Chapter Thirteen:
Ever Fallen In Love?
A/N: Read, Review, Enjoy!! The chapter they switch back! =) And the song inside the chapter is "Pieces" by Sum41
Ever Fallen In Love?(With Somebody You Know You Should't Have) - Billy Talent
You spurn my natral emotions.
You make me feel like dirt, and it hurts.
And if I start a commotion,
I run the risk of losing you and that's worse.
Ever fallen in love with someone
Ever fallen in love, in love with someone
You shouldn't've fallen in love with?
*
Harry could be found pacing back and forth in the Room of Requirments. He was an entire two hours early for his and Draco's meeting, he had been anxious with worry since the previous night. What was going to happen when they switched their bodies back? Would Draco go back to being pig-headed Malfoy and was Harry going to go back to playing that heavy masquerade with his best friends, not able to be who he really was and feel what he really felt because it was all too dangerous in case something slipped.
The real question was, what was it that Harry really wanted to happen when their bodies changed back?
'Kiss him. I want to know what it's like. But-but I can't. I can't, I don't deserve it. I'm not worthy to be with Draco, no matter how much I want it.
'I'm filthy, used, piece of crap. Vernon taught me that much, and I know he's right. So what? By CHANCE I defeated Voldemort, but that's all I was good for...now that he's gone...I should just let all those Death Eaters have their way with me. I killed their master, I should give myself up to Draco's Father if anything. I've ruined their lives, they should get something in return...'
Harry's thoughts continued spiraling as time went on. Memories flashed in his mind of what happened during the summer, of all the people that died that he put the blame on himself. He felt the tears threaten to come but he choked them down, he suddenly needed his music. Thankfully, that was something of his own that he had kept with himself when he switched bodies.
He slipped the ear-phones into his head and he listened to it soothingly. Harry sighed as he leaned against the couch, getting lost in the lyrics and his thoughts jumbled into one. It seemed as all the bands he listened to sang for him. Harry's fingers were clenched around the small MP3 player as sobs hit his chest but didn't release from his eyes.
And then Draco was there, he was beside him with his arms wrapped around his body. Harry leaned into his touch, unknowing as to when the other boy had come into the room as he had lost himself in a certain song. Once he regained himself, he shyed away from the hug, not wanting to taint Draco Malfoy anymore than he already had.
"Are you alright?" he heard Draco asked softly, Harry took out his earphones and rolled them around the player before shoving it into his pocket.
"M'fine, sorry about that," Harry blushed heavily and looked down at his lap. Draco was still sitting close to him, staring at his features and observing him.
"Music does that to me too," Draco confessed, relaxing into the couch, his left arm brushing up against Harry's right one making the boy jump nervously. "I started listening to music in the summer, and I have rather enjoyed the Muggle aspect of it. I have got one of those MP3 thingys too...and when I listen to it, I cannot hide my emotions anymore either," he said knowingly, and it was all true. Music forced you to be true to yourself.
"Erm...you listen to music? And read Muggle books? Since when did all this happen?" Harry asked, attempting to change the subject away from his unstable condition.
Draco shrugged, "Since my Father has not been around to stop me from enjoying it,"
"Oh. Well, do you have a favourite band?" Harry asked conversationally, it was a good way to keep things going until they decided to switch their bodies back - which was something he was going to let Draco mention.
"Not really. Anything that has good lyrics, really. What about you?"
"Anything that speaks to me,"
Draco thought about this for a moment and found himself wanting to listen to Harry's playlist, curious as to what the songs on it would say. "Could we switch MP3 players for a day? I mean, just to...listen to something new?" he suggested.
Harry thought this over for a second. "Sure. D'you have yours on you?"
"Always do," Draco grinned and with that he padded his pocket. "I will keep it here, so that when we switch bodies it will be in our own pockets," he explained, Harry nodded in agreement although the idea that him and Draco were now swapping music styles was possibly taking things too far for him. But his curiousity was greater than his nerves, he wanted to hear what Draco's music was like. He wanted to know how it reflected the boy he knew.
"Have you figured it out yet?" Draco cut into Harry's thoughts abruptly, he held an amused smirk on his face.
"Erm, figured what out?"
Draco laughed at this, "Well, just the whole darned reason for this bet! Have you figured out my greatest fear?" he smirked, he loved how Harry had completely forgotten, at least for the moment, their reasoning behind their confusing situation.
"Oh! Uhm..I think so..." Harry trailed off, he was idly playing with his fingers again. "Is it Death?"
Draco sat for a moment with a blank expression, 'How in the world did he figure that one out?' "Yes, it is. What made you come to that conclusion?"
Harry smiled triumphantly but it fell quickly, "Your nightmares. In some of them, I could sense what you were thinking..." he allowed himself to trail off, unwilling to actually explain the thoughts he had felt but knowing full well that Draco would understand what he was talking about. "So, what's your guess then?" he changed the subject, he could feel Draco growing uncomfortable beside him and he didn't want that.
"I was, er, actually going to guess Death as well," Draco was embarassed by this, but it was the best guess he had to date.
Harry chuckled lightly, "Gods, somedays I think death would be a warm embrace," and with that little sentence, Draco's heart sunk.
'How in the world can a sixteen year-old boy think that? Oh Harry...you must be so torn up inside,' he watched the boy sadly, a little put off by once again not getting it right. 'What in the world are you afraid of?' "Will you tell me?"
"Not a chance," Harry smirked, crossing his arms with finality as Draco allowed a playful pout to cross his features that Harry found oddly cute, but he shook the thoughts from his mind and repeated another one of Vernon's tantras to himself.
