Part 21

Merlin was waiting in Arthur's chambers. Gwen called in to see Arthur and Merlin reassured her that everything was alright. Gwen looked careworn and tired. It couldn't be easy, her life now without Morgana. Although still a servant it meant something to be close to a royal, it lent a certain status. But Arthur had promised, when her father died that she would not suffer any further loss. He had made sure she was secure for the rest of her life only Gwen now felt out of kilter without her mistress.

'Is he really alright Merlin only I wondered that he did not come and see me …I know that's asking a lot but I've missed him so much. Do you think he missed me at all?'

'He didn't really talk about you Gwen, something did happen at one point…but maybe he should tell you about it. I don't know very much myself.'

Gwen looked down at her hands and then over to the door. She looked up at Merlin apologetically. 'I'm not usually like this Merlin, it's just I had this dream…I just want to see him, that's all.'

'Don't worry Gwen; he'll be here soon. I'll go as soon as he gets here, you can talk to him. I'm only staying here because he ordered me to.' A bitter note had crept into his voice. Gwen looked at him under her brow.

'What has happened between you two Merlin? You sound angry with him.'

'I'm just tired,' said Merlin sitting down beside her, 'you know how it is, sometimes you just don't want to be told what to do.'

I wouldn't mind it right now,' said Gwen, I've no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. Arthur has set up this position for me as some kind of house matron, available to everyone for everything it seems, from sorting out who sleeps where to checking with the cook about dinner. It's part Morgana's jobs and part...I don't know…then I've got these looks from the other maids as though I must have bought my way into his good books somehow. God if only they knew the truth, my name would be mud.'

Gwen stood and walked to the window, she opened the casement and looked down. 'Arthur said you dropped him out of this window once.'

'Err yes,' said Merlin…'didn't mean to do it though. I just couldn't hold on …he said, don't let go… but just I came to the end of the rope…and down he went…' Merlin started to laugh.

'And what was it he fell into? asked Gwen with a mischievous smile. 'Wasn't too fragrant I heard?' Gwen and Merlin laughed together, that ridiculous laughter that comes from too little sleep and too much tension. They just couldn't stop.

'Want to let me in on the joke,' came Arthur's voice from the doorway.

Merlin was crying with laughter and could only shake his head.

'Arthur!' declared Gwen and hurried over to him.' Arthur looked from one to the other and putting his arm around Gwen's waist he gave her a chaste kiss but kept his eye on Merlin.

'I'll go to and see Gaius,' said Merlin then looking at Arthur 'if I'm permitted sire.'

Yes go, but be back here in an hour Merlin.

Gwen could not suppress the look of joy on her face. She did not notice that Arthur did not reflect it. They embraced and he held her tightly, burying his head in her neck, breathing the scent of her hair.

'I cannot stay long Arthur,' she said. 'There will be talk. I only came to see how you were. I've missed you so much.'

Arthur stood back from her and studied her face. She and the woman in Heaf were identical. She had been so real, this real. Gwen saw something like doubt, like suspicion in his eyes.

'What is it Arthur? What's' wrong?'

'Arthur smiled, nothing, nothing, Guinevere,' I've just had a confusing time. 'I thought I saw you, miles from here.'

'In a forest,' said Gwen simply. Arthur let go of her and searched her face.

'How do you know about it? Did Merlin say anything?'

'Merlin said nothing.' Gwen saw a painful look in Arthur's eyes, she had seen men battle fatigued, disorientated, sickened with too little sleep and too much trauma, Arthur was all these things, yet there was something else. Gwen spoke to him gently. 'I had a dream Arthur, I was with you, my father was there and…'

'The King was dead,' said Arthur.

'Why yes, he was dead and you went to kill Morgana, that's the last I saw of you. But…we had the same dream? Is that possible?'

'I'm not sure it was a dream Gwen. I don't know what it was. It was some kind of magic and…'

Arthur could not go any further, he could not tell her about the magic. There was an ocean between them now. As though he had been initiated into something that she could never be part of. He had entered Merlin's world, he had even felt his same power burn in his blood and like it or not, the past week of playing the prince and trying to close it down had not changed anything. He had felt so positive about it all away from here but he was bred on a hatred of magic and although he had broken the grip of it, he did not know what to do now, how to live with it.

