The Mourning After

Part II Chapter XIII

Thank you for the reviews last chapter and I hope you guys had a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I am so sorry for not updating sooner. Between Holidays, traveling, work, I really was strapped for time. Not to mention this bitter cold and the fact that I might be getting sick again. I hope to have some more free time soon. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, please review !

. . . . . .

"Haley you shouldn't have brought him.. I .. I don't know if I can stay away from my son." He turned back to her with tears in his eyes.

They stood there for what felt like an eternity. Haley could feel her own tears forming at the site of Nathan looking so distraught. This was all her fault, she thought. Everything was her fault. She remembered how she left Nathan for the tour, how Nathan pushed her away. It was her fault that she got mixed up with Daunte after the school shooting and it was because of her, Nathan took the blame. Nathan faked his death for her.. for her and their son, a son she's neglected up until recently. The weight of it all was coming down on her and she couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

"Hales, please don't cry." Nathan said softy as he wiped away his own tears. He reached for her cheeks to wipe away a stray tear but she turned away from him and took a step back and sat back on the bed, wrapping a sheet around her nude form.

"Don't Nathan.. you're right." Haley admitted. "I shouldn't have came, I shouldn't have brought Jamie and now Lucas is here too." Haley shook her head and wiped away her tears.

The sight of Haley crying brought Nathan back and he wished she would stop crying. He hates it when she cries and what's worse was that it was because of him.

"Hales, look it's okay." Nathan grabbed his boxers and took a seat next to her.

"NO!" Haley shook her head and clutched her stomach. "It's not okay. I'm not okay." Haley turned back to him, her heart pounding in her chest to let him know everything, but she still didn't know if she had it in her to tell him. He deserved to know but didn't know if this was the right time. Who the hell was Haley kidding, so long as Nathan was in hiding, there would never be a right time.

"Hales, look I didn't mean it. Of course I want you here, do you have any idea how much I've missed you." Nathan tried to soothe her. He was grateful that when he ran his hand down her back that she didn't flinch.

"No, you were right, I shouldn't have came, I should've never brought Jamie. Of course you'd want to see him. I just.. I wanted to see you so much and I couldn't just leave Jamie in Tree Hill alone again. It's my fault! I'm the one that's selfish."

"Selfish? Hales.."

"I had to go on that stupid tour and I'm the one that had to get mixed up with Daunte. This is all my fault Nathan! You had to give up everything to protect me!"

"And I'd do it again in a heart beat." Nathan was quick to reply. "Hales look at me." He said in a calm but authoritative voice. He cupped her chin and forced her to look at me. "Yes, you got involved with Daunte and yes I did this for you.. but I did it for James as well. I did it for both of you, if something were to happen to the two of you.. I don't.. I don't even want to think about it." Nathan shook his head. "This is not your fault Hales, I choose to do this, it was because of me you were at that school early. Do you remember?"

Haley snuffled and nodded her head.

"You came to cook me breakfast and I pushed you away.. again."

"But.." Haley was quick to protest.

"Yes, you hurt me Hales but I was being stubborn and I was trying to punish you when I already knew you were hurting. I pushed you away and it was because of that you got shot and got mixed up with Daunte. So don't do this to yourself, Hales. Blame me, hate me, just please don't blame yourself."

Haley's heart swelled in her chest and she reached out and caressed Nathan's cheeks. "I could never hate you." Haley whispered. Nathan grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it.

"I still shouldn't have brought Jamie though." Haley said softly.

Nathan didn't try to protest but simply nodded his head.

"I really wish he could meet his daddy." Haley looked down and stared at their entwined hands. "When I found out I was pregnant, I knew you would make a great a dad, I never doubted that and I hate how much you already missed."

Nathan squeezed her hand.

"And I hate how I wasn't strong enough for Jamie when he needed me." Haley slowly lifted her head to look at Nathan.

"What're you talking about Hales?" Nathan looked at her curiously. A sense of dread was coming over him. He told Haley he didn't want to know about things going on back home.

"I wasn't a good mother to our son." Haley choked out.

"What? No. I don't believe that."

Haley snorted. "You might want to double check with Lucas." Haley muttered. Haley took a deep breath.

"It was too much sometimes, raising Jamie all by myself. Your parents and Luke, and even Karen all helped out, sometimes too much. I should've been there for him more but I'd jump at the chance to hand him off to your mom or Lucas."

"Why?" Nathan asked with no emotion in his voice.

Her lips were trembling and she was almost afraid to speak. But she owed this much to Nathan. She already kept so many things hidden from him.

