WARNING:
Quite a lot of swearing and yaoi is frequently discussed and occassionally implied.We join the FMA cast mid-conversation between fairytales. Roy has returned, having stormed off over 'artistic differences' with Havoc. Ed has calmed down and says he will not sue. And Roy has covered Havoc's mouth (and a large section of his nostrils) with duct tape, to prevent him insulting the fairytales.
"Sir, what are you trying to say exactly?" Riza asked Roy, with a puzzled expression.
"I'm just saying that I believe there is a higher power at work," Roy answered.
"Like what?" Ed sniped.
"Like 'The Game'," Roy grinned cruelly.
The room filled with mumblings of "I lose" which was followed by Ed saying "You bastard" at Roy and Havoc mumbling something and then smacking his head against the wall.
"Anyway, now that's over. Who wants to hear another fairytale?" Roy asked.
"Not me, douchebag," Ed growled.
"Oh, Edward. You know you love being the princess," he grinned.
"You jackass," Ed grumbled.
"You didn't deny it!" Roy laughed.
Havoc appeared to try and laugh, but instead sort of made a wheezing noise then fell over.
"Sir, maybe you should remove that duct tape," Riza said, watching Havoc concernedly.
"Maybe you're right, the duct tape does seem to cover his nostrils more than it should," Roy said, also watching Havoc.
"Frickin' moron," Ed mumbled.
"If that's how you're gonna be then the next story will be CinderEdla," Roy smirked.
"Hell yeah! Another love story of epic proportions between the young and handsome alchemist of the people and the sexy Colonel who always seemed the womanizer before his true self came through!" Hawkeye yelled, rather overenthusiastically.
"Lt. Hawkeye, I think you've been reading too many yaoi fanfics," Fuery whimpered.
"No, you've not been reading enough," Riza smirked at Fuery, who proceeded to curl up in the corner.
"I'm afraid," Al whimpered.
"We all are," Ed said.
"You know there is FueryxHavoc now, Sir," she grinned at Roy and then smirked slyly at Fuery, curled up crying in the corner, and Havoc, still passed out on the floor.
"Can we move away from the realms of yaoi, now?" Breda piped in, "I'd like to hear the story."
"Shut up, Breda! Now one cares what you say!" Riza shouted.
"He's right, Riza. She does have a point, Breda. But anyway, let's commence with the story of CinderEdla," Roy started, "So it all started long ago in a kingdom far away…"
"The United Kingdom?" Al questioned, enthusiastically.
"No. Shut up. Anyway it was a kingdom farther than. It was far far away…"
"Wow, that's far," Fuery piped in.
"Shut up and listen to the story!" Roy shouted, "Anyone who talks will feel my fiery wrath!"
"Yes, Sir," they all agreed.
"Now, let's start the story now…"
Starring:
Ed as CinderEdla
Al as Evil Stepsister Alison
Winry as Evil Stepsister Winry
Hoenhiem as the Father that dies at the beginning
Dante as the Evil Stepmother
Roy as Prince Mustang, again
Riza as the Fairy Godmother
"CinderEdla was a beautiful girl with long blonde hair and deep golden eyes who had once lived happily with her mother and father, Hoenheim, but then something I don't remember happened to the mother, maybe she died, I don't know, but either way she wasn't around and the father remarried and CinderEdla got two stepsisters called Alison and Winry.
Then one day the father Hoenheim died, he was probably killed by a homunculi, but that's not relevant, anyway after that the Evil Stepmother decided that CinderEdla should be the family's servant that lived in a tiny attack room, because she was the only one small enough to even fit in the room. Did I mention how short she was? Well say, you take someone of around average height. Got that? Ok, double that, divide by three, add one, take away an eighth of that, then divide that by a fifth of the original height, minus seven. Then you'll have a rough idea."
_____
Everyone in the office sat scribbling in notepads (even Havoc who eventually had had the duct tape removed).
"So one foot tall, Sir?" Fuery asked, sticking his hand in the air.
In the background Ed could be heard mumbling, "You jackass."
"Yes, that is how tall she is!" Roy exclaimed, "You win five minutes alone with Lt. Havoc."
"Sir, I don't understand," Fuery said.
Roy winked suggestively at Fuery.
"Sir, I'm not, uh. I don't love Lt. Havoc," Fuery whimpered.
"Spoilsport…" Riza growled.
"Brother, I'm afraid, again," Al cried quietly to Ed.
"Me too," Ed said, "I'm afraid the author may have lost all sense of reality and this could lead to some bad shit."
"How bad?"
"Really bad," Ed said, worriedly.
"Hey you two," Roy shouted to Ed and Al, "Yeah, shut up and listen. Anyway we all get the picture of how short she is. So on with the story…"
_____
"So anyway CinderEdla spent all her days cooking (inedible food) and cleaning (making a bigger mess by being destructive), but anyway she worked really hard and they were all very mean to her.
