I haven't felt the way I feel today

In so long it's hard for me to specify.

I'm beginning to notice how much this feels

Like a waking limb... in pins and needles,

Nice to know you, good-bye

………………………

"Lily, you, you, you know I've realized sssomething." Emily was slurring her speech, leaning against the bar and sloshing the blackbrandy in her cup all over the floor. No one was in a much better condition than her. Kate and Remus were attempting to make a house of cards out of the little sugar packets at a table, a feat they'd yet to realize was impossible due to the structural failings of sugar packets. They were trying anyways, giggling maniacally, and then nearly breaking into tears every time it fell over.

"And, what is tthat?" Ok so maybe I wasn't a whole lot better than them, but I wasn't spilling my drink. Yet. Clearly I needed another drink. I beckoned for the bartender, the cute one, to hit me with another firewhisky.

"My, my hair is just like my vagina." Didn't see that one coming. Ha, coming. Coming.

"Your vagina?" She was staring at me, her blue eyes dead serious.

"I mean, I, I put a ton of shit in it with no result."

"That's nottt true. Reremember last summer, you definitely got a 'positive' result." Teehee. Kyle was his name, I think, nice guy, if a bit slow. Well not slow, according to Em certainly not slow.

"Bitch! Don't talk about that." More brandy on the floor, and a little on her skirt.

"Well maybe if you stuck less things in it." The bartender finally delivered my firewhisky and I gave him a little smile, tall dark and handsome, mmm. "Your hair, I mean. Cause you could irreparably damage it, with, with all those products."

"God Lily, you order such mmmmannish drinks. Ffirewhisky? Yick." Emily flipped her hair and made a wave at my bartender. Bitch.

"Lets go sit with Kate and Remy, maybe we can help them out with their, little uh, uh house of cards." Best to get her as far away from more alcohol as possible. We walked over to their table, well, I walked, Emily stumbled, grabbing on to anything close and stationary to keep her balance. I slid into the booth next to Kate, Emily fell into the seat next to Remus.

"Ladies," Remus's face was bright red, a sharp contrast with his pale hair, he always got red when he was drunk, "how nice of you to jjoin us." Somehow whenever he got drunk Remus got even more polite and formal. It was always entertaining, one night last year he got so tipsy he started bowing to people, ended up curtsying to Professor McGonogall when we ran into her at the Three Broomsticks.

Kate's greeting was less pleasant. "Bitches." She nodded at us then flicked a sugar packet at Emily, who attempted to duck, but ended up nearly toppling out of the booth and Remus had to grab on to her.

"Oh shit, girls one of you is up." Remus jerked his head over to the bar where James was standing. "He's giving the SOS." I looked over and sure enough Potter was scratching his neck and flashing a peace sign. The marauders had come up with the SOS system a few years back. If they got caught in a sticky situation with a bird then they'd flash the signal and someone would come help them out.

Kate immediately dove back in to working on the house of sugar packets. "Don't look at me, I'm too busy."

"Too drunk." Emily downed the rest of her brandy.

"Too straight." Remus piped up, throwing an arm around Emily's shoulders.

I looked around desperately for Sam, finally spotting her across the dance floor, her arms draped around Sirius, that one's too preoccupied. "Fine. Fine, I'll do it. But you, you jackals owe me. Big."

I stood up and wiped the angry expression off my face, replacing it with a winning flirtatious smile. I strutted over to the bar, and despite my misgivings, slid an arm around Potter's waist and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. "Hey Jamesie." I greeted him, lazily turning around to see the girl he was talking to.

He reached an arm around me pulling me in closer, and I definitely did not enjoy the body heat emanating off of him. "Lils, this is…"

"Lauren." I didn't recognize her, must not go to Hogwarts. She was pretty, or might have been if she had worn a little less makeup and a little more clothing. Anyways she looked less than pleased to see me. Splendid, thanks to the marauders there had to be about fifty girls around Hogsmeade and London who wanted to rip my head off.

"Babe, you want to dance?" Best to get this over with as quickly as possible. I slipped my hand into his and started dragging him towards the dance floor. "Nice meeting you…Lauren." God that was deliciously bitchy. James just nodded in her direction lamely, looking relieved to be out of her clutches. I looked back to make sure that Lauren was out of sight before plopping myself down at a high table across the bar. "So how'd you end up in that situation?"

