Disclaimer: Ok I asked Hubby to buy me a maid.
Hubby: I told you when Kishimoto sells us Naruto.
Disclaimer: And you see, Kishimoto knows a good thing when he sees one.
Hubby: You mean he's gonna sell it to me? No more walking thru a minefield just to cross the livingroom?
Disclaimer: Uh...No. I mean he knows it's good that he owns it. He won't sell.
Hubby: frowns ... mumbles Dangit . . . Get my hopes up for nothing. . .
Disclaimer: Should have just bought me the maid anyway.
Hubby: Or bought the boys less toys. . .
Disclaimer: Well. . .yeah. That would have helped, I guess. Anyway folks, we still don't own Naruto or a clean house so read and review. And Happy reading.
Chapter Eighteen: Celebrate Mourning
Jiraiya went with Naruto and Gaara to the practice field where Naruto usually worked out with his kage bushins. He refused to spar with another live person but the bushins let him get a good workout without them and he didn't do damage to his surroundings he couldn't make right. That was an ability that had surprised Jiraiya when he'd first seen it. Naruto had never had an affinity for nature before but apparently he did now. Every mauled patch of ground or broken tree, shattered rock or churned stream was repaired before they left the area for the day. He and Gaara took up sentry positions around the entrance to the training ground while they watched Naruto work with the elemental gifts Kami gave her warrior.
"You don't have to worry about someone copying these. Even the Sharingan can't see the signs to do this."
"That's not why we're here Naruto. You don't seem to realize how many people want to see you and are looking for you every day," answered Jiraiya.
"Why would anyone care? They never did before. All everyone wanted back then, was for me to shut up and go away."
Jiraiya winced but didn't bother denying the claim. He knew there was a certain amount of truth to the statement. "Well, now they all want to see you. Tsunade-hime is beating them off with a stick but some are really persistent. Hence, you have guards where ever you are."
"Speaking of visitors, when do I get to see make-up boy and Temari? Don't they want to see me too? Or did I do something to make them mad at me also?"
Gaara raised an invisible brow and said, "Tomorrow. I'll bring them."
"Don't make them come if they don't want to. Good people should choose who they want to see."
"They want to."
"I keep telling you Naruto, there is no such designation as good people or bad people. We're all just people."
"Good people don't get left behind to die. Good people don't die alone."
"All people die alone in the end, my boy. Only the person who dies can go on that journey." Jiraiya sounded sad as he thought about it but then he perked up and changed the subject. "Tell me about the techniques you're using. Where did you learn them? I've never seen them before."
"I don't know where I learned them. Just when I woke up after Kami told me to live I knew them. So I come practice them. I think I will need them," he said, swinging his rainbow sword at one of his Bushins. The copy poofed out of existence and he muttered, "Damn. Still not right," causing both Jiraiya and Gaara to wonder just what he was trying to do. He continued sparring with the clones sometimes shooting sparks of fiery light and sometimes bolts of lightening into the masses. He took on a group of 1000 clones and, by the time they were all vanquished, he dripped sweat like most people drip water after the shower is turned off.
After all the clones were vanquished, Jiraiya had thought they'd go somewhere to relax but he'd forgotten Naruto didn't really know how to do that very well. Instead, he then led his friends on an exhausting run around the outskirts of Konoha before heading back to the cabin. Gaara had wisely summoned a cloud of sand to fly both him and Jiraiya after the runner. No way would he be caught expending that much energy needlessly and Jiraiya declared himself too old for such activities any more. By the time they got back to the cabin, the sun was low on the horizon and Tsunade was in the kitchen with Shizune and Hinata. They were preparing the evening meal and Naruto excused himself to shower first.
"So anything interesting today," Jiraiya asked Tsunade before she could ask.
"Just another eye opening message from One-eye. Other than that just the usual threats from the scared council who still wants his head on a platter but I think they have something up their collective sleeve now. I haven't figured out what it is yet but I will."
