The Mourning After
Part II Chapter VII
. . . . .
"And now this year's valedictorian, Haley James Scott." Principal Turner announced to the crowd of students, faculty, friends and family.
Haley took a deep breath and glanced back at the crowd, who were cheering her on loudly, she saw Brooke waving and glanced over at Lucas and Peyton who were sitting next to each other smiling over to her, a small nod from Lucas, letting her know that it's okay.
She closed her eyes for a second to steady her nerves and as best as she could, stood up and walked, more like waddled, over to the podium. She couldn't believe how big she's gotten over the last couple of months and now graduation was here and soon, her baby as well.
Haley cleared her throat as the crowd's applauses died down.
"Thank you, Principal Turner." Haley started to speak. "Dear Faculty, Friends, Family and my fellow graduates, wow I can't believe I'm saying that. It seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" Haley asked the crowd. "Did you ever think that four years ago that this is where it would all end up, that this is how you would turn out?"
" I remember my freshmen year I had to ask my best friend Lucas to pretend to be my boyfriend so that way the other guys won't pick at me. I imagined my graduation and I secretly hoped that I would rise to the ranks of being to the top of the class and well now look at me now. Life's funny that way, how it changes everything with out you knowing. I certainly didn't expect to be giving my valedictorian the way I am now." Haley gave a small sigh.
"These last four years taught me more than just math and English, it taught me about love, family, friendship, life."
Haley paused.
"There are two classmates of ours who won't be getting their diploma today, two lives cut short for very different reasons. Jimmy Edwards took his own life because he couldn't stand another minute on this earth; Nathan Scott risked his life to save me, to save me and our unborn child and died in a cruel twist of faith. Life's funny that way." She repeated those words. "It'll take you to the greatest and highs and the greatest lows. We came into these halls as kids and in a way I still feel that way because I used to see the world as black and white and I yearn sometimes to go back and be like that but we all know that isn't the case. We studied, we laughed, cut class, we loved, we cried, we grew up… and in the end what does it all mean? I'll tell you… nothing. It means nothing if you just let life pass you by because what these past four years has taught me is to cherish life, cherish the people around you because you don't know when it'll be taken away."
Haley paused again and looked back onto the crowd and found it hollow with out a certain blue eyed boy looking back at her.
"My husband Nathan left this world far too soon and I mourn for him everyday. Some.. well everyone thought we were crazy for getting married so soon and so young and yeah, I guess they were right, we were crazy, crazy about each other. Whether you're 16, 18, 25, 30, 50, when you're in love you just knew it and Nathan and I were lucky to have found each other when we did. I still feel his presence around me, almost to the point where I feel like I can reach out and touch him. I will spend every day of my life telling my child what a great father he had. So to my fellow graduates, I say live, live your life, live it to the fullest and leave the world a better place than when you found, make a difference, change a person's life because Nathan, my love, you changed mine. Always. Forever."
And with that, Haley James Scott took her final bow as a Tree Hill student, leaving everyone in the room teary eyed.
. . . . . .
"Haley?" Lucas called from the doorway to leading into the back patio.
Quickly rubbing her eyes, Haley mumbled her words. "Hey." She glanced briefly back, hoping Lucas didn't catch her face.
"Are you crying?" Lucas asked softly.
"No." Haley said unconvincingly.
"You're not fooling anyone, especially me." Lucas stated as he walked forward and stood next to her by the railing.
"Is Jamie still sleeping?"
"Yes, but you haven't answered my question."
"Luke, please. I just want to be left alone."
"You used to tell me everything." Lucas said softly. "We used to tell everything to each other."
"That feels so long ago." Haley mumbled.
Lucas paused before answering. "Not that long."
"Look, Haley, I know we haven't been us for a while now but I want to say I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't lecture you about how to handle Jamie and how I always rag on you."
"You talked to Peyton?"
Lucas gave a small smile. "She may have told me to tone it down."
"Yeah." Haley chuckled. "I know what you mean." Peyton gave her the same talk the last time she talked to her. "I'm sorry for being a bitch." Haley looked down and silence enveloped the two of them.
"I'm so happy for her, she went after what she wanted, even after losing her mother, she managed to still pull through." Haley commented.
"She took your advice, you know, about living life to the fullest, remember at graduation?"
Haley nodded.
"Is that what you were doing in New York? Trying to live again."
"I know you don't want me to go but.."
"Hales, it's okay. I understand and if this is what you think is best for you and Jamie then I'll support you all the way."
"Thanks, I needed to hear that." Haley sighed.
"I needed to say it." Lucas gave her a small smile. "Is that why you're crying? I know it can be scary, moving into a new city, trying to start a new life."
"No." Haley shook her head. "Well yes but not really." She took a deep breath. "God, this is so stupid." She said frustrated as she wiped away her eyes.
"Why don't I be the judge of that?" Lucas prodded. "Come on Hales, please."
Haley glanced over at Lucas. "Fine." She said. "When I was in New York, there was this guy."
