Nathaniel ran out to us as we rode into the courtyard. The smell of burnt timber was nearly overwhelming. Most of the outbuildings, the smithy, the dungeons, the cellars, and a substantial chunk of the main hall were burnt to some degree. I jumped down from my horse, wincing as my injured ankle hit the ground, but ignoring it as best I could.

"Thank the Maker!" I said, embracing him. "We were already at Amaranthine when word came of the attack. How are you? Where is everyone?"

He looked at the four of us, clearly shocked. "I can't believe you're actually here," he said. "Word came from the city; they said you left to hunt down the Mother. We wondered if you would actually return, but here you all are."

"I guess I'm getting pretty good at surviving suicide missions."

Nathaniel looked around the ruined Keep, face a mask of perfect misery. "I don't think I can call my first taste of command a rousing success."

I followed his eyes, examining the scene. It seemed as if dozens of people were wandering around the courtyard, examining the destruction and talking. "From what I heard about the size of the attack this is a lot better than I expected, actually. I don't know if I could have managed half as well." He only shrugged. "Let's go inside, I want to wash the broodmother guts from my hair. Then we can swap stories."

He led the four of us in, wooden crates stacked as makeshift stairs. I braced myself for what I thought was the worst, and still gasped when we entered the main hall. Tattered rags hung from the ceiling, the charred remains of our banners, the carpets were gone, and the very stone below singed. Piles of ashes sat at regular intervals along the walls, after a moment I realized they had been our bookshelves. The very walls were destroyed, plaster and wood blackened or gone completely, revealing the stone below. Even that damned throne I hated so much was only a charred hulk. I briefly said a prayer of thanks that I had moved the weapons made from the bones of the first archdemon to my own quarters for safekeeping. "Fortunately," Nathaniel said, leading us on, "most of the interior damage is confined to this part of the Keep, and all of it to the lower floor."

"The cellars?" I asked him, suddenly nervous. "The archdemon blood?"

"I checked that first, after the battle. Well, after I sobered up. All intact."

"Good," I said. "Wait! Sobered up?"

He gave me a wry smile. "Once the fight was over the troops demanded I celebrate with them, although I was far from in the mood. They literally carried me through the courtyard." I grinned at the image.

"Nothing wrong with that. The troops have you to thank for their survival."

The bottom half of the staircase had been replaced with a sloped ramp, just planks of wood nailed to the first turn of the staircase. "They're all like that now. That may be my fault," Nathaniel said, seeing me examine the temporary repair. "When we saw the army approaching I sent all the civilians upstairs with as much food as they could carry and a couple of the newest guards. Then I took an axe to all the staircases so the darkspawn couldn't get to them. They had ropes to get down, if it came to that, but thankfully it never did."

"Andraste's tits, that's sodding brilliant!" He shrugged, examining his boots. After a moment of silence I realized he wouldn't broach the topic himself. "What of the casualties?"

Nathaniel sat on the floor in a completely uncharacteristic gesture. We joined him, forming a rough circle. "Varel is in the infirmary, he will recover," Nathaniel began. "We lost no civilians, so far as I know, but a few are injured. Nothing too severe, just problems from breathing all the smoke in. At the moment our current count says somewhere between two thirds and three quarters of our troops have died. Captain Gareval is still going through the rosters, and a few of the injured might not make it."

"I'll head up there in a moment," Anders cut in. I nodded.

"Justice was beheaded facing down two ogres at once. I don't know if that means he's returned to the fade or not, that would be something you and Anders would understand better than I. Kristoff's wife already has the ashes." I nodded, suddenly numb. "And Velanna has disappeared."

"Disapeared?" I asked him, confused. Velanna had willingly joined us, even knowing the risks.

"Some of the men insist they saw a portion of the wall collapse onto her, but when the rubble was cleared we found no body. These are reliable men, men who have been here longer than us, not storytellers. I was near the gates the entire time, and the barrier to the deep roads was never breeched. I know she wasn't taken," he shuddered slightly at that thought, "but we haven't seen her since."

"Do you think she just left?"

"I honestly don't know," he answered.

