The sheets were stuck to my hand when I woke up. That can't be good, I thought, gently peeling them back. Looking at the slightly burnt, bloody mess I shuddered. Nope, not good at all. I winced applying a health poultice from my nightstand before I dragged myself out of bed. My robes were still damp from the melting ice, as was the bedding. Crawling into bed, fully dressed, covered in ice was not my finest idea. Checking the window I saw the sun mocking me from high in the clouds. Midafternoon, then: so much for leaving first thing in the morning for Amaranthine. I was doing a phenomenal job as Commander so far.
After changing into fresh robes I walked into my office, dreading the mess I'd find. There were multiple burn marks on the carpet in front of the fireplace, and one large mark on the wall, but otherwise the room was spotless. Huh. I didn't even hear the maids come in. I had been hoping to wake up before they did, to clean the worst of it myself. I wrote a small note of apology to them and left it in a prominent place on the table.
Anders pounced on me the second I opened my door, the kitten darting around his feet. "Let me see your hand!" I obliged him, wincing from the volume of his voice, and he pulled back the poultice gently. "Maker's breath. I am so sorry about this. No more Warden Mage Rules." He quickly healed my hand and ducked back into his room to toss away the poultice. "Anything else," he asked after returning? "No other burns? You got me once on the shoulder, I don't even remember that."
"No, I'm fine. Just…" I groaned, pushing my hair back from my eyes. "Just not so loud. I feel like I've been slamming my head on a wall for the last five hours."
"If I might?" he asked, gesturing to my face. I nodded, and he put a hand to each of my temples. Warmth flooded out from his fingertips and my headache subsided.
"Wow! Now I know that's not a Circle spell."
"Nope, picked it up the second time I escaped. Or was it the third? No matter. I'm starving."
"I'm always starving. Let's find everyone and tell them we're heading out after lunch." I paused, remembering only Oghren had traveled with me before and knew what to expect. "You have a tent, right?" He nodded.
Everyone else was already working on lunch when we arrived. Varel raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. What could I say, though? Sorry, got trashed? The pressure of command got to me after a week? I decided the best way to deal with a handsome mage in my quarters was to whine about my former lover leaving me? "So," I addressed everyone after sitting down. "I guess we'll leave after lunch. Sorry about that, I overslept."
Oghren laughed, wagging a finger at me. "Overslept! Ha! Mages can't handle their booze." He tore into some bread and went on. "Hope you and manskirt had fun." He leered on the last word before laughing more.
Nathaniel snorted from further down the table. "order of equals indeed." I could feel my blush spreading to my ears.
"Actually, Oghren," Anders said, "When you of all people admonished us for drinking we both became so terrified the only thing to do was end the evening." Oghren cast us a doubtful glance, but Nathaniel stopped snickering at least. I gave Anders a grateful look before eating my own lunch.
"Question for you all," I spoke up as we finished the meal. "Can any of you read a map?" Nathaniel snorted.
"You can't read a map?" Nathaniel asked, looking amused. Well, less annoyed than usual. Amused might have been a stretch. I still had hopes he would come around sooner or later, though.
"It never came up before, so no. I always traveled with people who could read them. I take it you can?"
"Of course I can read a map. How old are you?" he asked, shocked. Anders went still next to him, eyes averted, a grin forming.
Count to ten, count to ten. I took a breath, resisting the urge to throw my glass at him. "Nathaniel, I was never even outside until maybe three years ago. The Circle doesn't exactly stress cartography. Maps tended to remind us that we were just glorified prisoners who would never see the outside world."
"To the Circle," Anders interjected. "May we live to see it razed. Hurrah!" We clinked glasses.
"By the Ancestors, she found another one," Oghren griped.
"I take it this is normal?" Nathaniel asked him.
"Listen, kid, unless you have a few hours to kill never mention the words Circle or Chantry to that one. She's all sweetness and presents most of the time, sure, but bring up that Circle and she turns into a crazed genlock."
"Oh, you're exaggerating," I told him.
"Oh yeah? How about that last time you talked to Wynne? What did you say when she asked if you would go back?"
"I can't remember my exact words, but I told her I didn't intend on it," I lied, hoping Oghren's usual level of intoxication would make his memory equally fuzzy.
"Let's see if I can remember it." Oghren leaned back in his chair, stroking his beard. "I think it began with 'they would need to freeze me into a solid block of ice and carve my brain out with an axe.'" Oghren's memory was better than I had expected, unfortunately. Anders laughed at this, and Oghren went on. "Then you listed some very specific plans to, what was it, 'escape or smash my head open on the rocks trying." I think the finish was the best part, though. Where you swore about templars for a half of an hour and capped it by promising to rip the cold unfeeling heart out of any who touched you and feed it to them. With your bare hands." Anders applauded.
"How do you remember all this, Oghren?"
"Wrote it down. Your little speech had some of the finest threats I'd ever heard. I was impressed."
"Thank you," I said dryly.
"Here to help."
"All right, why don't we all get our things and meet in the courtyard? Before Oghren remembers more stories."
