Part Sixteen

Brenda rolled onto her side, still in the bed, after Andrea left, thinking about her conversation with her friend. Andrea was the last person in the world she'd expect to be cheating on her significant other – well, second to last, since Brenda really couldn't picture Donna cheating either. But then, Brenda had suspected for a while that things weren't great between Andrea and Jesse. The fact that Jesse would even consider taking a clerkship in a place where Andrea wouldn't be able to study medicine, for example, suggested to Brenda that they weren't communicating very well.

A knock on the door shook the thoughts of her friend's marriage out of her head, and Brenda called for her visitor to come in.

"Val's sitting outside looking pretty miserable," her brother's voice filled the small garage apartment. "I guess Mom said something to her about Stuart."

Brenda just let out an audible sigh of frustration in response.

"You have a lot to be angry at her over, Bren," Brandon said quietly, in a tone that told her right away that he was about to disapprove of something, "but I don't think Stuart is one of them."

"You don't think it's the least bit suspicious that she's gone after two of my exes in the last five months?" Brenda demanded, rolling over again to face him. "Let alone that they're the only two guys I've ever really been serious about?"

"I don't think she went after Stuart," Brandon sat down next to her on the bed, slipping an arm around her shoulders. "Brenda, what happened to us?"

"Well," Brenda pretended to think about it. "Val moved to Buffalo and became a lying, scheming bitch, and you and I moved to Beverly Hills and got cancer. I don't know what your deal is."

"Ha ha," Brandon rolled his eyes, but he dropped the subject. "I haven't seen Dylan around today."

"He's spending some time with his mom, and I think he was going to call Erica and check in," Brenda explained, a soft smile spreading across her face before she even realized it. It was sweet how much of a family man her boyfriend had become. With Iris in town seemingly indefinitely, and Erica in foster care just a few hours away, Dylan had been putting a lot of effort into maintaining his relationships with his mother and sister, and it seemed to be paying off. He'd even convinced his foster family to agree to give him visitation rights with Erica.

And had she mentally referred to him as her boyfriend just then?

"I had lunch with Andrea," Brenda forced the thought out of her head. "I think she's pretty unhappy, Brandon, have you spent any time with her lately? You two used to be so close."

Her brother's brow furrowed, and Brenda imagined him trying to think back to the last time he'd seen her.

"I haven't talked to her in a couple weeks," he answered, and Brenda smiled inwardly at how well she knew her brother. "What's going on?"

"It's not my place to say," Brenda sighed. She didn't want to break her confidence, but she also thought Andrea could use her best friend right now, and that had always been Brandon. "I just think she needs you."

The door opened without the forewarning of a knock, cutting their conversation short, and Brenda rolled her eyes when Val came into the room. They'd been going out of their ways to avoid each other ever since Val got back from her mysterious vacation. Brenda knew Val had made a few attempts to smooth things over, but Brenda had brushed the attempts off, and they'd settled into a pattern of icy civility.

Brenda didn't actually want to have the conversation that Val seemed to be after.

"Can I talk to you?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'll get out of your hair," Brandon announced, reaching to squeeze his sister's arm as he rose from the bed. "Be nice."

Val was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to hear that last whispered part, but she smiled gratefully at Brandon as he walked out anyway.

"I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him."

"Brandon?" Brenda raised her eyebrows. "'Cause he has a girlfriend. Not that that would stop you, but I'm pretty sure it would stop him."

"Brenda, you weren't dating Dylan this fall!" Val snapped, fed up. "And you weren't dating Stuart last month either!"

"Whatever," Brenda muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "Like it would have stopped you if I was."

"It would have," Valerie choked out, somewhat stunned that Brenda would think so poorly of her. She'd known Brenda was angry, but she'd thought her oldest friend would know her better than that. "Brenda, I was stupid this fall. I went after Dylan and it was stupid, but a part of me really thought I was protecting you, and the rest of me was really angry at you."

"Angry?" Brenda sputtered. "You were angry at me?"

"Yes!" Val threw up her hands. "It took two people to kill this friendship Brenda!"

"And what exactly have I done to you?" the steel in Brenda's voice belied her frail appearance, but her words were followed by a spout of coughing that made Val think twice about going through with this confrontation. She grabbed a bottle of water on the night table and handed it to Brenda.

"You didn't come to my Dad's funeral," Val whispered. "You decided to stay in London two days after your parents decided to let me live with them…"

"That had nothing to do with you," Brenda interrupted. "I had a free ride at RADA. I would have taken that no matter what was happening at home. And I'm sorry about your Dad's funeral, but I was on another continent."

