Part 25

The End of Love the beginning of Love

When the runner came for Gaius to tend a sick woman, Merlin had not rushed out with him to the castle gates, he was far too engrossed in the books that the former warlock had pulled out for him. There were only a few details that they needed to find out but they were crucial ones. If he had known that the old woman that Gaius was attending was Lillian, then he could have saved himself the headache of reading all afternoon. But he didn't know and now his head was throbbing with words and his brain humming with the inferences and cryptic clues that older sorcerers seemed to believe essential to any incantation. Then he found it. Just one small paragraph but it was all there. The spells of containment and all the requirements for preparation, two people, one to be a sorcerer the other a craftsman or musician or the like, someone to fashion the cage or prison for the object or person, Merlin shivered at the thought of containing a person in this way and read on.

*

Gwen looked in Arthur's chambers first then ran across the courtyard to the steps leading to Gaius rooms. As she entered the door Merlin was head down in a large book, which he slammed shut as she entered.

'Everything alright?' she asked trying to see what book deserved so ignoble a treatment.

'Fine, yes Gwen. What is it?' Gwen noticed a careworn look in Merlin. How different he was now to the carefree young man she had first met. How attractive that was in him, his joy in life had been infectious.

'Your friends Brand and Lillian have come to speak with you and Arthur,' she said moving closer as Merlin draped a scarf over the book. 'I'm afraid you might be shocked when you see them, Arthur said they were much changed.' Gwen looked at him kindly. But she was curious and more than a little concerned with Merlin's behaviour.

'Merlin what is going on with this book?' she asked reaching over him to draw back the cover. Merlin stood up abruptly and lifted it out of her way.

'You know you really should knock Gwen.' he said, his voice taking on a cold edge.

'Like you do Merlin,' she chided. But he did not respond, only went and packed the book away on Gaius' shelves and lifted his jacket from the back of a chair.

He fiddled with the scarf at his throat and did not meet Gwen's eyes.

She noticed his hand was shaking and compassion swept over her in a warm rush. 'Now I'm getting worried Merlin.' she said trying hard to sound as light hearted as she could. 'Something is going on with you…and Arthur...and these people.'

Without answering her, Merlin made for the door. Gwen stepped into his path. He looked down at her, she had that same sweet look that he had first admired, an openness and kindness, at once childlike and motherly, innocent and wise and although he could still see that other Gwen, that shy awkward girl. Nothing was the same anymore. She would one day be Queen of Camelot, of that he had no doubt but there was something about that fact that made him uneasy, it maddened him that he felt that way, but he could do nothing about it.

'I better hurry and get to them...where are they?' he said with a half smile, trying hard to persuade her to move, but she was having none of it. 'They are at my house.' Gwen stood her ground with her head tilted to one side. Merlin…' she started. Merlin cast her a confused look and she thought better of pressing him, instead she gently reached out, but he pulled his hands out of her reach, she looked down at the empty air her hand closed on and a vague hurt crossed her eyes, she recovered quickly, 'Lillian is gravely ill Merlin and can't be moved.'

Merlin knew that despite everything Gwen was still someone he could rely on but he needed to begin a process of withdrawal and he might as well start now, it would just get harder the longer he left it. The book had been clear and he knew in his heart of hearts that the task ahead of him was going to be one of the greatest challenges of his life. He had thought that facing Nimueh was the hardest thing he had done but that was instinct fuelled by grief and rage, then facing Kilgharragh, the terror he felt had threatened to consume him, but when he heard again the words of his father it was as though he stood right there at his side. No, these things were nothing. Merlin knew that, despite Gaius' soothing words, his sacrifice would be great. For the lifeblood demanded in this enchantment was not simply the flow of his blood around his body, he had offered that before and willingly. No. What truly kept Merlin alive was love: it was love that sustained the steady beat of his heart, love that strengthened him in the face of death. And so it was love that needed to be offered up to save Camelot, to save his friends and his family. Even the thought of it was unbearable. Merlin finally understood that to save Arthur he would somehow have to lose him.

