Oh. My. Gawd.
a fanfic by Chauncey Chu
Author's Notes: Thank God for helping me write this. I hope you at least lol'ed at the last chapter. Poor Reeve. XD The same goes with this one. If you don't laugh, I'll be sad. Without further ado, here's the fourth chapter.
Chapter 4: April's Fools
"RENO!"
A flaring Vincent made his way to ShinRa's headquarters. The staff dared not to interfere with the man in fear of his terrorizing glare. Vincent was known by all as composed and stoic. When they heard him yell in big, bold letters, they were sure that it would be better if they hid under their desks instead of stopping the man. Evidently, the three-barreled gun he was carrying around also had an equally large impact.
"RENO!"
Vincent took a sharp right and saw his target.
"Yo, Vincent! What brings you to-"
In a blink of an eye, Reno was slammed into the wall and Cerberus was placed between his eyes. Vincent leaned forward on him, taking out the Turk's breath. He grabbed him by the collar and nearly choked him with his crippling grip.
"W-What's...wrong...Vincent?" Reno coughed out painfully.
"What would you feel if I shot you right now and let a Behemoth devour your remains then tell you 'April Fool's'?" Vincent glared at him in deadly earnest.
Reno immediately picked up. He knew what the man was angry about. He lifted his hands in the air, trying to maintain an innocent, cool and suave condition. "I'd laugh. Awesome trick."
Not able to contain his anger, Vincent placed Cerberus back to its holster and gave Reno a hard flick on the forehead.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?" the Turk yelled before losing himself into a world of pain and cussing.
"April Fool's." Vincent dropped him and let him slide down the wall. Reno plopped to the floor like a plate of jelly, raising his head to look at the leaving Vincent afterwards.
Successfully suppressing his anger, Vincent calmly stepped up to the bar and pushed the door open. His oval eyes widened so much that they were nearly as large as Yuffie's. He was relieved that Denzel and Marlene were at summer camp to have not seen this. Reeve was sprawled on the floor, looking neither alive nor dead. His face was blasted with random make-up. His shirt was torn with slash marks on the front and on the side. He had his hands clamped against his...uh...thing, as if he were hit there hard. His left leg was blackened by cigarettes while his right was perfectly normal. But wait. On the left leg, hair was present. On the right, there was nothing. He was given a bizarre wax treatment, Vincent concluded. He stepped on the body with a forceful stomp and headed to the kitchen.
"Oops. I stepped on a body," Vincent whispered to the air, smirking. Reeve, writhing in pain, cursed under his breath.
Vincent opened the door to the kitchen and sighted his comrades sitting on the table, seemingly waiting for him. They all glanced at him when he entered, but they returned their gaze back to Cloud, who had his arms folded defensively. Though the sun had already set hours ago, the temperature was still rocketing sky high compared to usual nights. The sweat on their heads served as solid proof.
"Is anything wrong?" Vincent inquired, taking the last vacant chair. He ignored the part of him that wondered why the other men were shirtless.
"Is anything wrong?" Yuffie started irritatedly, "The temperature's wrong. Aren't you even feeling hotin those thick clothes?"
"Oh, I sure he does. Well, at least you think he is," muttered Tifa. Yuffie, flushing the same color as Vincent's cape faster than Cloud fixes his hair with a swipe of his hand, glared at Tifa with stormy greys.
"Chocobo-butt was so shocked when he saw that the bar was a mess when he arrived earlier. He left the air-con outside. He left it outside, for chrissake! And it got stolen. Jeebus." Yuffie rolled her eyes prior to shaking her head and slamming it down on the wooden table. "Ow," she uttered not long after as she nursed her forehead, earning a smirk from Vincent.
Tifa sighed. "Should we report it to the police or should we just buy a new one?"
"No one messes with us! We'll track 'em down and beat the hella crap outta them," Yuffie said bravely, not knowing that she had a blot on her forehead. Tifa chuckled while everyone else restrained their laughter.
"What's so funny?" Yuffie looked around. Then she sniffed her armpit. "Hey, I don't smell! At least not as bad as Barrett."
Not able to contain it anymore, Cid fell on the floor and rolled, laughing. Barrett guffawed. Cloud laughed openly and Tifa covered her mouth with her hand while also having her share of laughing. Vincent, as disappointing as Yuffie thought, only gave her a smirk.
"Oh! I know."
Everyone gave Yuffie a second of their silent attention.
"Oh my Gawd. Vincent farted, didn't he?"
Cid roared in laughter and rolled again, eventually hitting his head on one of the table's legs. Barrett kept guffawing his lungs out, slamming his fists on the table in addition. Cloud had a smile from ear to ear as he joined the laughter. Tifa wrapped her arms around her stomach, which was already in pain after all the laughing. Vincent simply stared at them. The audible mirth faded after a few seconds. In an unsynchronized order, they turned to Vincent, curious to see his reaction.
"What? It is normal for humans to fart, am I correct?"
All of them bursted out laughing. Vincent narrowed his eyes and exhaled through his nostrils. He just didn't know what was so damn funny.
"You look like a horse when you do that, Vince," Yuffie commented between laughs, mimicking him by enlarging her nostrils then making them as small as she could. "Your nose holes are so big."
"Nose holes? You mean nostrils."
"Nose holes, butt holes, whatever."
Cloud slapped his face with a hand, unable to take the laughing. Tifa had the same reaction. Cid was not laughing. He had hit his head on the leg of the table too many times, causing it to bleed and send him into unconsciousness. Barrett's voice gurgled as he choked on his own spit from laughing too hard. Vincent shook his head and stood up.
"A-April Fool's, Vincent, April's Fools!" Yuffie yelled as the pissed gunman walked out of the room. Vincent smirked when he was out of the humor room. "Sure, Yuffie. All of you are April's Fools."
Author's Notes: End! Well, how was it. This is my second attempt at a fanfic. Is it good enough? Thanks for the time you've wasted, erm...used rather, in reading this story. This has been Oh. My. Gawd., I wish you had a good time reading. Good luck, God bless, and enjoy life. -Salutes and smiles- And oh yeah, a belated April Fool's.