The Mourning After
Chapter 7
Summary: Haley comes back to Tree Hill.
Note: I've this chapter in my head for a while now and I'm glad I reached the part where I can finally write it, which is why there is minimal flashbacks. Enjoy and keep those reviews coming! Also, how great is Season 5, I'm so glad Nathan is trying to get it back together, I loved that dinner scene and him and Jamie playing ball, but the babysitter, hmm we'll see about her. I hope we get some more Naley moments next week. Also, I nearly went in my pants when we realized that was Brooke's mom, so didn't see that coming, even though it was glaringly obvious, I loved it. We also got a little hint of Brucas there and k-fed, what else do you want haha. Keep it up Mark!!
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Nathan got out of his car and dribbled the basketball that was on the front seat. He fired a shot from the 3 point line and made it in of course. He locked his car and made his way to the front door of his house. He just came back from playing basketball at the river court with Lucas and some of the guys. It didn't occur to him that this was the longest period of time he went with out playing. Ever since the shooting occurred, classes were cancelled for a few days and once classes resumed all after school program, including basketball were cancelled. They needed everyone out of the building while they continued to install surveillance cameras, new locks, and metal detectors.
But practice was going to start soon and the Ravens still had the rest of the season in front of them. The last thing Nathan cared at the moment was basketball and their season, but he welcomed the distraction that it brought. With so much sadness and heartache from the school shooting, Lucas and Skills thought it was a good idea to get a game going. Initially, he didn't want to go but Lucas dragged him out and he was actually thankful for it. Playing out there tonight felt good, for the first time in what has felt like forever, Nathan wasn't sulking around or feeling guilty. For a few hours he was just a kid playing a game he loved.
Basketball had always been his retreat ever since he could remember. There were times though, were he wished he didn't play. It was thanks to his dad, he seemed to suck the fun out of everything the game brought to him. But times like these, when you're just playing to play, it felt good, it felt right. Basketball seemed to be the only thing Nathan didn't suck at the present moment. When he was out there in on the court, he was in control of his destiny, not so much off court. He knew his past mistakes, of treating people around him like dirt, the random girls he hooked up with, how he treated Peyton and then Lucas and of course his failure as a husband to the only person who made him truly happy.
Nathan opened the door and little did he know that his other love also made their return tonight. He turned the knob and wondered if he forgot to lock it. As soon as he walked in, he felt like something was off and different. By the door he saw a dufflebag and a large suitcase. He stepped inside the living room and there she was. Haley. The first girl he fell in love with, the first girl that mattered and the one, his wife was finally back. She must've used the spare key under the pot. He stood there for a moment, unsure if this was really her or another dream. It took a moment for him to actually speak.
"Haley.. Haley.. it's you.. you have no idea how glad I am to see you." He said walking right up to her and giving her a hug. Haley pushed back, it seemed like forever since he held her in his arms and as much as Haley wanted it, she couldn't let herself go like that, at least no anymore. Realizing that he was making her nervous, he took a step back.
"When.. when'd you get back?"
"A few hours ago... umm look Nathan I can't stay long.."
"Oh.. I .. I understand .. don't worry Lucas has all the homework and notes you need for school." He tried to sound upbeat.
"No, Nathan .. I can't stay because I have to pack."
"Wai.. what?.. Wh.. where are you going?" Nathan asked hesitantly, although he was pretty sure he knew her answer.
"I'm moving."
"Moving!?"
"To Texas.. at my sister's .. my parents are going to be there for a few weeks to help Quinn out with the baby.. I can also help and they offered to put me up until I graduate and so yeah.."
Nathan stood there in silence, almost in disbelief. He has been bracing himself for this but hearing her say it still hit him by surprise.
"Plus it'll be good to be around family." She added. The words stung a little for Nathan. He remembered a time when Haley considered her to be her family and vice versa.
"You.. you can't leave."
"I already made up my mind.. look Nathan .. I didn't come her to fight or argue.. there's already been enough of that and I'm just done with it all."
"What do you mean by that?"
"It means Nathan that I'm done with everything .. this .. us .. after everything that's happened .. I've come to terms with it.. and I want to say I'm sorry .. for leaving you .. I'm sorry I left for the tour .. I'm sorry I left the hospital with out you knowing .. so I wanted to come here and tell you first that I will be going and this time for good."
"Look, Haley .. I know I messed up and I'm sorry but you can't leave."
"Why? Because all of a sudden it's what you want?"
"No.. yes.. I mean of course I want you to stay."
"Well, what about what I want Nathan? .. I'm sorry Nathan I made up my mind .. besides isn't this what you want?"
"I don't want this." He said softly.
"Well I didn't want an annulment, but you signed those papers anyways, and when I didn't want a divorce, you signed the separation papers .. so don't blame me for finishing something YOU started."
She was right, every single word she said he deserved. The guilt he's been feeling has suddenly came crashing down on him, crushing him, suffocating him.