James slid into the stool opposite me. "I was being wingman for Peter. She was talking about her favorite types of nuts." He rubbed the temples of his forehead before looking out at the people dancing.

"Nuts?" I followed James's line of sight to see Sam and Sirius writhing together on the dance floor. Charming.

"Yeah, cashews are her favorite, but she's also fond of macadamias."

"Sounds like a keeper." I commented mindlessly, somehow drawn into watching the Sirius and Sam show unfolding on the dance floor. They were almost attached to each other, swaying to the music in a sensuous manner. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't the tiniest bit envious of that. With Potter always hovering it was difficult to get a date around here. "What happened to Peter?"

"He went out to 'get some air' with his girl. Left me to take the hit. Bastard."

"Don't feel too sorry for yourself Prongs, turns out she didn't want any fresh air at all." Peter snuck up from behind and pulled up a chair to the table. "We got out there and all she wanted was to bum a smoke then run off to the Three Broomsticks to meet up with her friends. Ditched me flat out." He sat down looking dejected. Out a girl and a smoke, ouch. Peter always did tend to have atrocious luck with the ladies.

"Bummer Pete. How bout I buy the next round to cheer you up?" James put up his hand to call over a bartender, throwing a few sickles at the guy for a round of Ogden's Finest.

Meanwhile Pete lamented on his poor fortune. "That's two strikeouts tonight. God what the fuck is wrong with me?"

"Nothing Peter, just a bit of bad luck. I'm sure third times the charm." I reassured him absentmindedly. Not that I didn't care about Peter, just sometimes he got overly upset about trivial things.

"Please, don't lie to the sucker," Kate approached from behind and joined us at the table, "if socks could get pregnant he would have like a catholic amount of kids." She turned to Peter to try and smirk, but her face fell into a good-natured grin. "I joke Petey." She gave him a hug and ruffled his sandy blond hair. "You'll get em next time." Kate always loved to rip on Peter, and when sober Peter was usually good for a zippy return. However, now all he could do was pout at her.

The firewhisky arrived and Peter stuck his tongue out at Kate before taking a big gulp of his drink. I sipped at mine, a bit stronger than the last one. "You ditched Emily and Remus?"

"Those nitwits are talking about quidditch." Everyone just looked at her confused; Kate loved quidditch, possibly more than Sirius and James. Would have played on the house team if she hadn't dislocated her shoulder last spring. Not really qudditch, they're discussing which mascots are cutest." I rolled my eyes, how not shocking.

"That's stupid. Obviously the harpies are cutest." Kate just glared at James. I watched as he set down his drink and leveled her with an equally serious glare. A battle of the wills. They stared at each other for a good minute as Peter and I looked on. Finally Kate puffed her cheeks out and crossed her eyes and James broke out laughing.

"You children are ridiculous." If that's not the pot calling the kettle black…"I'm off to try again, I think that's Hannah Hardy from Ravenclaw across the way. " Peter stood up and stalked off towards the bar, a lion approaching his prey.

Kate called out to him as he left, "Good luck ya pervy bastard." She turned to Potter and I, "He's gonna need it."

"You know who's not gonna need any luck tonight, Sirius." James grinned and pointed at Sirius who was dancing pretty close with Sam. One might say that they were no longer dancing and basically just sexing with clothes on, but I'm not the type of person who says such a thing. Of course at that time Sam whispered something into Sirius's ear. A twisted smile spread across his face as Sam grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the door, before they left Sirius turned and flashed a thumbs up back at our table. So subtle. Seems they were about to get to the sexing without clothes on. James nodded approvingly.

"You jackass!" Ugh, I swear the boys were so disgusting sometimes. Congratulating Sirius on getting laid when just yesterday he'd been fighting with him.

"What Lily? Tell me, what on earth did I do now to upset your royal fucking highness?" James was running a hand through his dark hair, looking about ready to start ripping it out. I ignored him however, noticing that Kate was no longer with us.

I rushed outside into the cool night air, looking around the darkened streets for my departed friend. I saw a few people smoking in the alley between The Raven and Scrivenshaft, the usual hooligans and scruff populating the streets of Hogsmeade at night. The Hogwarts kids who snuck out on weekend nights tended to go only to the Three Broomsticks or the Raven. Everywhere else, like the Hogs Head just seemed too sketchy. I remember the first time they'd dragged me out through the passageway on the fourth floor back at the beginning of last year I'd felt so sneaky, then I'd gotten to Hogsmeade and discovered half my classmates were slipping out for a night on the town too.

