Chapter Thirteen: The Face in the Mirror

Her steps dragged and she found herself outside the Yamanaka Flower Shoppe. She sighed and opened the door. A bell tinkled and Ino looked up from the counter. She smiled when she saw her friend. The smile quickly faded when Sakura didn't return it.

"What's wrong, Forehead? Did Naruto refuse to see you?" Ino asked, unknowingly hitting the nail on the head.

"Yes he did, but that's not really the problem. Tsunade-shisho–no I can't call her that anymore– Hokage-sama called me into her office and I thought she was going to tell me where to find my traitorous teammate but she didn't. She told me to stay away from him at all costs. Naruto has gotten dangerous, I guess. She said he'd hurt me if he sees me."

"Wow," said Ino. "Did she say why?" under her breath Ino muttered, Traitorous teammate huh. Shouldn't surprise me I guess.

"She said he hates me now. But Ino, that doesn't make any sense. He's always known how I felt about Sasuke-kun and it never bothered him before. Why would it now?"

"Uh... Gee maybe because you never noticed when he stopped caring about you in the first place," said Ino, messing with her ponytail of long blond hair. She was surprised by what Sakura had said about the Hokage and her not being allowed to call her Shisho anymore but she figured Sakura would get around to the reason soon.

"He stopped caring about me? When? He always loved me. He was forever asking me out on dates. Right up until we got the Sound Village mission."

Ino gave a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes. Sakura was her best friend but sometimes she was just so very dense. "Sakura, he was only asking you out by that time to cheer you up. You'd get so depressed because the Uchiha was gone that none of us could stand it. Sometimes we had to beg him to ask you out again just because you'd whale away on him for it but feel better afterwards. But something else happened other than you learning he doesn't want to see you now. What aren't you telling me?"

But Sakura was still processing what she'd just heard. "You made him ask me out? He didn't ask me because he wanted to?"

Ino shrugged. "Some of the other guys tried to ask instead but you'd just ignore them if you even heard them at all. So we had to pay him those last few months to get him to do it but he was the only one you would react to," she admitted. "He knew you'd beat the crap out of him for it and it wasn't like he could ever get treated at the hospital, you know, so he wasn't exactly eager to please you. The rest of us could so we got him bandages and pain killers and waited nearby while he'd ask you. You'd beat him up and go away smiling. Then we'd heal him and take him for ramen while he pretended it was a good bargain. A lot of our friends wanted to give up on you but I didn't want to. You'd be alone if we did." She paused to make sure she had Sakura's attention. "But what else happened?"

With her mind on what she'd just learned, Sakura told Ino every word Tsunade had said to her ending with, "She called me a traitor, told me I am no longer her student since I abused her teachings, and took away my chunnin rank. I think I'm lucky to still be a ninja. She left no doubt that if she ever thinks I abandoned another comrade I won't be."

"Wow. That's harsh but I can't say you don't deserve it, Forehead. You did abandon him as near as I can tell." In her mind she was thinking, bout time.

"What do you mean? My job was to find Sasuke-kun and return him alive and in as good a physical condition as possible. I did that."

Ino shook her head. "No Sakura. It wasn't. You were the medic on the team. You're job was to heal the team when needed so that everyone sent out had a viable chance of returning if at all possible. That's what we were told our first week of medic training. It was the senseis, Sai and Naruto's job to find and defeat Orochimaru, Kabuto and anyone else that got in the way. And it was their job to find Sasuke and return him to the village. Not yours What if he hadn't been willing to come? Did you ever think about what could have happened then?"

Sakura stubbornly insisted, "I didn't abandon anyone. It took too much of my chakra to get Sasuke-kun healed enough to last the journey back. I did what I had to in order to see to the completion of the mission." Ino said nothing but the look in her eyes was enough to get Sakura saying more. "I did heal Sai so he could walk. Otherwise he'd have been left behind. So you see, I did perform my duty as a medic."

"Barely," said a new voice coming out of the backroom carrying a tea tray with cups and a teapot. Sai set the tray down on the counter and said, "Hello, Ugly. Come here to whine about how unfair your life is again huh?"

"Sai," said Ino. "Don't pick on her. She's been given enough bad news."

"Nothing more than she deserves," answered Sai with a shrug. He picked up his teacup and added some sugar and creamer to it before stirring it carefully.

"Maybe so but it's still not our place to make a friend feel worse."

"She's not my friend. She beats on me almost as much as she did on him. At least I wasn't ever made to be her personal punching bag like he was. I guess there is good reason to be thankful I don't have the Namikaze healing gene."

