A/N: Hello, my good readers!! This is Siyui-no-Akatsuki here, with another thrilling chapter of Lessons for Later in Life!! Greed, since you don't get any show time in this chappie, you can do the disclaimer!!
Greed: Siyui-no-Akatsuki doesn't own FMA, or the Homunculus. She does, however, own Shiri, because she is of her creation.
Siyui: Arigatou, Greed. Anyway, I would love to say a premature happy-birthday to my friend, Isume-Koneko-Chan!!! This chapter's for you!!! Oh, and don't think I forgot about you, Mai-chan!!! You're b-day's up soon, and I already know what I'm gonna do… ^evil laughter^
Greed: She does have something planned. Trust me, I was there… She wouldn't leave me alone and kept stole my glasses…
Siyui: ^wearing Greed's glasses^ Peace out, and enjoy the chapter!!!
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Lesson 3: Don't tell you enemy your plans of escape. It's not really an 'escape plan of awesomeness' anymore.
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"I hate you so much." I growled, crossing my sleeveless arms and glaring as I sat down at the far end of the bed.
Envy grinned as he lay down on the bed and looked up at me. "Did you really expect me to let you be in a room, all by yourself, Sparky?"
"I was really hoping so…" I muttered to myself as Ed hopped into my lap and went to sleep. Envy leaned up and threw me a bored look.
"You're a state alchemist, correct?"
"Yes…" I said, wondering where the heck this was going.
"Well, that means that to some degree, you have good alchemist powers?" I nodded.
"Sure, let's go with that." He grinned then, propping his head up with his hand and laying on his side to look at me.
"Do you really think that we didn't factor in the possibility of you using those alchemy powers to escape?"
"…Damn." I mumbled, uncrossing my arms. I yawned again, stretching my arms out like I was trying to reach the the heavens. Envy turned his gaze towards me again, a grin lining his face.
"You sleepy?" I shook the yawn off and looked at him.
"No, not—" A yawn interrupted my sentence, proving my statement erroneous. He lifted an eyebrow.
"Care to repeat that again, Sparky?" I scowled at him, standing up and picking up a pillow.
"Leave me alone…" I mumbled, going into a corner of the room and setting my pillow down. "I'm sleeping over here…" Envy smirked, sitting up.
"Oh really? Why would you do that when you can sleep in a bed?" I glared at him from my not-so-comfortable corner of awesome awesomeness.
"Because, I don't want to sleep in the same bed with the likes of you!" I said crossly, curling up into a ball in my make-shift bed. Envy's smirk turned into a grin as he patted the bed-space next to himself.
"Aw, there's a nice, warm spot right here for ya, Sparky!" My eyes widened.
"Hell no!!!" I yelled, shifting into my corner more. Envy put on a fake look of hurt.
"I won't bite." He said, a grin coming onto his face, "Much." I turned my back to him to face the corner.
"Weirdo…" I muttered, my eyes getting heavier, and heavier…
(Siyui: Hmm… Funny, I have nothing to really say right now…)(Sasuke: That's a first.)(What are you even DOING in here?!)(Dunno, really.)
"Wake up, Sparky." My response:
"Go to hell…" I muttered.
"Sorry, kicked out. Now wake up!" I opened one eye to the newest person on my hit list.
"Leave me alone…" I mumbled, "I'm sleeping."
"Then how are you talking, idiot?" I took a moment to glare at Envy, before flicking him off and trying to resume my wonderful sleep. I heard a growl, and then I was lifted off of my wonderful spot on the ground and thrown into a wall.
"Rise and shine." Envy muttered smugly, his arms crossed as I rubbed my right side in pain. I looked out to window, gazing at the… darkness?!
"Why the hell did you wake me up? What time is it?" Envy looked around, spotting a clock.
"'Bout… 9:00pm." I gawked at him.
"Then I've only been asleep for an hour!!" He shrugged, walking out the room.