Until one day she heard of a ball that would be attended by the handsome Prince Mustang, who, like the Prince Mustang in an earlier fairytale, was tall, sexy, wonderful, talented, had beautiful deep black eyes and jet black hair that just oozed awesome."
_____
"Colonel, you're becoming Twilight again," Ed sighed.
"Ok, Edward… Cullen," Roy sniped, with a cruel grin.
"Oh, that was uncalled for," Ed took his red coat off and prepared to punch Roy.
"What are you gonna do? Throw glitter on me?" Roy mocked.
"Ooh, bitch you just got burned," Havoc laughed.
"Yeah, think that was funny, Havoc? Seems your ass needs kicked too!" Ed threatened, before turning his automail arm into a blade and flailing it around in the directions of Roy and Havoc.
"Brother, please just calm down. Let's just listen to the story," Al said, restraining Ed.
"Yeah, fine. But I shall have my revenge. And when that day comes, my revenge shall be slow, unpleasant and humiliating," Ed made a smirk that sent shivers down Roy and Havoc's spines.
"Anyway," Roy tried to shake off the horrible feeling Ed's look had given him, "Let's continue."
_____
"So, CinderEdla set her heart on attending the ball, but she only had the same dull black clothes and stupid red jacket. So alas she couldn't attend the ball. And also Dante was a bitch and told her she couldn't go, so there was that.
"You can't go because you are very ugly," Alison told CinderEdla.
"Al, why would you say that? I thought we cared about each other," CinderEdla whimpered.
"Brother.. I mean stepsister I warned you. Don't break character," Alison told him.
"Yeah, CinderEdla. Geez, you're unprofessional," Winry sighed, "That's another reason you can't go to the ball."
"Bitches," CinderEdla muttered as she stormed away.
Anyway the night of the ball came around and the two ugly stepsisters set off for the ball while poor little CinderEdla stayed and 'cleaned' the kitchen (smashed some plates and threw some silverware out the window).
But suddenly something magical happened (even though all magic events can be rationally explained by Sherlock Holmes *wink*). A beautiful fairy godmother, who looked like Riza with wings and a sparkly outift, appeared before CinderEdla.
"Hello, CinderEdla, I'm here to.. OH MY GOD! What did you do in here?!" she shrieked in shock when she saw the state of the room.
"Nothing," CinderEdla stood guiltily over the remnants of some plates.
"Though I doubt that highly, I am here to fulfil your biggest wish!" she announced.
"Your gonna make my arm and leg go back to being flesh and bone!" she announced excitedly, showing her automail arm and leg.
"Uh, no. I'm gonna help you go to the ball!" Riza the fairy godmother smiled.
"Aw," CinderEdla whimpered, looking like she was gonna cry.
"Well never mind that. I'm going to make you the belle of the ball! You shall have a wonderful dress and a beautiful carriage pulled by seven homunculi!" she shouted happily.
"A carriage drawn by seven homunculi? It's every girl's dream!" CinderEdla exclaimed joyously.
"Why of course and here is your dress!" she handed Cinderella a big, fluffy pink dress, with matching ribbon accessories and glass slippers.
"It's lovely!" CinderEdla cried with joy.
_____
"Colonel, you know that's nothing like me," Ed growled at Roy, "I would never wear a pink dress with matching ribbon accessories and why the hell would I want a carriage drawn by homunculi? They want to kill me."
"I'm not changing it now, so shut up Edward," Roy responded, "Now onwards with the story…"
_____
"Anyway, when the overjoyed CinderEdla had got changed into her dress she looked like a tool. I mean she looked wonderful. *laughs*
The fairy godmother shouted to her, "Oh yeah, there's a catch, the spell lasts until midnight then everything will turn back to normal!"
"Yeah, sure whatever," CinderEdla shouted back, paying no attention to the fairy godmother at all.
So CinderEdla took the carriage drawn by homunculi to the ball. She had a wonderful time dancing and then the handsome Prince Mustang spotted the beautiful young CinderEdla from across the dance floor.
As the time drew closer to midnight Prince Mustang finally approached CinderEdla to dance.
The last song of the night was "Small Town Girl" by Journey, just as they started to dance CinderEdla heard the reference to a small town girl and stormed out, taking this as an insult to her height.
Prince Mustang chased after her, but alas she had caught the carriage home and all that was left was a glass slipper.
The next day, Prince Mustang went searching for CinderEdla and he eventually arrived at her house.
The ugly stepsisters ran straight to greet him and to try on the glass slipper.
"You're aware that you're in a suit of armour and there's no way that this slipper can fit you?" Prince Mustang asked Alison.
"Damn," Alison growled.
"Me next!" Winry pushed in.