"Guy?"
"I mean I saw him from across the street and I caught myself checking him out."
Lucas looked at her confused.
"I was thinking he looked hot and was checking out his butt, okay. And then Deb called about Jamie and well here I am." She said quickly.
Lucas look of confusion quickly turned into laughter.
"Luke, this isn't funny!"
"Hales, you thought another guy was attractive, what was so wrong in that? Like you said, it's not like you did anything."
"That's the thing, I feel like I did, I feel like I'm betraying him."
Lucas's softened. "Oh Hales."
"And it's more than just that, that was the first time since I can remember that I checked another guy out and now what, I'm going to start to date again? Am I going to remarry? Is this how I move on with my life, by finding someone new because I don't want someone new. I want Nathan and I .." Haley shook her head frustrated.
"Hales." Lucas started to speak. "I know you love Nathan and Nathan loved you right back but he's gone and believe me I know how much that hurts but he wouldn't want you to live your life like this, if you find someone, I'm sure Nathan is looking down smiling over you."
Haley gave him a pointed look.
"Okay, Nathan would probably want to beat the guy up first but he would be happy for you."
Haley closed her eyes, a few tears falling as she pictured Nathan's face.
"I can't seem him." Haley says softly, her eyes still closed. "Sometimes I can't picture his face. I forget things about him and I'm afraid I'm loosing what we had." Haley opened her teary eyes. "Like the way he smelled, or the sound of his voice, or how it felt to be wrapped up in his arms, and if I let someone else in…"
"You'll erase Nathan?"
Haley nodded.
"It's not fair." Haley turned her head away. "We were supposed to have more time." She said very softly.
"But you still do." Lucas' heart broke for her and it made him feel even crappier for not trying to meet Haley half way before.
"Nathan wouldn't want you to be alone Hales."
"I don't want to lose him." She said softly.
"Hales, you can't erase who he was or what you guys had, no one can." Lucas paused.
"We burned so bright together, you are perfect for me and you always will be." Lucas repeated the words he read not too long ago.
This time it was Haley's turn to look at Lucas confused.
"It was from a manuscript Lindsey let me read excerpts from, the author's really good. It's about love, and lost, and longing."
"Sounds familiar." Haley mumbled.
"Well, it's about a comet." Lucas stated.
"A comet?" Haley raised her eyebrows.
Lucas chuckled and shook his head. "Look that's not the point, the point is that one day you may find someone who can make you happy and I know Nathan is the love of your life and always will be but you shouldn't close yourself off to the world Hales."
"But how? How do I do it?"
"You already are, taking this step and going back to school. You just gotta keep going."
"One step at a time?" Haley said.
"Exactly." Lucas nodded his head. "I can already picture you freaking out during your first day of class because you don't have enough pens or bought the wrong sized notebook and then you're going to start loving it again, being back at school, learning, making new friends, but know that living your life won't make you love Nathan any less." Lucas gave him a comforting smile and she could clearly see that this whole charming bit was definitely a Scott trait.
"I see you grieving for him every day and I know you always will, I mean look at Peyton with her mom, but even though Peyton's mourning, she's also moved on, she's living her life, she had her mourning-after, you'll have that too." Lucas looked at her sincerely while Haley nodded her head in understanding and wiped away a few years.
"And just know that any time you get scared or nervous, remember that you have us and just close your eyes and take a deep breath and then at the count of two.."
"Wait, count to two?"
"Yeah, count to two."
"No one says count to two." Haley laughed. "You're such a dork."
Lucas smiled and laughed back. "There's that smile." For so long she had been so sad and although he probably would never see her as happy as she was when she was with Nathan, it was still good to know that he could at least still make her smile.
"MAMA!!" A little boy's voice can be heard inside.
"I think he's awake." Lucas stated. "You okay?"
Haley nodded.
"Ready to go back inside?"
Haley straightened herself out and turned back to the door. She took a deep breath, "On the count of two."
. . . . . .
She made it back here faster this time. She made sure to get a new phone before she left Tree Hill. One with one of those GPS things built in so she wouldn't get lost. She looked at her watch and saw that she had a couple of minutes before she met with one of NYU's student ambassador's. She didn't get a chance to meet with one last time because Jamie got sick.
Like last time, she took her time walking down the crowded and busy streets. She was starting to get used to the big city life. Sure it was loud and busy but it's not as bad as everyone made it out to be. She thought back to her conversation with Lucas, it felt really good to open up to him again for them to stop the bickering and arguing between them. She was going to take his advice and try to move and focus on what she needed to do, which was to get her life back on track.
She stopped in front of a local coffee shop, the meeting place of where she was going to get her tour. She was about to turn around and head inside and get a cup of coffee when the familiar sounds of a basketball bouncing up and down could be heard. Sure enough, she turned around and noticed the small park that she stopped at before. And she also assumed, that there shooting around by himself, was the same guy that she saw last time.