That same blasted silence that Draco despised hung between them once again. "Are you mad about me going to Pomfrey?"
"No, I just need to figure out how to deal with Remus," Harry sighed, he rubbed his temple just thinking about it. The next time Remus came to visit him, he'd have to set the record straight and he had no idea if he had the courage in him.
"Sorry about that," Draco whispered, he did feel bad but he knew that once Harry found out how much better his body felt, he might be able to more easily forgive him. It wasn't so much of a pain to walk anymore, though there were still the odd twinges.
"So we might as well get it over with then," Harry sighed, he was standing up and taking his wand out of his pocket. Draco opened and closed his mouth as if to say something, he didn't want this interaction to end so soon, and then he merely nodded tightly and stood as well.
"It's the same incantation as the first time, right?"
"Yes, but it will merely take under two minutes for our minds to adjust to their normal positions. It is a lot simpler to change back," Draco explained, he sighed heavily and raised his wand towards himself.
"Muto mens diversus somes," they said in unison. Immediately that tingling sensation exploded all over their bodies, underneath their skin and Draco found himself dreading having said the spell so soon.
'What is going to become of us now? Is Harry just going to walk away like nothing happen? Merlin knows I cannot let that happen...I have vowed myself to make him happy, and I will stick by that vow whether he wants me to or not,' Draco thought to himself firmly.
Harry was edging himself towards the far end of the room, he was leaned heavily against a wall. "Harry, you might want to sit down," Draco said, dragging himself over to the couch as he attempted to ignore the odd itching sensation.
"No, m'fine," he grumbled in a tight response. And then, everything went black. Draco sighed into the heavy darkness.
When he came to, Harry was groaning on the couch as he himself was lying on his back near the wall. He quickly got to his feet and shook himself into the feeling of his old body again, it felt nice to be back as he came to sit beside Harry. The brunette was slumped heavily into the couch, his eyes closed tight with pain as his face was scrunched up. "Harry...are you..." Draco whispered, reaching out his hand to stroke his face gently.
Harry snapped away from the touch, but when he opened his emerald eyes pooled with pain he felt himself melting. How did he ever even think about not being with Draco, as the blonde hovered above him with worry in those silver eyes. "Draco," he said simply, straightening up on the couch and accidentally bumping thier heads together lightly, he blushed deeply.
"Oh, do you have any idea how great it is to see you in your own body again?" Draco whispered in admiration as he bent down and pressed his lips to Harry's, his hands were cupping the boys face gently. And it was everything Draco imagined it to be, those rough lips against his own. They were hesitant but Draco couldn't help but smile as he felt Harry slowly respond to his touching, the brunette's arms came up around his back and pulled him down ontop of him.
Not wanting to hurt Harry, Draco slowly lowered himself ontop of the boy, their kiss never faltering as Harry flickered out his tongue to engage them both more. Draco eagerly responded, pushing his own tongue into Harry's mouth. And then the sparks flew as they both battled for dominance, Harry found himself pulling Draco's body closer to his own with need.
'No! No! You can't do this to him! If you care about him...you have to leave him alone!' Harry heard his mind protest, and at first it was easy to ignore it but all of a sudden it became a loud screaming.
Harry's hands suddenly came to Draco's front, the blonde smirked at this thinking it was for a different reason. Then he felt Harry push with all of his strength, Draco went hurtling to the floor with a loud thump as he looked up dazed and confused. Harry stood quickly from the couch and rushed off towards the exit of the Room of Requirments.
"Harry? What are you doing - where are you going?!" Draco asked quickly, getting to his feet and looking sadly at the retreating boy. 'No, please do not leave..do not...Harry, turn around and look at me. Just look at me!'
"I can't do this, Draco! What did you think this was?! Did you think I could honestly...be with you after all of this? I can't!!" Harry screamed in response, his back still turned to Draco as his fists were clenched.
"Is it because I am a Malfoy? Honestly, Harry! I thought you knew better than that now, I thought you understood it all!" Draco angrily responded, he felt hurt and torn. How could Harry just leave him like that? It was now obvious his feelings for the Gryffindor, and he wasn't about to go hiding them anymore.
"That's not it, it's you that doesn't understand! You don't get it!"
"Well then tell me! Explain it to me...MAKE me understand, Harry! I will do anything to understand...I just want you..." Draco trailed off sadly, all he wanted was to see Harry happy and he had the feeling that if the brunette let him, he could make it so that happiness would never fade.
"NO!" Harry yelled and then his heavy, ragged breath slowed down. "I can't be with anyone," he growled venomously before leaving the Room of Requirments and hurrying towards the Gryffindor Tower.
Draco stared flabberghasted after the boy. 'Of course, you dolt. You should know what that was all about! He does not feel like he deserves love...but he has no idea what he really does deserve...he is terrified of being with somebody, because he is terrified of hurting them...well I know just what to do,' a smirk slowly formed on Draco's face.
For the time being, he settled back on the couch and pulled out Harry's MP3 player and began listening to the first song that was playing.
~I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I thought it'd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know~
"So this is what Potter's feeling? Well...you just wait, Harry, you just wait. Because I know that tonight, sleep will not come easily to you," Draco grinned, "You have run out of Dreamless Sleep Drought,"
*
I can't see much of a future
Unless we find out what's to blame, what a shame.
And we won't be together much longer
Unless we realize that we are the same.
Ever fallen in love with someone
You shouldn't've fallen in love with?