Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters affiliated with it.
Pictures in the Night
The next days were trying with Inuyasha moving through his different ages much to Kagome's worry. He would sometimes wake up as his younger self, then in the course of the day revert to his older self – the one who could only remember Kikyo's betrayal and her own subduing moments. He did not struggle as much, and he had begun to regain some of his ability to move. It pained Kagome to no end to see his usually graceful movements awkward and sluggish and know it was owed to her.
The boy-Inuyasha no longer trusted her, no longer opened up with endearing comments and soft words. She bore it, telling herself it was for his sake, all the while weeping inside. He was convinced she had purified him to the point where he no longer bothered to ask why it was he had ended up back in her room or why there was so much missing from his memories. She'll lie! He thought to himself over and over, choosing to ignore her kind words, her thoughtful gestures and her warm touches. She'll lie! She lied! She despises you, really!
Such thoughts became much too much on one night and his heart trembled painfully. He had had to admit her version of things seemed to make sense, but the shame at being lied to and subdued burned him. In front of Kouga? How could she do it…? Humiliate him like that in front of a contender to her? She must have done it for her own enjoyment! And it hurt him so much that it would be so.
He looked at her, currently kneeling beside the bed, fast asleep, her head resting on her arms on a little edge of the blanket. She had refused to leave his side, even forfeiting school, and had spent everyday apologising to him and trying to explain what had happened. He wouldn't let her, he had decided. She had injured more than his pride, and that was unforgivable. He refused to admit feeling irked by images of her crying coming into his mind more often as of late. He could tell there had been several occasions on which she had cried in relation to him, but part of him didn't want to remember, didn't want to find out.
He sighed softly pondering her sweetness of character in dealing with him as a child. She hadn't punished him, she had spoken to him as to an equal, she had trusted him. But…she hadn't mentioned so much of his past under the pretext that she had wanted him to remember on his own.
He was so lost! What if she had been telling the truth? What if there really was this other person that looked and sounded like Kagome and had wanted him to become human? What if Kagome really…? His mind came to a screeching halt. Kagome didn't! And she never will! He admonished himself silently.
His head was beginning to hurt, and his heart too, more and more often of late. Something in him was warning of treachery, but it didn't point to Kagome. He was so confused. His eyes scurried across her sleeping form and his heart sped up its beat. This! He knew this! Kagome on a moonless night!! He had seen it before, he was certain, but it had been from a different angle. Images of him hung from a spider web, looking upside down at a crying Kagome who despite calls to do otherwise had insisted on saving him; tears falling softly from saddened eyes – compassion for him; tears at seeing him again; tears of laughter merging with sweet smiles...Tears! There had been so many, so many; and all for him. He shook despite himself. Tears! Tears! The ones she had shed for him on their first new moon, the ones when he'd first met Kikyo, when she'd returned to him, when she had thought him dead, when he had thought her dead, when they both thought Kikyo dead…Tears for his pain, for his confusion, for his choices, for his own faults and weaknesses. Tears accompanied by gentle grasps of hands and soft smiles…so many smiles! And yes, the subduing…but faced with all his memories he understood that a lot of them had been simply due to lack of choice through his own irritability and fault.
Kagome…His heart began breaking. Kagome! Kagome hadn't…she hadn't ever…she...
Suddenly another moment decided to replay its way through his mind. His eyes glossed over, his hands trembled and he found himself sobbing quietly into the empty night.
Kagome had fought, had done everything in her power to keep him half-demon, to keep him safe from himself. She had kissed him and the sudden recollection of that moment broke his heart further. She had done everything for him and he had repaid her with contempt. He trembled in shame, more tears spilling from already reddened eyes.
Kagome! Kagome! Kagome! Forgive me!
His heart broke over and over before the sleeping girl; the first rays of dawn saw him finally slipping into slumber – red, cried out eyes closing for repose.
Author's Note: Helloes. I have had not much to write at all, so that will be why I may not have to all of you who reviewed individually, but I would like to thank you SO very much for taking the time to give me feedback! You're wonderful! To Piper - hang in there - sometimes things need to be completely altered in order for them to be remade into something beautiful ;)
Thank you all once again from the bottom of my heart! I hope to be able to continue to write things you all enjoy. :D