As the sun grew lower in the sky, Davide and Asita left to hunt as well as give us time to come to term with the power that both nomads could give us and the next course of action. Everyone seemed to have a different reaction to their presence, though most were hopeful about the advantages they might bring. Carlisle and Esme were both thrilled to have found friends willing to work with our family, and Carlisle especially was itching to hear more about Asita's philosophy of opposites. Alice was optimistic, as she saw a time when they would stand with us as allies though acknowledged there was a slight possibility of betrayal, a possibility which put Jasper on edge. Rosalie frowned on the alliance due to danger it represented, though Edward whispered to me that she couldn't completely quash her curiosity about expansion of gifts, her beauty seeming a weak gift in comparison to all that had been revealed about me today.
I was still confused. I knew, as Asita spoke, that I needed to be at the head of decision making and knew that others were more able to accept my decisions than those of other family members. This position of authority was never one I had asked for, though. It both terrified and thrilled me in its possibilities.
As afternoon shifted to evening we all agreed that something was developing with the Volturi that probably would badly impact us. Alice was the strongest voice saying that their plan definitely involved holding on to power, something none of us doubted. We could answer why and we could guess at how. The question we couldn't answer was why now? Esme pointed out that they hadn't attempted to kill us up until now. What changed their mind? For all Alice's gift, though, she still could not tell why they decided it for now as the whole future was vague. She thought it mainly had to do with outside factors influencing these decisions, causing Carlisle and Esme to hope that confrontation could be avoided.
I did not believe so, however. Though it seemed too soon to expect an attack, it was also too late to rule one out. I suggested that we contact our friends, especially the ones in Europe, to understand better the movement of the Volturi. If they confirmed what we had heard from Asita and Davide, we would need to start gathering friends fast.
Quickly preparations began for contacting our friends and allies. In the midst of these preparations, Jacob came back. His face instantly alerted me to the fact that something was wrong.
"Jacob? Renesmee?" were the only word I could stammer out while staring at his stricken face. Edward was beside me and holding my hand in an instant, while the whole room went silent to hear news.
"She's fine" Jacob said. "At least, she's pretty angry and upset but nothing bad happened to her." He looked sad and upset about something.
"You did WHAT?!" Edward yelled in response to Jacob's thoughts, a growl rising to his lips as Jacob flinched.
"I didn't know what else to do!" Jake pleaded back. "She was so upset that I had to act!"
"What Edward?" I said, quietly pleading for it to be something small and not the horrors I had imagined in a split second.
Edward turned away from Jacob in disgust. "They went into town and some girls made fun of Renesmee. Telling her she looked strange…"
"They said she was a freak!" Jacob interrupted.
"And laughed at the fact that Jacob was with her" Edward continued furiously. "And Jacob, unable to hold his temper when he sensed her embarrassment decided to act."
"Jacob, what did you do?" I gasped, all possible scenarios flashing through my head, some of them feeling deserved for making my child upset.
"I just…scared them a little" Jacob said sheepishly.
"What did you do, dog?" Rosalie said through gritted teeth, angry once again but now on my side of the story.
"I just yelled at them for being insensitive and such jerks to her!" Jacob insisted. "Wouldn't you have, Bella, if you were there?"
"That's not all you did!" Edward yelled back. "He not only terrified them, he actually growled at them! Evidently they practically ran away screaming."
"Jacob, how could you?" I asked searchingly. "You know what would happen if people know what you really are! Think of what could happen to us! People know that we're still friends!"
"Bella, how could I not! Nessie was so upset and that was the only thing I could think of to make it right!" Jacob retorted, his eyes demanding that I understand.
"But you didn't think about what was best for Nessie, did you?" I hissed back. "Though she is only two years old, her body and emotions are that of a 15-year-old! She needs to learn to fight her own battles. It didn't help that these girls seemed like peers making fun of her with you 'coming to her rescue'" I scoffed. "She is a just a girl who needs time to develop emotionally!"
"She is so much more special than 'just a girl'" Jacob said angrily.
"Yes, I agree!" I responded. "But she has the same emotions. Emotions you clearly don't understand." With that I ran out into the woods to search for my daughter. I heard Edward yell a few more choice phrases at Jacob before running after me. I was suddenly caught up in my thoughts of my daughter though and remorse at yelling at Jake. Of course he didn't realize what it must have felt like to be Renesmee. He acted protectively without thought for what she needed for herself. But I knew what it felt like to be unusual. I hadn't been a human girl so long ago. I knew what it was like to have no friends, to feel as if I were invisible and wished to remain that way. I had found a place, though, a place in Forks. I had found friends in my human set, Angela Weber and Jessica Stanley, kind of. I couldn't find my daughter a place in this world, however, or keep her from feeling the sting of being different. I let out a dry sob in my sprint.
"Bella? What's wrong love?" Edward said in panic, long since running at my side. I continued to sob dryly.
"My love, please let me know what's wrong? I can't read your thoughts though I've been wanting to all day!" The fear in Edward's voice kept rising, higher and higher.
