Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Fox.
A/N: Thanks a lot for your lovely comment. And thanks to Emily, my wonderful, beautiful, beta reader!
01 You are covered in dust
He sits besides her, shy and gently as if some sudden move of his could hurt her. He's still not sure why she gestured at him to sit down, and not quite sure if the gesture really meant that.
He turns to look at her for a second, trying to find some kind of relief in the fact that there are no traces of tears in her eyes. He doesn't feel better, though, as he stares the floor again.
"You… you love him, right?" She says finally, her voice choked by swallowed tears.
"W-who?" He stutters quickly, trying to sound confused.
She doesn't answer, just stares at him. And he looks back at her, knowing how much it hurts when you want people to look at you in the eye and they just avoid you.
"You really love him," She says, no question in her tone, as she sighs loudly.
Kurt can't fake it anymore. He wasn't doing a great job to begin with and he knows it's useless now.
"Sorry," He mutters and then she laughs and smiles at him but there is nothing happy in the ways she curves her lips.
"You shouldn't be sorry. We don't choose emotions," She explains defensively. "And we can't always control actions," She adds in a much lower tone, as if confessing something.
Kurt nods and then there is silence.
"So, you're not mad?" He asks finally, still afraid of the "you're a disgusting fag" he had always expected from the catholic girl.
"No, I'm not mad at you," She says and he's surprised by the way she says it, clear and sincere as if she knew how much it means to him. Maybe she does, but it's still even more shocking because it means she actually cares.
There are no words he can say. So he sits in silence, trying to process what's happening, knowing that he can't leave yet.
"I.. I love him. I love Finn. And you have to understand that, you really have to understand, that."
Kurt breathes irregularly before the words, forgetting suddenly how to do it, how to breathe, as the blonde girls looks at him with a pleading expression.
"Please, understand it," Quinn adds and Kurt can't understand why she is the one saying all these things.
"I've loved him from the first time I met him. Even if I didn't want to love him. It was supposed to be just a high school boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, but it's more than that. Actually it's less than that."
Kurt stares at her, blackly. Quinn takes a deep breath and speaks again.
"I love him, I really do, as a person, as a friend. And sometimes I hate him for that, because instead of losing just a high school boyfriend, I can lose him and I don't want to lose Finn."
"Why… why would you…?" Kurt starts, curious and mortified. "Why would you lose him?"
Quinn doesn't look away, as she had expected herself to do it" which, yes, sounded strange as hell, for "Quinn doesn't look away before the words. It surprises her, a lot. Because she knows she is too coward to face a question like that. But Kurt's eyes are too soft and gentle to look away.
"You have to understand it, Kurt. I love Finn," She tells him, because it's important to let him know that, she can't say the rest if he doesn't get it.
"I understand," And he takes her hand when she says it, so she can know he means it.
"The baby, my baby is Puck's."
Kurt doesn't let remove his hand but the pressure loosens noticeable.
He swallows the air and is left without words. It's okay because soon enough the air is filled by Quinn's tears and words.
Kurt listens to it, all of it, and feels as if he were listening about the murder of a fictional character he has never read, watch nor loved.
Quinn's voice invades his mind, talking about how the only man she ever slept with was Noah. And just once. How she made Finn believe he was the father and how much she needs to treat him badly. He sits still as she confesses him how much Finn hurts her with his ignorance and kindness, with his silly baby names and hopes.
"I wish he would find out, realize or just get too fed up with me. But he got a job and lets me stays at his house. He does all these wonderful things which I don't deserve at all. So I push him, I tell him to go away, but he keeps on coming back, without a clue, Kurt. Without a fucking clue about how much he is letting me hurt him."
"And I can't stop, I can't stop hurting him. I can't hide from him. He's with me all the time, at school, at glee club. And now I am in his house. Staying in his room, taking so many things out of him."
Everything is out now. Everything is out there, in the utility room, where old costumes and props are carelessly put together.
But then again, that's what the room seems to be made for. That's what Quinn and many others have used it for. And Kurt Hummel knows very well about the sorrows and secrets those four walls hide and protect. Because, then again that's why he had entered the room in the first place.
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