Chapter 14 – A Voice of Reason?

Oh no, oh God no! Please not again! I screamed in my head as I limply fell to the ground. My body curled in on itself, my arms snaking around my head to keep it from exploding, although I considered letting it happen just to get rid of the pain. This one was far worse than the migraine I had at school. It was more debilitating, if that was possible, so much that the pain rippled through all corners of my body. I swore I could feel it in my fingernails and the ends of my hair. It was too much; I wanted someone to take a jack hammer and drill my skull into oblivion.

The same strange images from earlier danced across my eyelids. Texts, manuscripts, hieroglyphics? I couldn't recognize anything; they were like random shapes or a completely new language. Maybe it was Chinese or Russian or Greek. It seemed to flip through like turning the pages of a book, so fast that even if there was something I would be able to read I couldn't make it out.

Some pictures of places that I weren't familiar with passed through my mind. Large buildings, science labs, something that looked like my school. It was really hard to figure these things out when it felt like my brain was going to leak out my ears.

Loud banging at the door vibrated painfully through my eardrums. Didn't they know that it only made the aching worse?

"Max, are you okay?" Mom asked. Normally I would have sucked it up and told her everything was okay so I wouldn't have to hear concern, but I couldn't do that when I was dying. As much as I would love to, it's hard to send reassuring words when you feel like any time you open your mouth you'll scream.

"Max?" Fang asked, and I instantly felt self conscious. He'd seen me like this before, but two times was too many. After days of bossing him around, I hated to appear weak in anyone's eyes, especially his.

The door creaked open at first, but then it was shoved against the wall as footsteps stormed in. "Max! What happened, honey?" Mom asked again. I could imagine the sight they were seeing; me curled up on the ground, contorted in agony, tears streaming down my face. I would have taken their feelings into consideration if I could help it, but since I was more concerned about the porcupine that seemed to unleash its needles in my brain. My head was probably going to erupt like a volcano.

"Is it your head?" Fang asked, from somewhere very close by. I was glad I put my bathrobe on, I thought somewhere in the back of my mind.

"Max?" Ella's voice sounded very young and scared.

Someone's smooth hand pressed against my forehead, and I flinched away from the contact. As soft as it should have been, it felt like a sledge hammer was pounding where the hand had been. "She's burning up," Mom said, her voice shaking.

The pain started to ebb away, ever so slightly. As in, I realized again with some dissatisfaction that I wasn't going to die. If I had to go through this one more time, I wished it would have killed me. It was too much trouble.

I heard a whimper, and then I realized that it came from me. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was a tough girl, right? At least that's what I always thought. I'd been through injury and illnesses, so I should be able to take a migraine. Shouldn't I?

My mind cleared out better while I felt the acute stinging recede to wherever the source of it came from. I was aware of eyes on me, of people close by. I knew my family and Fang were here, but I was a little embarrassed to look at them. My body became less tense and they noticed.

"Are you feeling better?" Mom asked, shaking my shoulder gently.

I swatted her hand away. "Don't do that. It hurts my head."

"Oh, sorry."

I opened my eyes. She was smiling apologetically, but I could see the worry in her eyes. I felt bad for snapping at her, but she understood. I could only imagine what she was thinking, that her daughter must have some kind of terminal illness. At least that would be an answer, but knowing me it was something far more complicated than that. And I wasn't about ready to let her take me to a doctor, especially to Jeb.

The thought of a doctor made me suddenly feel a lot better. I would do anything to keep away from them. I forced myself up to rest on my arms, gritting my teeth a bit. I still felt crappy, but well enough to be kept away from a hospital.

"Do you think you can get up?" Mom asked.

"We'll see," I replied. I took in a few testing breaths and tried to push myself off from the ground. Clearly the brain attack had left my body in a somewhat paralyzed or catatonic state, or at least a lot weaker than normal. I really tried, and Mom helped support me, but I couldn't find my legs and I collapsed back to the ground.

"I can take her to her room." Fang stepped forward from behind me. His face was unemotional, as always, but his lips and eyes were drawn into tight lines. I was trying to decipher what those motions meant on someone as apathetic as him, but I was more concerned about him helping me.

"Let me try again," I said stubbornly. I didn't want him helping me. I could take care of myself.

He took a step back and motioned for me to give it another shot, sending me a glance that said "fine, act like a child".

I wiped at the dried tears that caked my cheeks, feeling them brush off my skin with little cracks. Despite the pain, I had sheer determination on my side. The only thing I hate more than this freakin' migraine was showing weakness or needing help. I could do this, without Fang's help. My face scrunched in concentration, fighting the searing pain that shot through my head with every movement. I struggled, but eventually got into a somewhat upright standing position. I smiled at my success, but everyone else watched me cautiously.

"I'm fine," I said again as I took a step.

Which clearly showed that I wasn't fine, because I wobbled and was about to take a spill until I felt strong, wiry arms catch me. I looked up to see Fang smirking at me, his eyes clearly saying "I told you so". But their hardness also showed me how apprehensive he was. I glared at him, but was thankful that he caught me. It was better than letting me fall again.

"Let's go to your room," he offered once more, letting me lean most of my weight on his left side. I grumbled quietly to myself but let him help me.

"I'll go grab you some food," Mom said, still looking worried. I smiled in appreciation to let her know that I was starving. She nodded and took Ella downstairs with her.

"You okay?" Fang asked seriously now that we were alone.

We came to my room and he helped me sit on my bed. "Yeah, I'm fine," I repeated with some finality. I barely noticed the minute throbbing that was still pulsing in my brain.

He sighed, his hand still holding my arm. "You know, if there's ever anything wrong, you can tell me." He looked at me significantly. His eyes, usually unexpressive, showed me some deep emotion that I couldn't fully read, but were also sincere. I knew I could trust him with anything, even if I haven't known him for a terribly long time.

"Okay," I told him. An inexplicable lump formed in my throat at the promise.

He looked at me considerably again and his hand trailed down my arm and lingered on my hand, a bit too long for my comfort. I was confused by the gesture, but he walked toward the door before I could question it much further.

Hello, Max.

I looked back towards Fang. "Did you say something?" I asked him, hearing someone say my name.

He turned around and looked confused. "Um, no."

"Oh, I thought I heard my name," I said stupidly.

He rolled his eyes and left my room.

It was obvious that I was going insane.

Sometimes the answers to our problems aren't always obvious, said a voice.

My eyes shot open in alarm. I searched the room frantically, looking for a phone or walkie talkie or anything that would give off sound to prove that I was only joking when I said that I was going insane.

You aren't insane, Max, the voice went on. You're here for a purpose.

"Huh?" I said out loud. Where was this voice coming from? I checked under the bed but found nothing. "If this is some kind of sick joke I swear –"

"What's a sick joke?" Mom asked, coming into my room with a plate of food and a glass of water.

"Nothing," I muttered. I straightened up, trying not to look embarrassed.

She set the dishes on my desk in the corner. "I want you to eat something now so you won't be as dizzy. And go to bed early." I nodded and she smiled in relief. As soon as she left I closed the door quickly.

"Okay, I don't know who you are but I want you gone," I grumbled angrily.

You may consider me to be a friend, but I like to think of myself as a Voice of Reason, it said. I noticed that I couldn't refer to the voice as anything specific because it didn't sound like a man or a woman. Like a computer generated voice, in a way.

A Voice of Reason? I scoffed in my head. You can step off your high horse any time you want.

I swore I heard the Voice chuckling, in my head.

So, what are you doing inside my mind? I asked. I started to panic a bit, I mean, hearing voices in my head? Isn't that like the textbook definition of being insane? Are the asylum workers gonna show up at our front door with large needles and straight jackets? Just the thought of it made me shudder.

I already told you, it said as if it were talking to a five-year-old. You must learn how to trust if you are to succeed in your Cause.

I have a Cause? Doesn't that sound cliché? I'm not a hero.

Don't be so sure of that.

I paused, trying to make sense of what it was saying. If hearing voices in your head labialized someone as being insane, then talking back to them is a step beyond just normal craziness. What kind of treatment does that entitle?

What do you mean 'I have to learn how to trust?' I asked, going back to what it said earlier. I can trust perfectly fine. In fact, I trust my mom so much that I'm gonna tell her that I'm insane 'cause I have a voice in my head. Did I really want to tell her I had voices – well, just one voice – in my head? I wasn't sure.

Are you sure that's what you want to do?

What are you talking about? She's my Mom! Of course I should do it.

It didn't respond, which instantly set flags off in my mind. Not only was I going crazy, but the voice in my head was crazy, too. How did it know I didn't want to tell my mom?

Are you saying I should tell Ella instead? I asked, feeling my headache coming back on. I rubbed my forehead in irritation.

Don't think too hard about it, it said cryptically. Great, I knew the Voice for like two minutes and I already was sick of it. Does it have a cage I can lock it in? Remember what you agreed to before.

I tried to think about what the hell it was talking about. What I agreed to before? I didn't agree to anything with the Voice. But was that what it was referring to? I told Mom I would eat and get some sleep, not that I was tired or hungry anymore. Was that it? I didn't see how it solved my problem.

Before then, it prompted.

Even greater, it can read my thoughts. Just lovely. But let's see… before then I was in the bathroom when I got the migraine. I fell down a few times, I remembered screaming at least once, and I knew I cried. Mom, Ella, and Fang ran in to help me. Fang helped me back to my room, our conversation… Fang.

Fang? I asked it. He was the only person left in the house anyway, so I hoped he was who the Voice wanted me to talk to.

Trust is an important characteristic. When you can find it in a friend, it is important to use it to your advantage.

"So I should talk to him?" I said out loud without realizing it. I rubbed at my head again in frustration. Why couldn't it just give me a straight answer?

Trust your gut, it said, and I sighed. I figured that was the best answer I was going to get out of it. If I had to deal with it every day for the rest of my life, or even for the next week, I swear I was going to shoot myself.

"This is gonna be a problem," I muttered.

Yah, I reached 70 reviews! :D Thank you all you lovely reviewers for keeping this going. If it weren't for you I definitely wouldn't be able to keep up this pace. I'd like to thank Rukiwolff95 for pointing out a mistake I made earlier. I can't believe I didn't catch that before. I'll have to change it. BTW, was this fast enough for you??? I'm not a sucker for puppy eyes, but I do like reviews. :P Blissful-x-Optimism, I know how annoying the iTouch's can be when it comes to typing. I used my friend's a lot during school and it corrected every time I typed my name in. And thanks for the advice. If I give them wings, that's probably how they'll get them. Kina Kalamari, I'm not sure how long Fang can keep his silence in the story. I mean, I didn't plan on introducing Nudge for a while and look what happened? Fang might come back as soon as Chapter 16. Actually, he probably will come back then. Turtle787, my mojo makes appearances now and then - he came out to watch the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. He also watched Rugby with me earlier. For being such a scaredy cat he loves extreme sports. Who knew??

Happy Fourth of July to all you fellow Americans!!

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