Part Four: Contrition

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
~Winston Churchill

Daniel fixed a tight smile on his face as Sam's front door swung open. Luckily it was Jack who answered, and the breath he'd been holding came out in a whoosh.

"Play it cool, Daniel," his best friend warned. "For Carter's sake."

"Indeed," Teal'c spoke up from behind him.

The archaeologist sucked in another breath and forced it to stay – he wasn't sure what that was supposed to accomplish, but it was about all he could manage, so he went with it. "Right. I'm good."

Neither teammate looked convinced, but Jack stepped aside to let them in. "Have a beer. She's in the living room."

Daniel clutched the drink like a lifeline as he slowly moved to where he could see his teammate. She was curled in her recliner, her back to them, shoulders moving slowly with the deep breaths of sleep.

"She's been napping off and on all day," the colonel spoke up. And he'd been there – one call to the general the night before to explain the situation had him on emergency leave 'until further notice.' It had also settled something he already knew but was pissed about anyway: yes, Janet and Hammond had known about the baby all along, and yes, they'd intentionally kept it from SG-1 at Carter's request. As far as he was concerned, that was complete and utter crap.

Taking a long swig of his beer for courage, Daniel examined her from the other side of the room, and he hated what he saw. Her shoulders were pure bone and several vertebrae were painfully obvious in the back of her neck. She barely even made a dent in the recliner. "She's so thin," he said softly.

"But still not deaf."

All three men started a bit at the soft voice before two sets of eyes bored into the sides of Daniel's head. "Mission failed," Jack grumbled wryly.

Sam rolled over with the tiniest of smiles. "There was a mission?"

"Indeed," Teal'c answered with a bow of his head. "Daniel Jackson was under orders to 'play it cool.'"

"I see." Her eyes shifted to Jack. "You know, it's not nice to give people orders they can't follow."

He shrugged. "A guy can hope."

Daniel, of course, was chicken, while Jack played it cool, leaning against the kitchen counter with his beer like he hadn't a care in the world.

Which gave Teal'c the perfect opportunity to approach his young teammate. Not wanting to loom over her, to invade her space, the large man knelt carefully beside her chair and spoke softly – in Teal'c terms, almost as though he was dealing with a small child. "Are you well, Major Carter?"

"Well, gee… I hurt all over, I'm constantly nauseous, and until last night, I hadn't eaten in four days. I'm great."

But the levity in her voice and the way her lips tugged up at the corners belied the gravity of her words, and Teal'c smiled back. "That is good to hear."

Daniel didn't take it that way, and the younger man quickly disappeared into the kitchen, a new beer already in hand. With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, Jack followed.

"Teal'c…" Long, slender fingers closed around his dark ones. "I'm sorry."

"For what do you apologize?"

"I panicked, Teal'c," she breathed, so low he could barely hear her, and he knew she didn't wish her words to carry. "I was so scared of… what they'd think that I… I didn't think about you. And I should've known that you…" She trailed off, unwilling and unable to finish the thought.

"I have witnessed many atrocities in war," Teal'c acknowledged just as softly. "Be secure in the knowledge that nothing that might befall you will affect our friendship."

"I know. And I'm sorry I ran."

The Jaffa tenderly brushed a lock of hair away from her face before he answered. "I am sorry that I did not follow."

"Campers," Jack announced, sticking his head around the corner. "Pizza's here." But he didn't miss the look on Sam's face, and he continued, "If you're up for it."

A large, dark hand gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "She will try." And the way he said it, there was no doubt. It made her smile a little.

"Yes, Drill Sergeant."

~/~

Big blue eyes slid up to meet Colonel O'Neill's brown ones, then across to Teal'c's dark orbs before settling back on the half-eaten slice of pizza on her plate. "Are you guys gonna spend the next eight months watching me eat?"

Teal'c merely cocked his head. "Perhaps."

"Really? 'Cause it's a bit unnerving." She stuck out a slender finger and slowly slid the plate across the breakfast bar and away from her. From his place on the other side of the counter, Jack's hand mimicked the motion and gently but firmly pushed it back.

"Eat."

She wanted to glare at him, but she knew she looked too pathetic to pull it off. Instead, her smile was sickly sweet. "If I eat it now, I'll just lose it later." She moved it away again, and he knew he'd been beaten. Out of spite, he grabbed the remnant and took a massive bite. It didn't faze her – especially since it was the veggie half he'd gotten just for her. "You enjoy that, sir," she pressed as he made a face and forced a second bite. He had to chase it down with a few chugs of his beer.

For the life of her, now that she was back with her team, she didn't know what she'd been thinking. The last week and a half had been a self-imposed hell. Yes, Janet had helped, but she'd cut herself off from three quarters of her family. And without them – their humor, their distractions – she had dissolved into a puddle of misery and self-loathing. Every day had grown darker, and she had no idea what would have happened if the colonel hadn't found her.

Actually, if she were honest, she did. And it scared the hell out of her.

But why she'd shoved them away… She didn't really have an answer. They had dragged her out of the gloom before, after Jolinar, and yet… somehow, this had been so different. She'd even looked at herself differently – she'd practically scrubbed her own skin off in the first shower Janet had let her take – and she had been certain that they would feel the same.

