The Mourning After
Part II Chapter VI
Thanks for the reviews, they make my day and thank you guys so much, really, for sticking by me with this story. This is my only pending story and I'm very eager to complete it. The good stuff is coming, I promise. And I said this before in my other stories, I'm looking for a Beta for my upcoming story which I will post after this one is finished. It's the sequel to Thicker than Blood, so if you want to help me beta, please PM me!!! Sorry for the lack of updates, there's no excuses just reasons, Life. Enjoy and please review!
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Nathan shook his head in an attempt to wake up. This was his worst class and every day he went he questioned why he was here. Thank God it was over, one more minute of E-con and he was going to lose it. He combed his dark hair back with his fingers and put his baseball cap back on, the visor hung low. He put his textbook in his bag but in the process his pen fell on the ground.
"Umm, James?"
"…" Nathan stayed quiet as he bent down and put the pen in his pocket. He grabbed his bag and nearly ran into a petit blonde in front of him.
"James right?"
"Umm.. yeah." Nathan said hesitantly, he was so used to not talking to anyone. "Umm..." Nathan mumbled trying to remember the girls name.
"Amanda." She smiled as she told her his name.
"Right."
"Umm, what did you think of this lecture, I totally spaced out once he started bringing out the graphs."
Nathan smiled hesitantly, not really in a social mood, not like he ever was with his new identity.
"Yeah, same."
"I'm so worried about next week's exam." She batted her eyes and Nathan could already feel where this was heading.
"Yeah, it might be rough." Nathan replied curtly.
"I was wondering if you wanted to meet up and go over notes, like a study date, how about next Tuesday?"
Nathan hoped she didn't notice him wince. Didn't she get it, didn't they all get it. He was taken, a married man, a father, a husband. But no, no one knew. To him, he was loner James Lafferty, quiet, never talked, went to class and left. There have been people who tried to befriend him, tried to bed him but he stayed his distance, no one could ever get close. There was only one person in the world right now he could consider a friend but other than that he was alone, completely and utterly alone.
"Sorry, I can't."
"Oh. How about Wednesday?"
"I can't study with you." He blurted out and he paused to take a moment. "I meant that, I study better by myself. Sorry." He mumbled and he by passed her and left the classroom.
Once he was outside, he felt relieved. He hated when people talked to him, worse was when it was girls that hit on him. His heart belonged with Haley and even talking to another girl made him feel like he was cheating on her. In a way, he was. He lied to her, broke his promise and left her. Left her to protect her, it was his mantra and it was his cross to bear. He wondered like often, what Haley was up to. How was she doing in school? Was she even in school and he couldn't help but wonder if random guys would approach her, ask her out on study dates, or dinners or movies.
Technically, she was single. She could do whatever she wanted but the thought of it made him sick. He didn't think it would last this long, didn't think that in a blink of an eye two years had passed. Yet time seemed to also move painfully slow. The inescapable feeling in his mind always left him wondering if she had moved on, moved on from him.
He walked through the campus trying to rid his mind of such toxic thoughts. He slowed when he rounded the corner and smiled at the familiar sight before him. There was a small park in this urban jungle and in it was a small basketball court. Mostly students used the park since it was so close to NYU but he noticed that during this time in the afternoon, the park was mostly empty. Was he the only student not to have class at this time? He was about to walk away like he always did but today he stopped.
Today, he turned towards the court and made his way to the center of it. A group of guys who were playing were already on their way out so at least this way, he had the place to himself. He still loved the game, at least he thinks he does. He still follows the NBA but he couldn't bare to keep up with college ball, let alone play basketball himself. Sure, he could play basketball but then what, he'd be playing with the same group of guys, they would eventually start talking to him, trying to find out more about him but he couldn't. He couldn't talk to anyone. So like most things from his former life, he gave it up.
He noticed a basketball someone forgot to take with them. He slowly picked it up and found that it was slightly out of air but still bounced. He held the ball in his hands and then bent his knees and arched his arms. A second later, he let go of the ball. Nothing but net.
. . . . . .
