Oh. My. Gawd.
a fanfic by Chauncey Chu
Author's Notes: I hope the sudden twist in the second chapter wasn't a shock for you readers out there. This fic was not meant to be a serious one when I first started writing it. Oh well; it'll turn out happy anyway. I'm sad. Are you sad? No? Good. Then I'll make you.
Chapter 3: Too Many Problems
Cloud winced when a deafening explosion arose from a few blocks away. Smoke as dark as Sephiroth's wing whirled up into the limitless expanse of sky. Cloud hopped on Fenrir and sped towards the source. He came to a full stop when he spotted Tifa and the rest of the gang. Instead of feeling relief from seeing that they were alright, he even felt more worried.
"What happened?" he asked as he approached them from behind.
"T-The hospital..." Tifa's shaking voice alerted Cloud that the situation was serious.
"Vincent's still inside!" Yuffie screamed.
The entrance of the massive hospital were cut off by raging flames. The windows were like mouths spitting out fire. Like a beacon of hope, the siren of ambulances faded in as the large vehicles came nearer the hospital. In a matter of minutes, the hungry fire was extinguished. The firemen kept the Avalanche members from the hospital within a safe distance.
"But sir, our friend is in there!" Tifa argued.
"Our men are checking the building. Please, stay here. It is unsafe for you to go inside. Debris, smoke, the likes," one of the men wearing red helmets explained. The man's voice was clearly filled with duty, but it wasn't as assuring as Tifa wanted it to be. Later, a black bag was brought out of the burnt building. It's size was enough to fit one person inside. Two firemen zipped the bag-like container and brought it in front of them.
"We discovered one body. It's too burnt to be distinguished."
Yuffie started crying openly. Tifa bit her lips and tried to fight the tears. The three men simply shook their heads.
"My condolences." The fireman bowed and went to his post. That night, the five watched as the news covered the incident. They were all housed at Seventh Heaven, which was cleaned by them when they went back. Their mouths spoke no words, their eyes showed no emotion except sadness and their shoulders were slouched, expressing their melancholy moods.
Tifa turned the television off. "We should plan his funeral." The words came out dull and forced. No one answered. Yuffie, seated on the table, slammed her fist on the glass.
"It's unfair!"
The men dropped their heads and stared at the floor, eyebrows furrowed and fists clenched. Silence reigned for at least minutes. Yuffie shook her head and repeated, "It's so unfair."
"What is unfair?"
Everyone turned their heads. Out of the blinding darkness came a tall figure. The man slowly walked to them and sat on the last empty chair. The five people stared at him with wide eyes as if he were a ghost. A small lady got up from her seat and tackled him into a tight hug. She slammed her fists on his chest as tears formed in her eyes.
"You jerk! We were so worried..."
The others looked at each other. They were perplexed with a mix of happiness, confusion and shock. Tifa gained control of her mouth and chose to speak. "Vincent? I thought you were-"
Pushing the sobbing ninja off him, he gave Tifa a knowing nod. "I escaped the hospital through the back exit when the threat of a bomb was confirmed."
"How about the dead body the firemen found inside the hospital?" Yuffie picked herself up on the floor and latched herself unto Vincent again. Annoyed, he pushed her face away with his hand. "It was a fake carcass," he explained. They just believed him, disregarding how he had known.
Through calm crimsons, he shifted on his seat and said, "Someone is trying to kill me."
The statement sounded far-fetched for Cloud. "Maybe a terrorist just chose that hospital and you happened to be confined in it when it happened."
"If then, how would you explain the unreasonable lock on my door and the fact that the bomb was placed underneath my bed? I resulted to breaking the door down. The lock gave me no other choice."
"Why would that person sacrifice a whole hospital for it?"
"To make it appear trivial or accidental."
Steam shot out from Barrett's nostrils. "We'll show that foo' who he's messin' with!" Cid took out a cigarette from a box and took a long drag. "What a goddamn killer."
Vincent's eyes narrowed. "Taking our current situation as a factor, it is safe to say that we are all targeted by someone."
"Someone worse than Sephiroth?" Yuffie folded her lips and beamed at Vincent. He flicked her away. "Everyone, exercise necessary caution."
Then, the blatant sound of car engines disrupted their conversation. From what Vincent could tell, there were ten or even twenty vehicles parked outside Seventh Heaven. Car doors clicked open and slammed shut. An army of suited soldiers positioned themselves in front of the bar. The sound of their loading rifles made Vincent shake his head in pure annoyance.