'I have things to work out Gwen,' he said moving away from her to sit on the bed.

Gwen came to him and knelt at his feet. He looked down into her beautiful eyes and tenderly touched her cheek. He did love her, but he had so much to resolve before he could ever be with her. She read him as she always did. And took his hand in hers, both her hands to his one, she put his hand to her lips it was rough and torn angry with scratches that criss-crossed over his skin. She kissed each wound, each bruise. Then stood up and ran her hand over his head pushing the hair from his brow. He looked up at her and wrapped his arms around her hips to pull her close. She smiled at him and they held each other for a few moments, then she put her hands on his shoulders and gently eased him away to look into his eyes.

'I don't need to know what is happening Arthur. But if I can help, then promise you will come to me. I will be there.' And with that she turned and left.

*

Merlin chuckled to himself as he made his way home. It was good to just laugh about something silly. Gwen was a curiosity nothing seemed to faze her.

As he came opened the door he saw Gaius waiting for him. He had drawn a bath and laid clean clothes out, he had even ordered food from the kitchen.

'My boy,' he said as he enfolded him in a fatherly embrace.

'I only have an hour,' said Merlin, tearing off coat. 'Arthur wants me back in his chambers…this is wonderful Gaius, thank-you. He began to undress straight away. He could not wait to wash away the past weeks.

'You look awful!'

Thanks, said Merlin with a tired smile, I feel it'

'Wait, before you get entirely naked, let me look you over quickly… and tell me everything.'

Merlin seemed in fine health despite the dark rings under his eyes and hollow cheeks. He told Gaius all he could about The Forest of Heaf, The Castle, Brand, Lillian and finally Aidith.

'Rupert was here earlier' said Gaius,' and told me all about Brand. He made quite and impression.'

'You would love to meet him Gaius… he can talk about the last hundred years from first hand experience!'

Merlin bathed and changed and felt a little more like his own self, only every now and then his heart seemed to jump in his chest as he remembered that Arthur knew and now he was keeping this secret from Gaius. Over dinner Merlin fell silent, the exhaustion was starting to hit him, but Gaius needed to find out what he knew.

'You spoke with Aidith, I envy you that Merlin, to talk with ones own ancestor. What did you ask her?

'Trivial things really I can't quite remember Gaius…it seems strange but although I had a thousand questions in my head I couldn't form any of them into words.'

'Perhaps she was blocking you…it's an old favourite of older wizards, the block. Means you stay in control. Perhaps there were things you had best not know Merlin. It can work for the best sometimes.'

'Is that why you sent us into that place without any warning?' asked Merlin.

Gaius looked troubled. 'I imagine I was thinking it would be all too simple for you so I left some things out so you would have to think for yourselves. I didn't want you to know I had some former knowledge, I thought it would be a challenge but alas, I fear I made the whole thing more difficult for you, and I am heartily sorry.''

'Perhaps you did make it worse,' said Merlin with a forgiving smile, 'how are we to ever know, but we are here now and safe…and the stone is within our grasp.'

'I suppose you didn't ask Aidith about destroying the stone?' said Gaius tentatively.

'She offered that information, she said I had the power but she did not know how I would do it'.

'You said that she told you the stone was split, how was that done? Who did it? Did she?'

Merlin began to feel as though he had wasted his time with Aidith, these were all things he should have asked. It was a though he was the child in the fairytale that squandered his three wishes.

'Sorry Gaius I didn't ask any of that.'

'No matter, there is much we can work out.'

'She said one thing…that a smith and her own blood had contained it's power and that it will hold until Uther dies, the last King of the fifth kingdom, yes that was what she said.'

And this Brand of yours is that the smith she spoke of?

'I suppose he could be… but I didn't ask that either,' groaned Merlin. 'Oh what was I thinking?' He put his hands to his head.

'No matter, don't worry about it, there is a lot to think about here' said Gaius reassuring him 'I will start looking into it. You must go to Arthur now, your hour is up.'