Hinata said, "Father says the same thing. They talk but when he comes near they shut up or change the subject. He says to tell you, as soon as he knows anything he'll let you know."
"Well, we expected they wouldn't give up without a fight now didn't we. But we have good news. Naruto seems to be almost back to normal. Or at least as close to normal as he'll ever get," said Jiraiya.
All three women stopped and waited for him to continue. He just stood with his arms crossed and waited. One. . . two. . . three, yep, there it was. A well aimed punch sent him flying through the wall into the dining room. He stood up rubbing his cheek and laughing. "Now I know everything is getting better," he chortled. "Well, back Tsunade-hime."
"Don't keep me waiting, Toadboy," she spat back. She hadn't called him Toadboy since they were kids when he'd first learned to summon the toads. It made him laugh again.
Gaara just watched impassively but he was glad to see the interplay between them also. During Naruto's six year absence he noticed she just wasn't as emotional as she had been with him around. It was like his friend was the spark that allowed her to feel. Even Hinata had a small smile at the display.
Jiraiya came back into the kitchen where Shizune had studiously been ignoring everyone as she tended to the casserole that was their main course. But she had noted the reappearance of her master's temper with a small smile of her own. She also noted the twinkle that gleamed from Jiraiya's eyes. Soon he would be back to peeping on the women's bathhouses again. She welcomed the return, which she had never thought to hear herself thinking. But a non-peeping Jiraiya was almost as scary as a calm and collected Tsunade. Neither of them had been alright during the years while Naruto had lain barely alive in that cave. She'd known both of them had nearly given up all hope of ever seeing him again. Many a night she'd lain awake pondering how to help them past the boy. Tsunade thought of him as being like Nawaki but Shizune knew Naruto was much more important to her than her brother had ever been. She had seen Tsunade cry for her brother and even for her own uncle but for Naruto she wouldn't let herself go. To cry would mean he was really gone and never coming back. And so she had hung on with both hands refusing to give up. Even Jiraiya had found reason to delay his information gathering trips in order to be on hand should someone report a change in the boy or otherwise indicate it was time to go get him and bring him home. But none of them had expected him to show up on his own. None of them had expected him to be so remote and reclusive either, but he'd come home and now her master and Jiraiya could heal.
"Naruto asked Gaara when he was going to get to see his siblings. He clearly remembers them and wants to see them but he feared they were mad at him and that is why he hasn't seen them." Jiraiya perched on the edge of the work table and waited.
"He thought people were staying away because they are mad at him? Who else is he wishing to see that we don't know about?" asked Hinata. "Maybe Kiba or Shino? I know they both want to see him. Shino won't impose but Kiba is practically crawling out of his skin."
"Shino would be alright. He's peaceful and not boastful or ignorant," came Naruto' voice from the doorway. "How long until dinner Shizune-neechan? I'm really hungry."
"Just a few more minutes, Naruto-kun." She handed him a stack of plates as Hinata grabbed the silverware and followed him to set the table.
"Is there anyone else you want to see Naruto?" she asked shyly once they were laying the places out.
"It might be nice to play Go or Shogi with Shikamaru again. But he and Shino might not want to see me. They're good people and smart."
"I think both of them will be very happy to see you again. Shika is still intrigued by you and Shino will enjoy being around you now because you are not so boisterous as you used to be. You can sit still for more than thirty seconds now without needing to run off and do something just to be moving."
"Why is that anyway, Naruto?" asked Tsunade, carrying a salad bowl in.
"The Fox isn't making me any more. What's left of him is too busy to care if I sit still. In fact he prefers it,"answered Naruto with a shrug.
"He's the reason you couldn't sit still?" shrieked Jiraiya.
"Yes but he is also the reason I am still here." He thought about that for a minute and then added. "Well sort of anyway."
"What does that mean?" exclaimed Tsunade.
"After the battle I will go away. I can not stay regardless of who is victorious."
