A/N: For all of you think that I'm writing off Hermione, I assure that no matter how much I despise her character that is not the case. There's something that you're not seeing going on here, and no, I won't tell you what it is. You'll just have to wait and find out.

Happy Holidays!

Dedication: I haven't done one of these since Remorseful Brooding, but here it is: to Muzai and Yuuzai, may humble pie live forever.

Chapter 33: Warnings

"I can't believe she really said that." Neville said, shaking his head on the way to Defense.

"I know." I replied. "Even Malfoy thought it was low."

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed as Granger barreled past him, not even bothering to excuse herself. "Bloody know-it-all. No wonder she hasn't got any friends."

I laughed. "I wonder if there's a troll in the dungeons."

"What?" Seamus asked, completely lost. "Why would there be a troll in the dungeons?"

"It's a long story…"

Xxx

The door slammed open, and for a moment I half-expected Snape to come swooping in. I must not have been the only one thinking that though, because the entire class got quiet.

"It's nice to see I haven't lost my touch."

Everyone (myself included) turned from the door to the desk in the front of the room. There stood one of the oddest-looking professors that I'd ever seen in my life. The figure before us was completely androgynous, with pale skin, red-violet eyes, and silvery-white hair and eyebrows. He (or was it a she?) was wearing a monocle and dressed in a long sand-colored robe that hung open and looked like something more suitable for a desert safari than a classroom.

"Is that a t-shirt?" I asked Dean.

"Can't really tell from here, but it sure looks like it to me mate."

"If I could have your attention? I am Professor Yali Garafena, and I will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year. As everyone present is a NEWT level student, I expect your complete attention, respect, and cooperation for the duration of my class. You may lower your hand, Ms… Granger, I believe? I will not be answering any questions at this moment. I am the instructor, and I intend to teach." He (or she) smiled at us, baring small, sharp fangs in the process.

Ron recoiled. "It's a vampire!" he yelped.

I kicked him under the table. "She can hear you, you idiot."

"Yes, I can. And no, Mr. Weasley, I am not a vampire – I simply have very sharp canines. Any more questions before we begin?"

"Are you a man or a woman?" Seamus yelled from the back of the classroom before anyone could stop him.

"Seamus!" Dean hissed.

"What? If he's a she, I'd do her." Parvati slapped him upside the head with a scroll.

"That is so disrespectful. Honestly Seamus, if I hadn't met your mum, I'd think you'd been raised that way."

"Your classmate is correct, Mr. Finnegan. I will be taking ten points from Gryffindor for your lack of decorum. Now if you all are quite finished, I would appreciate it if you would turn to page two-hundred and ten in your text. Ironically, today we will, indeed, be discussing vampires."

Xxx

"Garafena is bloody brilliant!" Dean exclaimed. "The best yet, I'd say."

"I still want to know if he's a man or a woman."

"Seamus." We chorused, exasperated.

"Even if he is a she," I said, leading the way to Charms, "There's no way you're getting lucky."

"Of course I will," Seamus replied, sticking out his chest, "no woman can resist the old Finnegan charm."

Xxx

"Hi Harry. How's the nargles?" Luna asked at dinner.

"Hi Luna, and there erm… better. Loads better." I replied, still wondering what nargles were.

"That's good to hear, can I have a word with you?" she asked, twisting a blonde lock around her finger.

"Sure." I followed her into the corridor. "What's up?"

"I think you may have some trouble on your hands." She said her tone unusually sharp and business-like.

"What do you mean?" Somehow, I knew that whatever it was would not bode well.

"Well… I happened to overhear Parvati telling Padma that Hermione has been acting a little weird lately…" Her voice trailed off, and she seems a bit unsure of herself.

"How do you mean? As far as I can tell, she's been her ususal, know-it-all self." I asked, confused.

"Parvati said that she's acting... odd. I'm not sure all that's been going on, but apparently she's not been herself lately. They say she's been really… vicious. Mean. Like she's been possessed by Bellatrix or something…"

"What?" I stared at Luna in disbelief. "You don't think she's under the Imperious, do you?"

Luna fixed me with her unblinking stare. "Who knows? There's really no way to prove it if she is, now is there? Just in case, you'd better watch your back Harry – I know I would if I were you."