"You." She said softly, looking down in shame. "When Jamie would look up at me and I'd see his deep blue eyes, all I saw was you and the pain and sadness was too much to bear sometimes and so I pushed Jamie away. I wasn't there as much as I could've been because I was too scared and I missed you too much to even care for your son. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear and I understand if you don't think I'm a good moth.."

"Hales, stop!" Nathan ordered, interrupting her rambling. "Stop it. I'm not here to judge. You were making the best out of a tough situation."

"No." Haley shook her head. "I was weak, but you have to believe me that I've been trying with Jamie. That's why I came to New York in the first place, to start a new life for us but then..."

"You found me."

Haley nodded. "I'm.. I'm so sorry Nathan."

Nathan squeezed her hand and then hugged her. "You, Haley James Scott, have no need to be sorry for anything, okay?"

"But."

"No buts." Nathan was quick to cut her off. He pulled back and looked at her. "You got married at 16 and by the time you were 18, you were a widowed single mother. God Hales, it's a miracle you've done so well. Look how hard it was for Karen to raise Lucas."

"But she did and look, Lucas turned out fine."

"Yes but she didn't do it on her own Hales. Keith was right there to help her. Shoot, even my grandfather helped her out." Nathan remembered when he and Haley first started dating and Haley met his grandparents for the first time. It was Haley who saw Royal at the café looking for Karen and it was later revealed that although Royal Scott did not have any direct contact with Lucas, he did on occasion send Karen money. Some of the money he gave to her, she used to help start the café.

"You see Hales, Karen had help too, just like how she helped you, how Lucas helped you. Just like I'm sure my parents and all our friends have helped you. So don't blame yourself for nothing you had no control over. God Hales, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it's been for you, shoot, if it were me, I'd need all the help I can get."

"But I just passed him off.."

"Hales." Nathan chuckled. "Look how worked up you are right now, even a blind man can see how much you love our son. Sure, you weren't there as much as you wanted to be but like you said, you're trying to make up for it. And you weren't passing our son off, you were giving him to people who love him and care for him, who love you too, people who needed to step in to help you out because I couldn't be there for you. So don't you dare blame yourself for this."

Haley looked into his deep blue eyes and couldn't believe that she was literally falling in love with him all over again.

"God I love you." She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with as much passion and love she can offer.

"But I don't blame you." She whispered after their bodies needed air. "We can play the blame game all we want but at the end of the day, it still doesn't bring you home."

"I know baby," Nathan soothed her back. "Like I said, my dad's on it and I hope he can make things happen."

"Me too." Haley sighed. "Me too."

. . . . . .

"Mamma!" Jamie squealed. Haley smiled as she bent down and kissed her son on the forehead.

"Hey guys, I'm sorry I'm late." Haley waltzed into the restaurant and took a seat next to Brooke, with Jamie in his high chair seated right in front of her.

"What took you so long?" Luke asked.

"I got lost. This city is just so massive."

Brooke chuckled. "Haley, we're in midtown, all the streets here are numbers and letters."

"Man, I remember when Hales got her license, she was lost." Lucas added.

"Luke." Haley glared at him.

Lucas laughed and then turned back to Brooke. "She was lost in Tree Hill."

Brooke nearly choked on her water, she was laughing so hard.

"You guys suck." Haley got back up. "With that, I'm going to go into the ladies room."

"But Haley, the waiter's going to come back soon to take our orders." Brooke spoke up.

Haley gave a pointed look to Lucas.

"Macaroni and cheese it is." Lucas nodded back to Haley. Haley smiled and went down the other end of the restaurant.

Once Haley was gone, Brooke turned back to Lucas.

"I am really happy that you two are back to normal again."

"I wouldn't say normal but we're getting there." Luke took a sip of his water. After the initial awkwardness earlier in the afternoon and of course with Jamie as a great go to for a distraction, things were going well with Brooke.

"Hey is it me or.."

"Something seems off with Haley?" Brooke finished his sentence.

"Yeah, I thought it was just me, but something seems.. I don't know .. off." Lucas spoke carefully.

A minute later, the waiter came by and took their orders and Haley returned to the bathroom. Brooke told Lucas that she'd try to talk to Haley and see what was up with her but in the mean time the three friends settled into pleasant conversation and enjoyed their meal.

Haley looked at Jamie and figured it was time. "Luke." Haley pointed to Jamie.

Luke turned to Jamie and lifted him up in his arms. "Come on little man, time to use the little men's bathroom."

"Thanks Luke." Haley was glad that Lucas was there so that he could at least take Jamie to the men's bathroom.

Lucas and Jamie left the table and Brooke turned to Haley.

