Warning: Beware the dreaded the dreaded spoilers! Maybe. I dunno. And bad language. Also I don't own FMA. If I did, some pairings would be more than just 'implied'. *evil smirk*

Also before it starts, I want to apologise to everyone who's been waiting on this, it's been a while since I updated due to stuff and also big thanks to everyone who added this story to their favourites and subscribed to it on story alert, it all cheered me up at a really tough time, so thank you. It gave me the motivation to work more on this to finally finish it and upload it. And I do feel like this chapter is a touch thrown together, but it's better than nothing. Oh and thank you to everyone who has reviewed, because reviews are like sweet candy. X3

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Now enjoy the story... X3

And now continuing from where the last chapter left off…

"You can't eat me!" Hughes wailed, backing back towards the corner he had came from, "I'm Maes Hughes and I cannot die!"

"Shut up, Hughes, you'll be first to go if the situation gets serious," Roy growled with narrowed eyes. (I'm so sorry Hughes. *cries*)

"Whatever happened to a calming day of being told fairytales with quaint little twists and moderate changes and-" Al began with a saddened and disappointed tone.

"Al, did you really expect that from a…" Ed glares at reader, "Fanfic?"

"Don't break the fourth wall, moron," Roy shouted accusingly at Ed.

"Fine I won't break the fourth wall even if it is fun, but seriously Al. Did you expect that from the Colonel?"

"No, I knew you'd be the girl," Al said in response before mumbling, "He certainly looks like one."

"What did you say?" Ed growled.

"I said 'My big Brother is a tall and wonderful person and is in no way the 'S' word'," Al answered.

With that Ed grinned stupidly and started happily muttering, "I'm not short. Not insane either. Not short. I'm so tall. Whee~!"

"It has a calming effect on him," Al explained to the others, who all looked slightly confused at the happy mumbling Ed.

"Anyway.." Roy began before getting distracted by Ed who was on an endless loop of his "I'm not short. Not insane either…", "Can you make him stop?"

"Yeah, you just say 'shrimp' to him," Al said, "But beware he may…"

"SHRIMP!!" Roy yelled in Ed's face, however Ed instinctively threw a punch straight in front of him (with his right arm), smacking Roy in the centre of the face with a 'THUMP'.

"Why you little!?!" Roy shouted furiously as he reached for the gloves in his pocket.

"Did you say 'little'?!" Ed shouted back throwing a second punch at Roy who was fighting back.

"Both of you shut up!!" a voice ordered.

Riza stood with a gun in each hand, one pointing at Ed and one pointing at Roy.

"Aw shit. She's armed," Ed grumbled.

"She's always armed," Roy answered.

"I want quiet and a story," she glowered threateningly at Roy, "And it had better be uber cute."

"What?"

"You heard me. I want a fairytale and make it adorable," she growled.

"Well, then the main character can't be Ed," Roy stated.

"You bastard."

"Ooh burn!" - Havoc.

"So the main character will be Alphonse," Roy smiled.

"Aw thanks, Colonel," Al said, flattered by being the main 'cute' character.

"Your welcome," Roy smiled again, "Who says a tin can can't be cute?"

Al's spirit deflated again.

"Ooh accidental burn!" - Havoc again.

"Actually," Ed piped in with an evil smirk, "I want to tell a story."

"Shut up, Ed," Roy muttered.

"No, for my story is a terrifying tale of one Colonel's petrifying experience…"

Gulp.

"In a florist!" Ed laughed hysterically and was soon joined in laughing by Havoc and Breda.

"Yeah well, I got a story for you, Fullmetal," Roy retorted to Ed, "It's the story of the Tiny Alchemist and the dairy farm," Roy laughed as did Havoc and Breda again.

Ed and Roy exchanged angry glances and each looked like at any moment they would attack the other.

"Where's my uber cute story?" Riza interrupted with a growl.