"Haley.. I'm sorry.. I don't know what else to say."
"You could've said that months ago!" She practically screamed. At this point, Haley was mad and furious, her emotions and frustrations were getting the best of her. "I could've died Nathan.. my parents would be planning their grandson's christening and my funeral and you know what .. I didn't care.. I could've died that day and I would've let it happen!" This time she was chocking on her words and had to hold back. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Look Nathan.. I just wanted to come here and say bye, not to bring up old wounds." She stood there for a moment while he had a blank look on his face. She walked by him but he grabbed her arm before she could go any further.
"Wait Haley.. please.. before you go.."
"What Nathan?"
"Would.. would you go with me someplace … I want to show you something."
"If you're planning to take me to our wedding site, don't bother it's gone just like me pretty soon." She said that with conviction but Nathan tried not to get hurt by her words, although she was doing a good job at it.
"No.. not there." He mumbled "… please Haley.. just come with me.. if you're going to leave then it wouldn't matter… come on." He pleaded. She rolled her eyes. "Fine."
Nathan ran up the stairs and quickly took a shower and changed. When he came down his hair was still wet.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah.. whatever.. but you're giving me a ride to the apartment so I can start packing."
Nathan clenched his jaw and nodded. A few minutes later, they were off.
"So are you going to tell me where we're going?" Haley asked a little annoyed.
"It's a surprise."
"Whatever, Nathan." She looked away and out the window.
"So.. when are you planning on leaving?" Nathan tried to make small talk, although the last thing he wanted to talk about was when she was leaving.
"End of the week.. I'm going to pack my stuff, clear out my locker, talk to Principal Turner .. you know say my goodbyes."
"Have you told Lucas or Brooke?"
"No, not yet, I was going to tell them tonight but then someone had to drag me out and take me to the middle of nowhere." She turned to him and gave him the evil eye.
Sensing her hostility, he decided that maybe silence was the best course of action. He flipped on the radio and the two sat there in silence as Nathan continued to drive. Haley stared out of the window, the tiredness of the past few hours and her uncomfortable plane ride finally started to take its toll. Her eyes were heavy and pretty soon she fell asleep.
--
"Haley.." Nathan called out softly and gently shook her. Her eyes started fluttering and she looked around and saw that she was in Nathan's car. At first, she was confused but then it all came back to her.
"We're here." Nathan said as he got out of the car and then went around and opened the door for Haley. Haley got out and stretched a little, looking at the barren parking lot they were in. She looked around and was now even more confused.
"What're we doing here?"
"Come on, I want to show you something." Nathan said as he took Haley's hand and dragged her along with him. Again, it felt like forever since Nathan's hands were placed around her. She couldn't stand the physical contact with him and eventually was able to be released from his grasp.
"Again, what're we doing here?" Haley asked as they entered the empty race track. Although the place was empty, the arena was still pretty well lit.
"This was where my Uncle Cooper used to practice . . . and this is the wall that I crashed into a couple of months back."
"Oh.. umm.. why did you bring me here?"
"The night before I crashed.. me and Uncle Cooper were right over there …"
--
Flashback"You know, when my wife left, I was a mess."
"You're saying you're not still a mess?" Cooper laughed at his nephew's comments. " I mean, you should have been; Kerry was… really hot."
"Yeah, well they usually are when they're supermodels. And by the way, shut up I had to let it all go, you know; the feeling that I wasn't… good enough for Kerry… how much I resented the fact that she wanted things besides me. I mean, it wasn't fair to her. Hell, I wasn't going to give up racing for her."
" I would have. I mean given up basketball for Haley.. Kind of did."
"…Well you think… maybe that's the reason she left? …. I mean, when you met her, would you have given it up then?"
"No, probably not."
"Maybe your not the person she fell in love with anymore, man. Maybe she's not the person you thought she was… Look, I don't say this… to hurt you, Nate, but… it's just… people change, you know?
" So after she left you, I mean,… was there ever a day when it… felt better?"
" Sure,…followed by a day when it felt worse. I mean, that's just the way it goes. But I gotta tell ya, you'd be amazed at how therapeutic (Pointing to the track.) two hundred miles an hour can be."
" I'll bet, man."
"Look, Nate…love is a pretty great thing, man .. maybe it's the greatest thing. But it's gotta be true love… for the both of you.
"What if it was? What if it still is?"
"Well, if it still is, man, you fight like hell for it… But the harder question is: (Pauses before shaking his head.) what if it wasn't? … Trust me,… that one's a bitch."
--
"Why are you telling me this?" Haley asked a little nervous.
"Because right before I hit the wall, I went on the comm and told Coop that I needed some of that 200 mph therapy.,."
"You crashed on purpose?" Haley almost said in disbelief.
"I dunno.. maybe.. all I know is that I was willing to try anything to not feel the pain of not having you with me."