She couldn't get a good look at him with his back to her but she could tell he had long dark hair which flowed from his baseball cap. She also noticed that he was fit, very fit by the way his t-shirt clung to his body and the way his shorts gave a nice outline of that bubble…
"Haley Scott?" A voice called out, snapping Haley's attention back to Earth.
"Yeah, that's me." Haley turned around to find a petite blond girl. They were about the same size though she was slightly taller than Haley. Haley took out her hand. "You must be Amanda?"
"Yes, Amanda Cambell." The two shook hands. "Welcome to NYU."
"Thanks." Haley smiled back at the young woman. She seemed friendly enough.
"Well, if you're ready to go, we can start the tour."
Haley nodded. "Yeah, let's go."
"Wonderful." Amanda turned on her heels as they walked towards the campus. As Amanda talked about the school, Haley couldn't help but take one last glance at the basketball court before turning her attention back to her tour guide.
. . . . . .
"So you're a music minor?" Haley asked.
"Yep, I always loved music, I play the piano and guitar, I wouldn't call myself the next Mariah Carey but I can carry a tune." Amanda replied back. "Plus my music classes help balance out my boring business courses." Amanda joked. "But you know in today's economy, you never know and my dad's an accountant so I know he can help me out with a job when I graduate."
Haley nodded. "I know what you mean but I like the music program here, I was thinking of minoring in that as well."
"Trust me, the professor's are great. You'll love it." Amanda replied as they continued to walk the grounds.
"What were you thinking of majoring in?"
Haley paused. "Education."
"NYU has a great program. My roommate is actually an education major, she's doing early child education and she loves it. She just did an internship at this nursery school, she showed me pictures, those kids are so adorable."
"You're kidding. I was thinking of doing early education too."
"No way." Amanda smiled.
"Yeah, ever since I had my son.."
"Wait, you have a son?" Amanda asked.
"Yeah." Haley blushed. She didn't mean to blurt it out like that. She didn't want to be known as the freshmen mother. But the cat was out of the bag already, there was no point in hiding it, she would never be ashamed to be Jamie Scott's mother.
"He's almost two.. that's kind of the reason why I'm going back to school, now that he's getting bigger."
"Wow. I mean I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude, it's just that, well look at you, you definitely do not look like you had a child." Amanda complimented.
Haley smiled and blushed even more. "Well, thank you."
The two continued to walk and Amanda answered all of Haley's questions as well as showed her around campus. About an hour later, they were back in front of the coffee shop.
"Here's my e-mail and number in case you have any more questions, I'll be happy to forward your contact information to my roommate, she can help answer more specific questions about her major." Amanda handed Haley a slip of paper.
"Thank you so much, that'll be great."
"Now, you talked to Tania in admissions right?"
"Yeah."
"Ok good, she'll help answer any more questions regarding the admission process and all that stuff, but from what she told me, you're pretty much as shoe-in for enrollment if you choose to do so, so I hope you choose us." Amanda said hopefully.
"I still have some other schools to see while I'm here but yeah I really like it here, this is going to be hard choice."
"Well, like I said, if you have any more questions, you know where to reach us. It was so nice meeting you Haley."
"You too Amanda, thanks for everything." They shook hands once more and Amanda turned and went inside to get herself a cup of coffee. Haley stood out there, putting various papers back in her bag and looked through it to find her subway ticket. Last time, she held up the line at the turnstile looking for it. She still had to go across town to go to her next appointment.
Finally. She said to herself as she found her ticket and then she turned around and glanced back at the park and saw the same guy there, this time gathering his things while other people starting to play on the court.
Amanda came out with a cup of coffee in her hand and noticed Haley still standing there and followed her gaze. She smirked to herself. She walked right next to her.
"I forgot to add that we have the hottest guys."
Haley was startled for a second and saw Amanda standing next to her.
"Oh I wasn't.. I mean I was just looking for my subway ticket.." Haley started rambling.
"Haley, relax." Amanda laughed. "Besides, I don't blame you. I stare all the time, he makes my econ class go by much faster."
"Huh?"
"His names James, James Lafferty, he's a total hottie in that sort of long hair rock star look he has going on, but he's like totally quiet and all like brooding, I'd introduce you but me and my girlfriends think he's gay. He's turned all us down for dates." Amanda rolled her eyes. Both girls watched as he bent down to pick up his backpack. Amanda sighed to herself. "Still got a nice butt though." Amanda winked. "Oh well.. I'll see you later Haley, I don't want to be later for my next class."
"Yeah.. bye Amanda." Haley waved off. Crap, she thought to herself, she was going to be late at this point. She took one last glance at the basketball court but shook her head, no, she told herself, a guy was the last thing she needed. She was here to get her education back on track and start her career not have flings with random college boys. An image of Nathan flashed through her mind and that sinking feeling returned to her. Feeling guilty for even pondering such thoughts, she walked as fast as she could into the underground subway.
To Be Continued . . . .