A/N: Honestly, I'd sort of dropped this story, but lately I've been needing something to write and just sort of remembered this. So, here I am! I'm sorry I just dumped it like that, without even an announcement. Hope you forgive me! Not much happens in this chapter, but I'll update, with more action, soon.
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
She didn't sound unhappy
To hear from me, like I'd feared
However, she did sound worried.
Couldn't blame her.
Pattyn? What's wrong?
I suppose she could hear the tears
That made my voice scratchy
And clogged my throat.
"I didn't want to call you,"
I cried, the words both rushing out
Of my mouth and seeming
All too hesitant.
I could practically feel her
Frowning, her voice telling me to
Cut the crap.
Pattyn…
So I told her everything
Lay my fragmented heart on the floor
And she did as I knew she would:
She offered me a way out.
I
sat
and star-
ed at the ph-
one and I marv-
eled at what I'd done.
It was amazing how far
I'd been pushed, and yet I
hadn't broken yet. Or maybe
I was too broken to even
realize it. Somehow,
the thought made
me mad.
Suddenly, I heard a crash
Coming from the garage.
And it struck me: I wasn't alone
At all.
Dad was here, too
With dear old Johnny W B
For company.
I picked up the gun,
Slick from my clammy palms,
And stared at it.
I can't do it.
I don't know what I'm doing:
Stating it, or trying to
Convince myself.
He doesn't deserve it.
I almost laughed out loud.
He isn't worth the bullet it would take.
True enough.
Mom and my sisters need him.
This made me stop short.
As much as a part of me would always love him,
Always want him to love me,
I felt I needed him like I needed a bullet to the head.
(No pun intended.)
But what about everyone else?
My sisters weren't as strong as me,
Not even Jackie.
And Mom?
Not even close.
What would happen to them
Without him?
Mom would need to get a job.
(What a joke.)
And what would become of my
New baby brother, without someone to
Look after him?
Maybe one of my sisters
Would have to drop out of school.
I gripped tightly onto the gun.
As much as he hurt them, as much as he
Would deserve what he got, they did need him.
Did they need me, too?
(Are you kidding? They sent me away
In the first place.)