Haley got out of the subway station and as soon as the sun hit her face, she released her breath. Seriously, what died in that station, it smelled horrible she thought. She looked at her surroundings and took a second to get her bearings. She was still getting used to taking the train and she had gotten on the wrong lines a few times now. Today was no exception. Haley turned the corner and looked at the streets and then starting looking around to figure out where the hell the campus was.
She finally gave up and ended up asking a stranger on the street who helped guide her. As she walked, she thought that she really needed a new phone if she was going to live here. One of those new fancy smartphones with GPS because she hated the feeling of being lost and she didn't want to be lost any more.
Haley took her time walking, admiring all the people, the buildings around her. This place was quite different from home and she liked that. She even felt a spark of her old "tutor" self when she noticed a couple of students reading or studying. From what she saw so far, she was liking NYU.
As she walked, she heard the distinct sounds of a basketball bouncing up and down. Every time she heard that drumming beat, it always took her back to a lifetime ago, back where everything made sense, back when she had everything. Despite her better judgment, she turned to face the small park to her left. She saw a man with long dark hair shooting around.
Something about the way he moved left Haley standing there just looking on. She couldn't see his face but he had a great butt, she told herself. She blushed, it really was a long time she checked out a guy like that. She was no way close to dating someone but the fact that she was willing to acknowledge other people made her happy. One day, maybe, perhaps, she told herself. But she knew better, no matter what, her heart will always be with him. And when he left this world, he took her heart with him.
Ring Ring
Haley reached into her purse and grabbed her cell phone.
"Hey Deb." Haley answered her phone. Haley stood there still looking out onto the court while listening to Deb. She was distracted by the man there and it wasn't until Deb said Jamie's name that she finally snapped out of it.
"Jamie's what?" Haley asked, finally taking her eyes away from the small park. "Ok, no thanks for calling. I'm going home now… no it's fine don't worry. I'll call you from the airport." Haley turned around and started walking back to the train station. She took one last glance at the park and the surrounding campus, this would have to wait, she told herself. Her son needed her.
Later that day and only paying a small change of flight fee, Haley was back home in Tree Hill.
Haley sat on Jamie's bed and watched her little boy sleep. She loved just watching him sleep. He seamed so small, so peaceful. She cherished these moments. He was growing up so fast and it only made her heart heavier knowing that he wasn't her to experience it and worst, she wondered how he would feel knowing the mother she'd become.
As much as she loved him, it was also torture to be around her. Every time those blue eyes sparkled, it brought all the pain back. Those cobalt blue eyes were just like his father's, deep and blue but at the right light turned into a shade of green. She knew those eyes anywhere and on some days it made her happy know that Nathan was still alive through him, but it would be followed by days when she knew that Nathan was not alive, that he wasn't coming back. She knew she had to do better and she was going to. That's why she went for New York. She needed to move on with her life and if she wanted a fresh start, she knew she couldn't do it in Tree Hill. There were so many memories, emotions here. Every corner was a memory from her haunted past and she couldn't live in the past any more.
When she went to New York, the hustle and bustle was a welcome change to the slower paced lifestyle in Tree Hill. In Tree Hill, everything was slow and still and gave you time to pause and reflect. In New York, it was the opposite, there were so many people, so many things to do and the hustle and bustle left no time to dwell on the past only now, only the future. Everything there was new and fresh, something she and her son needed. She had no doubt she would end up back in Tree Hill but for now, she needed to finish her education and hopefully in the next few years, she'd not only graduate but try to mend her broken heart. Plus, it would be just her and Jamie. Brooke's company had a nursery, where Jamie could go while she attended classes. Everything was starting to fall in place, finally.
Out of all the schools there, she felt most comfortable at Columbia and NYU. Both were great schools and she was impressed with Columbia. Unfortunately, Jamie got sick and Haley never got a chance to finish her tour of NYU. From her quick visit there, she already like the campus and something about that place felt right. It was weird because she hadn't spoken to any students or faculty there, just a quick walk through the main campus but yet she felt at home there.
She felt Jamie's still too warm forehead and hoped her little boy would be better. When Deb called that Jamie had a fever, she rushed home. Deb took him to the doctor earlier and the doctor said Jamie would be fine. He just needed rest and plenty of fluids. Still, it was enough to make her worry silly. He was her son, her last piece of Nathan and she didn't want anything bad to happen to him.
