Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short and that it's taking so long with updates, it's just that like usual, a lot has been happening my life. I'm close to completing my major, so that's taking up a lot of time. Work, dating, and family are also taking up huge chunks as well. So the times that I have to actually sit down and work on this are becoming few and far between. But I promise that I will finish both this story and Ignorance is never bliss no matter how long it takes me. Icarus and Yami Neko will make sure of that whether I want them to or not.
Chapter 12: Breaking Down At Last
It so subtle at first that no one even noticed until the changes were apparent. They had all just continued with their daily lives as if nothing was wrong. Whenever there seemed to be some sign that might be wrong, it would either be brushed off with a quick excuse or as a mistake in perception. In fact, when they had first met, no one would have suspected that it would happen. Everyone assumed that they would continue to learn about one another and attempt to overcome the barriers between their worlds. A task that would was supposed to come to coincide with their everyday lives. Sadly, when it came to Yugi's behavior that was no longer the case. For something had happened with the little hikari that no one had been expecting.
In the last two weeks, Yugi's entire demeanor had slowly been changing. He was still as friendly to his companions as ever, but at times, he seemed to be growing distant. One moment he would be among everyone, smiling and asking questions about whatever their conversation was steered towards. The next, he would just grow silent and go off into his own little world. It even got to the point where he would ignore everyone else for several moments at a time, even when they were talking right to him. The whole thing was starting to get confusing for the others.
It was even more so when Yugi also started to glance almost jealously at Jou and Seto whenever the two appeared to be having an intimate moment. A sort of yearning would come to his eyes, as if he too desired that sort of attention from someone. Then, like it had so many times when he found himself being watched, that look would disappear from Yugi's eyes completely and he would become his cheerful self again. If questioned, he would just deny that anything was wrong. Instead, he would just continue on as if nothing had happened. It was a behavior that unnerved the others enough that they eventually went to Solitaire for an explanation.
In private, the dragon mentioned that Yugi kept staring at Jou and Seto the way he had because he missed being with his own lover, Yami. As far as she could remember, their several weeklong stay on Earth had been the longest that two had ever spent apart. Most of the other occasions when Yugi and Yami had been parted had only been for a few hours if the separation was caused by the latter's personal duties. Other separations only occurred when they journeyed to another yami's territory and there were matters crucial to Shadow Realm stability to be attended to. And these lasted a few days at best but there was always some interaction between the two mentally if things came to that.
Since before they had come to Earth, Yugi had made no attempt to open his link with Yami. He had kept up tight mental barriers that would take even a good measure of his lover's own willpower to create even a crack through. So far, the lack of contact hadn't proven to be too much of a problem or a strain on Yugi. If he felt anything at all, he was just able to push it to the back of his mind until it wasn't as noticeable. Then he just went on as if nothing was wrong. It was what he had been doing ever since he and Yami had parted ways in the Meeting Hall. This was also a tactic that could only last so long before something did start to happen.
That was the case when Yugi could finally start to feel as the pressure at the back of his mind steadily began to take its toll on him. All the times that he had pushed aside and ignored the stress being placed on the link were starting to come back at him tenfold. There were moments when it felt as if his mind were going to explode from all the mental pressure that was steadily building in it. And when that happened, it was all that Yugi could do to bite back the screams that desperately wanted to be released. Yugi knew there was no point in doing otherwise. What he was suffering from was of his own doing and he knew it. So he made no effort to inform either Solitaire or the humans of his growing problem, viewing it as something that he had to deal with on his own.
As is often the case however, the more he tried to hide it, the more it became noticeable to the others. They did not catch on right away, as Yugi was good at hiding what he felt when he wanted to. But when he started to turn slightly pale at time or stated more and more that he was having headaches, everyone began to sit up and take notice. They started to put all this together with the other odd behaviors that the hikari had been displaying as of late. Once they did, there was mistake for either Solitaire or the humans that there was something wrong with their friend. The problem was just finding out what that was and getting Yugi to admit to it. Which was definitely going to be easier said that done given how said hikari had already been acting.
Everything started to come to a head one Saturday afternoon. Like they did nearly every other day, everyone had come over to the Kaiba mansion to have lunch and discuss how they might spend the afternoon. It would be one of those times when they would all be together as Mokuba wasn't going to the arcade with his friends and Seto had actually managed to finish his workload for the week. So they were all trying to come up with something new to show Yugi and Solitaire that everyone could at least tolerate for a few hours without getting into fights. As of yet, nothing had really been decided upon. The furthest that they had really gotten was arguing whether they should go to a museum or to a movie.