"So spill James hyphen Scott?"

"What're you talking about Brooke?"

"Where were you all afternoon?"

"Just toured the city a little bit, some shopping." Haley said vaguely.

"Hmm.. I don't know something seems, different."

"Okay?" Haley took a sip of her water.

"Well, it's just that when you came in you looked.. I don't know a little flustered. I mean either you had great sex or found an awesome sale at Bloomies but seeing as though there's no bags with you."

Haley nearly choked on her drink. "Brooke!"

"What? It was just an observation."

Haley shook her head, Brooke was always blunt and to the point.

"Brooke, I was lost getting here and was rushing and believe me, there's a ton of things I'd actually wanted to buy but the prices in this city is outrageous."

"Oh Hales, you just don't know the right spots."

That's it Haley change topics. Haley thought to herself. "Well, next time you just have to show me."

"Deal."

"So, I hope you aren't mad at me.. to just dump Luke on you like that." Haley needed to take the spotlight off her.

"I could kill you for that by the way, but it was okay, as you can tell."

Brooke started to talk about her time with Lucas and Jamie before the two guys came back.

"Stop it Luke, the waiter will be here with our check." Brooke was getting annoyed with Lucas looking around.

"Nothing I just have the weirdest feeling that someone was looking at us."

"Of course, they're watching the paranoid blond guy." Haley deadpanned.

Lucas rolled his eyes and luckily the waiter coming with their checks distracted them. Shortly thereafter, the four of them made it out of the restaurant and on their way out, Haley quickly glanced back at the man hiding in a dark corner, a man who was watching them through out dinner, the man who was also the father of her son.

. . . . .

"Aww, he's so adorable." Brooke cooed as they made their way back to the hotel room.

"Well, wait until he wakes up." Haley rolled her eyes playfully. "Thanks for dinner Brooke." Brooke insisted that she paid for dinner, citing that they were the guests and she was the hostess.

"Any time, I'm just glad I got to spend some time with this little one." Brooke ruffled Jamie's hair but the boy was knocked out cold in his mom's arms.

"Okay bye Brooke, thanks again. I'm going to put this guy to bed." The two hugged and Haley made her way into her room with Jamie to give Brooke and Lucas privacy.

"Come on, I'll walk you out." Lucas opened the door for her. A few minutes later, they were in front of the hotel, waiting for a taxi to pull up.

"So, today was .. good." Luke commented.

"Yes." Brooke smiled.

"Lucas."

"Brooke."

They both spoke at the same time and chuckled.

"Look." Lucas spoke up. "I thought today would be weird and yeah it was a little but not as weird as I thought it would be.. if that makes sense."

Brooke smiled. "I know exactly what you mean. We should do it again?"

"Again?"

"Yeah, maybe just the two of us." Brooke said off handily.

"I'd like that."

Just then a cab pulled and the door man opened it up.

"Good night Brooke Davis." Lucas reached out and the two shared a hug.

"Wait, I almost forgot to tell you."

"What?" Lucas asked.

"It's about Haley."

"What about her?"

Brooke looked down trying to find the words. "It's just.. umm.. How do I say this, do you know if she's seeing anyone?"

Lucas' eyes went wide. "Wait, what?!"

. . . . .

It had been a week since they returned back to Tree Hill from New York. Lucas paced the hallways back and forth, trying to tell himself that this couldn't be, that he was wrong. But ever since he talked to Brooke last week, he'd noticed. He wondered if the signs were there before but never realized it or was his mind playing tricks on him. At first he thought, the idea was crazy but now he wasn't so sure. Yet, after what he heard over the past two mornings, he had to see it for himself. He walked down to Jamie's room and made sure he was still asleep and then he walked down to Haley's room.

He paused at the door and leaned in and could faintly hear her inside. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He swiped the house keys from Deb and unlocked the room and barged inside. He stepped inside and could hear Haley in the bathroom. The door was ajar and when he opened it, his suspicions were confirmed.

Leaning over the toilet, Haley had just emptied everything in her stomach and flushed the toilet. She looked up in surprise to see Lucas there. The look on his face said it all, he didn't look surprised at all and she distinctly remembered locking her room. She glanced down at his hand and saw a set a keys and knew she wasn't as sneaky as she thought she was. She could already feel her insides ready to spill out again.

Haley remained fixed on the floor, her heart beating wildly in her chest. There was no way out of this and by the look on Lucas' face, it seemed he had everything figured out.

"So it's true.. you're.." Lucas' voice trembled, "You're pregnant?"

"Yes." Haley whispered.

To Be Continued . . . .