I turned down the street to see Kate's figure illuminated by a streetlamp. She was sitting on a picnic table outside Madam Puddifoot's. She looked up as I approached but didn't say anything, instead rummaging around in her jean pockets. I sat down on the table with her, swinging my legs back and forth, waiting for her to talk. We'd been friends for forever, she'd tell me what was up when she was ready. She pulled a bit of rolling paper and a little baggie out of her pockets and started rolling a blunt. "Don't look at me like that Lils."

"I'm not looking at you."

"Yeah you are, you're judging me. I know you, ok? I just, I need a way to unwind. To relieve some stress." She finished rolling and lit her joint with the rolling stones lighter I'd gotten her last Christmas, inhaling deeply.

"No, I get it." Everyone needs to relax sometimes, to just forget about everything. I didn't always approve of her coping methods, but then again, my drinking wasn't very safe and healthy either. I'd frowned upon the marauders for drinking, but like sucked what with school and that little war going on, and now I looked forward to getting a drink, just to enjoy some sense of normalcy. "So, whats stressing you out?"

Kate flicked at her lighter, the tiny flame illuminating the side of her face. "Man, I don't know. Life, the universe, everything." She took a drag and looked at me. I knew the feeling. "I just want to stop the world for a minute. Take a break from all the shit going on. Did you know there was an attack at that book store, Obscurus last night?" I nodded, remembering seeing it in the prophet that morning. Death Eaters had attacked the book store, torn it up, but fortunately no one had been there. "Shit like that you know? Everything's changing Lily, everything's going to shit, and it feels like there's nothing we can do about it. We're supposed to go out and join the real world in less than a year, and I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't feel ready to be an adult."

"Kate, I don't think anyone feels ready to be an adult. I don't. But we'll figure that out when we get there." The thought of leaving Hogwarts scared the shit out of me, I didn't know what I'd do without Dumbledore's guidance.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, looking out at the forest and the lake beyond it. "You know they're closing down the Raven."

"What?" This was news to me.

"Yeah, some clothing company, Gladrags, bought the property. This whole thing, everything blows."

"How about I fix it…with some magic." It was an old joke between the two of us. First year, while everyone was gathered outside the great hall preparing to be sorted, I was freaking out because my dress robes had a rip in them (I'd been convinced that they wouldn't let me into any of the houses because there was a rip in my robes). Kate had whipped out a wand and announced that she would fix it, with magic! She'd waved it around mumbling some nonsense and only succeeded in shooting fire out of her wand, and setting the kid next to us shoes on fire (that kid had happened to be Sirius).

"Please Lily, you know there's no drunk magicking allowed." In the interest of safety the marauders and us always set a charm keeping us from being able to cast spells while intoxicated. There's nothing worse than accidentally blasting your buttocks off. "Besides you couldn't even manage fire at this point." She looked down the street and sighed. "Uh oh, we've got company."

"What, Potter?" He stopped and stood in front of us at the table, giving Kate a quick look then shrugging.

"James." He waited.

"What, James?"

"You left your wallet inside."

"Oh." I took it from his outstretched hand and slid it into my pocket. Whoops. "Thanks."

"Look, why don't you guys head back? I just need a little time alone." Kate laid down on the table stretching out.

"I see how it is, alone time." James turned to me and said in a mock whisper. "She wants time to jerk it." I tried to suppress the chuckle, I was mad at him for some reason, I'd forgotten the reason, and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"Bugger off." Kate called, but there was a grin on her face.

I turned and we walked down the road in silence, the talk with Kate had put me in a melancholy mood. We got back to the Raven to discover Sirius outside smoking not one, but three cigarettes at once. He smelled like booze, sex, and smoke, which is always an alluring scent. "Yeah, that's probably healthy."

Sirius frowned at me like I was a stupid child. "Cancer isn't real!" He pointed, sloppily, to my head. "It's all in your head!"

"Pads, you've gone round the bend."

"Stuff it, Prongs." James raised his eyebrows, Sirius often got even more delusional when he was drunk. Started to believe that he was good looking, that women wanted him, and the most laughable one, that he was intelligent. "Besides, everyone needs a smoke after sex." He explained with much pride.

"You've got three." James pointed out dryly.

