The Twilight Twenty-Five
Prompt: Languid
Pen name: Cass189
Pairing: Edward/Bella
Rating: K
Definition of Languid:
1. Lacking energy or vitality; weak: a languid wave of the hand.
2. Showing little or no spirit or animation; listless: a languid mood.
3. Lacking vigor or force; slow: languid breezes.
Languid
EPOV
I leaned against the wall, my arms folded, and watched as she went around the room packing her things. Just watched…
I watched as she stripped me of any hopes, of any willingness to keep on fighting for us. There was no more fight in me anymore. I felt hollow, weak…
I had fussed and fought in the beginning, wanting to know what had happened, what I had said or done to push her away.
Where had I gone wrong? What could I have possibly done to make her leave me? What hadn't I seen?
I tried to push her for an explanation, but she had none.
Now… Now I couldn't fight anymore. I had given her all I had and now there was nothing left. Not even the needed energy to make her stay or to at least ask her why she was leaving like this again. Why didn't she want me anymore? When had she stopped loving me? Where had we gone wrong?
My mind was in a haze and I couldn't think straight. There was a turmoil of unanswered questions swirling around in my head, driving me crazy.
I felt confused, weak and just lacking the energy to do whatever it was I needed to do.
I watched as she put the last of her books in one of the boxes she had with her and then looked around before turning her attention to me.
Why was she still so beautiful?
"Well, I think this is it. I think have everything." I knew she hoped from some reaction from me, maybe just a nod, but I didn't even flinch. Not physically, anyway.
Inside it was like, as cheesy as it sounded, my heart was breaking into a million microscopic pieces all over again. It was funny how it could still do that after these last three days.
It was also funny how people were right when they said you didn't recognize the biggest days of your life until you were living them and realized nothing would ever be the same again. I never thought they were before.
The day I met Bella, the day she told me she loved me, the day she broke my heart without as much as a valid explanation and today… Those were the biggest days of my life.
The day I met Bella everything changed. All it took for me to know we belonged together was a good look at her smile and the day her deep brown eyes shined when she looked up at me. She was strikingly beautiful and I fell in love with her right there and then.
The day she told me she loved me while we cuddled on the couch while watching some random movie was quite possibly the happiest one in my life. It was the moment I realized I wasn't the only one wishing for a whole life spent together. She wanted it too, with me.
She wanted it until three days ago. And if I thought that hearing her say she didn't want me anymore, that she didn't love me and that she couldn't stay, was the worst possible moment of my life, I was wrong.
That moment broke me completely, but watching her take her things away was worse. It made the pain come boiling up. It made everything real. She really was leaving me and there was nothing I could do about it.
She really didn't love me anymore.
"Edward? Aren't you going to say anything?" I looked up at her and shrugged in disinterest.
"I don't think there's anything I can say." She just stood there looking at me as if waiting for something.
Why didn't she just leave? Why couldn't she see that standing there waiting for a reaction from me only made it worse? Why did she have to make it worse?
"What do you want from me, Bella? What else could you possibly want from me?"
"I don't know. I just thought you would want to talk, to say something." I shook my head slowly.
"I don't."
"But…" She cut her sentence short, making me sigh. If she didn't know what to say, why were we having this conversation?
"There's nothing else to say, Bella. You are obviously leaving anyway, so please just make it quick. I am so tired…" I was. I just wanted to drop down on the couch and stay there for as long as it was needed. The damn tears I felt forming in my eyes didn't help my current state of weakness either.
And the longer she stayed here, the more I wanted to find the needed strength to drop to my knees and beg her to stay. I didn't think I had the power to even do that, though.
I was in a pathetic state.
I didn't care about anything else. Nothing else held any interest to me anymore. Not when I knew she would be leaving no matter what.
I saw Bella nod and then, just like that, she was at the door. She looked at one last time and spoke.
"For what is worth, I'm really sorry, Edward. I didn't want to hurt you." I didn't even move.
Her words weren't worth too much right now.
From the corner of my eye, I saw her nod again and then close the door behind her, effectively putting an end to what we had.
I just stood there leaning against the wall for what seemed like hours, not knowing what to do or what to think anymore. It could have been just a few minutes, though. I wasn't so sure about anything anymore.
As I said, I was pathetic.
Eventually, I managed to drag myself to the couch and lay down there. Was it possible that even my body was hurting right now? It certainly seemed like it.
My eyes fixed on the walls, trying to avoid every and anything that could remind me of Bella, and this time, I was completely sure I stayed like that, without moving at all, for several endless hours.