"So the story is Alphonse and the Bean Shrimp," Roy said cheerfully recovering in order to avoid Riza's wrath, "And it all started with a young suit of armour called Alphonse…"

___

"Alphonse was a young suit of armour. Well, more specifically, a soul attached to a suit of armour, but even though he was a suit of armour and could not eat, drink or feel pain, though he could still feel emotions, he was the loveliest and kindest person ever.

But poor Alphonse and his mother were gravely poor and had no money left. The only thing they had left was a cow called Paul, but times were hard and it came to the point where they could no longer keep Paul.

So one morning Alphonse walked with Paul to market and met a man on the way called Greed, who appeared to be even worse off than Alphonse and his mother.

"I'll give you these magic beans for that cow," Greed smiled.

"I'm sorry, but I can't give you the cow for some beans, magic or not," Alphonse replied apologetically.

"But I want that cow!" he cried bursting into (fake) tears.

Alphonse being the kind and generous person/suit-of-armour he was, gave the man the cow for the beans for he hated seeing people sad.

"Ha ha! Loser!" Greed laughed as he ran off with the cow, "You got conned!"

Alphonse looked sadly at the beans in his gloved hand and sighed deeply.

"Oh well," he said cheerfully, "I could always plant these and grow a giant beanstalk into the sky and raid a giant's castle and get a golden goose that will make me and my mother rich."

___

"Roy, don't wreck the plot! You've given away a lot of the rest of the story," Hughes wailed.

"Hughes, if you don't listen I won't tell the story," Roy scolded Hughes like he was a schoolchild.

"I'm sorry," Hughes pouted.

"Well then, I'll continue."

___

"So anyway Alphonse gaily - lol, gaily - skipped home after his encounter with Greed and happily planted the beans in the ground before going in the house.

"I hope it grows kitties," he sighed hopefully before smirking, "Because then I could grow a mega kitty army and would be able to take over the world!! Bwah ha ha ha!"

"But kitty armies require time to grow so I think I'll go sleep or shut down or whatever it is that I do."

So Alphonse went and fell asleep or whatever."

___

"So Alphonse, do you sleep or shut down or something?" Riza asked curiously.

"Well I just close off from the outside world and listen to music," Al stated simply.

"Music?" Ed asked.

"Yeah, this thing picks up radio signals," Al said happily pointing to the spike on his head with the long fluffy thing.

"How's that even possible?" Ed quizzed.

"Shut up and don't question the fangirls, Brother. Or they will tear you limb from limb," Al warned. ("And treasure the pieces, always.")

"Yeah, so shut up," Roy interrupted with a scowl and glare, "So anyway, the next morning…"

___

"Al got up and ran excitedly to the window and in the garden was…

A fully clothed Edward Elric or, as they are scientifically known, the Bean Shrimp due to their miniscule size.

His feet were still planted into the ground and he was angrily thrashing about trying to get free.

Alphonse ran outside and picked the Bean Shrimp out of the ground.

This was met by an angry glare from the Bean Shrimp - we'll call him 'Ed' from now on - as he was held up by Alphonse.

"PUT ME DOWN!! YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK SMALL!!" Ed shrieked furiously and he was quickly dropped by Alphonse in shock.

"I was trying to be nice," Alphonse whimpered as he stepped away from Ed.

"Well, I didn't need any help," Ed growled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You must've grown from the beans I planted yesterday. It looks like I'll never get me and my mother out of debt," Alphonse sighed sadly.

"Look, I suppose as a reward for planting the beans I could help you get some money. Besides I have an old score to settle with a giant," Ed smirked evilly.

"But you were only grown overnight," Alphonse stated confused.

"Yeah, but I got in a fight that guy during that time. I am very hot-headed and angry person. I have deep issues with my height and am often violent with no particular reason," Ed explained calmly.

"Oh well. Then I guess in that case it's reasonable," Alphonse conceded.

"Exactly," Ed grinned and then added, "So whose ass am I kicking?"

"The giant that lives in the clouds. He has a goose that lays golden eggs, so that could help me out of debt," Alphonse said cheerfully.

