A/N: Hello, my good people!!! Siyui-no-Akatsuki here to present lesson two of Lesson for Later in Life!! In honor of new things happening in the Naruto manga, Itachi shall be doing the disclaimer!!
Itachi: Why do I have to do this?
Siyui: 'Cause I said so, and 'cause I gots dango.
Itachi: Good point… Siyui doesn't own FMA, just Shiri. Nothing else, you idiots.
Siyui: Wow. Short, sweet, and to the point. Thanks Ita-chan.
Itachi: Call me that again and your head comes off.
Siyui: I don't think you could pull that off.
Itachi: ^holding up sword^ Oh really? ^starts chasing her^
Siyui: ^starts running^ Well, read the story while I run awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!
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Lesson 2: Palm Trees are NOT your Friends
Where am I… I feel a bed, but where is the bed?
I slowly opened my eyes, unaware of my surroundings. I felt something lick my face, and I turned my head to be greeted by Ed.
I leaned up on the bed I was on and grinned. "Hey buddy! How's it goin'?" Ed stared at me, a scowl on his face. That's when I remembered.
"Listen girl. I have a very short temper, and I'm not afraid to kill you." A sinister grin was instantly plastered on his face. "Actually, I prefer to kill you, but Father told me not to." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
"Who's 'Father'?" He grinned again, backing away from me.
"You'll find out soon enough."
"Wha—" Before I could continue, he knocked me out. But, not before I could hear, "The name's Envy."
"Oh…" I murmured, yawning. Ed hopped onto my lap, him yawing too. "Are you sleepy too?" He looked up at me, and then curled up. I picked him up, getting out of the bed. I sat him back down on it as I brushed myself off. I checked to make sure that my necklace was still on before leaving the room, Ed groggily following along.
I slowly walked down the white hall; watching to make sure no one was following me. And, by the looks of it, no one was.
I came to a flight of stairs, which I was hesitant to go down. Ed nudged me further with his nose, so I walked down them slowly, until I heard voices.
"I got her." I heard the same voice from last night… Envy, wasn't it?
"I took ya long enough. If it was me, I would've gotten her along time ago." A harsher, deeper voice.
"Shut it, Greed." Envy snarled.
"Oh? Someone wake on on the wrong side of the bed?"
"I'm serious." I heard him threaten Greed.
"Anyway, where is she now?" I heard a woman ask. I heard a deep laugh, probably belonging to Greed.
"Well, I think she's listing in right now." My breath hitched. "Along with her cat." Poor Ed stopped in his tracks too, a worried expression on the little cat's face. I slowly walked from behind the wall, smiling sheepishly.
"Hey…?" I said, waving my hand slightly. I finally got a good look of the people who were talking. There was Envy, and then there was a guy with spiky short black hair, black circle-rim sunglasses, (A/N: HIPPY GLASSES!!!) and a sleeveless coat with fur at the rim with a tight black shirt underneath. Also, there was a beautiful lady with long black hair and a black dress, who turned and exited the room.
The guy with short, black hair (who I guessed was Greed) grinned. "Envy…" He started, getting up and walking over to me. "You didn't tell me she was so pretty…" Well, that took me by surprise. He walked up closer to me, and I could see… how much taller he was than me. Damn.
"W-what?" Was all I could get out. I heard Ed growl…
"You heard me. Wanna go out with me?" I narrowed my eyes.
"Dude, I'm fifteen." He grinned.
"Doesn't matter, cutie— ACK!" Ed attack Greed, sending him flying to the ground.
"Get— this— cat— OFFA ME!" He yelled, Ed scratching the crap out of his face. Did I mention that Ed was very protective of me? I couldn't help laughing.
Envy snickered. "Didn't think you'd get beat up by her cat, Greed." Greed threw him a glare before trying to get Ed off of him again. I smoothly picked Ed up who, by the sneer on his face, wasn't done scratching up Greed's face.
"Are you okay Ed? Did the scary man hurt you?" I cooed, petting my cat reassuringly. Greed scowled.
"I am going to enjoy killing that cat." I glared at him dangerously.
"You touch my cat and I swear I will shove those hippy sunglasses so far up your butt that sun will be able to reflect off of it, got it?" Did I mention that I was very protective of my cat? Greed smirked.
"What can you do, girl?" I smiled innocently.
"Oh… nothing… Except this." I slammed my elbow into his stomach, stomped on his foot with the heel of my steel-enforced boots, punched him in the head with my fist, and, last but not least, kneed him where the sun don't shine.