"I don't care." He said plainly, motioning with his finger for me to follow him to wherever he decided he wanted to go. "C'mon." I reluctantly followed my captor, flicking him off whenever he wasn't looking at me.
"You know—" Flick off. "—that I know—" Flick off. "—when you—" Flick off. "—do that—" Flick off. "—right?" I scowled, flicking him off one last time before I crossed my arms.
"Where the hell are you taking me?" He grinned that evil ha-ha-you'll-hate-this-but-I-love-seeing-you-in-pain grin.
"I need to introduce you into a few of my… comrades." I hated how he hesitated when he said 'comrades'.
We walked down the stairs to the main room, where I guessed Envy's 'comrades' were waiting, me thinking about the many possible ways to get out of this place…
"Stop daydreaming." I was ordered by Envy as he pointed into another room. I walked into it slowly, looking around the corner, where I was greeted by a very… interesting sight.
It wasn't the lady (she was the same one I saw before) that bothered me; it was the giant FAT guy that smiled creepily at me with this giant FAT grin. Two words: Holy crap.
"Um… Hello?" I offered to them. I'm pretty sure I heard Envy snicker at my reaction, but I was in no way sure. The lady, probably sensing my cowardice to talk to this strange, strange man, stepped forward.
"Hello, I'm Lust." Then she pointed at IT. "And this is Gluttony." He waved his hand in the air wildly at me.
"Can I eat you?" Okay out of all the weird questions I've been asked in my life, this one really took the cake.
He started walking towards me, hands outstretched. I backed up into a wall, grinning sheepishly. "Erm, Shiri no for eating!!" Gluttony grinned, walking up closer to me.
"You look tasty!!"
"I'm sure I do…" I turned to Envy, who suddenly found a book very interesting. "Help!!!" He looked up at me, and then returned his gaze back to his book.
"You can eat her." My eyes widened.
"Envy?!?!" He set his book down, annoyed.
"Yeesh, I was just kidding…" He said in a manner that told me that he probably wasn't kidding. "We have to go, anyway. Gluttony can eat you later." I rolled my eyes as he started to drag me out the front door.
"Yes. I can't wait to be eaten." I said sarcastically as we started to walk outside the giant house. Trees surrounded us everywhere I turned, so I didn't know where we are. "Where are we going at nine-o-clock at night?" I asked, yawning in the middle of it. I just then noticed Envy's change of attire, which were blue jeans, a dark red t-shirt and an unzipped jacket.
Envy stopped dragging me enough to grin. "Can't tell you where we're going, but I can tell you that we're going to meet someone very familiar…" I raised an eyebrow as I picked up my cat, who seemed to be following us.
(Siyui: Wow, I left that on an eerie note, don't ya think?)(Sasuke: I don't think they care.)(Shut up. I didn't ask you.)(Actually, you did.)
"We have to go save her, Brother." Al commented to Ed, who looked like he was busy thinking. They were at a 24-hour coffee shop, just outside of Central.
Ed looked up from the table he was looking at. "Don't you think I know that, Al? It's just…"
"What?" Ed took a piece of paper from the pocket inside his coat.
"The mail guy at the hotel gave me this this morning." Read it." Ed handed him the sheet of paper.
Hey, Fullmetal Pipsqueak!! Woah, woah, now! Before you flip out on me, I just want to let you know— even though I don't doubt that you already know— we have your little Sparky Alchemist. Don't worry; she's doing okay! For now, anyway. Meet me at Lab 8 at about 9:30pm, and I might let you have her back after we chat a little. But I thought you might want to know, she would make an amazing chew toy for Gluttony. He just can't stop eating, you know? Bye bye!
Al looked at Ed, handing back the note. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Ed sighed, stuffing the note back into his pocket.
"Because," he said, 'I thought it might be some kind of trap Envy's setting up." Ed rose from his seat, as did Al, as they both walked out.
"So, we're going to go right?" Ed nodded, his gaze fixed on something in the distance.
"Yes, but I think I should go by myself." Al stopped right there in the street to look at Ed.