"That's true but she is my friend and if you can't be nice I'll have to ask you to leave so that she and I can visit in peace."

"Ok, I'll be nice but you have to do something for me."

"What's that?"

"Give me one good reason why you think she's your friend. If you can do that, Ino, I'll back off and leave her alone." That one sentence did more to wake Sakura up then anything he'd said since he'd brought in the tea tray. He honestly thought she and Ino weren't friends either? That he could come between them? How ridiculous.

"Be nice to her now and I'll tell you later," countered Ino. Sai nodded. He would accept that because he knew there really wasn't any reason for Ino to consider Sakura to be her friend other than that they were both girls and he knew that Ino knew it also. He really didn't wish to end the friendship between the two. He just wanted to make Sakura see her mistakes were with more people than just Naruto and he didn't like the way she treated Ino any more than he liked how she treated him and Naruto.

"So you both think I abandoned Naruto? That I don't deserve to be around Naruto now because I chose Sasuke-kun over him?"

"You did choose Lovertoy over the team. There's no question about that. But no, actually that isn't why I think you don't deserve to be around him now."

"Why do you and Yamato-Sensei call Sasuke-kun that, Sai?" asked Sakura. "And why then if not because of Sasuke-kun?"

"One because if I called him his true title you'd hit me or worse and two because it's true. For you at least. As for Naruto, you don't deserve to be around Naruto now because you never allowed yourself to see him as anything but a hindrance. He needs real friends. Not pain in the butts like you."

Thinking only of her Sasuke-kun now she asked, "What do you mean his true title? And what do you mean for me at least?"

"Well, to me Sasuke a traitor. Has been from the day he chose power over his teammates. That's his true title until he proves it isn't. And I mean HE proves it isn't. Not you make excuses for him and beat people over the head with them until everyone shuts up about it."

"As for what I meant by Lovertoy, well, that's not so complicated. You're obsessed with him. According to everything I've read when someone is as obsessed with someone as you are with him they'll keep going until they get what they want. They will sacrifice anything and everything to get the object of their desire. You've done that. And until you get it you won't be happy. But the sad part is, when you do get it you still won't be happy because somewhere along the line you'll realize that what you have isn't what you thought it would be. By that time though, you'll have nothing left but the shell of your obsession so you'll hold on even tighter until you choke the life out of both of you. In short, you'll destroy both him and yourself."

Both girls were silent. Ino knew what he said was true. She and Sai had held many a discussion about team seven since the team had abandoned Naruto in those ruins. Her friend was obsessed and had been since she'd first seen the boy at the academy. Sakura, because she wondered if it was true.

Finally Ino said, "I think you convinced yourself that you loved him because you just couldn't bring yourself to give up on him. A part of you was afraid some other girl would win his heart but he doesn't have one to win. He'll never love you no matter how many times you sleep with him."

"I'm not sleeping with him," sputtered Sakura.

Sai just looked at her while Ino laughed. "You've been sleeping with him since a month after he came back."

"Nani?" screeched Sakura. "Never mind. I'm heading out of here for now. Thanks for the talk Ino. I think." She got off her stool and walked to the door of the shop with a cheery wave over her shoulder.

"One more thing, Ugly. I know you've been wondering why you and Sasuke aren't Jounins. Maybe this is why. To be an elite Nin, you have to be an honest person. No nin is totally open but jounin aren't sneaking around trying to keep secrets just for the heck of it either," said Sai as she was walking out.

Sakura froze as her eyes opened wide. Could it be? Was that why Tsunade-shisho had never put in her name for promotion? She had thought she was just waiting for Sasuke-kun to be ready so that he wasn't the last chunnin from their class but maybe she'd been holding Sasuke-kun back. She needed to figure this all out, she thought as she walked off, letting the door close behind her. She really didn't want to be a genin again and she really didn't think she'd abandoned the team like they said. One thing was sure. She needed proof before she went to argue her case.

She thought about the report she'd filed on the mission. She'd had to file one since she was the medic assigned to the team as did Kakashi as team leader. She needed to read those reports to know for sure.

Before she went home to change her clothes, she went back to the tower and to the missions record room. With her chunnin vest still on no one questioned her right to be in the room reading old reports. She walked the files of cabinets looking for the one that would hold those from missions of that time frame. She found a drawer that looked to be the right dates and pulled it open. There in the front was what she was looking for and she quickly snatched the folder out.