"The clouds, ay?" Ed asked, "Well there's only one way to get there."

"A beanstalk?"

"No."

"A plane?"

"No."

"A…"

"Shut up and I'll tell you," Ed interrupted him, "A ladder of homunculi."

"I was just about to say that," Alphonse pouted.

"Well, fortunately I have some homunculi to come help me," Ed smiled before demanding, "Bitches!!"

With that Envy, Lust, Gluttony, Sloth, Wrath and Pride showed up.

"Pipsqueak?" Envy muttered, "What d'you want? I was trying to sleep. You do realise I will have to 'hug' you now."

"I want help and if you come within two metres of me I'm calling the police, Pervert," Ed addressed Envy.

"Yeah, what're they gonna do?" Envy smirked with a laugh.

"So what do you need?" Pride asked.

"I need you all to stand on each other's shoulders to allow me and Alphonse to climb to the giant's home in the clouds," Ed ordered.

"Is he on drugs?" Wrath asked.

"Possibly," Ed answered him himself.

"But can you please help us?" Alphonse whimpered.

"I suppose so," they all agreed.

"That was easy," Ed smiled to Al.

"On one condition," Envy smirked.

"Aw shit…"

"Ed has to dress up like a shrimp and advertise a dairy shop," Envy grinned.

"What do shrimps and dairy have in common?" Alphonse asked, confused, but then fully understood when he turned to see Ed fuming with a bright red face of fury.

"So do we have a deal?"

"Please," Alphonse begged.

Ed twitched furiously before finally saying, "I… a…gree."

Plop. He flopped onto the ground.

"Let's poke him with a stick!" Envy shouted happily, "A very sharp stick, maybe a sword."

"No time," Lust piped in.

"Not even for 'hugs'?" Envy asked, deviously approaching Ed.

Ed bolted upright, "Get away, Pervert."

"Can't spell 'RapunzEd' without 'raped'," Envy sang.

"Wrong story, moron," Ed mumbled.

"Anyway," Alphonse interrupted, "Can we climb up to the clouds yet?"

"Yeah sure, anything to prevent more EdxEnvy rape jokes," Ed said as the homunculi formed a ladder.

"It's not that tall," Alphonse sighed, as he looked up at the homunculi ladder, "I don't think it'll reach a cloud kingdom."

"You'd be surprised. Clouds are closer than the ground due to… uh," Ed thought hard for an answer, "Climate change."

"Huh?"

"Don't question the author, Al," Ed said as he began to climb the ladder.

"Ok," Alphonse cheerfully chirped.

And so they climbed up the ladder and after a whole ten minute climb, considering Ed fell off… twice.

But when they arrived in the cloud kingdom there was a massive mansion which was owned by the giant Mustang.

Now the Mustang giant was a kind and friendly giant and was also charming and sexy. Much like the Prince Mustang's, but taller and bigger. A lot taller. And a hell of a lot taller than Ed.

So after climbing up the ladder of Homunculi and making it to the cloud kingdom, Al the Armour and Ed approached the large, over-towering castle that watched with contempt over the rest of the kingdom.

They snuck in and found the huge Mustang giant asleep at his kitchen table.

"There it is!" Alphonse whispered ecstatically as he spotted the golden goose.

Alphonse and Ed ran and picked up the goose.

"And what do you think you're doing?!" the voice of giant Mustang boomed, as he leant over and grasped the two intruders with ease.

"My mother and I are very poor and have almost no food and lots of debts!!" Al cried desperately.

"Oh, well in that case, you can have all the money you like," giant Mustang smiled, (because he's a nice guy that way), "Anything for someone in need."

And so giant Mustang kindly gave Alphonse enough money to pay off his debt and start his own kitty army. Ed ended up being a guy who professionally fought people in bars due to his anger management issues and Greed and the cow now travel around the world in a circus. Why? Don't ask me, I have no idea.

The end.

___

"So what did everyone think?" Roy asked with a grin.