"What? Brother, you can't be serious—"
"Al, if envy really is using this as a trap, I don't want you to get caught in it too."
"But brother—" Ed grinned at Al.
"Don't worry. I'll bring Shiri back, okay?"
Alas, the sheer depth of Ed's hardheadedness is boundless, ne? Anyway…
I sighed, poking Envy in the shoulder again. Ed-cat was walking beside us happily, an odd little bounce in his cat-like steps.
"You poke me again, you'll lose that finger and your head, got it?" He said, looking straight ahead of us. I noticed how we kept turning down random streets, but kept focusing on my plan: annoy Envy into submission.
"But I want to know where we're going!" I wailed, poking him a few more times for emphasis.
"I told you that I wasn't going to tell you, Sparky." He growled, "Now stop poking me before I shove you own arm down your throat." I put on a look of mock confusion, but on the inside I was cackling like a wolf-human (A/N: KIBA!!!).
"How would ya manage that, Envy?" He just stopped to take a second to glare at me before continuing on walking.
"I'm going to show you how in a second…" I heard him mutter under his breath. I grinned; it was so easy to get under his skin.
I counted to five. "A second has passed, Envy-chan. Five, actually." I saw his hand twitch to really do as he promised. There must be something I'm wanted unharmed for, or I'm pretty sure I'd be dead by now… Oh well.
Envy turned down a dark alley, which really creeped me out.
"Um… Why are we going down here…?" He turned to me to grin, before turning again.
"Don't worry Sparky, we're almost there…" I scowled at his change in attitude. My 'Annoy into Submission' plan has henceforth been deemed the mark FAILURE.
"And 'there' is where?" We suddenly reached a giant clearing.
"'There' is here." I looked at what he was pointing at, gasping.
"Why'd you take me to Laboratory—" I felt ropes tie around my body, cutting off my sentence and rendering me defenseless.
"Sparky, be a good little hostage and don't scream if ya want to keep your tongue, okay?" He whispered into my ear, sickly sweet. My breath hitched as he threw me to the ground. I looked to see who was walking up to us, and when I did figure out, I couldn't help but scream.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!" I screeched rather loudly, shaking in my bindings and smiling. Envy grinned, nonetheless.
"You're not getting out of those, Sparky." I scowled, but then the smile of hopefulness came back to my face at the sight of Ed's short midget body.
"Let her go." He growled simply, stepping closer. Envy shook his finger.
"Nope. We talk first, got it?" I growled, looking for a way to get out of these ropes… my pocket! I always carry an emergency switchblade in my back pocket just for times like these!! No, that's not true. I just have one because I accidently left one in there…
Anyway.
"Perfect…" I whispered, twisting the knife around in my fingers until it was in the perfect position to cut at the rope.
"You're going to use her as a sacrifice, aren't you?" Ed asked, stepping forward. Then, I noticed something terribly shocking… I'm the shortest person— Whoa!! Wait a second here!! Sacrifice?! I started to cut faster then ever, I slicing and slicing until I hear a little snip. I tried not to let my impending grin show by pretending to struggle in the ropes.
"Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. Who knows?" envy said, grinning. I put on a fake look of innocence.
"Please let me out!" When Envy turned to me, I saw Ed raise an eyebrow and give me a wow-you're-insane-to-try-this look before grinning. Ah, he knows me too well. Envy looked at me, bending down to my short, short level. (Dammit.)
"Now why would I do that, Sparky?" He whispered. I scowled, freeing my fist from the ropes.
"Because." I said, cutting his jugular vein with my trusty switchblade. Blood began to poor out as he flicked me off with the hand that wasn't grasping his neck.
"Bitch!" He hissed at me, narrowing his eyes and standing up as I did too.
I flashed him a peace sign. "You know it!" I walked over to Ed as he rolled his eyes.
"Where the hell did you get that?" I thought for a second before smiling.
"Stole it from ya last week." He twitched. "Idiot."
"A smart idiot." I pointed out, holding up my finger. Envy, which was now healed, walked over to us with a smirk on his face.