"How's that?" He looked up at me from his place on the ground, glaring.
"B-bitch…" I saluted him, grinning.
"And proud of it." Envy looked at me, smirking.
"You didn't have that much fight in you yesterday." I scowled at him.
"It was ten-o-clock at night and I was sleepy as crap. What did ya expect?" I deadpanned. Greed finally got up from the ground, glaring at me.
"Listen here girl," he started, picking me up by my collar. "You do as I say, not the other way around." I narrowed my eyes, "Now, if you'd like to start over…" he suggested, setting me down. "I wouldn't mind complying…"
"Again, fifteen…"Guess what happened next?
"GET THIS CAT OFFA ME!" Ed jumped him again, this time attacking him with the fury of a thousand angry house cats. Envy sighed, grinning.
"Don't you see her cat doesn't like it when you do stuff like that?" I grinned.
"He doesn't really like anybody, actually." I said thoughtfully, pulling Ed off of Greed's face. "Ed, did he hurt you? Huh?" I asked Ed, who was glaring at Greed.
It looked as if Greed and Ed had entered a fired-up staring contest, because I'm sure I could see sparks. "I did not come here to be mauled by a stupid kitty-cat." I sighed.
"Holy crap." I muttered. Greed turned to me, confused.
"What?" Before he could say anything, Ed attacked him, again. Envy laughed, amused.
"Cats don't like you, do they, Greed?" Ed stopped attacking Greed's face long enough for him to glare at Envy.
"Shut. Up." He hissed. I tugged Ed off of Greed's face (wow, I was actually starting to feel sorry for him), smiling at him.
"Bad Ed! I told you, attacking people's faces are bad!" Envy looked at me incredulously.
"He's done it before?" I nodded, like any cat would do it.
"Yup. This is the fourteenth time now." Greed growled.
"That cat needs to be killed…" I glowered at him.
"You come near my cat I'm going to murder you with a spoon."
"…That's not even possible."
"It's been done before." I said, nodding. Greed mumbled something, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"I'm leaving before that cat has another spazz attack…" He left the room, a stream of curses following him. I swiveled around, heading for the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" I turned my head to Envy and rolled my eyes.
"You really think I'm going to stay here?" I said, like it was common knowledge. Envy folded his arms and got up from the couch he was sitting on.
"No, but you're not going anywhere, girl." I laughed sourly.
"Sure, sure." I scoffed. Before I could even blink, I was slammed against the wall fiercely, Envy's mauve eyes glaring at mine.
"Do you have a death wish, Sparky?" At first, I didn't want to speak, but I forced myself to.
"It seems like I do sometimes, doesn't it?" I said, not realizing how stupid I really was until it came out of my mouth. He scowled, slamming me against the wall again, pain shooting down my spine as I cringed.
"Do not talk to me like that, understand?" I held one shaking hand to my necklace, but nonetheless, I nodded. Envy grinned.
"Good. Now come on—" I punched him in the stomach with my lightning-enforced right hand, sending him into the wall across the room. I allowed myself to grin, but stopped when I noticed him grinning. Wait; usually, that paralyzes people…
"Not smart, Sparky." He grinned, running up and kneeing me violently in the stomach. A little blood trickled out of my mouth, making me cough a little. "Didn't expect me to get back up, did ya?" Envy asked, the grin on his face becoming more malicious by the second. I scowled as he punched me again, this time in the jaw. "Answer me!" I didn't respond because I was too concentrated on Ed, who was shaking at my feet. The grin disappeared from Envy's face. "I said, 'Answer me!" he punched me in the stomach, the again in the face.
"N-no." I grounded out hoarsely, more blood coming out of my mouth. "B-but…"
"But what?" he asked, pressing me harder against the wall.
"But" I started weakly, "It doesn't mean I'm afraid of you…" Before he could respond at all, I instantly blacked out.
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"What?!" Roy yelled, angrily slamming his hands on his hard wood desk. "Shiri's been… kidnapped?!"
Second Lt. Jean Havoc nodded curtly. "Yes. She didn't come to work today, of course, and no one's seen her." Roy had a fierce expression on his face, his eyebrows drawn together.
"Who was it? Where was it? What time was it?" he asked in a flow of questions. Havoc sighed.
"We don't know much yet, sir."
"Well, what do you know? You guys must know something! Someone must have been there." Havoc thought for a moment.
"Well, a clerk said that he had seen Shiri at about ten o' clock because she came into the store to buy some cat food."