"How's he doing?" A voice asked from behind her.
She turned around and found Lucas leaning against the doorway.
"Better, he's still warm though but the doctor said he's going to be okay."
"That's good. I didn't think you would be back so soon."
"Well Deb called me earlier. I needed to come back."
Lucas nodded, the tension filled the air. He was glad this time that they were both trying to act civil.
"Haley, what were you doing in New York?" Lucas asked calmly, not wanting to get into another fight.
"You know why." She said softly.
"There are plenty of good schools nearby." Lucas pointed out. "Duke and UNC are a short drive away."
"The point is to leave Tree Hill, Lucas." Haley sighed, tired from her whirlwind trip back home.
"Why are you running away?"
Haley took a second to answer. "For him." She looked down at Jamie. "Luke, everywhere I go in this town, I think of him, I can't escape him here. And I love Nathan, I will always love him but for the sake of myself and my son, I need to get away from here in order for me to build a life for us. I can't just keep living off Dan and Deb, I need to finish school, have my own career. And I can't do that in Tree Hill, where every corner I turn, I get sucked back in the past."
As much as it pained him, he understood. Understood all too well. Lucas nodded and this time agreed with Haley. She did need to move on but what struck him is how she was going to do it without him. When Nathan died, his need to protect and take care of Haley only grew and more so after the birth of Jamie. Lucas grew up with no father, only an amazing uncle, something he wanted to give to his nephew.
"Good." Lucas cleared his throat. "Good for you." He said softly and Haley could tell that he didn't want them to go.
She got up and walked over to Lucas. She pulled him in for a hug. "Thank you." She whispered to him. "Thank you for everything."
Lucas stood there, a little surprised but glad that a sense of his old Haley was coming back. Maybe leaving would be a good thing for all of them. She pulled away and started to walk back to her room.
"Have you decided?" He called out and Haley stopped and turned back to face him.
"Have you picked a school?" Lucas asked.
Haley shook her head. "I didn't get to finish seeing everything, but I'm going to go back once Jamie is feeling better."
Lucas nodded.
"And Luke." Haley called out. "Brooke says hi." She smiled coyly and turned back around.
. . . . . .
Dan quietly entered his room and closed the door behind him.
Deb stirred from the bed and turned on one of the side lamps.
"Hey, you're home." Deb smiled.
"Sorry for waking you, go back to sleep." Dan smiled as he leaned forward and the two shared a small kiss.
"It's okay, I'm up. How was your trip?"
"Tiring, busy. Try spending a couple of days with a bunch of politicians in Raleigh." Dan joked.
"I can imagine." Deb playfully rolled her eyes. " I've been trying to call you."
"I know I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk to you these past few days." Dan started removing his suit and changing into his pajamas.
"It's okay, you didn't miss much. But Haley came back."
"Oh, she went to visit her sister right?"
"Yeah."
"Which one?"
"The one that lives in New Jersey, just outside New York City."
Dan stopped dead in his tracks, Haley was in New York?
"But she came back early because Jamie is sick."
"He's sick?" Dan asked with concern.
"Yeah, just a slight fever. Dr. Stanpole says he's going to be just fine."
"Oh, that's good." Dan nodded and slipped into bed next to his wife.
"So Haley was in New Jersey?"
"No, she stayed in New York with Brooke."
"I thought she was in LA."
"She is but she had to keep going back to New York that she has a place there too, I think."
"Oh." Dan nodded.
"Hey Dan." Deb was debating about telling him about Haley's decision to go to college there.
"Never mind. Let's go to bed." Deb smiled and turned off the lights. She figured Haley should tell Dan. Like Lucas, Dan was very protective of her and Jamie but Haley hadn't made a decision yet and she still needed to go back and finish taking a look at schools, so she figured it could wait.
Dan lay there in bed, taking everything Deb just said. Brooke, in New York? He thought. The last thing Nathan needed was running into someone from his past. Still, New York is a big place. Lucas was just there too so it's okay. Haley just went for a visit, he thought to himself. He had no reason to worry. It's not like she was going back there.
To Be Continued . . . .