"Go away," she whispered, her eyes disbelieving. "No. I just got you back again. You aren't going anywhere," she yelled.
"I must," he said simply. He walked over and wrapped his arms around Tsunade, pulling her close though she struggled to get free.
"Shhh. I'm not leaving yet. But you must know I have been gone for a long time now, Oba-chan." He whispered soft words only she could hear telling her it was time to heal, to forgive but mostly to live. He told her to be strong, to be his trust as Kami called her. She cried and clung to his shirt not wanting to believe but knowing his words were irrefutable.
Finally Hinata, who had collapsed on a chair asked, "What do you mean Naruto? I thought once you won you'd be able to live here again. Be a Ninja of the Leaf again."
"No, Hinata." He sighed. "Everyone sit down. I think you have misunderstood something very important here and I need to explain it to you." He waited until everyone was sitting and then took a deep breath. "Six years ago I was trapped inside a barrier. I couldn't win and I knew it. The barrier itself was a trap meant to kill me. It did. I did die when Kyuubi sent me into an irreversible coma. I was not faking death in that cave. I was dead. Kyuubi was keeping my mind trapped in my body and that kept my soul tied to my body. I couldn't move on because he refused to give up. He was spending all of his chakra trying to undo the damage he did but it was a losing battle while he argued with Kami over whether or not I was dead."
" Luckily, Kami needed a warrior for this battle and Kyuubi was crying so loud, she gave in. He was doing everything he could to hold me here. So she healed the worst of my bodies injuries and sent me back here to heal my mind. Even so, she had to come again in order for me to heal."
"But this is not a battle to see if I will be allowed to live again. To dream as normal men do. For that, I would have first have to have been a normal man and that is not something I ever was. Normal men can not house demons no matter how good the seal design or the person performing the sealing. But I did. I do. I am not now nor was I ever a normal man. I am what I was born to be. Everything I have gone through in my life has led to this point. Nothing was without reason or purpose."
"After the coming battle, I will depart. One way or another, I will have no choice because that's the rules. If I stay than that allows the other side to choose a new champion and we will have to do it again." He smiled gently. "I know you all want me to be alive again. To be the number one, most surprising, most unpredictable, knuckle-headed ninja to ever wear the band but I can't be him anymore. I have to fulfill my destiny as do each of you. You must promise to forgive and forget. To go on with your lives knowing full well everything happened for a reason and nothing was without purpose." He looked thoughtful for a minute and scrunched up his forehead before adding, "You must also help Sasuke. He will not deal well when I go." He looked into each sad or seemly impassive face before him. And repeated, "Truly I have been dead for a long time now. Kakashi may not have done as he should have but he did not leave me to die alone as you supposed. He left me behind, it is true. But, as he told you, I was already dead. Kyuubi just wouldn't admit it at the time."
"Where is Kyuubi now?" asked Gaara.
"Kyuubi is still inside me. Well, some of him. Most of him has gone to stand beside Kami for now. He'll return when the battle is engaged and I have a need for him for that was his destiny. What part of him that is still with me, is solely concentrated on healing the damage he did sending me into that coma. It was the only way to get the barrier down where I had the smallest of chance of surviving."
"What do you mean the only way? We heard from Sasuke it wasn't," growled Tsunade, still not willing to admit Naruto wasn't back to stay. "And what do you mean, help him? I'd rather wring his neck."
"It was my only chance at surviving the battle, Oba-chan. Kyu knew, as did I, that Kakashi wouldn't help me. He never would. Every battle I got in, I fought alone unless Sasuke was nearby and free to help. Even after he joined the Snake, if he was close by, he'd help me fight. I knew I could count on Sasuke just as I knew I couldn't on the others. Sasuke was more than a teammate to me and I was to him also. We were like brothers under the skin. And that's why he'll need your help and support. He's already lost his family once. How do you think he'll feel when he realizes, I really didn't survive that battle?"