Haley turned away from him. Nathan could tell she was visibly upset, but he needed to let her know. After overhearing what Brooke said a couple of days ago, he knew he had to say something to Haley if given the chance.
"I never told anyone this.. Lucas came close once.. he asked me why there weren't any break marks before I hit the wall, but luckily for me we got interrupted before I could say anything."
"Why are you telling me this Nathan.. you shouldn't be telling me this." She started to walk away.
"What happened that day of the shooting?" Nathan asked softly.
"You blew me off AGAIN .. that's what happened .. I felt miserable again.. like crap, like it was all my fault.. that I just wanted the pain to end…" Her voice trembling.
Nathan walked over to her and gave her a hug, but this time she didn't protest instead crying into his chest.
"I was hurt Haley.. I thought you left me for another guy.. I always had this fear that I was never good enough for you as much as I blamed you .. I blamed myself for letting us fall apart .. that's why I told you not to come back to Tree Hill .. you needed to live your dreams.. like I had to live mine and go to High Flyers.."
"So what Nathan? You us to try again?" She pulled away.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Why.. because I came this close to losing you .. I never want to come that close again." He said taking a step forward but she took a step back.
"Nathan you were loosing me anyway.. a gun didn't have to be fired.. I could've gotten hit by a car, struck down by lightening or have my heart stomped repeatedly by the person I loved.. the point Nathan is that the whole time I've been back, you could've lost me .. you don't just decide to let me back in because it's convenient for you.. I have spent months … MONTHS trying to work things out between us.. I get that you were mad and hurt and upset and that's why I sucked it up but I let you walk all over me but Nathan not anymore."
"Haley.."
"No.. you wanted a divorce Nathan.. I'm giving you that.. I can not get hurt by you again.. I can't… and I'll be gone soon and you can't hurt me anymore.."
"You think that by moving away that it's going to solve all of your problems.. all of our problems .. it won't Haley.. I know what you're going through .. you just want the pain to end.. I've been there.."
"Stop it! You don't what I'm going through."
"You tried to get yourself killed!! You don't think I know how that feels.. I'm not stupid enough to believe that you'll forgive me for putting you through hell but I'm sorry Haley.. I am so sorry… I pushed you away because I was afraid .. I was scared of being hurt.. just like you are now. . . but if you won't stay because of me, then what about your friends .. what about Lucas or Brooke .. or the fact that you'll graduate valedictorian from our class .. or those kids you helped saved at the tutor center that day..in a couple of months we'll be graduating anyways… just please don't leave because of me."
"You think I'm leaving because of you? That's a little presumptuous."
"Prove me wrong .. if you won't stay for me .. stay for Lucas or Brooke .. we're only going to be together for a few months anyways… stay for yourself.. you made it this far, with you grades you can get into any school of your choice, why ruin that by transferring mid year."
". . ." Haley crossed her arms and tried not to look at Nathan. She hated that he was right. He moved closer to her now, resting his hands on her shoulder, she flinched for a second but she didn't move.
"Like I said, I don't expect for you to suddenly forgive me and take me back, I know I messed up and I know that's it going to take more than saying I'm sorry or telling you how much I love you to make things right.. but you told me before you weren't going anywhere and I want to let you know that I'm not as well.. so what do you say.. stay?" He stood there for a moment, waiting for a reaction. Her eyes grew angry and before he knew it, she slapped him in the face.
"That was for treating me like crap!"
--
Brooke and Lucas came back to the apartment. When they came in, they noticed the lights in the bedroom were on. They went to the back and Brooke immediately squealed for joy as she saw Haley there. The two gave each other a hug and then it was Lucas' turn.
"It's so good to see you tutor girl."
"Yeah, seriously Hales, we're glad you're back… when'd you get in? You should've called us."
"I didn't want to make it a big deal."
"Well now that my roomy is back.. shooo boyfriend.. I'm going to help my friend here unpack.. we wouldn't want you to see where tutorgirl's unmentionables.."
"eww.. gross.. I'll be in the living room." He gave Haley a kiss on the forehead, "It's good to have you back."
"Um.. actually Brooke.. I was packing."
"Packing? Wh.. why are you packing.. you just got back."
Haley bit her lower lip, which immediately sent warning signals off in Lucas' head.
"Haley what's going?"
"Guys, I'm.. I'm moving out.."
Brooke and Lucas stood there for a moment. They weren't surprised by the news but they still wouldn't let her leave with out a fight. Lucas hadn't spoken to Haley since she called him when he was with Nathan. He was afraid something like this might happen, he figured that spending time with her family again would make her want to move in with them.
"No.. there's no way." Brooke said, grabbing a bunch of Haley's clothes and putting it back in the dresser. "Lucas deadbolt the door!"
Haley sighed to herself, she knew this wasn't going to be easy. It was going to be hard to explain this.
To Be Continued . . .
Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming !!