Chapter 3 – Sick Cosmic Joke

Thanks to my amazing ability to scrounge together an outfit in five seconds, I actually didn't miss the bus. I almost thought that, if I was late, a sequence of horrible and impossible events would occur. Just to add to all the horrible events that had already happened today. Like, there would be monkeys raining down from the heavens, or the sidewalk would turn into quicksand and suck me into the depths of the earth, or –

"You'll probably be meeting tons of cute boys," Ella gushed, sitting with me on the bus. "Maybe you will find someone you like and he'll ask you out."

I groaned. I can't even begin to go through the countless one-way conversations we had about boys. It was one-way because Ella always chatted about them while I listened, getting angrier by the minute. This wasn't one of my particularly favorite subjects.

"I already know all the cute boys in my class," she went on. "And I know none of them are interested in me. Any time I try flirting with them, they only want to talk about baseball or sports cars. I thought guys get over that girls-have-cooties stage in elementary school. Do you think it's because I'm not pretty? Because Jessica has been dating Brad all summer…"

She trailed off as we drove a little too quickly over a pothole, jack hammering and jerking us in different directions. I flew a few inches in the air while Ella almost fell into the aisle.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Ella, the last thing you have to worry about is wondering if a guy thinks you're pretty or not." I could not believe I was giving her a pep talk. Like I had so much experience in this department? "Look at you, you have long chestnut hair, big almond shape eyes, and nicely tanned skin. At least you look like a Hispanic. I don't look like anything."

"That's not true." We hit another pothole and the bus vibrated unsteadily. "I would kill to have your natural blond streaks. And look at how tall you are! Your figure is awesome. If you actually took care of yourself like a girl should, you could be a model."

"Please, they'd pay me to throw a bag on my head and leave."

"You are pretty, Max," a small voice said. I looked up to see a mess of blond curls and fair skin peaking over the black-leather seat in front of me. Big blue eyes innocently stared at me. "Any guy who doesn't think so is stupid."

"It's not nice to say that, Angel," I chided. That was Angel Moore, a six-year-old sweetheart that lived in our neighborhood. Ever since she was little I babysat her and her older brother Gabriel. She was the sweetest, most adorable kid I knew. "You shouldn't call people names, especially saying that they're stupid. What has Gabriel been teaching you?"

She smiled, and I instantly wondered if that was what a cherub looked like. She was too heavenly. "I didn't learn that word from him. Besides, it's true. I'm sure there are tons of boys who would want to date you."

"See, I'm not the only one who thinks so," Ella agreed.

This was like some kind of sick cosmic joke. If there's a God out there that thinks this is funny, I don't. Joke's over, pal, let me go on with my miserable boy-less existence in peace. At least I have the dignity not to dwell on the fact.

"I'm only gonna say this once, and after that I don't want to hear anything else about guys again. Even if by some miracle a guy did like me, after one date he'd be running away screaming by my lack-of-manners and the fact that I could probably punch his lights out if he attempted something stupid. So frankly, I would like to be spared from the humiliation and drama, capiche?"

They nodded sullenly. I knew this wouldn't be the last time I'd hear it, though.

I leaned against the window, taking in the gorgeous surroundings. We weren't in a huge metropolis or a suburb, but this was the only road you could see for miles. Occasional homes popped up in between the green patched of unoccupied land or fields of cornstalks. Tractors slowly rumbled down farmland, breaking up the soil. I spotted an elderly couple picking apples from their orchard. This area was quite peaceful, one of the most beautiful landscapes I'd ever seen in my life with the way the purple mountains loomed like a fortification in the background. Yet it wasn't enough to keep me from zoning out.

My mind wandered to my meeting with Jeb earlier, and I immediately felt very tired. I was sick of putting up with him and the weird way he constantly looked at me. It was reserved for me only; he didn't even look at his son Ari, my half-brother, that way. The next time Mom allows him in our house, I'm locking myself in my room.

The bus came to a sudden stop, lurching everyone forward and making them hold on to their seats for deal life. I swear, as soon as I can, I will not take the bus to school again. Our first stop was Eisenhower Elementary. The smaller kids on the bus filed out to the sidewalk. Angel sat up along with her brother, Gabriel – who was equally blond and pale – and joined the line of excited little children.

"Bye Max," Angel waved. "Have fun at high school!"

I scowled, but tried to smile at her. It turned into a awkward grimace. "Bye, Angel. Enjoy your first day of first grade."

I sat back in my seat and inhaled deeply. The next stop was –

Gross! I sniffed the air again and instantly regretted it. Ella smelled it too and nearly gagged. "Ugh, Gabe, was that you? Ew, that is not funny!"

Gabe cackled as he exited the bus. That boy had some serious gas problems. I wondered if his parents ever took him to see a specialist. This just seemed like another perfect event in a perfect day.

Today had barely begun, and I already wish that it was over.

Again, I'm posting to keep this circulating. I wouldn't expect a new chapter tomorrow, though. But I will try to post as often as possible. Also, I'm working on a new MR story that I'm calling 'Maximum Ride: Unseen Terror". The name might change though as the story goes on. Please check it out!!

5 reviews now. Yah! But I think we can do better than that. Just remember that reviews make me happy, and when I'm happy the story comes faster, which makes everyone else happy. So review for your own sake!