Havoc and Breda opened their mouths to talk.

"If it's a bitchy comment or an "I didn't like it" or "it was anticlimactic" from either of you two, I will fry you like burgers and Ed will eat your corpse," Roy interrupted with a threat which was enough to stop both Breda and Havoc saying a word as Ed did look worrying hungry.

"Anyone have anything nice to say?" Roy asked, he looked to Riza, "What about you, Hawkeye?"

Silence.

"Is she ok? She hasn't spoken in a while," Al asked as the whole room glared at Riza, who appeared to be staring blankly at the wall.

"Lt. Hawkeye?" Fuery whimpered as he approached her carefully and the others watched with baited breath.

Riza spun around to face them and smacked Fuery in the jaw with her arm who was sent skidding across the room.

"I can't believe I've been so stupid!?!" she exclaimed, "Oh, uh sorry, Fuery."

"Why me?" Fuery whimpered as he clutched his aching jaw and was ignored by everyone else.

"What?" Roy asked Riza.

"There's a vent up there that is totally innocent and not for the Fuhrer, who is totally not a baddie, to spy on everyone's conversations!" she exclaimed again.

"And?" Roy asked bluntly, as he and everyone else remained unaware of what Riza was trying to say.

"It's just big enough for someone to fit through!"

"Aw shit, I see where this is going," Ed muttered to himself and backed away from the group.

"Edward can get out and get help!!"

"I knew it."

"She's right!!" Havoc agreed happily, "No normal sized person could fit, but a pipsqueak like Ed could squeeze through!"

"You bastard, Havoc," Ed growled.

"Edward look," Roy began in a caring, almost fatherly, voice, "Every now and then you have to do something nice for others."

"I do do nice things for others," Ed stated back, "Usually people who don't piss me off and who I don't hate."

"But that leaves practically no one, so can you do something nice, for us?" Roy asked with seeming genuine niceness.

"Well, I suppose there's no other way and me and Al should get going anyway," Ed mulled over his decision in his mind, "Fine, I'll do it, but I'm only doing it so me and Al can leave, personally the rest of you guys can rot."

"Good enough for me!" Roy exclaimed, his niceness fading, "Havoc, Falman, chuck him in the vent!" Roy ordered.

"Wha-?" Ed didn't even time to finish his sentence as he was soon manhandled and shoved into the vent before he knew what hit him.

"Wait! It's dark and cramped in here! I change my mind!!" Ed shrieked back at them as they slammed the vent cover shut.

"It's to late now, Fullmetal," Ed could practically hear Roy's smirk as he said this.

So Ed, knowing no one would help him out began to crawl blindly around the maze of tunnels.

"How do we know if he even gets out there alive? I'm sure vent systems are probably extremely dangerous to go exploring with no prior knowledge," Fuery said concernedly.

"To be honest Fuery, I never really expected him to find his way out, but instead to cause to much commotion that someone would hear him through the vent system and come to our rescue," Roy stated uncaring.

"But what about Ed?" Al asked.

"We'll do a memorial service when we get out," Roy said, patting Al on the shoulder, "I'm sorry for your loss."

"But he's not dead," Al stated worried.

"Not yet, but you're forgetting Alphonse about the vicious rats, deadly spiders and venomous snakes that are highly likely to inhabit those vents. He may not be dead now, but they'll soon get him," Roy explained.

Al and Fuery whimpered.

___

Hey,

Thanks for reading. Is it just me or is this fic getting increasingly cracky?

Also in the gap between this chapter and the last one, which was, admitedly, quite long, I've become Hetalia obsessed. X3 So I've been trying to write Hetalia stuff and this is less likely to be updated frequently, unless you guys all want it done more.

Please review, tell me what worked, what didn't, any typos (because I'm uploading this at like 3 in the morning my mind is kinda hazy and I don't notice much in this state) and what you think of the story so far.

Thanks again for everyone who's subscribed to, favourited or reviewed this story, it's helped motivate me so much.

Bye~!

Amy.