Before we could even get through the door, Alice bounded down the stairs.
"Good morning!" her voice practically sang out. "Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rose, they're here! And they've got something to tell us!" Edward rolled his eyes and smiled. Of course Alice knew of our plans. I glanced at him anxiously, but he put a calming arm around my shoulder, quietly assuring me that it would be ok.
As it was sunny out, Carlise was home from work, setting a perfect stage for our announcement. He and Esme joined the rest of the family already assembled in the large main room as Edward began to speak.
"We've decided that it is time for us to take some time to travel, away from the family." He looked at me encouragingly.
I continued, "I think that being this close to Charlie, especially with Renesmee's rapid growth rate, is too difficult. It seems to be upsetting to him to see her grow, but, to protect him, we can't tell him the reason why. Why should he have to deal with the confusion and problems?" I took a deep unnecessary breath, steeling myself for the next part. "Its also been very difficult to be around people who knew me when I was human. Even if they just see me in passing, they know something is different, something is wrong." I looked to Edward for help.
"Bella just needs time for the people with whom she was closest to move on to new parts of their lives. She is having difficulty seeing their reactions." He frowned slightly, always so sensitive to any pain facing me.
"Bella, you are doing so well though!" Esme broke in. I knew that our news would hit Esme the hardest. Mothering was part of her natural state. Without her children around her, she might never be fully happy, a fact which pained me since I was now one of her children.
"Still," Edward said, "it would be good for Nessie to learn that she is not the center of the universe, especially seeing how spoiled she is by family here." He smiled looking over at Renesmee being preened by Rosalie on one side, and Alice on the other while sitting on Esme's lap. She knew what was happening, of course. We had been discussing it with her over the last week, getting her excited about traveling while at the same time helping her understand that it would be an opportunity to learn away from the confines of the family.
"Don't worry though," he quickly amended, "we will come back soon. We wanted to go meet up with some of the friends we recently made. See their style of living."
"What about me?" Jake's voice boomed out behind us. "Is this going to be a little family departure?" He looked at me questioningly, "Bella?"
"Jake, let's talk about this later" I said gently, knowing he was not happy about the way our trip sounded.
"I think now would be a good time" he countered firmly.
"Do you want me to come?" Edward whispered quietly in my ear.
"No, let me do this alone." I replied, kissing him quickly before following Jacob outside.
I felt the anger, hurt and confusion radiating off of him as he paced into the woods. I didn't want to do this within hearing reach of my daughter though.
"Follow me, Jake" I said before sprinting off into the woods. He ran after me, not bothering to phase since he could run almost as fast. I slowed my pace to run alongside him, not stopping until we were well away from the house.
After stopping I turned to face him but he started talking before I could begin.
"What is this Bella? What's going on? Why did you keep this from me?" He fired off questions, hurt evident in his voice, anger splashed across his face.
"Jake, we decided that it was time we got out. It's too difficult for Renesmee to be confined to our company…and yours" I quickly finished as he looked ready to yell again. "We are going to travel. Not far, just across the US and maybe into South America to see some of our alliances. After all, Nessie has been wanting to see Zafrina since they first met when she was a baby." I guess I had finally gotten used to Renesmee's less-than-pleasant nickname and smiled again as I thought of her constant pleas to visit South America along with Zafrina's 'pretty pictures'.
"But Bella, you know how much it hurts me to be away from her. Why can't I come? I could travel along with you! I don't even have to phase. I'll just be part of the family!" he smiled, trying to be offhand. His desperation leaked through his casual words.
"I'm sorry, Jake, I really am. You know you're always my best man. But there is another reason that we wanted to take this trip now. Renesmee is not even two, Jake," desperation coming into my voice too, now. "But, even though she is so young, her maturation means that we can barely give her a childhood. Every decision we make impacts her 20 times more than if she were a regular child and she is anything but regular!" I paused, allowing myself to calm down and my breathing to slow as I considered my next words.
"Renesmee is reaching a point where she is aware of her own body. She is slowly becoming a woman and will very quickly learn of her wants and even…urges." I stopped, momentarily embarrassed about this conversation that I was far from ready to have. If I were human my cheeks would be flaming. But then, I reminded myself, if I were human, I wouldn't be having this conversation to begin with. In the long space of a second, though, my mothering instincts overcame my embarrassment.
"Jake," I started, calmly yet firmly, "Renesmee should not have to feel pressured into a relationship. I know that you are drawn to each other, that imprinting has meant that you are undeniably attached to her. She has to have a choice though. I want to be able to give her that much. Now I know what you are going to say," I kept on, since it looked like in about two seconds he was going to explode with denials that he wanted anything romantic with her. "I know that you want her to be ready and will keep being a best friend and older brother to her until that time. But I also know that you told me long ago that there was a choice. Though no girl has chosen another guy, she still has a choice. I don't want Renesmee to feel pressured into a decision before she is ready. I think…No…We both think, that she needs to learn more about life before she can choose someone to love. She can't feel tied down, Jake. So we are taking a vacation, traveling so she doesn't have to feel tied down. I will allow her the ability to see what is out there and what is possible before she is committed to a match for the rest of her life and possibly, forever. I will make sure she can have that, if nothing else." I finished fiercely.
Jacob seemed dumbstruck for a moment, processing my determination and my words. "But Bella," he said weakly, "what if she doesn't choose me?" I gazed back, pity and compassion overwhelming my intense emotions.
"I have to support whatever decision she makes, Jake." I said, feeling like I was betraying his friendship yet again. As if I hadn't caused him enough heartache for several lifetimes. "I hope that she does choose you, but, in order to do what is best for her, I have to allow her a choice." I ran to hug his suddenly defeated stance. "Don't worry!" I said quietly, "it's just a short trip. I know you'll be able to prove your love soon. You certainly did for me!" I broke away, smiling at the dim memory of his passionate kiss on top of a mountain.
"Yeah, and look what good it did me." He finished sadly, stirring the rest of the memory for me. The one where I left him to marry his mortal enemy. Ouch.
"I guess I understand, though." Jake tried to shrug off his sadness. "Nessie needs her own voice." A sudden push of hope came into his voice. "I will prove my love to her. I'll give her enough time to grow, then I'll be the one she is proud to love!"
"Thanks so much for understanding, Jake." I sighed, thankful that he accepted what Edward and I though was so essential. "I promise we'll be in touch all the time and call from wherever we go."
"You better!" He growled back, slinging an arm over my shoulder.
Laughing I slapped him on the back. "Come on, I'll race you back to the house!"
"Get ready to lose!" He eagerly said back, taking off into the woods with me on his heels.
This might just work out ok, I though, fervently hoping it was true.