I was having trouble wrapping my mind around this. I would miss Justice, but he had never been alive in the technical sense. Returning to the Fade made sense for him, and I suspect it was something he wanted. Plus, as a mage, there was always a chance I could see him there in the future. I had no idea what the disappearance of Velanna could mean. "Do you think we should have a funeral?" I asked. "Should we assume she died?"

"Well, she could vanish," Anders pointed out. "Remember the first time we met, her spell with the trees?" I nodded. I'd asked her how that spell worked but she wouldn't tell me, claiming it was secret Dalish magic.

"Can you three go check on the wounded, let them know we're back?" I asked? Anders nodded, jogging up the stairs with the dwarves following behind.

I managed to scoot over on the floor, so I was facing Nathaniel. "I wish I could tell you it gets easier," I said, looking at him.

"What do you mean? Your people survived." He grimaced. "You trusted me with command and I end up with two dead Wardens and dozens of troops."

I sighed, closing my eyes. "Fifteen dwarven warriors, forty three soldiers from Redcliffe, and thirty Dalish hunters out of fifty of each, as well as ten mages out of a dozen, plus one Warden, all dead on my watch. Not to mention how many civilians died in the city." I looked at him, he was watching me. "Every day I wonder how many lives would have been saved if I'd walked a little faster, gathered my army any quicker, anything. And don't think I won't blame myself for every life lost here, too."

"Why would you blame yourself for this, you weren't here. Any fault lies with me."

"The city guards wanted to burn the city so we could defend the Keep. I decided to fight through the city instead of helping you. I decided. I left you with one Warden and one unknown variable against an army. Maybe I should have left someone else here with you, maybe I shouldn't have trusted Velanna, maybe we should have rushed back and left the city. I'll always wonder. As far as I'm concerned you did the impossible, every person here owes you their life. If anyone should be blamed for the dead, blame me."

"That's a lot of guilt to put on yourself. How do you manage it?"

"I asked Loghain the same thing once. He told me 'Never forget the value of what you've lost, it will force you to fight harder next time.'" I shrugged. "Of course, he once also told me 'a man is made by the quality of his enemies.' That sounded better before I realized most of my enemies are unholy monsters with the reasoning ability of a rabid badger. When he was still my enemy it was a pretty nice compliment, though."

Nathaniel chuckled at that. "I cannot imagine you and Teyrn Loghain sharing command strategies."

"He was… not what I expected."

"How so?"

"Well, understand how boring life in the Circle is. I'm sure Anders will give you tons of off-color stories, but really, most of the time we studied and read. I think I've read every book written about the rebellion. An untrained commoner who defeated the mighty Chevaliers, freed us from tyranny, and rose to nobility? Who wouldn't be in awe?"

"Strange to think that the great Hero of Ferelden has heroes of her own."

"Yeah, that was something else I learned from him. I had expected him to be ten feet tall, blindingly handsome, with a great booming voice that could knock down a mountain. Imagine my surprise to meet a fairly normal looking man of fifty years. He hated his reputation; it was a chain around his neck. I now understand why. Who can live up to a myth? Had he been anyone else people would have looked at Ostagar and seen it was unwinnable. If he hadn't pulled out the whole army would have died. But all people think is the great Hero of River Dane could never be defeated in battle, so it must have been treason all along."

"Surprising to hear that from you," Nathaniel commented. I shrugged.

"Oh, believe me, at the time I could have killed him with my bare hands. It took a while to get here. I think they all knew it was a suicidal battle at the time, though. I suspect that's why the King specifically sent Alistair to light the beacon, keeping him off the field. No idea why he chose me to accompany him, though."

"I'd known Cailan since we were children. I could tell you exactly why he spared you."

"Oh?"

"Do I really have to spell it out for you, Maggie?"

"Apparently you do, I have no idea. I've long suspected it was because they didn't want someone a week past their Harrowing on the field to die in the first ten seconds of battle."

"Cailan loved old tales and legends, always had. Especially those of the Grey Wardens, and he was fascinated with mages." I stared at him blankly. That was common knowledge about the late King. I'd seen him go on about the Wardens and tales myself, and he all but demanded I tell him about the Circle after the battle. "And," Nathaniel went on, "he shared many traits with his father." When I didn't answer Nathaniel sighed. "Let's just say the odds of King Alistair actually being the last living Theirin in Ferelden are about as high as me being the Emperess of Orlais."