Honda and Jou were for the movies, since they knew that Yugi had taken a liking to the films after seeing so many on the television. They thought that he might enjoy seeing it on the big screen for a change instead of the one in the Kaibas' living room. Anzu and Seto, strangely enough, were both in favor of the museum. Each for their own reasons of course. Anzu for the reason that it would be educational for Yugi to understand some of Earth's history and Seto since it was something would keep everyone out of trouble. In his opinion, going to the movies with such a large group was a recipe for trouble that he would rather avoid.
While everyone continued to debate what they should do, Jou cast a glance at Yugi. Normally during these discussions, Yugi really had no idea of the things that his friends were talking about. Most of the terms were completely foreign to him, so he really couldn't always be sure what they were talking about. But at least he would always offer at least some opinion of what he might want to do or some compromise that they could all live with. This time however, Yugi just sat quietly on a couch looking more exhausted than Jou could ever remember him being.
"You okay, Yugi? You look a little sick," Jou asked.
"Y-yeah. I-I'm f-fine," Yugi stuttered weakly.
He tried to offer a smile of encouragement to put his friends at ease but failed miserably. The best that Yugi was able to come up with was a tired expression that clearly said that he was about to lose it. How that would happen remained to be seen of course, but it was easy to see that the end result wasn't going to be pretty. And that was a possibility that became more apparent as the others ceased their argument and turned back to Yugi. It was under their worried gazes that the hikari struggled to regain a composure that was steadily slipping away.
From her usual perch on the back of the couch, Solitaire watched as well. She hadn't bothered joining in the discussion since what happened made little difference to her. No matter what she decided, she knew that it would just be another dull day where she ended up falling asleep for one reason or another. Movies only held her attention for so long before she moved on and history was not something that she had never really been interested in to begin with.
What Solitaire did pay attention to was Yugi. Watching him out of the corner of her eye, she regarded what little her friend was doing. Never in all the time that she had known Yugi had Solitaire ever seen him act this way. The worst that he had ever been was that day in his chambers after walking out on Yami. There had never been another occasion when he seemed so listless or pale. To her, it almost seemed like he was straining against something. A fact which was impossible since Yugi hadn't made much use of his powers other than to make her invisible or to demonstrate for the humans. Of course, she knew there was also the barrier that he had put up in his mind but that couldn't have….
After this thought came to mind, everything finally clicked into place. Solitaire hissed angrily as she realized just what was happening to Yugi. She found herself filling with a growing fury. One part of which was directed towards Yugi for keeping something this important from her and the other was at herself for not noticing. After being around Yugi for so long, she should have known him well enough to know when he was hiding something this important. Yet she hadn't because she had been pulled along with the excitement of being in a new world and learning about its people and customs. Now she just wanted to kick herself for being so ignorant.
"Yes there is something wrong, Yugi," Solitaire accused as she leapt down to the floor before Yugi," There's something wrong with your link, isn't there? That's why you've been so sick lately. It's bothering you for some reason."
"It's not that serious, Solitaire," Yugi protested," I'm just getting a little headache from holding it closed for so long. There's nothing to worry about. I'll be fine after I get something in my stomach."
Solitaire openly glared at Yugi for that. They both knew that he had outright lied to her, no matter what sort of expression he put on his face. Just as they both knew that there was more to what was going on than what Yugi was telling her. Something that Solitaire didn't like in the least since it could mean that there was something terribly wrong with Yugi that might cause the Hikari harm. And even if she was his friend and had agreed to help him in any way that she could, they both knew that Solitaire would not just stand by while there was something wrong with her master. A fact which she wasn't afraid to express as her spinal crest rose in aggravation and her webbed forepaws clenched tightly.
"Yugi! Are you out of your mind? If there's something wrong with your link, then you should have told me. We both know how serious that can be for you," she snapped.
A little taken aback by her outburst, Yugi insisted again," I told you that I'm fine, Solitaire. It's just a headache."
"One of who knows how many you've been dealing with lately," Solitaire snorted.
"Okay, time out, Solitaire. What's the hell's a link and what does it have to do with Yugi?" Jou demanded.
"A link is a term used to describe the telepathic bond between a yami and a hikari. This bond is created from the special linking of their souls and lets them communicate with one another over great distances. At least, it's supposed to when the link remains open on both ends," Solitaire explained without ever taking her eyes from her master.
Not liking where this was going, Jou asked," And if there's something wrong with this link thing?"
"If the bond becomes too strained, like if they're kept apart for too long without any kind of mental or physical contact, then they both start to feel the pinch," she said.
