Writted for Inuyasha_et_al Community on Livejournal, Posted March 4, 2010 - Denial Theme

One shot only, kids. :) And yes, I'm getting back into writing again.

Songfic based on John Mayer's "Edge of Desire" on his latest Battle Studies album. 3

Young and full of running
Tell me where's that taken me
Just a great figure eight of a tiny infinity

It had taken time for word to reach the demon settlement of the Tribe; time for the news to sink in and time for relief to become a tangible feeling in the air – a bubble-light joy that ran as an undercurrent to the long-term plans and the day-to-day trivia of living. Naraku was dead, the Shikon Jewel gone from the world……along with the miko who had shattered it.

Alone, he looked out over the settlement from his perch on the high plateau, eyes narrowed against the setting sun. The watercolor sky was beautiful, clear for once of the ominous presence of miasma clouds or mocking laughter, and he allowed himself to breathe deeply of the pure winds.

Unconsciously, he rubbed his palms against his scarred shins, the rough skin puckered where shards of the shattered Shikon Jewel had once been embedded. While the rest of his tribe rejoiced, the knowledge of Naraku's defeat was for him bittersweet. For all of his running, all of his battles, the scars, the lost comrades, he hadn't been the one to put the screws to that bastard. To be honest, it rankled a bit that his was not the hand that had ended that murdering hanyou's life.

More than that, it was a scar on his soul that he had not been able to save Kagome. By all reports she was gone from this world – no trace, no scent, as if she had been a figment of their imaginations.

But he remembered.

He lowered his head and keened, giving vent to the grief and guilt that consumed him.

Love is really nothing but a dream that keeps waking me
For all of my trying, still end up dying
How can it be

Startled, panting, and shaking, he woke from the myriad world of dreams. Images of Kagome still speared through his mind, and though he couldn't remember what woke him, he could still almost hear her screams. Scrubbing his eyes with his palms, he glanced around the cave at the sleeping forms of his comrades; still, safe, and happy, they slept on, thanks to Kagome. Well, and dog-shit too, I guess. If I wanted to be charitable.

I don't.

He sighed, and stood, stretching his leaden legs. The rumors had reached him that the inu-hanyou had been spotted, living in that village where he and Kagome had made their camp of sorts. The taijiya and the monk were there too, resting and recovering. Of course, his tribe spoke in hushed tones of their sister, the miko who was missing, even as they kept quiet around their leader, sensing his pain.

A growl escaped his lips. If anyone knows what happened to Kagome, it's dog-shit. Surely he can tell me what happened. Maybe he can tell me where she is. Maybe he knows if she's really….gone. Maybe then I can kill him and not feel guilty.

A part of him still whispered in the recesses of his mind…She's not gone…she can't be.

So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire
Steady my breathing, silently screaming
I have to have you now

Standing at the outskirts of the village, he watched as life passed before his eyes. Humans were so perfectly fragile, so incredibly short-lived. Every second of the day that they spent in sleep, in play, in laughter and tears – they could never recover. Since meeting Kagome, he was constantly amazed at their tenacity.

The breeze shifted, and though he heard nothing, he felt a presence at his shoulder, and caught a whiff of the hanyou's scent. Dog-shit.

"Hey, Mutt."

"Hey, Kouga." Startled at the use of his actual name, he glanced at the hanyou, who raised a pale eyebrow and smirked. "What? I figured you'd be one of the first to come."

Kouga turned his attention back to the village, where a group of children, and the little kitsune, had been turned out of doors to play. "I don't know if I like being that predictable…Inuyasha."

Inuyasha snorted and shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I knew you would come."

"If you know so much, then you know why I've come?"

Inuyasha sighed and for a time the pair stood in silence as they watched the children play. Finally, he squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. "You want to know about Kagome."

His hands drew up into fists and he kept a tight leash on his temper. "Yes. The rumors are…disturbing."

Inuyasha looked down at the wolf-demon's clenched fists and working jaw, and incredibly, the edges of his mouth turned up in what could almost be called a smile. "Disturbing? Well, listen to you. Don't beat it around, Kouga, you came here to beat the shit out of me for not protecting her."

Kouga snarled and his youki flared, the harsh sound booming through the clearing and turning the heads of the children in the field. The kitsune barked three words and the children all took off at a dead run back into the village proper. He squared off in front of the unperturbed hanyou, baring his teeth.

Inuyasha sighed again.

"Now look. You scared the kids and now the monk and taijiya will be out here to investigate. Good job, shithead."

Oh, now we're back on solid ground. This has all been too civilized.

"Tell me what the fuck happened, dog-breath, or I swear I'll tear you apart. The only thing keeping me from your throat right now is that you haven't yet said that Kagome is dead. "

"That's because she's not."

Kouga stopped circling, startled into immobility. He spun towards the village again, mind and senses intent on finding the woman, when Inuyasha stopped him, grabbing his arm and yanking him back.

"She's not in the village either, idiot."

Kouga threw off Inuyasha's restraining arm and glared. "Then where the fuck is she, mutt? Quit being so goddamned cryptic and tell me where the hell she is! Are you enjoying this? It's bad enough you people let me think for the last few months that she was dead, but now you're just jerking my ass around! I knew you were a prick, but this tears it!" Snarling, he took a swipe at Inuyasha, claws passing just inches from the hanyou's face before he leapt back out of the way.

The jingle of a familiar staff rang in his ears, and he turned, panting and enraged, to find the monk and the slayer watching the exchange.

"Ah, Kouga. We were expecting you." The monk's smooth voice calmed his nerves a bit. Outside of the inu-hanyou, these were Kagome's friends. He could restrain himself…mostly.