I gasped. "No! You're kidding?"

"For a woman who kills monsters for a living you're remarkably naive," he said wryly. "My father used to joke about telling the pretty elven servants to hide whenever the King came to visit."

"Oh, I believe you, one of his father's bastards is my best friend, after all. Just… me? He was a King, I was a nobody!"

"A pretty girl who also happened to be a mage and one of the fabled Wardens? I'm astounded he didn't try and get you into his tent under the pretense of telling him about the Circle or some nonsense." When I didn't say anything Nathaniel laughed. "Maker's breath, he did, didn't he?" I'm sure the look on my face was answer enough. "So did you?" he whispered conspiratorially.

"He wasn't at his tent when I got there. Had I known he didn't actually want to hear about the blasted Circle I would have waited around for him to return. I mean, a handsome King? How often does that opportunity present itself?"

Nathaniel doubled over, shaking with silent laughter. When he recovered he choked out "I guess we know you have a type. Now that I think about it, Anders looks a lot like Cailin." He chuckled. "He doesn't happen to be a bastard, does he?"

I shushed him. "And from Gwaren," I whispered. "He said all he knows is his father fought in the rebel army."

Nathaniel's eyes widened. "You might want to keep that theory a secret; if anyone suspects he's a threat to the king…"

"A mage, remember? He's automatically disqualified from holding any title, same as me. That's why I'm acting Arlessa, and not the actual Arlessa. Besides, I'm sure it's all just an impressive collection of coincidences."

"True enough. Although if his mother turns out to be an elf..."

"What's wrong with having an elf for a mother?" Anders asked, walking in with Sigrun.

"Why would there be anything wrong with it?" I asked.

He snorted. "Are you new to Ferelden? Most humans, they're not fond of elves."

"I'm not 'most humans,' am I?" I asked. "Besides, I was involved with an elf for almost two years, obviously it doesn't make any difference to me."

"Another mage?" Sigrun asked.

"No, he was an Antivan Crow Nathaniel's father hired to kill me."

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "That isn't funny, Maggie."

"It wasn't a joke, I'm serious."

"I'm assuming that wasn't a tactic you picked up from Loghain," he replied dryly.

"Maker's breath, you think I seduced my way to victory across Ferelden? When we won the fight he signed on with us rather than return to the Crows, since they kill anyone who fails at a mission. The rest happened… later." I shrugged.

"You are far too trusting for your own good," Nathaniel said.

"Yeah, I should kill everyone who tries to assassinate me." I made a face.

"All right, fair enough," Nathaniel admitted.

"So how did you get on the subject, then?" Anders asked.

"Royal gossip," I replied, having no idea how else to answer that.

"Has his Highness taken a fancy for one of the palace maids?"

"Actually, his mother was a palace maid." Come to think of it, all the maids in the palace were elves, at least when I lived there. I wonder if Alistair ever made the connection.

Anders laughed. "Yeah, he might want to keep that one quiet. Who knows how people will react to a half-elf king. Let me tell you, it doesn't lead to popularity with either side most of the time. Especially the Dalish, I've learned."

"Velanna?"

He shrugged. "I thought it would put me on her good side, so she'd teach me that disappearing trick of hers. I'm not even going to repeat what she said."

"I'm amazed you didn't hit her with lightning."

"Believe me, the temptation was there. I just didn't want you to scream at me. You're scary when you yell."

Sigrun poked me in the side. I glanced over and she flicked her eyes to Nathaniel and blushed, offering a tiny shurg. Hint received, I stood up, yawning dramatically. "I'm going to sleep for a week. Goodnight, everyone."

I gestured to Anders and he gave me a confused look. I repeated, jerking my head in the direction of the stairs. Sighing, I finally asked "Anders, aren't you going to join me?"

He got to his feet. As we walked upstairs I'm sure Sigrun and Nathaniel heard him ask, "Makers breath, woman, aren't you already exhausted?" if her giggles were any indication.

"They wanted to be alone," I whispered.

"Really? Those two? Huh."

"Well, she did at least. She gave me a 'get out of here' signal."