*

To Gaius' astonishment Merlin had assumed a kind of command when he arrived at Gwen's house. He had asked how Lillian was and whether he could question her. He asked this the moment he walked through the door, before he greeted anyone. Then he had given Arthur a curious smile that held him at a distance but carried so much emotion that it was difficult to witness. Arthur seemed to not notice or was else purposely looking past it. Gwen had made everyone tea and started to prepare food. It was feeling bizarrely domestic, like a warped dream. Then Merlin went to talk to Lillian, gesturing that he wanted to do so alone. When he came out he looked somehow refreshed and lighter in his being. Gaius placed a hand on his shoulder and pressed him to take seat, which he did gratefully. Gwen placed a cup before him. Then Merlin did another extraordinary thing. Arthur was standing near the fire talking to Brand. Merlin, without properly addressing them said quietly.

'I think Arthur that you and Gwen should leave us to it now.' there was a bit of a pause, Gwen put down her kitchen knife and cast a questioning look at Arthur the others in the room.

'We do not have very much time.' said Merlin, with a touch of urgency.

Arthur stopped talking and stared at Merlin, so did Brand. The Prince glanced across to Gaius and caught his eye. Gaius shrugged and then got ready to demand that Merlin be more polite. But Arthur held up his hand and stopped him.

'And will you come to my chambers and tell me what is to happen Merlin?' asked Arthur.

'I will try to Arthur, but I may be some time, I will not trouble you if we finish too late.'

Arthur gestured to Gwen and Ayden and quietly left. Merlin still sat at the table and tuned his chair to face Brand and Gaius.

Merlin looked after them at the closed door and sighed. He looked over at his Uncle and the blacksmith King, both white haired, kindly and brave, the wisdom of their many years shone out of them and he felt a little safer a little less afraid. 'I need to tell you both,' he said with a grave look, 'that I am prepared to do this but I am worried. Arthur will not allow us to perform the enchantment that will reunite the Stones until the law is changed and that relies on Uther undergoing the test. We have to create the illusion for Uther first. My question is what can we do now that will not displease Arthur but will help with the Stone? Putting an end to it's potential is our priority.'

'But Merlin,' said Brand, 'the two will have to be done together, just as Aidith did it. The Forest will rise up around Camelot once we bring the swords together and start the incantation.'

'Of course, they are connected! exclaimed Gaius, 'or else how could she have maintained it for so long.'

Merlin smiled for the first time. 'Good, good,' said Merlin happily, 'that will make it easier. And will you tell this to Arthur Gaius?'

'At the first opportunity…but why do you not?'

Merlin nodded silently at Gaius. ' It will be better coming from you I'm sure. It's about time I stopped being Arthur's only confidant.' Gaius gave Merlin a curious look, the boy was up to something, the lack of greeting when he entered the room, his assumption of command. He was squaring himself up for something perhaps he should not have spoken of the brutality of the old religion. Perhaps he had frightened him. But this was not fear Gaius observed in his young ward, it was a kind of maturity but one that had much of the joy knocked out of it. This was a change that gave a glimpse of the man to come, of the great warlock separated by his greatness. Gaius fervently hoped that this would be soon tempered by the warmth and humanity that was so familiar in his boy. But for now, they needed him to be single-minded and strong. To hold such an illusion was an almost superhuman task.

'Merlin,' said Brand, 'There is something as yet unresolved. We need a smith, someone to be my eyes, for I cannot see well enough now to forge anything.

'I think,' interjected Gaius, 'we have to talk to Gwen.' Merlin looked at Gaius in surprise. Gaius had thought about this. 'She is very able.' he added.

'Can we involve her without revealing the magic? asked Merlin

'I think so,' said Brand it is fairly straight forward, 'that is if you resemble Aidith and are able to incant in your head?' Brand stopped for a confirmation which Merlin gave him, 'then I don't see a problem.'