"Look, now you got my clothes dirty…" I scowled, crossing my arms and looking at Ed.
"I got's a plan!" I said, adding in a happy thumbs up. Ed lifted an eyebrow.
"And that is…?" I looked at Envy.
"RUN LIKE HELL!!!" I screamed, grabbing Ed's automail arm and booking it outta there and dragging him along.
"Oh no ya don't, Sparky." An eerie voice whispered in my ear, scaring the crap out of me.
Let me tell you something; I have this accidental ability to store the electricity I don't use when I'm doing my alchemy in my body, and I can discharge it whenever I want. But, I also dispel that energy whenever I'm really angry, or… Scared. And that's what happened.
Now, do you remember what I was holding onto? Yup, Ed's arm. Ed's automail arm.
A jolt of electricity went down my arm, and into his metal arm, magnifying the small charge to a half sized charge, which could successfully disable a person's nervous system for a few minutes and make their hair stand on end. Which is what happened.
"Ed, come on!!" I shook him quickly, trying to get him to snap out of it as Envy walked up, his eyes dancing from what just happened.
"That was some bad luck, wasn't it?" After all of my ah-mazing shaking, I heard a familiar crick-clink, which seemed to bounce Ed back to life, somewhat.
I scowled. "Great timing for your auto-mail to break!" He scowled at me, his right eye twitching.
"It's you're damn fault!" I shrugged.
"I didn't know he was going to scare me." A grin spread across my face. "Can't wait to see Winry beat your ass." He paled at the thought.
"If I go down, I'm taking you with me, Shiri."
"Yeah right!!"
"Sorry to ruin this delightful moment, Sparky, Shorty—"
"I'm not short…" Ed muttered, but Envy ignored him.
"— but I think it's time I say goodbye." He said, as he started to walk… in the opposite direction.
"WHAT?!" I gawked at him. "You're gonna leave?!" He turned back around to grin at me.
"Oh, don't worry Sparky, I'll be back to get you." He turned to Ed, scowling. "You better take care of her. She's important, you know?" He waved a lethargic goodbye, jumping off into the shadows.
"What the hell?!?! GET BACK HERE!!!" I yelled, running after him, "You can't just kidnap me then let me go at random!!!" I would've run farther if Ed hadn't grabbed my collar, and then hit me on the head.
"Don't go and run after him!" I scowled, rubbing my now sore head.
"Do you know how much that hurt, baka?!" Ed glared at me.
"I hope it hurt! Do you know how dark it is out there, and how prone you are to running into things?" I sighed, knowing he had me there… I do run into things a lot…
I shrugged anyway, sliding my hands into my pockets. "I don't run into things as much any—" I ran into Al, falling backwards. Ed, being the gentleman he's not, stepped out the way so the hard, cold floor could have a reunion with my butt.
"Ow…" I lucked up at Ed, who was smirking smugly at me. "Thanks for catching me…" I muttered sourly, getting back up. "Anyway… Hey Al!" He waved at me, helping me up then looking at Ed.
"Brother, you should've helped her." All he did was shrug. I scowled, hugging Alphonse's metal body.
"Al, you're my new favorite Elric brother…"
________________ Third Person, because I say so. Oh, and a change of atmosphere.
Roy kept signing the papers that littered his desk. Since he didn't have Shiri to help him with the papers, there were more… and more… and more than usual. Where is Shiri…?
"ROY!!!" The door to his office was burst open with a very muddy Shiri, Al, and a scowling Ed appearing in the door. "I fell in some mud on the way here…" Shiri explained sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.
"Some mud…?" Ed commented dryly, crossing his arms. She scowled at him, placing her hand on his face and smearing a bunch of mud on it. "What the hell was that for?!" She grinned, crossing her arms.
"You looked like you deserved it." She said, sticking her tongue out. "Plus, your face could use some improvement," She grinned deviously, "Shorty." She drawled slowly. Al sighed, sitting down and know what was just about to happen.