"Kyu knew I couldn't fight Jijii and my own father. He knew I would try, but he also knew I loved both of them too much to hurt either of them. Even though I knew they were already dead, it didn't matter. I couldn't be the one to send them back to the grave. In that, Kakashi was right. I did not understand how to be a ninja if it meant killing the ones you love."
"So Kyu took a small break in my concentration, when I was almost out of chakra and was preparing to let them kill me, to take over control. He understood the barrier's purpose faster than I did and knew, as soon as I was down, they would come in for the kill. He swiped me with his foot on his way out of his cage and went to too many tails for my body. He never really believed there was a limit to how much of his power my body could tolerate if he actually had control of it. He just couldn't understand the body stayed the same no matter the mind controlling it and that was his undoing. But with that many enemies, and the barrier, and not knowing if this would be the mission where Kakashi would try to kill me, he didn't see a choice. He did what he had to do to try and ensure our survival but I died anyway."
He chuckled. "You have no idea how upset Kyu was. He ranted and raved and cried in my head. He begged and pleaded for me to come back but he didn't know how to reverse the coma I was in because he didn't understand the coma was only because he wouldn't let me go. He held on as tight as you want to Oba-chan but as Ero-Sannin says, when it is your time, it is your time. If Kyu, an immortal demon, can admit it surely you can Oba-chan. Are you really gonna let Kyu beat you in something?"
Tsunade lost it. She fled from the room and the cabin crying her heart out. Hinata sat huddled in upon herself. She wasn't crying but only because she was still trying to comprehend it all. Shizune and Gaara both just sat and looked on remorsefully. Neither knew what to think.
Gaara knew his one and only friend was dead. Well and truly. He'd known it since he'd found him in the cave but yet there was a part of him here. He saw it. He smelt it. His demon knew it also. Both recognized their friend in the man that had come back here. And yes, Shakaku had come to realize Naruto was a friend for the help he gave Gaara that had allowed Gaara to sleep and heal his mind. That in turn had led to his growth so they could grow together. Now both of them just sat and wondered what they were supposed to do with this information. How do you deal with Death? Neither really knew because before when people had died they'd been the reason. But this was different. Naruto had died a long time back and they couldn't get vengeance for him. He'd been murdered but his murder wasn't a cut and dried issue. They couldn't just walk up and charge Kakashi with his death and demand justice. Naruto didn't want that for one. But also they couldn't prove it even if he had allowed it.
Jiraiya went after Tsunade. He caught up to her under the cherry blossom tree and wrapped her in his embrace. He let her cry knowing it was what she needed most. The Gaki was so close but yet he said it so matter-of-factly that he couldn't help but think the boy wasn't really back all the way yet. His own eyes were moist and he ducked his head into her hair as he closed them. He could still hear Naruto's calm voice telling them he really wasn't alive at all. But like Tsunade he didn't want to believe that. He didn't want to lose another student. The last of the line. The last Namikaze. There would be no one else who could learn those techniques. No one else who could rise to their level and shine with the brilliance they had. He would never have another student. He knew that as clearly as he knew his own name and face. And no one knew his face as well as he did.
The two finally sat down under the spreading branches and let the blossoms drift over them. They talked in quiet voices of days and people long gone. And they talked about Naruto. They talked mostly about him and his dreams and how they'd never stood a chance. They talked about the village. They talked about what they, the stupid and ignorant, would think when they saw Naruto as Kami's Warrior blazing with a light they could never hope to achieve. They discussed all those who believed in him. Those who were happy he was home. But most of all they talked about what to do when he was gone again. Both knew they couldn't go back to how they'd been before. Both knew they'd merely been marking time. Not living. Just waiting. And both knew that no matter how much it hurt to go on without him, this hurt even more.
Author Notes: Ok Folks. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please remember to send in those reviews. They really do help me out. Especially if you catch something I brought up earlier and haven't dealt with yet. Soon I will have 19 done and I'll get it posted as soon as it is.