The dark green of the thick forest whipped past me, fading to a blur as I pushed the limits of what my tireless muscles could do. Aimless, I instinctively watched every leaf on every tree as if in slow motion, yet stopped paying attention as I allowed my grief to occupy my mind.

Soundlessly I screamed as all my thoughts revolved around her face. My child, my little girl, all grown up in the shortest childhood a child would ever have.

Renesmee was gone.

Gone.

Forever?

The thought stopped me short, taking my breath away as I collapsed to my knees on the forest floor. A part of my brain registered the feeling of my heart breaking, yet again. Tears that would never fall pricked my eyes.

Only ten days ago life had seemed so simple. Before Billy got sick, before my daughter pulled away from me, before…

Life can certainly change quickly.

She could blend into the human world if she wanted to. She certainly had enough money and was smart enough to disappear forever if she wanted. The few words of the note she left behind felt like a blow every time I thought about them.

I don't belong here. I don't want to be a freak anymore. I'm leaving. Don't look for me.

Renesmee

Grief quickly turned to guilt as the world spun above me. Was she running from me? Was I not the mother I should have been? I left care of her to others while I enjoyed myself and my new life, while I became the leader that lay dormant for so long. Did I miss her signs of unhappiness? In blocking her thoughts from Edward, was I really the one to blame? Could it have been, not a kidnapping like we thought, and maybe hoped, it was, but an attempt at escape into a different life?

I thought of that look I had seen on her face in the hospital. Rage, jealousy, maybe. And then those words that Edward had uttered when we were all sitting in shocked silence after finding the note. I thought I saw a plan to leave in her thoughts, but I figured it was part of our planned departure. I thought that she just needed some time alone. It went away so quickly from her mind that I thought it was only a passing fancy.

Just as quickly guilt spiraled into rage, red hot and all-consuming. I was back on my feet in an instant, running faster, pushing myself harder.

Why didn't he see? Why didn't he tell me what he suspected? Was he trying to protect me? Why was I always the weak one to him? No matter what I had gone through, suffered, given up, he still saw me as a weak, breakable human, unable to handle the demands of his world. You're handling it now, a voice within me said.

More boiling rage surged through me when I thought about those that would capture her, the would-be kidnappers. I realized the Volturi suddenly had a golden opportunity, but if they thought they could take away my child without the full force of my fury coming down on them, they were sorely mistaken.

I sensed a presence at my back, hearing footsteps trying to catch up with me as I pushed myself. Knowing he would hear I yelled, "Go away!"

I couldn't, wouldn't be with him right now. Though I knew my sense of blame was, perhaps, not totally fair, Edward's face in my mind only conjured anger right now. Yes, he was my love. And he was one of the most important things in my life, but he wasn't the only one. Seeing him would hurt more than my silent heart could take right now.

Still I heard his footsteps approaching, gaining on me steadily. I stopped abruptly and spun to face him head on, ready to fight if need be. I loved him, but I was past the point of reason, something he should have understood, and given me my space.

Edward wasn't the one to enter the clearing, though. Jasper approached me slowly, hands up, attempting to surrender to what I'm sure he felt was a strong and hostile urge to attack.

"Hold on, Bella" he said calmly. "I just want to talk to you for a minute."

I quickly judged the situation. He had stopped 50 yards away, just far enough that if I did attack, he could move out of the way and counter-attack. I had improved in combat in the last few months, but I didn't think I was good enough to take on Jasper quite yet. Still I bared my teeth and stayed in my crouch. I wasn't ready to be logical yet, even if it meant attacking my brother.

I felt a calming influence assert itself on my body and snarled.

"Stop it," I yelled. "Or I swear, Jasper, no matter if you are my brother-in-law or not, I will attack you." Just to emphasize my point I focused on the rage swirling in my mind, knowing he would feel its depth and power.

"Ok, ok," Jasper said calmly before taking a deep breath and speaking. "I know how you feel, Bella. You know I do. We are all feeling the pain of Renesmee's absence and the guilt that we should have been able to stop it. We are all hurting" he said firmly, allowing a second to let it sink in even as I snarled in protest.

"Yes, Edward is hurting too, even more so without you there to be with him" he continued through my protest.

"Edward! He doesn't know anything about what I'm feeling." I yelled back bitterly. "So content to let me take the lead. So content to let me do what I want, but never letting me be myself. Am I just a weak puppet to Edward? A pawn in the leadership of this family? I can't help but to love him. I can't help but to lead. I have no choice! He stole my choice from me when he came into my life."

"But Bella," he continued before I could interject more, "you have to understand that it isn't just Edward who needs you. We all need you. You are a part of our family. Think of Esme, Carlisle, and Alice. They love you. We all love you. And we all need you to lead this family because that is what you are. You are stronger than your guilt, rage, and emotions. We need you to be strong for us, because otherwise, what will become of our family?" Jasper trailed off, as the words were swallowed into the forest.

I thought over his words. I knew that without me they would be blind, leaderless. Sure, they would survive, but I had taken a place within the family that could not be reversed. With dry humor, I supposed this is what Jake must have felt in becoming an Alpha.

Jasper must have felt my calculation and left me in silence as I slowly stood, suppressing the well of emotion that threatened to consume me once again, with a new emotion added to the mix, self-loathing. I couldn't afford to blame Edward. He was everything to me, especially now. Still, I knew I had said what was in my heart, and that once he heard it from Jasper, we could never be the same.

I nodded once, accepting his advice, but not allowing him in on my thoughts.

I will hold out, settle my affairs with my adopted family, and find her. She was out there, somewhere in the forest, miles away by now. Who knows? Maybe I was good at finding the remnants of my child. I was certainly good at destroying her. I winced at the thought and felt Jasper's wordless appraisal of me as we ran slowly back to the house.

I traced over the few facts that I had on that too-short run. She had taken a few pairs of jeans and shirts from her closet, a stash of money, and my motorcycle, and gone to Seattle. After that, her scent disappeared as if it was erased from the area. As of now, that's all we knew. Alice couldn't see where she was. Edward (I cringed slightly at the name) couldn't sense her in the area. How she had gotten so far, so quickly, without any of us picking up her scent, none of us knew.

But I did know one thing. I would find her before the Volturi.

I had to.

Just so I don't deal with lots of angry comments, no one's relationship is perfect. Even the best relationships have fights. I also didn't think it was healthy to have such an emotionally dependent relationship between Bella and Edward. They need to be their own people before they can be together....just my philosophy...