A/N: I'm sure anyone who once read this fan fiction stopped. Oh well. Here's hoping that someone will read and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own!
Hands shaking, I walk into the garage
And see him:
Not my dad, but Johnny from his eyes.
I don't even think he sees me.
He's talking to
His ghosts.
I wonder if I'll be one of them soon.
"Dad?"
My voice shakes like my hands,
Which hold onto the gun
Just in case.
I'm sorry…
Does he know I'm there?
"I'm leaving, Dad."
There's nothing I could've done
He's crying, and I am too.
One of us for the past that we
Can't change,
One for the future we
Can't control.
"I just can't take it anymore.
I can't stay. I'm sorry."
I'm sorry…
How come he's never said that
To me?
"Dad!"
I clench the gun tighter;
He's going to listen.
I walk over, put the gun
To his head.
And he finally turns to me
And it looks like there's some recognition there.
"Why, huh? Why did you have to do
This to me?"
I'm sorry. So sorry…
I can't be sure who he's talking to.
I want to shoot him, but know I can't.
I want to hit him, but he'd hit me back.
So I just walk out, so he can't
Do it to me.
"Goodbye, Dad.
I'll see you in hell."
Now in my room, I shove the things I care for
Into a suitcase.
My store-bought clothes, my journal.
I put on the locket I can't bare to wear,
And which I know I'll never get rid of.
My little gun goes in as well,
The one that was my dad's son's.
He won't miss it.
I leave the cell phone and
The little gun from Ethan
Under the dresser.
I pick up a pen
And write a note.
Jackie,
I wish I didn't have to go, but I can't stay. I know you had written me a while ago and told me not to come home if I didn't have to. And I know that despite that, it'll hurt you that I'm gone. But trust me, the alternative would've hurt you much more.
I've seen the way you haven't been able to look at me the same since you found out. And I'm truly sorry about that. You're the one thing around here that I'll miss.
I've left some things for you under the dresser. Be careful with them. Please forgive me.
Your Sister,
Pattyn
I slip the note into her pillow case
Hoping she'll find it later.
I imagine the look on her face
And am glad I won't have to see it.
I peer at my trembling hand
And pull Ethan's ring off of my finger
I'm not sure if she'll understand,
But I leave it for her under the dresser.
It had been his promise to me,
And now it is mine to her.
I hope that one day she'll be
Able to find what I'd lost.