Chapter 4

Summary: Nathan dreams of Haley and the day of the funeral. Thanks for all the feedback, please review!

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He went to the cliffs overlooking the beach. The site of it put a smile on Nathan's face. It felt so long ago that he and Haley were here with Haley's parents as they exchanged their "I do's." It happened so fast, so suddenly, but at the same time it was perfect. He looked around and saw what he came here for. He spent the better part of the afternoon collecting little purple flowers for Haley. She knew she would like them and it would make her remember of their wedding.

Staring at the empty hospital bed, where Haley used to be, Lucas' hand went back to his pocket. He felt the outline of cell phone and debated with himself whether or not to use it. He needed to call Nathan. He paced the room, thinking of how his brother would react. He heard footsteps coming near him and he knew it was him.

"Luke.. what's going on? Where's Haley?"

He turned to look at him, unsure of how his brother would react.

Trying to keep a straight face. "I'm sorry, Nate.. she's gone."

With those words, his heart dropped and so did the flowers he held in his hand.

--

"I say hard is the right word." Nathan said with a smirk.

"Eww" Haley responded, smacking him in the arm.

Both laughed and Nathan opened up a packet that was inside a cracker jack box they were eating. "Ok, what's this?"

"Oh score, a bracelet, last time I got some fake tattoo with a random number."

"Well here." Nathan responded, holding the bracelet out to her. "It matches that thing you call a shirt."

"My mother made this for me and you shut up."

"You shut up."

"You shut up." She hit him again and she reached out her hand and he put the bracelet on her.

"Don't say I never gave you anything."

Nathan looked down and looked up again and she was gone. He stood up and turned around and looked all around the docks but she wasn't there.

"Haley!" He called out. "Haley!"

"Haley!" He screamed waking up. He looked around and realized he fell asleep on the docks. It was still dark but the sun can faintly be seen in the distance. He couldn't believe he had another one of these dreams. Last night, like this night he was back in that fantasy world he dreamed of when he crashed his Uncle Cooper's race car. It was a world in which Dan had picked Karen over Deb and one where he and Haley were best friends growing up. It felt so real, so vivid that at the time he thought that his real life was the dream. The funny thing was that his feelings for Haley were the same in either world. Last night he dreamt that he and Lucas were playing one on one for a spot in High Flyers. He won and everyone in the river court came up to congratulate him and then there was no one, he was by himself and he woke up calling for Haley.

He was restless. He couldn't stay in his bed. He grabbed the pillow, thinking it was Haley but it wasn't. Even before the shooting, he would clutch his pillow imagining it was her. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat. Last night, he tried to distract his mind and went to the river court and shot some hoops. Basketball was his outlet and he could always depend on it to distract him from the problems of the world. But it's effect and meaning wasn't there like it used to. He sat on the tables and looked up at the stars. He remembered when things were good between him and Haley that she would do her homework on the same tables while he practiced and shot free throws by himself. They would stay until dark and would lie on the same table and look up at the stars. He fell asleep that night, searching for a falling star so that he could wish Haley was here with him.

Tonight was no different. Nathan couldn't go to sleep and he went to the docks where he first got to know Haley. He didn't know why he was having those dreams again. He thought about it for a moment. In that world, he was not a jerk and not cold to Haley. He let her in and they were best friends, they weren't dating or married but they were together. He made her laugh and vice versa. But even in that dream world he wanted her, he remembered looking into her eyes and using all his strength not to kiss her. It was an alternate world, where he was so close to Haley but they weren't "together," kind of like this one. He closed his eyes, holding back the tears that kept creeping up to him. He fought them back for today was the funeral and he knew all eyes were going to be on him.

--

Dressed in his black suit, Nathan looked out at the coffin that lay before him. His thoughts was on the person inside it, who now laid cold and still. Dead. He looked up while the priest continued to give his sermon. He wondered what Haley would think, knowing all these people were here because of her. Nathan looked around and saw all the people around them, friends, family, classmates. He knew she'd be happy for that. Earlier, he felt uneasy with all these people here. Mouth saw his friend's apprehension gave him a tap on the shoulder and said that "Haley would've like this.. all these people." He simply nodded and prepared himself as everyone started to look at him. Nathan's eyes went back to the priest, who was still talking. Haley, his Haley. He wished she were him with him now.

Lucas kept up a good front but he just lost his friend and the reality of it finally started to sink in. He stepped away towards the back with Brooke consoling him. Nathan couldn't look as the casket was being lowered down into the cold empty earth. He tried to keep a straight face as the people around him all had tears in their eyes. Lucas moved forward now, reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small purple flower. The two brothers looked at each other and gave each other a reassuring smile. "Haley would like that." Nathan thought. Lucas tossed the flower on top of the casket as it continued to make its way down to its final resting place.

--

After the service, Nathan took a walk along the cemetery. He couldn't face all the people there who would talk to him about Haley. He didn't know how he got through the surface but he got out of there as soon as he could. At away games, he could face a whole arena of people hating him when he played basketball and would not flinch, but this, this was something much different.

He stopped when he reached a particular grave, Camilla Duhram, Whitey's wife. He looked at the headstone and thought of Whitey and how he felt when he lost her. Whitey managed to move on and devoted himself to the game. Maybe, he could do the same, but nothing at this moment seemed to affect him. Nothing seemed to matter but her. He wanted Haley, it was as simple as that.

"Hey stranger."

Nathan turned around and saw Peyton walking towards him.

"Hey there yourself… what're you doing here? I thought you would've left by now."

"My mom's buried over there. . . I figure I stopped by and say hi." Nathan nodded and looked back at the headstone.

"Is that weird?.. I mean talking to her when you know she's not."

"I'd like to think that she is." She said simply and he nodded and took her answer.

"This is Whitey's wife … I always thought of him as just a coach , you know, who lived to make me run suicides but he's a tougher man than I give him credit for."

"He comes here almost every day, I see him sometimes and we'd talk."

Peyton wondered how her friend was doing. She still cared for him deeply even though he treated her like a jerk when they were going out. But Haley managed to change him, in fact she changed everything at Tree Hill.

Even though she knew the answer, she still asked it. "I know this might be a stupid question.. but I'm going to ask anyways.. how are you Nathan?"

He looked at her for a moment, before tears started swelling in his eyes. She came up to him and hugged him.

"It's my fault Haley's not here.. it's my fault.."

"Shh.. Nathan.. don't do this to yourself." She said trying to comfort her friend.

"I miss her Peyton.. I miss her."

"I know.. I know." She said as he cried her shoulder.

To Be Continued . . .

Note: Thank you for all the great reviews and the support. I thought I would have only one more chapter left but I've enjoyed the responses so I'll see how far this story can take me. This story is not based on real events in my life but came out of the emotions I felt recently when a string of tragic and bad news came my way.

I know this chapter was kind of dark, I re-worked some scene to not make it so morbid, it is Christmas afterall. I hope it wasn't too confusing with the whole switching between the past, present and Nathan's dream world. I did my best to straighten it out. Even though this story is in third person, it sort of set through Nathan's POV and I sort of wrote it with how he was feeling, which was a jumble of mixed emotions, hence the switching between timelines. Feedback greatly appreciated!