Part Six: The Choice
To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.
~Kofi Annan
General Hammond was trying to limit the amount of time the rest of SG-1 spent off world, and Sam was grateful for it. Her time at the SGC during the day helped, but the evenings were lonely and left her with nothing to do but think, and thinking was not a good thing. Sara's visits, though infrequent, helped.
Between work and Cassie, Janet claimed to be too busy to come over much, but Sam wasn't sure she believed it. Things between the two of them had been tense – the colonel had made it pretty clear that he thought she'd made a mistake releasing Sam from the infirmary, and his dress-down had gotten so bad, according to Teal'c, that the general had been called in to stop him. Janet had been keeping a wide berth both in and outside the mountain ever since. And while Sam wished the colonel hadn't taken it so far, she had to take some blame in the matter. She'd lied to the woman who was both her doctor and best friend – the fact that Janet had believed the lies wasn't entirely her own fault.
When SG-1 was on Earth, though, she rarely had time to shower, much less think. It helped her forget the massive changes that were coming – and took her mind off the ones that were already happening.
"Pasta or lasagna?" Daniel asked, offering her a plate of each.
"Um… lasagna," she chose, and he handed her the plate. She headed for the couch to join Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c, but stopped midway across the room with a gasp, her hand flying to her stomach.
Jack was immediately on his feet, taking the plate and supporting her with his free hand. "Are you okay?"
She took a few short breaths, her eyes wide. "I think… I think it moved," she whispered.
"Really?" Daniel asked, his eyes gleaming.
His excitement was contagious, and Sam grinned. "I… wow." She met Jack's eyes, and an easy smile spread across his features. "You know, Janet says it can blink now."
"Yeah," the colonel answered softly. He led her to the couch and started to hand her plate back, but stopped when her breath hitched again. He knelt in front of her, and when he looked into her eyes, they were damp with held-back tears. "Carter?" He touched her cheek gently. "Good tears?"
"I don't know," she mumbled. "I'm not ready."
"You don't have to be yet. It's okay."
"That's what you have us for, Sam," Daniel soothed.
"Indeed," Teal'c added.
"It's not fair. You guys have done this before," she protested.
"Exactly. And we're here for you," Jack told her. "We're gonna get through this together."
"Colonel, if I…" Her teeth found her lip in the way they always did when she wanted to say something and knew it wouldn't go over well. Nonetheless, he wanted to hear it – as far as he was concerned, SG-1 had kept enough secrets already to last the whole nine months. And then some.
"Go ahead," he coaxed.
"Never mind."
Sensing her unease, Daniel changed the subject. "So… have you thought about what you want to do with the guest room? I mean, it's great now, but tan doesn't really scream nursery."
Her eyes, when she looked at him, were panicked. "I, um… no."
"Perhaps Major Carter wishes to first know the gender of her child. Is it not culturally appropriate to paint the room accordingly?" Teal'c asked.
"That's a point," the archaeologist conceded. "What about names? Thought about those?"
"I've always been partial to Jack," the colonel put in with a smile.
"Or George," Daniel added just as jovially, but Sam's head was down, her shoulders slumped. "Sam?"
She shook her head and pushed herself off the couch, heading for the stairs. Daniel caught her arms gently. "Hey… talk to me."
"This is really easy for you, isn't it?" When she glanced up at him, her eyes were once again filled with tears. "All of you. Ooh, a baby! Fun!" She bit her lip. "Have you even considered what this means for me?"
Jack had, and he avoided her eyes.
"What do you think I'm gonna do, Daniel? Find some twenty-four hour child care and leave it there while I go tromping around the universe? Or am I supposed to give it all up and stay home for a baby I never asked for?"
"I don't… I didn't think about that."
"I've done nothing but think about that, Daniel. So I don't wanna hear it – the names, the nursery, the baby crap. Just… don't." She pulled out of his grasp and stormed up the steps.
Daniel gawked after her for a moment, kicking himself that he'd been so blind. It had never occurred to him that she might give the baby up, and as he turned around to see the faces of his teammates, he realized he hadn't been the only one.