"Why can't I protect her?" I sobbed, throwing myself into his arms. "I know what it's like to be different, Edward. Why can't I give her a normal life?"
"She's not normal, love" he said quietly back. "She's so much more than that."
"I know what it felt like, Edward." I moaned. "To see the world passing without really being part of it. How can we find her a place where she truly belongs when she is not really of our world, and not really part of theirs?" I remembered looking down at my daughter as a baby. She was upset that her skin did not sparkle like mine in the sun, that she did not have my strength. But she would always be more beautiful than her peers, always have different tastes, never be quite the same. I couldn't protect her from that.
"We need to show her how unique and special she is" He said soothingly back. "She can fit in both, not neither. We'll be there for her. We'll figure it out"
He held me while I quieted, kissing me gently when I had stopped sobbing. No release came from my cries, and after a few minutes my desire for him quickly shifted to an obsession about finding my daughter. I needed to make sure she was alright.
Hand in hand, Edward and I raced through the woods, following her distinctive scent that had passed right by the Cullen house and into the woods. We followed it past our little cottage and deeper, heading East into the thicker trees. I smelled game all around us, tempted by a mountain lion only a few hundred yards away by the subdued fire in my throat, but I knew that Renesmee was most important now. I heard her as we approached, her scent getting stronger until we finally were walking at a human pace, coming to a tree where she was perched.
"Oh Renesmee" I breathed. "We were so worried!"
"I'm fine, mom" She said, the words coming out in short, clipped tones. "I just wanted to be alone. Clearly that didn't work" she finished, mumbling under her breath.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I urged gently. "We're here if you need us."
"No" was her curt reply.
I sighed and looked at Edward who stared back in confusion. He didn't know how to handle the situation any better than I did.
"Can I come up?" I asked quietly, not wanting to push her too much. She shrugged in response. I mouthed Give us a moment? to Edward. He kissed me gently before melting back into the woods. In a light jump I made my way through the branches to the high one on which my daughter sat, putting myself right next to her as we sat in silence.
After a few moments, I felt her body shake and realized she had started to cry, real tears running down her cheeks as her shoulders shook. I put my arm around her as she laid her head on my shoulder.
"Tell me about it, my darling" I said quietly. "I might not be able to help, but I also might be able. Try me."
She looked up at me with her deep brown eyes, my eyes, and sighing, put her head down before touching her palm to my hand. Instantly images filled my vision, as always perfectly transparent but also perfectly clear.
She played for me the scene in the shop with all the emotions she felt. Her excitement about going out and feeling normal was palpable. She quickly spotted other girls in the store, 15 or 16 year-olds, giggling while trying on and comparing sunglasses and wished that she could be part of that circle. She was shy as she walked close to them with Jacob shadowing her. All of the sudden they spotted her and started pointing at her while giggling and whispering to each other, words that were perfectly audible to her excellent hearing.
"Who is that?" "Who is that with her?" "Is that her bodyguard?" "Look at her skin! So weird and white!" "And waist-length hair? So weird!" They laughed to each other while Renesmee felt embarrassed, a little angry and completely rejected. A question echoed in her mind. Why can't I be like them? Why do I have to be different? She was embarrassed to have Jacob's massive hulking form right beside her and angry at herself that she was so different. All of a sudden, Jacob came into view, walking swiftly over to the girls and started to explain to the girls that they were being insensitive and talking about how special Renesmee was. As they giggled in response, making fun of the use of 'special' to describe my daughter, I felt Renesmee's embarrassment and anger mount. When he realized that they weren't taking him seriously, Jacob started to yell at them, frightening them as he finally finished with a low growl. The silly girls looked petrified as they ran away quickly, glancing fearfully back at Jacob and Renesmee. She still caught their parting words though. As they turned to leave, one said to the other "What a freak!"
Renesmee's hand broke off contact as the memory faded away. I felt her sadness as she considered what she had just shown me.
"I'm so sorry, Nessie. People might not understand at this point, but you can help them to" I explained, giving her a long hug. "Some people are just mean, though."
"I just need some time, mom" she replied, looking down sadly.
"Alright, but come home soon ok? And don't scare us like that again, we were worried! 10 minutes?" I urged.
"Give me a half-hour" she replied, jumping lightly off the branch.
"20" I said firmly. She shrugged her shoulders before turning back. "And mom?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you mind shielding me from dad for a little while? I'd just like some privacy"
"Sure, if that's what you really want" I replied, understanding where Edward's gift could seem a little intrusive. "I'll talk to him about it."
She smiled sadly and walked into the forest as I turned toward where Edward was waiting. I explained her request as we slipped back through the woods to our cottage.
"I wish I could do more" I said. "I feel so helpless."
"You're doing all you can" he replied gently, agreeing that my shield might provide a solution. "She needs alone time and privacy. We can give that to her. And the rest of the time we'll just give her our love."
I nodded sadly. "We will protect her. We have to" I said, hugging tightly to my beautiful husband.