The floors and walls upstairs were filthy, but everything else seemed otherwise normal, if one could ignore the smell of smoke. Anders disappeared to clean up while I went into my own room. My room actually seemed almost exactly as I had left it, right down to the unmade bed. Someone had tossed several letters on my desk. A maid bustled in behind me, followed by two pages. They filled the tub and promised to return with food for myself and 'Ser Anders.' I had given up on getting them to refer to us by names, but at least no one called the Wardens 'my lord,' and 'my lady' anymore. I asked her to leave the food on the table and went into my bedroom to wash up.

"So what is the 'get out of here' signal?" Anders asked, tossing himself on the bed with an exhausted sigh.

"She poked me and did an blushing shrug thing. It's not a set signal, I just got the hint."

"How did you manage to get 'I want to be alone with Nathaniel' from that?"

"Because I already knew she had a crush on him? I think he may have one on her, too, but Nathaniel isn't very easy to read."

He laughed. "Did she tell you? Was there girl talk while you fixed each other's hair? Oooh, did you talk about me?"

"I can't see either of us being 'do each other's hair' kind of girls. Can you even imagine?"

"hmm…" Anders paused, considering that. "Would it involve giggling and wearing very little clothing, and end with a pillow fight? I'm imaging that now and really enjoying the idea."

"Very funny. I knew because it's obvious. Same reason she knew there was something up with us from pretty much the moment we met her." I climbed out of the tub and dried off, yanking on a nightshirt. Anders had brought the food into the bedroom and was feeding Ser Pounce-a-lot bits of something. A large stack of books and clothes was piled next to the bed on the floor. "That closet's empty," I pointed.

"I get a closet now? In your room? I'm all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Well, somehow half your wardrobe ended up in here, it would only make sense." He looked down at the pile.

"How did that happen? Hm, funny. I'll take care of it in a bit." I climbed on the bed, accepting a plate from Anders. "So, how is it obvious? I had no idea. For that matter, how did she know about us, there was no 'us' when we met her in Kal'Hirol."

"Of course not. It was all so very random and out of the blue, the way you fell mouth-first onto me and I broke your fall with my lips, and then how I tripped and landed in your lap the next morning. Maker, we're clumsy people. That could be dangerous around the darkspawn."

"All right, I get your point."

"It was just so very, very, very shocking and unexpected. Up until then I had no idea you even thought of me as anything other than a fellow Warden, nor did anyone else. I mean, I thought you held hands with Nathaniel all the time, and kissed Oghren on the cheek!"

"You're doing it again, Mags."

I giggled. "Sorry, a bit tired, it makes me drag jokes too far."

"I know. That's why I said again." He sighed and grabbed more cheese from the tray of food.

"Is this what they brought us to eat? It's all bread and cheese. I didn't know we even had this much cheese in the Keep."

"I like cheese," Anders replied, mouth full. He swallowed and added "I asked for it." Remembering Alistair's near-obsession with cheese I suddenly wondered if King Maric had an unnatural fondness for the stuff as well. I would need to make a point of asking Eamon the next time I was in Denerim.

"I need to introduce you to Alistair…" I muttered, more to myself than him.

"Well, let's go to Denerim," he said. "Come on, tell me, how is it obvious. Apparently there are layers of secret code you learned that I never picked up. Was that what they taught you when they separated the girls and boys for classes when we were eleven? Since we just got a lecture on new places for hair to grow and warnings about what happens if anyone got another apprentice pregnant."

"No, we got warnings about not letting any of you get us pregnant. It's just obvious because, I don't know... She's always fussing with her hair around him, tucking it behind an ear and then pulling it back out. And teasing him about cheering up, or finding an excuse to touch him."

"And all that means Sigrun has a thing for Nathaniel?"

"Well, all put together, it's a strong indication." I thought for a moment. "Oh! Asking for advice, too. I've caught her asking his opinion on lockpick techniques several times."

"So? Nathaniel's a good lockpick."

"Sigrun's from Dust Town. I'd bet she learned to pick a lock when we were still focusing on not accidentally setting our beds on fire after a bad dream."

"You know you did stuff like that, the hair thing and so on," he pointed out.

"Wow, you don't say."

"So it's all some secret girl code. I prefer the hair-fixing pillow-fight idea. That had some real potential. It would do wonders for recruitment, too. We could get someone to draw it for posters. Or at least for my own personal use."

"I'm going to start ignoring you now," I muttered, munching on a cheese sandwich.