"YOU'RE CALLLING ME SHORT?! EVER LOOK IN A MIRROR?!"
"I CAN'T!!! YOUR FACE KEEPS BREAKING THEM ALL!!!"
"YOU WANNA TRY THIS?!?"
"BRING IT ON, BUSTER!!!" Roy sighed as they fought, propping his head up with his hand.
"So you're okay…?" Shiri stopped trying to beat Ed and vise-versa.
"Of course I'm okay! I'm awesome! Amazing! Stupendous!" Ed rolled his golden eyes, poking Shiri in the ribs. She fell to the ground in the muddle of her rant, gripping her sides in pain.
"Ow…" Roy narrowed his eyes, walking up to her from behind his desk.
"Who hurt you?" She smiled sheepishly, getting up from the ground.
"Oh, nothing! Nobody! I just, uh, fell!" Roy turned to Ed.
"Who hurt her?" Ed shrugged, but he kept his eyes on Roy.
"She didn't tell me," He turned to Shiri, "But if I had to guess, Envy." Roy looked at her.
"Ah, what I meant was…" She started, obviously thinking something up, "I hit his fist with my ribs, his knee with my stomach and his fist again with my jaw. Multiply that by two and you'll get how much pain I dealt that sucker!!" She said, punching the air. Roy sighed, trying not to grin.
"So you're okay?"
"More or less. It's just a bruise there, a broken rib here…"
"You're ribs are broken?!" Shiri shook her head.
"Not 'ribs', 'rib. Only one. Or two. I can't remember, really." Roy scowled.
"Shiri…" She smiled at him, flashing a thumbs up.
"I'm fine! Really!" She turned around then, walking towards the door that Al blocked. "Now, I just need to go home! I'm really sleepy…" Roy grabbed her by the collar, preventing her from movement.
"Don't you even dare, Spark. You're not going to your house by yourself." Shiri huffed.
"Why?" She whined. Roy gave her a look as if she was the stupidest person on Earth.
"You were just kidnapped. Do you really think I would let you live by yourself now?" Shiri, who stopped paying attention at the word 'kidnapped', gasped.
"Where's Ed?!" the real Ed was just about to say something but Shiri beat him to it. "Not you!" She snapped, "The cute cat ed!" Al brightened up, reaching into the confines of his armor and pulling something out.
"Oh, you mean him?" He pointed to the blond cat that proceeded to glare at Roy for no real reason. "I knew he looked familiar!" Shiri took her cat, hugging him.
"See, this is why you're my favorite Elric brother, Al." Roy pointed at the Ed cat, then at the real Ed.
"How…?" Shiri sighed.
"Long story… Anyway, what am I suppose to do since I can't go back to my house?" Roy smirked, sitting back down in his chair and resting his chin on his hands.
"You'll be traveling with the Elrics."
A/N: Yay!! And another chapter bites the dust!!!! Woo!!! ^dances^ Anyway, I would like you people to know that right now, Shiri and Co. are just about to go into the whole Xing arc of this here story. The part with the Devil's Nest is going to come; I just have to switch some stuff around for… ZE PLOT!!! ^dramatic music^ Anyway, here's a preview of the next chapter:
Lesson 4: Ramen is a dish best served on someone's head.
"Al, Shiri?" Ed turned around, wondering where his comrades were.
"Brother…" he saw them huddled into an alley, looking at something. Ed raised an eyebrow, sipping a soda before walking over.
"You guys act as if you found another lost cat…" Shiri laughed sheepishly.
"Kinda…" Al lifted to show his brother… some random guy. Ed spit out his drink and Shiri looked at Ed.
"Can we keep it…?" She asked sweetly. Ed twitched.
"Don't act like he's some kind of puppy!!!!"
Siyui: And there ya have it!!! Stay tuned, and Greed, tell 'em to review!!!
Greed: Review so we can get to my story arc quicker!!!
Siyui: Yes! Like Greed-nii-chan said, reviews give me the strength to update!!! So all you people who read this, please update, ne? Sayonara!!!!