She took it to a table and sat down to read it in comfort. She found a copy of her mission report and at first she was reading for proof of her attempt to fulfill her role in the rescue. But soon she found herself counting how many times Sasuke-kun had been named in the report. She had listed in detail how many injuries he had from his battle and how she'd helped him finish off his opponent since the only teammate there was injured also. She noticed that although in her memory she had played a much larger role in the fighting, when she filed her report she seemed to be almost too careful to leave out the details of her battles. It was obvious, by the editing of the story and by the fact that she didn't mention how Sai acquired his injury, that the report wasn't honest. She had mentioned healing Sai's leg so he could walk but not until after she had gotten Sasuke-kun to safety. One glaring thing the report made crystal clear was who was the important person of the mission. Sasuke-kun. It was as if he was the only other person she had actually seen from the moment he'd shown up on the scene until they were back in Konoha. No one else except Kakashi-sensei even got mentioned more than once. She hadn't even made mention of the ramen stand or what she'd thought she'd heard him say about it. She never mentioned his disappearance or a possible reason as to why. It was as if he hadn't even been there to her. Her only mention of him at all was to blame him for being the reason for Sasuke-kun getting injured since he'd run away as a result of Naruto-baka seeming to be stronger than he thought he was.

She put her own report back and saw Kakashi's behind it and pulled his out. Behind his was one filed by Yamato and she pulled that one out also. Maybe one of them would mention something she could use to defend herself.

Reading through Kakashi's report of the battle was almost as bad as reading through her own. His wasn't filled with comments about Sasuke-kun's greatness and prowess in battle. Or about how his life was hanging by a thread after the battle Naruto had to have caused somehow but in a way it was worse. There was almost no information in it at all. They went there. They entered the village. They fought sound ninjas. Naruto got trapped and had to fight Kabuto while she went off with Sai to find the target. He killed Orochimaru while Naruto was still trapped. He killed one Akatsuki and caused three others to run off. That was surprising. She hadn't even known they were there. And then they left with the target that she and Sai had found. Sai was injured. Yamato was unconscious as was the target. Mission accomplished with one missing in action or casualty. He didn't even list Naruto as the one missing from the returned ninjas. But then again neither had she. At least he had mentioned someone was missing.

She opened Yamato-sensei's report and began to read. It was much more detailed. His report told of her constant sniping of Naruto and Sai for conduct she considered unbecoming. He made mention of Kakashi's apparent unconcern due to the fact that he never once put away his book. He reported their arrival at the village and Naruto's comments about the place having a ramen stand. He then told of having to send Sai off to follow Sakura who entered a tunnel without permission in order to go find the target. He also made mention of how Naruto tried to stop her but she didn't think she'd need help since she was stronger than anyone else there. He went on to report about how Kakashi had sent Naruto off alone down a tunnel saying that they might all end up alone in very separate tunnels each having the fight of their lives without finding their target. But it was clear that Yamato-sensei did not approve of sending Naruto off alone. His report detailed how he and Kakashi wound up fighting ten sound nins in a large circular room and how the last of them had knocked him unconscious. He went on to say how he was woken up only when the battle was already over and they were ready to head out the next morning. Kakashi had reported Naruto was supposedly following behind to make sure they weren't followed back to Konoha. He didn't report anyone as dead but he did make note of the fact that Naruto had not caught up to them as they got closer to the village. He recommended a search party be sent to find the young ninja.

Reading that report opened her eyes. She saw how both she and Kakashi-sensei had disregarded Naruto's worth and belittled his efforts but more importantly she saw from the report how a real ninja was supposed to behave. The detail showing that she had not revived Yamato-sensei confirmed the need for her disciplinary action. She also noted that Kakashi-sensei had lied to Yamato-sensei. She wondered why. She sighed as she stood to put the reports back in their place. She closed the drawer and turned to go, knowing she needed to look no further to see what a horrible friend she had really been.

Standing in the doorway was Yamato-sensei. "So you decided to read up on the mission to get all your answers down pat? Who do you think will question you now? No one cared six years ago when you abandoned him." he asked her.

"It isn't that. Well, yeah. That was why I came here but now I don't care who wants to ask me about that mission. I guess I just needed to see myself as I really was from back then."

"And what did you see?"

"I saw a me I don't like very much. I needed to know if I really had been so obsessed with Sasuke-kun that I turned my back on Naruto. I needed to know if I really was that shallow of a person."

"Back then? You still are. You will do or say anything if you think it will make that little princeling of a man happy. But nothing will really make that one happy and in your effort to bring a smile to his face you cut down anyone in your path. That's pretty shallow to me."

"I know. I saw my abysmal report myself. It was horrible." She paused, tears in her green eyes. "Sensei, how come I was allowed to retain my rank back then when it's so very obvious I failed to do my job? I don't understand."