I waited for everyone else to join me, sitting on the base of a statue of Andraste. Nathaniel was first. He gave me a nod and I handed him our maps. "I'm assuming you wouldn't necessarily need a map to find Amaranthine from here," I said, "but regardless, of us four you're the best one to manage these. Anders is from the Circle, too, and Oghren just moved to the surface during the blight. The terrain still confuses him sometimes."
He nodded, stowing them in his pack. I suspected he was about to say something else when Anders bounded over to us.
"What a looker!" he said loudly, advancing towards me. I blinked and Nathaniel snickered again, but we both realized a moment later that Anders was actually addressing the statue I was sitting under. "You'd think she would look more like a barbarian."
"Barbarians were just people. Dress them up like we do and I doubt that they'd look any different."
"What would Andraste think about the Circle? You know, imprisoning mages, making them fight demons or be made tranquil."
"I don't think she'd like it, taking children from families, raising them to be afraid and ashamed. She was against the Tevinter mages because they did horrible things and enslaved people, not because they were mages."
"I agree. She counseled men to seek their own path to the Maker. Now the Chantry locks us up just for being what we are."
"I think goes against the Chant. Magic exists to serve man. How do you do that in a tower? We should be allowed to become healers and fighters, actually use these powers for something."
"And now we do," he grinned.
"I must say, listening to the two of you agree with each other incessantly is riveting." Nathaniel rolled his eyes, wandering off to get more arrows off Wade. Oghren stumbled out not long after and we set out.
We didn't even make it a third of the way to the city by nightfall. I had pulled us off course three or four times to go after small bands of darkspawn on the way, and it set us back. Getting back to killing genlocks and hurlocks seemed fitting, though. In a strange way I guess I had missed it. There was a certain freedom in unleashing all my power against something that wouldn't be missed, and whose loss would be celebrated by everyone. Part of me always wondered if all those bandits who attacked us that we left dead had parents and siblings and children at home, wondering how they went wrong and if they would ever come back. Fortunately it was just the darkspawn today, and something told me broodmothers didn't send their children birthday presents and knitted mittens for winter. Nathaniel looked a little queasy after the first battle, but regained his footing quickly. By the end of the day their monstrosity didn't seem to bother him any more than they did the rest of us. I was impressed. It took me a week or so to really get used to seeing darkspawn.
Making camp near a field I volunteered for first watch, remembering it was the most dangerous. If we're attacked after dark, odds are it will be by another group looking for a campsite after dusk, or close to dawn by darkspawn. The latter would wake me up before they got close, though. Settling near the fire I wished we had a larger group, just so we could double up on watches. Having no one to talk to for hours was agonizingly dull. I passed time by sharpening my blades, making health poultices and, when that was done, just watching the stars and fighting to stay awake.
When my watch was finally over I walked over to Nathaniel's tent, opening the flap just enough to see his leg. I poked him a few times and he began to stir.
"Your watch," I whispered, careful not to wake the others up. Well, to wake Anders up. Oghren was passed out drunk already, I don't think anything shy of an archdemon could rouse him.
"Just a moment," he muttered, and I went back to the fire. He appeared a few seconds later, replacing his bow on his back.
"Second watch can be a real pain. If you feel awful tomorrow I can take it from now on," I offered. It was the safest watch, but also the one that split your rest in two.
"Oghren doesn't take a watch?"
I laughed. "Have you seen how he drinks? He's exactly who you want beside you in battle, but left up alone to guard everyone? Not so much."
"You make a good point. I'll be sure to wake Anders in a few hours." He wished me goodnight and I retreated to my tent.
Laying back on the bedroll I looked up at the familiar lines of canvas, the shape of my pack set beside me in the darkness, the tiny hole near the side that let in just enough moonlight to see where my water flask was. Come dawn I would be able to see the stars I had painted on the upper levels one day, when it was raining too much for us to go anywhere. I hadn't used this tent since the night before we reached Denerim, before killing the archdemon. It still felt completely familiar, more like home than the circle or palace ever had. I rolled onto my side, pulling the blankets up, and fell asleep.
Anders was shaking me awake. "Maggie! Maggie!"
I jumped up, grabbing my staff. "What's wrong?"
He hopped back, startled by my sudden movement. "Um, that's what I wanted to find out. You were screaming."
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that all?"
"Is that all? It sounded like someone was trying to cut off your head!"
I sat back on my bedroll, pulling the blankets over my lap. I was only wearing a nightshirt, and it barely covered my legs. Fantastic. "Anders, it was just a nightmare. That's normal."
"That can't be normal, you were screaming."
"I joined during a blight, my nightmares will always be worse than other Wardens. I can block most out by now; even when I can't I don't even remember them when I wake up." I yawned and stretched. "What time is it?"
"About an hour until dawn."
"No point in going back to sleep now." He stood, staring at me nervously. "Um, Anders?"
"Yes?"
"I need to get dressed." He looked at me blankly. "Anders, get out of my tent!" I laughed as he jumped from my tent, calling apologies.