Anders sighed again, falling against the pillows. "Fine, fine. Crush my dreams."

I climbed out of bed, setting the tray on a side table and making a fire, before returning and crawling under the blankets. "I still can't believe we did it," I mused.

"What? Sullied the Revered Mother's bed?" He snickered at me.

"Maker, no," I hit Anders with my pillow. "Alistair had better throw us a massive party for this. And I want the good musicians from Orlais, not those old fashioned minstrels he always has who can't play any decent dancing music."

"You must have been the only person who was upset when that dancing master retired from the tower. I don't even know why they kept him on so long after the occupation ended. Dancing mages, it all seems so… Orlesian."

"Well, it was. Still beats another class on why we're all destined to become world-destroying abominations. I think they kept him because he and Irving used to have tea together."

He set his plate on the nightstand and crawled under the blankets with me, putting out the candles. "So, Orzammar?"

"Let me figure out how bad things are here, and when Varel will be up and about. Once I know, I'll send a letter to King Behlin." Anders curled up next to me.

"I can't believe we're really going! I never made it that far in all the times I escaped."

"Well, it'll be work, too. We need recruits, so we may have to sit through some Provings, meet a bunch of fighters, that sort of thing."

"They'll let us see a Proving?"

"Anders, they might just hold one specifically for us if I ask. The dwarves hold the Wardens in great respect. We're the only surfacers who take darkspawn as seriously as they do." I yawned. "We may have to go to Denerim first, if the King requests us, but I promise, we will get to Orzammar. Might even stop to visit Jowan on the way, you can meet him."

"We've met, actually. We were in a couple classes together."

"You never told me that!" He knew Jowan had been my best friend for years, it seemed an odd thing to leave out.

"He's very shy, in case you've forgotten. I've spoken to him once, and it wasn't much of a conversation. It would be more accurate to say I know who he is than to say I know him." Anders had a point. Jowan didn't often talk to anyone but, well, me. I never could figure out how he'd managed to speak to Lily long enough to spark a relationship, much less maintain one.

"What did you talk about, then? I'm curious."

"It was nothing, forget I even mentioned it." Now I had to know.

"If you don't tell me I'll just ask him, and he'll remember. The man has a mind like a steel trap."

"You won't forget this, will you?"

"Nope. You're well past the time you could have lied and said 'oh, I asked him about a spell I missed when I escaped.'"

Anders cursed under his breath. I guess that would have been his next step. "All right, fine. Remember after the Joining when I said I recognized you but never knew your name?" I nodded. "Not entirely true." He blushed, and I reveled in it. After all the times he had gotten me all red faced, embarrassed and stammering I finally had a chance for revenge. "I knew your name since I asked him."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I asked.

"I escaped a few days later, there was some huge mess in the tower and I took advantage of the chaos to sneak out. Looking back, I think it might have been the day you left to join the Wardens. I take it he never put in that good word for me, then?"

"I guess between the escape and the blood magic it must have slipped his mind. He had a lot going on at the time. Why wouldn't you tell me that?"

"What would I say? 'Hey, I know you barely remember me from the circle, but one time I nearly gave your terminally shy best friend a stroke pressuring him for information about you and making him swear he'd tell you I was a decent guy.' That would make me sound a bit… creepy, don't you think?"

"I don't 'barely remember' you," I protested. "I just didn't recognize you at first because of the hair. I was something of a mess for a bit, after that whole dropped-book winking thing."

"A mess? Why?"

"Because you never showed up after, that's why. I spent weeks wondering if you had just honestly dropped a book and thought I was a hideous idiot. I even told Jowan." I giggled, looking back. "He said you were trouble."

"He said I was trouble? Maker's breath… There's a story there about a pot and kettle insulting each other."

"This is way before the blood magic thing. And you were trouble. I didn't even know your name, I just told him I got stood up by 'that cute blond mage, the tall one who keeps managing to escape.' When their vague description includes a mention of frequent violations of Chantry law, it's usually a good sign that person is trouble."

"You know, I told you the truth. Had I known, I would have been there in a heartbeat. I kicked myself for ages when I found out." He gave one of his dramatic sighs before sliding a hand up my thigh. "I suppose I'll have to just try and make it up to you again."