," she chirped. I didn't want to break it to her, but that was nowhere near a proposal.

If I was going to propose to Bella, there would be no doubt. There would be candles and roses and a ring. Definitely a ring. I knew that Bella and I would never be able to get married. It just wasn't in the cards for us. But the thought that I wouldn't be able to ask her to be my wife made me a little sad. I wanted the people most important to us to be able to witness us saying vows to each other. Legal or not.

I pulled open the desk drawer looking for a pen. It was a cluttered mess and on top of it all was a notepad. As I took it out, I noticed that it appeared to be a list.

Belgium

Brazil

Portugal

Sweden

Japan???

What on earth was Bella making a list of countries for? It wasn't a proud moment for me but I am incredibly curious and Bella knew this about me. If she didn't want me to know, she should have hid it better.

Forgetting my task, I booted up the computer. Quickly scrolling through the browser history, I was able to locate what she was searching for; countries that we could legally get married in. Joy filled up my heart as I thought about Bella in a wedding gown…okay, okay, I was thinking about the white corset and garter belt she would wear under the dress but I am a guy after all. Once again, Bella and I were on the same wave length.

The idea of running off to Brazil to get married did hold some merit but the fact that they would recognize our marriage made no difference if we didn't live in the country. Once we returned to the states, we will still be viewed as brother and sister. That being said, if Bella wanted to do it, I would be there in a heartbeat.

What I thought would be more meaningful for us would be a private ceremony with all of our supporters in attendance. I suddenly had a stronger understanding of the hardships that homosexuals in our country go through.

But what I needed to do first was propose and the first step was to ask her dad, my dad. Yeah, that was going to be weird.

Turned out, Charlie was thrilled. I couldn't be sure if it was because Renee would shit or if he was genuinely happy about the idea but I took it regardless. Charlie had been really wonderful to the both of us through all of this. If he wanted to have vindictive motivations for wanting us to marry, than I was more than okay with that.

I took Riley out with me to go ring shopping. The moment we entered the mall, I was cursing myself for not bringing Vicky instead.

"I just want to stop in and pick up a copy of Jade Empire from the game store," he said seconds after we entered the mall.

"Yeah, sure," I said cursing myself for not keeping him focused. Thirty minutes and three games later, Riley finally left the store.

I managed to get him to Tiffany's but his eyes glazed over as soon as we entered the store. I found the ring section and started scanning the showcase.

"Can I help you with something?" a blonde-haired man asked.

"Yeah, I'm looking for an engagement ring," I replied.

"Very good," he spoke, sounding exactly like Mr. Bean from that romantic comedy movie Bella always makes me watch at Christmastime.

The man had a long ponytail that was tied tightly at the nape of his neck. He looked like a guy you would see in an action movie until you heard him talk or saw him move. The man was obviously playing for his own team and wasn't afraid of letting anyone know it.

"Did you have a price range in mind?" he asked. It was a very good question and one that I should have asked myself before leaving the house. The truth was, I had a little money saved but I wasn't sure if it was enough to get a nice ring. So I did the only thing I could think of, I lied.

"Price isn't important." I figured I could get an idea of how much rings cost and then I could compare that with my savings.

"Very good, sir," the man replied. I noticed as he bent to unlock the glass case that his nametag said James.

The first one I had him show me was twenty-two thousand dollars. I tried to keep a calm face but at that moment Riley decided to join me and make an asinine comment about me being a student.

James raised his eyebrow at me before placing the ring back in the case. "Maybe this will be more to your liking, sir." The ring he pulled out was heart shaped with three small diamonds in it. It didn't take a genius to realize that this was not an engagement ring. The price tag at sixteen hundred was more manageable than the other one but the ring was wrong.

I all but ignored the ring he pulled out for me and asked to see another one. It was a simple solitaire round cut diamond ring and I was sure that Bella would love it. It was simple yet elegant, just like her. The problem was it was thirteen thousand dollars.

I left the store feeling defeated. Riley didn't seem to notice my mood and even asked me to come play video games with him when we returned home. I declined.

I opened up the apartment door and sulked my way in. The room was dark but lit up by candlelight. Bella had moved the couch and in the middle of the floor she had placed a large blanket along with a light meal.

She was stunning, sitting there with her legs folded under her, trying to be comfortable while sitting like a lady in her dress. She shot me a small smile but looked nervous.

My spirits were immediately lifted as I sat down to Bella's impromptu picnic. We chatted about our days. Victoria and she had spent the day painting which apparently included her toenails.

"So are you going to tell me what I've done to deserve such a nice homecoming?" I asked.

"I love you," she said simply.

"I love you too," I replied kissing her. She was hesitant so I pulled back. There was more that she wasn't saying.

A wordless question was sent a reply; Bella spoke, "Edward, will you marry me?"

E/N- Don't forget to join us over at the thread on Twilighted.

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