This didn't settle too well with the humans as they looked uneasily at one another after hearing Solitaire's explanation. They knew that there was no denying that something was wrong with their friend, just looking at how pale he had gotten in the last few moments confirmed that. The most anyone thought was wrong though was that he was coming down with physical ailment. After all, they had no idea how someone from an alternate world might react to being in their world for so long. It might have started to affect him without them realizing it. None of them had thought that something was going wrong with his mind.
"What happens if they feel too much of a…pinch?" Anzu asked uncertainly.
"I….I don't know. I've heard about it from the older servants, but I've never seen it for myself. I just know that it's trouble," Solitaire answered.
Only a fool was unable to see that from the look on her face, the trouble that Solitaire was referring to was serious. Just like the time when she spoke about the yamis, she actually seemed to be a little afraid. The difference was that this time, it was not in fear of someone else's powers. What scared Solitaire this time was the effects that could be caused by the growing problem. And if there was any truth to what Solitaire was saying, then it wasn't something that they could ignore and hope that it would go away.
"You know, if you're not feeling well, maybe you guys should head home for awhile, Yugi," Anzu suggested," It might help you feel better."
"Yeah," Jou agreed," Ya can always come back later. Then we can get back on track and teach ya more stuff."
Their intentions were meant well but it fell on deaf ears. For once, Yugi did not care for what his friends said or did. The only thing that mattered to him was the turmoil that continually swirled in both his mind and heart. These were things that he knew that had to be resolved soon. The only thing was that was going to be done on his terms and no one else's. In his mind, that had already been enough in his life. First by always complying with what Yami wanted him to do and then by following the rules that his human friends were constantly telling him needed to be followed in order to keep his secret. All had meant well but enough was enough. For once, Yugi was going to take matters into his own hands with no help from either his lover or any of his friends.
"I'm not going back," Yugi choked out.
The words were spoken so quietly, that one could almost swear that they had not been said. If it wasn't for the fact that everyone could see Yugi's lips moving, they might have ignored it completely. But that and the look on Yugi's face made such things impossible. There was a look of urgent determination on his face that they knew without a shadow of a doubt that he meant business.
"Yugi?" Honda started.
"You heard what I said. I said that I wasn't going back to the Shadow Realm until I proved myself and I meant that. If go back now then it will just prove that everything Yami thought about me was true," he retorted.
Everyone was a bit taken aback by his sudden response. Yugi had never spoken so harshly to one of the humans, ever. The last time he had come close to acting like that was just after his fight with Yami, when he had yelled at Solitaire. Then he had felt remorse after speaking to a friend like that. Now however, Yugi felt no such thing as quickly as he had felt with the dragon. All he felt at that moment was the pain and frustration that his growing headache was causing. A headache that the others were saying that he should just go home for until he felt better and thus keeping him from completing his goal of proving himself to Yami.
"Yugi…," Anzu started.
"You heard what I said. I'm not going back so stop saying that," Yugi snapped.
About now, the guilt was starting to set it as Yugi's hikari nature took its hold. Even though he was still hurting, Yugi began to understand what his friends were trying to say. They were worried about him and not trying to hold him back from his goal. He saw that once he saw the hurt and confused expressions that went across his friends' faces. And knowing that he was the one that had caused this for them, Yugi also realized that it would be better for everyone if he just went on his own for awhile. He was doing no good for anyone so long as was in this state and taking it out on others.
"I'm going to get some fresh air. Please don't bother me for awhile," Yugi mumbled as he fled the room.
The others watched him go in stunned silence. Never in all the time that they had known him had any of them heard Yugi talk like that to anyone. Even when stressed, the Hikari always had a soft tone to his voice. Now though, his voice sounded tired and thin. It was now more obvious than ever that he had been pushed to the very edge of his resources and was about to give up completely. Only a thin thread of powerful determination and willpower kept the hikari from totally crumbling. It was an action that could almost be admired for the strength of mind he showed but it was not something that anyone liked to see in the vibrant being that was Yugi.
By keeping so much in, he was unnecessarily hurting himself. A hurt that they could now all see was starting to cause serious harm to their friend. It was just that none of them, even Solitaire, really knew what to do. Yugi had refused their suggestions and had run away from them before they could even offer to help. Now they were left trying to understand the full extent of what was happening to their friend and what they could possibly do to alleviate the situation, if it was even possible.
"I-Is Yugi going to be okay?" Mokuba asked finally.