"Your feet are way too big, plus the lady I'm looking for is abnormally short. So it's not you," Prince Mustang sighed, "Alas it seems I shall never see her again. Woe is I!"
Suddenly the house filled with the sound of smashing plates and of silverware being thrown around.
"Damn, CinderEdla. She's so bloody destructive," Winry growled.
"May I meet her? It seems there is absolutely no-one else who this shoe could belong to," the Prince asked.
"Yeah whatever," Winry sighed, then shouted, "CINDEREDLA! Get your lazy, messy ass outta here!"
CinderEdla emerged from the kitchen with a scowl on her face.
"Prince Mustang wants you to try on this shoe and if it fits then you must be the person he danced with or some shit like that," Winry scowled back.
So Prince Mustang put the shoe on CinderEdla, but it didn't fit because he put it on the wrong foot. So Prince Mustang gave up and left.
The end."
"That was rather anticlimactic, Boss," Havoc sighed.
"Oh really, was it, Havoc?" Roy said, sarcastically, "I didn't want to venture into the 'realms of yaoi' again and risk Riza shooting me, if I get it wrong. Plus I don't really want the character based on me to kiss Ed, do you?"
"Well, Chief, it might've made for a better story," Havoc responded.
"It did suck a bit, Colonel," Ed sighed.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Edward," Roy mocked, "Oh look I'm Edward Elric, I have an over inflated ego and think I'm better than I am. I'm always so angsty because everyone wants to kill me because I'm special but yet I'm an absolute hit with the fangirls. I have more fangirls than Mustang, blah blah blah! Bow before my excellency!" Roy said with a high pitched voice while doing ridiculous actions.
"You bastard," Ed scowled.
"You love me really!" Roy announced dramatically.
"No, I don't," Ed stated, emotionless.
"Yes, you do!" Riza said threateningly.
"Riza, I've had enough of this yaoi shit. I quit."
"Quit? You can't quit, you're the military's dog," Roy ordered.
"Shut up, Colonel. I don't just quit the military I quit this anime/manga," Ed said storming towards the door.
"Quick Al! Stop him! He's ruining the illusion!" Roy ordered.
With that Al grabbed Ed and stopped him getting out the door.
"Havoc, lock the door and get rid of the key!" Roy commanded.
"Yes, Chief," Havoc said, flicking the key and the lock bolted shut, then swallowed the key.
"What did you just do?" Roy said, watching Havoc with a stunned awe.
"I got rid of the key like you said," Havoc smiled.
"I didn't say eat it, you moron! How do we get out when I get bored vandalising fairytales!?" Roy shouted furiously.
"I dunno," Havoc shrugged, withdrawing another cigarette from his pocket.
"You know what this calls for?" Riza grinned.
"If she says 'yaoi' I will jump out the window," Breda stated.
"No. Karaoke," she smirked.
"Fair enough," they all agreed.
"Ooh! Me first!" Roy shouted, taking a conveniently placed karaoke machine out of the cupboard.
The tune of Don't Stop Believing by Journey started to fill the room.
"Just a small town girl," Roy started.
"Living in a lonely world~," Havoc joined him.
"She took the midnight train going anywhere~!" Fuery finished.
As the music played, Ed whispered to Al, "See the bad shit I warned you about? This is it."
"Just a city boy!" Ed jumped to his feet enthusiastically then whispered to Al, "You gotta embrace the chaos. I just couldn't help it, it's so damn catchy."
"Born and raised in South Detroit!" Breda piped in.
"He took the midnight train going anywhere~!" Riza sang along.
Cuts to chorus.
"Strangers, waiting," they all sang together, "Walking down the boulevard. Shadows. Searching in the ni~ight!"
"Streetlights. People." was sang with what appeared to be an attempt at dancing by Roy, Ed and Havoc.
And so on.
The music continued long into the day.
"Pokerface next!" Riza shouted.
"No! Love Game!" Fuery shouted back.
"Guilty Beauty Love!" Ed yelled.
"Shut up, Ed."
Ok, this chapter really descended into chaos and nonsense at the end. Partly because it was slightly rushed and partly because I just wanted to write a bit of nonsense after going back to school and having to go over my serious short stories and critical essays and all that crap, so I just wanted to some crazy stuff.
Also I do not own FMA or Don't Stop Believing by Journey. My friend suggested that song and I went along with it so thanks to Beth!
I'm sorry if I offended anyone, the use of swearing has become very frequent, especially by Ed, actually I think it's only Ed who swears in it, and also for the Twilight references.
But that's just my opinion.
Please review! All reviews are appreciated. I don't think this chapter is as good as the others. The next one should be Al and The Bean Shrimp, but again it depends; I have about five other fics I want to work on and also a solo talk and two essays.
Anyway, thanks for reading and thakns in advance for any reviews.
Bye~!
Amy.