"You didn't even call!"

"What was I supposed to say?" Brenda's voice softened, as did her face. "Val, what on Earth was I supposed to say? I hated your father. I hated what he did to you, how scared he made you. I hated that he pulled the wool over your Mom's eyes, and my parents' eyes. What could I possibly say that wouldn't hurt you more than you were already hurting?"

"That's why I needed you there, Brenda," Val sat down in the armchair next to the bed. "You knew what he did to me. You believed me. No one else did. That funeral was torture for me. Hearing what a wonderful father he was…"

"I'm sorry," Brenda whispered, as tears spilled messily from Val's eyes. "Val I…"

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and for the first time in months, Val felt like there might be hope for their friendship.

"So you went after Dylan because you were mad at me?"

"No, I swear, I…" She took a deep breath, unsure how to explain herself. "At least, that's not what I told myself it was about."

"Then what was it?" Brenda sounded fragile and scared. "Why him? After everything I told you, about him and Kelly, and everything, why would you do that to me?"

Val hated how small Brenda looked, still lying on the bed. She'd barely moved the whole time they'd been talking to each other, and Val suddenly realized that she'd been standing there, towering over her friend for the whole confrontation. She slid exhaustedly into the chair next to Brenda's bed and took in the other girl's appearance.

Brenda was even thinner than she'd been when Val first saw her after getting back from her island vacation. She was paler, too, and a lot balder. The thick dark hair that had been Brenda's proudest feature as long as Val could remember had been replaced by a scarf, crumpled, barely hiding her baldness. Once again, Val was struck by the full force of Brenda's illness, which treatment had only seemed to make worse.

"I thought he was a womanizing addict," Val whispered, knowing it would sound stupid. It had sounded stupid in her head for months now, but it was all she had. "I thought you were better off without him, and I thought that eventually you would realize that. And in the meantime, I was mad at you anyway."

Val fell silent, already having admitted more than she was comfortable with. Brenda took a deep breath, not answering. Her face was almost unreadable, even for Val, even having known her for so long, but she at least appeared to be listening. That had to be a step in the right direction, didn't it?

"Brenda, I know what everyone around here thinks of me," Val spoke again, biting the bullet. "Kelly, Donna, David, especially Steve, and even you and Brandon now. I know what everyone thinks."

"Val, we…"

"No, Bren, it's okay," she held up a hand to stop Brenda from denying the truth. "It's… I mean, it's not okay, because other than you and Steve, no one has any reason to think it. But I understand it. I screwed up, going after Dylan, playing Steve. And my only excuse is that things have been bad for me for a really long time, and you shut me out years ago."

"I know," Brenda answered, surprising her. Their eyes met, and Val saw that Brenda's were filled with tears that were on the verge of falling. "How did we get here?"

Val shrugged, but she got up, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, and reaching out to take Brenda's hand and squeeze it. Brenda was the only person she'd ever truly counted on, the only person who'd ever truly counted on her. When that friendship had faded out of her life, Val had been lost, and when her father had killed himself and her mother had blamed her, everything had only gotten worse.

"I've missed you," a tear spilled from Brenda's eye and she reached with her free hand to wipe it away. Val gave her a weak smile, and Brenda met it with her own watery version. "So… you're in love with Stuart, huh?"

"I think so," Val admitted with a slow nod. "I… I feel different when I'm with him. I actually feel like I can talk to him about things that matter."

"But?"

"But…" Val took a deep breath. "He had this squeaky clean life and this squeaky clean childhood in Beverly Hills, and I just don't think he'd ever really understand…"

"He was Dylan's drug dealer," Brenda cut in, sighing as she said it. "Not this fall, the time before that. Stuart and I never talked about it, but Dylan told me. And anyone who sold heroin and liquor to a fifteen year old didn't have a squeaky clean childhood. Anyone who was in Narcotics Anonymous by 22 didn't have a squeaky clean childhood."

"You're telling me he's not who I think he is," Val surmised, her heart sinking. She'd known all along that he couldn't be as good as he seemed. She should have left it at a few weeks in paradise and never tried to continue it when they got back to LA.

"I'm telling you he's not who I thought he was," Brenda corrected. She grimaced a little before adding "I'm telling you to stop assuming he won't like the real you and give him a fighting chance."

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

"I guess it does."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~