He had remained silent during the entire exchange, too afraid to say anything. Of them all, he was the most confused. For him, Yugi had always been the one real playmate that he could count on outside of the few friends that he had at school. Most of the people that he hung around were older than him by at least five years or more, and even if they tried their best to include him in their activities, they could not always relate to the boy on the same level. For even though he was countless eons old, Yugi just had a spirit about him that did not age. It remained pure and innocent regardless of what he did. So to see his friend as he was, Mokuba just wasn't sure what was going to happen.
"I don't know, Mokuba, but I promise that we're gonna find a way to help the little guy," Jou promised.
"Which I hope you know won't be easy. Once Yugi makes up his mind on anything, not much is going to get in his way," Solitaire warned.
"Then you do something. You've been around Yugi longer than any of us put together, so that means you've obviously got a better chance of convincing him to go home than any of us. So why don't you figure out some way to get him back to the Shadow Realm?" Seto demanded.
"Read my fangs, Kaiba Seto. I follow Yugi's orders, NOT the other way around. I can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to even if it's for his own good. So if he wants to stay here, then that's where he's staying," Solitaire snarled.
She bristled angrily as she spoke, crest rising as a sign of her irritation and a few sparks crackling along her back. It was nothing new for any of them to see. Solitaire often did that when she let her emotions get the better of her. But this time, there was a new emotion shining in her eyes that no one had seen before. That was despair. The kind that came from knowing that someone she cared about was suffering but there was nothing she could do to help him unless he allowed it. Something that Yugi had already made quite clear that he did not want from anyone, including her.
"I don't understand. You've always been so open and never let anything stand in your way if you thought that Yugi should know something. What's so different now?" Anzu asked.
"It's simple. Even if we're friends, Yugi is still my master. I have to do whatever he wants, whether I like it or not. The spell that binds me to him keeps it that way," Solitaire said.
"Spell? What spell?" Anzu said.
"The one that binds me to Yugi as his eternal servant. You see, when Yami-sama made me Yugi's servant, he set down certain conditions with a binding spell to ensure that I would never betrayed my master. I had to obey Yugi's orders and abide by his decisions to the letter even when I didn't think they were right. If I don't, my soul goes down the toilet," she answered.
The way she spoke, more than one face lit up with anger. At first, Solitaire could not see why. She had merely spoken the truth. Yet when the responses started, she more than understood. It was another occasion when the meaning between both worlds and species needed some serious work.
"Are you telling me that you're not gonna do anything? You're more worried about yourself when Yugi is in trouble? What kind of friend does that?" Honda demanded.
"You really are an idiot, aren't you? I never said that I was more concerned about myself. I just said that if I disobey Yugi in any sense, then my soul is toast. And I'm not exactly of any use to my friend if I'm dead, now am I?" Solitaire snarled.
"Good point," Honda gulped.
"All right, so Solitaire getting Yugi to go home till he's better is out of the question. From what just happened, I guess we're not gonna make much difference either. So what are we going to do until we figure something out?" Anzu asked.
"Not sure but someone outta go after the little guy and keep an eye on him," Jou said," I mean, Yugi really doesn't look like he's up for taking care of himself right now."
"I better go. If you go, it'll just get him more agitated. We don't need that happening. So it's best if I go. Yugi's used to me being around whenever he's upset back home, so he shouldn't notice me right away," Solitaire replied.
"Are you sure, Solitaire?" Honda asked.
"I'm sure. Besides, I'm good at hiding anyway. So I'll have a way better chance of finding something out then any of you. But if anything else happens, I'll let you know," Solitaire promised.
"Wait. Didn't you say that you had to follow all of Yugi's orders?" Anzu asked worriedly.
"Yes. Why?" Solitaire replied.
"If you go after him, then you're disobeying him. You said yourself that it would mean you would die," the girl responded.
"That's only if he gives me something direct. The way around that is that he just asked, not ordered. So I'll be fine," Solitaire promised with a wink as she bounded out of the room.
The others watched her go with a sense of fear. Each of them wanted to follow after her to ensure that their friend was all right, but they knew better. As Solitaire had said, now was not the time to be fussing over Yugi. All that would do was end up making things worse than they already were. No, the best course of action would be for Solitaire to follow Yugi and hopefully speak with him once he had a chance to clear his head. In the meantime, they would continue to think up ways to help their friend before anything else happened.
A/N: Well, that's done for now. The next part should be out very soon, as I have half the chapter done right now. It is also in the next chapter that things will start to come together. I will try to get it out as soon as possible as I've got a little more time to write now that the holidays are coming up. Later and have a happy holiday, everyone.