"They're here."
Vincent blazed outside, his crimson cape billowing behind him like a shadow. He took out Cerberus with a flourish and aimed it at the man inside the longest car, a black limousine.
"Reeve?" He later regretted speaking before shooting.
The soldiers around Vincent pointed their rifles at him. The gunman glanced behind his shoulder and told the others not to come out using only skillful eye contact polished by years of training.
"What do you want?" he growled at the man.
Reeve laughed. "The money. Avalanche is on ShinRa's wanted list again. Dead, not alive."
"What?"
"Soldiers, ready."
"What are you talking about?" he bought some time with a question. Vincent scanned the area for an escape route. Nada. The horde of armed men surrounded him from all angles.
"Aim."
The rifles were raised.
"Fir-"
"No!" Yuffie screamed and jumped out of the bar. She whirled Conformer in a curve as she landed on one knee, slicing severals rifles into half. The soldiers, surprised, ran about in panic. As fast as he could, Reeve rolled up his window and told the driver to step on the gas. Reeve felt his blood run cold when the door was blasted open. A gold claw ripped him out of the lavish vehicle and threw him on the ground.
"Speak up," Vincent's commanding tone spoke. Yuffie was busy behind him disposing of the remaining soldiers, knocking them out, not killing them. Reeve gulped as Vincent lowered Cerberus down to him, making him stare at the three scary barrels of death.
"I-I...Let me explain!"
Yuffie joined Vincent's side and gave a furious glare at Reeve. "Why did you try to kill Vincent, you bastard?" With all the force she could muster, she kicked him up where the sun don't shine. Reeve's eyes went in circles.
Reeve woke up with a mild migraine. He was tied to a chair – not with ropes, but with chains. Five people were staring at him, all their arms folded over their chests.
"What should we do with him, huh?" Yuffie asked her comrades, her hand motioning to a plastic container filled with sulphuric acid. Reeve felt really, really scared at the glint of promising torture in her eyes.
Vincent silently loaded Cerberus with three large rounds. Reeve started to think that the five figures in front of him were monsters. Barrett, pumped up, prepared the large gun on his hand for a Limit Break. Reeve gulped at the same time as Tifa cracked her knuckles. Sweat trickled down his back, which was unusually itchy. Cid grinned at Reeve when the executive started to show signs of uneasiness. Reeve's eyes widened when spiders, ants and wasps crawled over to his front from his back.
"G-G-Gah! Get them off of me!"
Cloud wielded his massive sword and inspected it for any rust. "How many slices of Reeve sashimi do you want, Vincent?" Reeve's left hand involuntarily trembled. He closed his eyes, wanting to go back to his dream of cute pink ponies and colorful rainbows.
"As many as you can."
They all moved slowly toward him, bearing frightening grins. He broke under their threat and shouted out, "I'm sorry!" Everyone stopped as if time itself had been interrupted.
"Er...The whole thing was a joke. The guns were loaded with confetti. It's hard to explain. B-But, it was Reno's idea!"
"A joke?" Vincent's eyes narrowed.
Reeve grinned at the gunman uncomfortably. "A-April Fool's?"
Cloud and Cid held Vincent back as he tried to smack the man silly with his gun. "You tried to kill me as a joke?!"
"The bomb's explosion was not timed. We had a device to ignite it and let it explode. We made sure everyone was out before we pressed the button."
The females both shook their heads. Cid threw a cigarette butt at Reeve. It almost burned his hair. Vincent nearly pinched the bridge of his nose. "Reno, was it?"
"Y-Yes. It was all his plan."
Keeping a certain red-headed Turk on his mind, Vincent stormed out of the room. The four followed Vincent with their eyes as he disappeared out of the room. They turned to Reeve all at the same time. He gulped at seeing their flaring glares. Cloud impaled his sword centimeters in front of Reeve's crotch. Yuffie juggled a pair of scissors and the container of acid from one hand to the other. Cid unveiled his Gospel from the back of the room. Barrett was ready to fire anytime.
"You're so gonna pay. Let's start off with cutting your weenie." Yuffie smiled. "Don't worry. We have anesthesia," she pronounced, showing him the bottle of sulphuric acid.
Bloodcurdling screams frightened everyone who passed by Seventh Heaven. They quickly ran away for their lives, etching rumors of ghosts and torture chambers in their minds.