"And?"
"And, when the clerk followed her to give her the change, he saw a guy follow her down the alley."
"Do they know who the guy was?"
"They speculate it was the Homunculi, Envy." Roy sighed, looking at Havoc from behind his hands.
"Havoc, contact Edward Elric and his brother."
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"Envy, Father said specifically not to hurt her!" Lust said, her arms crossed over her chest. Envy huffed childishly.
"Do I look like I care?" He stole a glance at the unconscious Shiri, who was lying on the couch. Ed was sitting right in front of her, like he was protecting her.
"Well, you should. Father put her in your care—"
"What?!" Envy yelled, "Why did Father put her in my care?!" Lust smiled.
"Because," she said, "he thought it would be… interesting." She took her exit, leaving Envy fuming.
"I don't have time for this!"
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I slowly opened my eyes, the bright light stinging them. All I could see (or feel, for that matter) was Ed, who was licking my face.
"C'mon Ed, stop!" I laughed, swatting him away. I made the mistake of leaning up and instantly fell back, the pain at my sides searing.
"Don't get up. You have broken ribs." I turned my eyes to Envy, who was sitting in the window seal, looking out the window.
I looked at my stomach, and noticed how it was neatly wrapped in beige bandages, criss-crossing until my arms. Then, a question struck me.
"Ah… er…" I stuttered, trying to figure out how I was supposed to word it… Envy sighed.
"Lust, the lady you saw before, did it. Not me or Greed." After that, there was silence, but it was kind of peaceful. Until…
"Hey chick! How's it goin'? You look pretty scratched up, ya know!" I turned my head lazily to the door, Greed grinning at me. He walked over to the side of my bed as I sat up (Geez, it was painful…).
"Now, what do you think the answer to that question is?" I worded slowly, rolling my eyes. He grinned even wider.
"Now, no need to be smart, cutie."
"I don't want to be stupid like you, do I?" Greed held his hand to his heart.
"That hurt right here, cutie." I rolled my eyes, swinging my legs to the side of the bed.
"Well, that's good." I muttered, yawning. Greed was just about to say something, but Envy beat him to it.
"Get lost." Envy said sourly, still looking out the window. Greed's grin disappeared for a second, but then came back, his eyes shining with a tinge of mischief from behind his sunglasses.
"Oh, so now you're protective of her after you've beaten her up?" He shook his head in mock disappointment as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Does he understand that I'm fifteen? "That's not the way to treat a lady." Envy growled, clenching his fist.
"I said, 'get lost', bastard!" In the blink of an eye, Envy's hand morphed into a blade seamlessly and sliced Greed's head off in one swipe. My eyes widened, me giving Envy a look of revulsion.
"Why the hell did you do that?!" I yelled, my ribs throbbing as soon as the words came out of my mouth. He shrugged, like he sliced people's heads off daily (I would not be surprised if he does).
"He was annoying me. Why else?" I watched as Greed's body fell lifelessly to the ground.
"B-but that no reason to kill him!" I stated my eyes wide.
"I didn't kill him." I stared at him incredulously.
"What do you call cutting off his head? An act of endearment?" I said sarcastically.
"Glad you're worried 'bout me, cutie." I was lost for words. Greed was… right next to me? One word: WHAT?!?!?!
"B-but… how…?" Greed grinned, and I could see a smile on Envy's face.
"Cutie—" Greed started.
"Please don't call me that." I deadpanned, glaring at him slightly. He grinned.
"Cutie," he said, just to make me angry, "We're Homunculi. We don't die."
These guys— Envy and Greed— are an infamous Homunculi? I thought they were just rumors, stuff parents make up to scare kids into going to bed. But, to have a homunculi, you have to have a person to control them…
I yawned, picking up Greed's arm and getting it off my shoulder. "So…" I began, "Am I allowed to eat?"
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"Slow down, Sparky! The food's not going anywhere!" I looked up at Envy, a mouthful of rice in my mouth.
"I'mb starbing Ebvy!" I swallowed my food, and then glared at him.
"My name's not 'Sparky'. It's Shiri. Last time I checked, anyway." Truly, I expected Envy to get angry at me, but, to my surprise, he grinned.
"I can call you whatever I want," he said, sitting in the chair across from me, "Got it, Sparky?" I ate more rice and nodded dumbly. I didn't need anymore broken ribs… Then, I remembered something.
"Envy?"
"Mhm?"
"Where's Ed? Ya know, my cat?" Envy shrugged.