Sirius beamed and nodded in a cocky manner. "Yeah."

"You were only gone for 15 minutes." Sirius gave him a blank stare, clearly not understanding what James was implying. After a few beats of silence James explained. "That doesn't speak well for your endurance."

Sirius thought for a few minutes, clearly straining to do the math. When he finally figured it out the smirk fell off his face. "Hey! That's not what I meant!"

"Uh huh, sure."

"No! You've got it all wrong. I am an excellent lover! Ladies love me! I pleasure—" Delusional. His protests fell on deaf ears.

"Shut up. Have you seen Emily?" I cut off Sirius's rant, not needing to hear any more explicit details about his quality loving. He pouted a me like a toddler; clearly he'd been excited to go on about his sexual prowess.

He replied to my query lamely, dejected. "Yeah, she and Remus left about five minutes ago. Said they were gonna go back to Hogwarts and pass out." He stamped out his cigarettes on the ground, and I was ready to yell at him for polluting, but then he continued on. "Three sickles say they're going to bone."

"Deal, you idiot." I was with James on this one. Remus wasn't Emily's type, i.e. not a ridiculously good-looking asshole with a six-figure salary. Also, she kind of made it a point not to sleep with people she knew really well. "Where's your boning partner?"

"Sam?" I liked that he had to clarify, as if the only other sexual partner he had wasn't his right hand. "She went inside to talk to one of her sixth year friends, Hannah something or another."

…………………………

An hour later, we were stuck in the tunnel back to Hogwarts. Stuck because just a few moments ago Kate, who'd been leading the pack, decided to lay down on the ground and stare at the ceiling, which apparently had "constellations on it, like the night sky or something" it did not, it was a concrete passageway, but Kate was very high, and she wasn't budging. Sam, who was feeling just the slightest bit impatient, was repeatedly kicking Kate in the shin in an attempt to get her to move, but Kate was in her own world. Sirius was slumped against the wall, the excessive amount of alcohol he'd consumed catching up with him, he'd covered his eyes with his hands complaining about the bright lights. James was playing with the snitch he always kept in his pocket, bored, but entertained for the moment. Even drunk he was somehow miraculously coordinated. I was feeling rather impatient to get home myself, but somehow I'd been deemed the most sober. And in what I thought was a considerably unfair game of rock paper scissors I'd won the enviable job of trying to convince her to move.

"Kate…why don't you stand up? Then we can go outside, and you can see real constellations." I tried lightly cajoling her, not really expecting it to work.

"I can see, for miles, for forever…like I can see into the future…"

"Mmhmm. And what do you see in the future?" Might as well mine that one, see if she can "see" anything interesting in the future.

"The future?" Sam stopped kicking her for long enough to shoot me a quizzical look. I shrugged. Nothing else seemed to be working.

"Yeah, everyone's dead. And its sunny out." Ok, a little too far into the future.

"I give up, James, Sirius, grab her. Lets get out of here." The boys executed plan B, picking her up and dragging her out, and soon we were on our way again.

………………….

"Morning."

"Morning." Sam shook out her legs and cracked her neck. "How you feeling?"

I stretched my legs. "Been better. How were things up in the girls dorm?"

We stepped out the door of the great hall and start at a slow jog. "Well, Emily never returned, I think I saw her passed out in the common room."

We passed by Hagrid's hut and went by our normal route by the Forbidden Forest. "No surprises there."

"Kate got back and started drinking the expired grape juice she found under her bed. She was convinced it had fermented into wine. I think the boys are all still alive. I think I talked Peter in enough with Hannah, so hopefully he got lucky. James still alive?"

"Regretfully so. Ready?"

"Yeah." We picked up the pace for the lap around the lake, going too fast for talking.

An hour later I trudged back into the Head's common room, sore and sweaty. I noticed a note on our announcement board: Order meeting at 4, meet in Dumbledore's office. I was about ready to drag myself upstairs for a shower when I saw James passed out on the couch, asleep. He'd clearly just gotten back from quidditch practice, his gear was strewn around the room, and his black hair was still damp with sweat. More interestingly though, he'd stripped off his shirt before passing out, revealing the muscular frame that years of quidditch will do for you. Not bad, not bad at all.

No, Lily. Very bad. I shook my head, and walked up the stairs to the bathroom, trying to convince myself that I had not just been ogling James Potter.

………………….

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