"Why the fuck does everyone keep saying that?" he growled. The monk's amused chuckle answered.

"You were…close…to Kagome, Kouga. It is only natural that you should wish news of her fate."

Oh…now we're back to being civilized are we?

More growls emanated from his chest. "You idiots could have at least sent a messenger…something. Anything! All the news we had said she was either dead or 'gone'. What the hell else were we supposed to think?"

"You have our deep regrets, Kouga. Between our own recoveries and other…circumstances..we didn't even think to send messengers." Miroku motioned to a shaded spot under the trees. "Let us tell you what we can. It will take some…time." He motioned again as neither Inuyasha or Kouga had moved. "Please. Sit." He glared pointedly at Inuyasha. "Both of you, if you please."

Slowly, reluctantly, Kouga relaxed, and still keeping a wary eye on Inuyasha, moved to where the monk indicated, and Miroku began his tale, with Inuyasha and Sango chiming in.

…The world as he knew it changed that afternoon.

Three years and many more rounds with the mutt later, they had worked out a wary truce. Every month they took it in turns to run circuits through his territory and Inuyasha's, throwing out bandits and eliminating any demon threat. The sharp edge of their relationship still lay between them, the unspoken but permanent knowledge that someday, perhaps in five hundred years of somedays, they would find her again on her side of the well. When that time came…they both knew that their heartbreak warfare would return again in earnest, and one of them would lose when she made her choice.

He continued to deny it would be him, despite the hanyou's knowing smirk.

Turning at the sound of pounding footsteps, he watched Ginta and Hakkaku come up over the rise, panting as they ran.

"Kouga! Come quick!" Still panting, Ginta hobbled up to him, leaning on his shoulder as he tried to catch his breath.

"What the hell, you two?" He watched as they sprawled on the grass at his feet, completely spent.

"Messenger…Inuyasha….Sister Kagome….." Hakkaku gasped, looking up.

Kouga wasn't there anymore.

Hakkaku laid his head back against the grass and closed his eyes, determined to wait until his heart stopped trying to break through his ribcage before following his leader. He's still too gods- be-damned fast.

Don't say a word just come over and lay here with me
Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

His legs weren't as fast as they had been with the Shikon jewels in them. The promise of seeing Kagome again almost made up for the lack. He flew through the forests and plains separating Inuyasha's village and his tribal lands, feet barely even touching the terrain.

He ran straight for the well once he reached the outskirts of the village. Inuyasha had shown him the innocent-looking well after their discussion that day under the trees. He knew it for the access point, the place where she opened the door to another world. How his admiration for her had climbed that day, hearing about that other world, and the bravery that it must have taken to continue coming here after all the dangers that she had faced. If the message was right and she had returned again, he loved her even more.

A lone figure was seated by the well, red and white and dark and beautiful to his eyes; Kagome. It's her! It's true!

He skidded to a stop in front of where she was and flashed a cheeky grin. "How's my woman?" he blurted, then scooped her up for a rib-cracking hug. He clung to her, eyes closed, breathing in her scent as her arms flew around his neck, returning the hug…and his hope.

Satisfied with the greeting, he pulled away, holding her out from him as he examined her. She had grown up in three years, her slim beauty's place taken by sleek, feminine curves. Her face was still the same, though the eyes were more guarded than he had remembered them. Still, they shone with tears and she smiled through them. That's my girl.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she held out a hand and shook her head. "No, Kouga. Let me, please." She pulled away further, and returned to her perch on the lip of the well. She twisted the fabric of her hakama in her palms and her eyes fell to her hands.

"Kouga…you have to understand some things."

He quirked an eyebrow and sat down in a rush, legs crossed under him and face upturned to hers. He pulled her hands away from where she was worrying the fabric and held them in his, as he had so many times. "All right, Kagome. Make it quick before dogshit gets here."

She frowned, perturbed. "Don't..." she hesitated, "don't call him that." Nervously she twitched her fingers in his hand, before finally - and painfully - pulling them away.

"Kouga, you have to understand. I...I love you, I do," she rushed. His heart soared. Take that, dog-boy!

"..but I came back here, knowing I may not be able to return to my own time....to be with him." He blinked at her, uncomprehending. "To be with Inuyasha."

He pulled back, eyes wildly searching her face. It can't...She loves me... He shook his head, the words tumbling from his lips, "No, no, that's not right. I've waited for you for three years..I knew as soon as I met you that you were perfect for me...for my people." He turned from her, head lowered and eyes hooded. "I loved you, all that time.."

She reached for him, hesitating, then pulled her hands back. "I know, Kouga. I've always known. I'm so sorry. I've tried to tell you so many times." The tears were running freely down her cheeks and he could smell their saltiness, ached to wipe them away.

He shook his head again and after a couple of deep breaths could turn back to her, pasting on a vestige of the cocky grin. "Well...that should make dog-breath happy, shouldn't it? The bastard was right all along. Cocky son-of-a-bitch." He huffed a jagged laugh, not at all amused.

"Kouga, Inuyasha didn't.." She stopped when he held out a hand.

"Don't, Kagome. Don't." Don't say his name, don't twist the knife deeper. "We knew it would come down to one of us." He grinned, his heart not in it. "I just always thought it would be me."

He stood, flexing his hands and not daring to look her in the eye. "I'll leave you two to it, then." He grasped for the words, but they slipped through his fingers. "Congratulations...have a good life...send word when the brats show up."

He turned his back on her and dug a toe into the earth, preparing for the leap that would take him away from her. He stopped, tilting his head back to her. "It's true, you know. I've loved you since I saw you. Despite everything, despite this....I still will. Just...don't forget me, woman."

He launched himself at the forest, streaking right by the flash of silver and gold that hovered near the treeline.