"Dunno." I sighed. "And don't care…"
"Where did he—"
"Big brother, where did this cat come from?" I heard a soft voice ask. I turned to the doorway, and saw a cute kid, about six years old, with long, wild black hair and big lavender eyes. To my surprise he was holding Ed in his small hands. Envy rolled his eyes, looking away.
"Well, that solved your cat problem." I heard him mumble something else, but I couldn't here it. The boy grinned at me, showing two rows of… sharp teeth…
"Is this your cat?" He held up Ed by his armpits. I was surprised, to say the least. Usually Ed scratches the crap out of people when they do that… Before I could say anything, though, Envy scowled.
"Of course it's her cat, Wrath. Who else's cat can it be, mine?"
"You have a cat big brother? What kind is it? What's its name?" Wrath asked, his eyes filled with childish wonder. Envy looked like he was just about to slap himself in the face repeatedly.
"No! I do not have a cat! I told you, it's her cat!" He pointed at me exasperatedly. Wrath nodded happily. I looked at Envy, and then smiled at Wrath.
"Thanks for finding my cat. Where was he?" Wrath smiled again.
"He was in Greed's room, trapped in a cage." I scowled.
"Homunculi or not, I will find some way to kill him…" I mumbled under my breath. Envy turned his head to me.
"What?" I smiled, already plotting inside of my head.
"Oh, nothin'…"
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The Elric brothers walked down the long hall, the younger of the two's feet making click-clunk movements on the porcelain tile.
Ed frowned. "Something's wrong, Al."
"Why would you think that, brother?" Ed looked up and down the hall.
"Do you see anyone, Al?"
"No, but—" Havoc sped down the hall towards them.
"Fullmetal, Colonel Mustang needs you!" Ed grimaced, the resentment clear on his face.
"Why?"
"It's about Shiri."
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"Envy kidnapped Shiri?!" Ed and Al yelled simultaneously at Roy.
"Yes. I just stated that, didn't I? The clerk at the store Shiri went to saw Envy take her." Ed growled, clenching his fist.
"Why didn't he do anything then?! Huh?" he yelled. And, by the look on his face, Al felt the same way.
Roy scowled. "Yelling isn't going to get anybody anywhere, Fullmetal." That seemed to make Ed angrier.
"Well, you aren't doing anything!" Roy stood up, glaring at Ed.
"What can we do? We don't know anything much yet! Just going out there and searching for her without knowing where she is isn't going to help!"
"Both of you yelling aren't helping!"Riza yelled unexpectedly. Roy and Ed (basically everybody) turned to Riza as she continued. "And tearing up the whole city in a giant deadly rampage definitely isn't going to help, Roy!! She may only be fifteen, but I'm pretty sure a state alchemist can take care of herself!!" Al nodded.
"She's right…" Al started, "And I'm pretty sure that Shiri can hold out until we think of something. She's Shiri, after all." Roy sighed, knowing that the younger Elric brother was right.
"Okay… Fullmetal, you are to be stationed in Central until further notice." A smile was threatening to show up on Ed's face, "Your mission is to find Shiri," Roy's face turned serious, "but do not do anything stupid." Ed grinned a grin we know all-to-well.
"You have me confused with yourself, Colonel."
A/N; Greetings!!! Enjoy the chapter? What is Ed gonna do? And I'm talking about the alchemist, not the cat!! We all know the cat is going to murder Greed eventually…
Greed: Why does he hate me?
Siyui: Oh, I dunno. I just thought it would be funny…
Everyone: WHICH IT WAS!!!
Greed: ^goes in Greed-style emo corner^
Siyui: ^shakes finger^ Tsk, tsk, the emo corner is Mai-chan's, Greed.
Mai-chan: She's right. NOW BEAT IT!! ^kicks him out^ Oh, and you guys should review, kay?
Siyui: Jes, please review!!! And, for all of you people who reviewed last time, the next lesson in store for our friend Shiri is:
Lesson 3: Don't tell your enemy how you plan to escape.
Preview:
I backed up into a wall, grinning sheepishly. "Erm, Shiri no for eating!!" Gluttony grinned, walking up closer to me.
"You look tasty!!"
"I'm sure I do…" I turned to Envy, who suddenly found a book very interesting. "Help!!!" He looked up at me, and then returned his gaze back to his book.
"You can eat her." My eyes widened.
"Envy?!?!" He set his book down, annoyed.
"Yeesh, I was just kidding…"