She would be eternally, unfailingly grateful for the massive kick in the ass doled out by Colonel O'Neill. She should have known that their support would be unfailing. It always was.

But when she glanced over at Daniel and found he'd eaten no more than she had and already chased it with three beers, she knew he was having more trouble than the other two. "Daniel, matching me slice for slice isn't a good idea right now."

He didn't even smile. "I wasn't."

"Yeah? Then eat that."

"I'm not very hungry."

"Daniel."

The warning tone in Jack's voice was clear, though Sam didn't entirely understand it, but Daniel picked up the pizza. "Right." The next bite clearly wasn't pleasant, and he struggled to swallow it before taking a second.

The look on his face was stirring up bad feelings in her own rather delicate stomach, and she finally grabbed it out of his hand and put it down. "What is wrong with you?"

Six eyes bored into the top of his head as he stared resolutely down at the counter. Two of them, he knew, wanted him to speak up, and the other four desperately wanted him to keep his mouth shut. But he couldn't do it. "It's just really hard to eat on a guilty conscience," he muttered at the laminate.

"Guilty…" Her gaze moved like a ping pong ball between the other two. "Did something happen that I don't know about?"

But their eyes continued to burn into the younger man, and his next words were completely unexpected. "No, but a lot happened that we don't know about."

Sam felt like she'd swallowed a brick. She lost all coherent movement to the involuntary twitch of muscles as her brain left the kitchen behind and sent her straight back to the tiny chamber on that planet. There were hands and lips and breath and-

"Christ, Daniel."

The colonel's lethally low outburst ripped her back to the present, and she stumbled off the bar stool and away from them, grabbing Daniel's half-empty beer bottle off the counter as she went. It was almost to her lips before she realized she couldn't have it and pressed it against her forehead instead.

"I didn't mean it like that," Daniel stuttered. "I just – you never should have been there in the first place. What he did to you-"

Jack swore.

"It never should have happened. We went there because of me. This is all my fault. And I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry."

The room was silent for an eternity before Sam squared her shoulders and turned to face him. "Listen to me, Daniel," she ground out, her voice low. "Listen, because I'm only going to say this once, and then you're never gonna mention it again. Things happen. Missions go bad. And it is no one's fault. So pull your head out of your ass, because I need you with me in the present."

After a moment, he gave her a shaky nod. "Okay. I'm-"

"Don't say you're sorry," she hissed. Abruptly, she thrust the hand with the beer at them – she needed it out of her direct control before she did something with it – and Teal'c quickly took it from her. "Thank you," she said softly. "Now I'm gonna go throw up."

"You want me to make-"

She waved the colonel off, already halfway to the stairs. "It's not morning sickness, sir."

Both soldiers leveled annoyed gazes at the remaining scientist in the room, but it was Jack who spoke. "And they call you a genius."

~/~

It was well over an hour before Carter reappeared. Daniel had panicked, of course; if he were honest, Jack had, too – he was just quieter about it. But after sneaking upstairs and hearing the shower running, he'd let it go. As long as she was doing something, he didn't particularly care what, even if it involved three or four full tanks of hot water.

"Teal'c took the drunkie home."

"Good." She blinked. "I didn't mean that how it sounded."

"Mean it any way you want to, Carter. You get a free pass." His shoes had long been discarded, and he sprawled across her couch with his head on a throw pillow. She perched in the recliner caddy corner to him so she wouldn't have to look him in the eye.

"Sir…"

"Yeah, Carter?"

"I didn't, um… I mean, I never…" She sucked in a deep breath. "I didn't file a mission report before I left. I just… will he…?"

With a sigh, Jack slowly rolled up to sitting and rested his elbows on his knees. "General Hammond isn't going to make you file anything. If you want to talk about it, we'll listen. Or we'll find somebody to listen. But if you don't, no one's gonna push you. Except maybe Daniel," he conceded. "But you have my permission to punch him in the face."

One side of her mouth turned up in a smile. "Actually, I have vague memories of doing that already."

The memory made Jack practically erupt in laughter – she had, in fact, punched him straight in the nose – and Sam reveled for a moment in the warmth of the sound. She hadn't heard good, honest laughter in over a month. "Well, I'm sure he deserved it anyway. For something. It was probably a long time coming."

She couldn't help but snicker a little at that.

"I mean, really, how many times have you wanted to punch me?"

"Uh… I can't answer that question, sir," she ducked, though she was definitely smiling.

"So… a lot."

"I plead the fifth."

"A lot. Admit it, Carter, I drive you nuts."

Considering that for a long moment, she finally lifted her head to meet his eyes. "In a good way," she admitted. And then, to stop that line of conversation even as his face lit up and his mouth flew open again, she said, "Sir?"

"Yeah?" Mischievous chocolate eyes widened a little bit as he caught the uncertain tone in her voice.

"Are you… gonna stay?"

"Yeah. Unless you don't want me to."

She shook her head. "Just… use the guest room, huh? Don't sleep on the couch again."

"But the couch is so comfy!"

A barely concealed snort of amusement and a roll of her big blue eyes were her only response before she pushed out of the chair and disappeared back up the steps.