"Because the council was happy with you. You brought their little orphan prince home. What's more you got rid of something they always saw as a problem. They never cared what happened to Naruto and neither did you. Don't try and act like you did now."

"I'm not. But I did a horrible job. I didn't even care about you or Sai. All I cared about was Sasuke-kun."

"I know. And as far as I can tell, that's still all you care about. You don't even care about your former Master. Otherwise you would have already followed the instructions you were given to remove that vest and turn it in. You came here to read the reports that were filed in hopes of finding something that you could use to prove Hokage-sama's reading of the situation was unjust. But it wasn't, was it."

"No but the council wanted Sasuke-kun back alive, Yamato-sensei. They wouldn't have been so understanding if he had died on the way."

"Ah but he wasn't in any danger of dying now was he? I know Sai told you on at least three occasions that Kakashi had used a jutsu to make him sleep until we got back here. And that was after Kakashi finally managed to make you spend some of your precious chakra to wake me up. Do you even understand why he wanted you to wake me? You were trying to wake him up because you wouldn't accept Sai's word. And you were costing the team's captain, chakra as he had to keep redoing the spell that kept the prince asleep."

"I do yes. I'm not sure I did then but I do now and I'm glad Kakashi-sensei over ruled me then" Her head was bowed and her hands were clasped together in front of her. She shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other. "Sensei? Why do you call him that? He's not a prince."

"Because he acts like he owns this village and that's the behavior of royalty. Now I have things to do. You should go get that vest off before Hokage-sama sees you in it." He turned and walked away before she could say another word to him.

She went home and took off her vest. She emptied the pockets of all of her tools and made room for them in her belt pouch again. Some she'd have to take to carrying on her back in the back pack but she knew this was a punishment she'd long since deserved so she didn't complain. When the vest was empty, she walked out of her apartment and headed back to the tower to turn it in. She knew she could have held on to it and simply put it away in a drawer or the bottom of her closet until she had re-earned the right to wear it but that seemed dishonest somehow. She turned it in at the tower and went off to find her teammates and Sensei.

She found Sasuke-kun at Kakashi-sensei's place and was invited inside. Both men's brows rose when they took note of her missing vest. "Yes I am a genin again. Shisho did not like what Naruto had to say about me, so after reviewing our reports of that disastrous mission, she took my rank. When I relearn what I should have already known I can reapply to have it back but not until then. It's the least I deserve."

"Meh. Don't be so hard on yourself, Sakura. You didn't knowingly leave him alive behind us. And anyway there wasn't anything you could have done. Sasuke would have died if you hadn't have healed him. Sai would have been left behind also had you not spent the last of your chakra to allow him to walk again. Neither of us could have carried both him and Naruto. She'll come around. She's just mad right now because she cares for the boy."

"I reread the reports we filed Sensei. Sai wouldn't even have been injured if I had acted as I should have. I know it is just. And that you lied to Yamato-sensei. Why did you lie to him? If you hadn't, he would have gone back for Naruto. If anyone could have helped him it would have been him." She paused to gather her scattered thoughts again. "But anyway, if I'd used my chakra as I should have I would have healed Yamato-sensei. Yes, some of my chakra would have needed to go to Sasuke-kun but he was not at that time my teammate. Naruto-baka was. And, as the team medic, he should have been my priority. With you, Yamato-Sensei and I all mobile we could have carried all three of them back to the village. If I had done my job correctly, you wouldn't have needed to lie to Yamato-sensei and you wouldn't now be hiding from Tsunade-shisho. But all I could see was Sasuke-kun. I let my feelings for him blind me to everything and everyone else. Shisho was right to take away my rank."

She saw Sasuke nod his head. It hurt that he agreed but not as much as it would have if she'd have still thought Shisho had been wrong. The three stayed up late discussing things about that mission and Sakura ended up telling Kakashi-sensei she thought maybe it might help him to see things more clearly if he went and read all three of the filed reports as she had done. Neither of them seemed all that able to look at Naruto-baka and his achievements in that battle clearly. The reports had helped her. They might help him also.

It was late when Sasuke walked her back to her apartment and went to come inside with her. She stopped him at the door. "I need to think Sasuke-kun. I like you a lot. I've loved you ever since I can remember but I have to wonder whether I love the you I want you to be or the you that you really are. Give me some room and time please." She smiled to take the sting out of her words and he nodded and stepped back. He didn't smile or frown, she noticed. Just stepped away from her door and headed down the street to his own estate and his lonely bed.