Darlin'! (Motor Mouth, anyone?) So Bella's really OOC, it is my story, and I love people being evil and a two-faced bitch (ha, my evil phrase of Thursday the 21st) kind of like someone I might possibly know... hmm, wonder who that could be?

Disclaimer: Do you honestly think I look forty???? AAAAAH, death upon you!

Chapter 5: Day Two

BPOV

"Well if that wasn't a long night..." Edward said as we walked into the clothes tent. I rolled my eyes and kissed him softly on the lips. Emmett was rocking in a corner muttering about nine days. We all grimaced sympathetically, we'd all feel the same effects, but to a lesser extent.

"So, I'm forgiven?" I asked Edward as he followed me into my room. I was mentioning the events of last night of course.

"I can't stay mad at you, love," he replied. I grinned... this was all part of my evil plan. Well, the girls' evil plan anyway.

"Love you too," I said. He startled me by coming up to me as I was browsing my wardrobe for a suitable outfit and starting to fully make-out. Tongue and lots of venom sharing. It was so much fun, I wanted to continue, and I could feel his arousal...

"Bella, don't you dare." Alice said scarily

Damn.

"Me too, love." After sixty-four years, he finally understood my emotions. Took him long enough. I got changed into some random D&G jeans and blouse and put on some Manolo Blahniks. I went and did my hair, having perfected the art of perfect styling years ago. I didn't even go near the make-up. Edward smiled at me again, and my knees would have melted if I was human, he was so perfect. At the moment I suspected he knew that something was going on though. Then I noticed he didn't have a shirt on and scowled. He did that on purpose. Tease. Two could play that game.

"Did you need help with that honey?" I asked, walking over and running a finger down the lines of his perfect abs. He shuddered lightly.

"I would love it if you got me a shirt baby girl." WTF! He called me BABY GIRL ooh, he was dead.

"Baby girl, huh? How do you like this one ... Eddie?"

"Bella you know I hate that name."

"Oh, excuse me for using the hated name, baby boy." I shuddered at the thought of even calling him that, it was just wrong. I saw him grimace; guess he didn't like it after all.

"I am so sorry, love. Now will you pick a shirt for me?" I sighed dramatically and got him one. I asked a question as he slipped it on.

"Now, what have you learned from this morning?"

"My beautiful wife is always right."

"Exactly," he followed me out of the tent, and I could hear the submission in his exhalation.

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After whatever it was that breakfast was we headed off to do 'Camp Activity'. Oh, joy!

"Listen students," the PE coach said. Ooh, now I'm scared! Sarcasm intended. "You are going to be broken into groups of ten of my choice. You will then enter a competition with the other teams on ways you could survive in the woods. Now, wait for your name to be called and move to the group." He blabbered on through names, and we weren't really listening, until he called Edward and the rest of us expected to be in his group. We were wrong. Kaila was though and that Ally slut from the first day, who still had a habit of asking him out every day he went into class. Jasper was with the other slut twin and Emmett was with Sierra. Alice was with Kyle, Rosalie was with three of the jocks and I was with the annoying people from my gym class whose names were Johnny and Melanie. You'd think that in eighteen groups we could get paired with one person I liked, but no.

"Okay, first up we're going to have a river-crossing competition. You will need to get five people from your team over completely dry, and it would be advisable for you to try and stay as dry as possible for health purposes." Stupid human. When I had gotten my medical degree we had proven that water did not make you sick, it weakened the immune system. Edward and I had had quite some fun with the humans while we researched that one. "On your marks, get set, go!"

Everyone ran off, all happy-happy joy-joy. The thrill of the game! I rolled my eyes and walked over to the river. I could seriously jump that if I chose to, and I wouldn't have to take a step first. All of us vamps could. Edward and Jasper gave me sympathetic faces, I guess they felt my frustration. My favourite form of release wasn't allowed either, due to some certain vampire males making certain nameless excursions mandatory. I let Edward hear those thoughts and I saw him stiffen, he knew what he had made himself miss out on now. Poor dear.

"Yo Bella, you keeping dry?" Johnny asked me. I nodded and Melanie scowled. I saw Alice thanking the Lord for my saving of the Manolo's. They were her favourite pair of mine, she would sit and worship them at home.

"What, do you think you're too good for a little water?"

"My clothes are, unlike some from let me see..." Alice nodded, seeing what I was about to say next, and it was right. Good. "How about... Target?" I heard the gasp from some of the preppy girls that I had been stuck with, but they were wearing knock-off Ralph Lauren or Abercrombie, unlike my family. I actually heard Emmett laughingly say 'Le Gasp!' which caused me to chuckle. Melanie huffed and turned away. Daft cow.

My team was done building a 'bridge' the better part of an hour later. I hopped lithely across the rocks and branches, trying not to break anything with my strength and weight. For those reasons I went last. Rosalie's group had finished first though, with the jocks choosing to carry everyone over instead. I had seen Emmett tense as one of the guys grabbed Rose's butt, to which she responded by flirting. I needed to get that stage of the evil plan done soon. I could see Alice was working on it with Kyle. She should have known much better than that. I mean come on; he was descended from Mike Newton!

She appeared to have 'accidentally' tripped over in the hurry to fix the bridge, and he had pulled her up from the water, very wet. I saw her not-so-subtle hot pink bra under her now rather see-through white shirt and smiled. What better way to get back at guys than to make them jealous?

The teachers announced the winners and gave a lecture on how we needed to improve our 'teamwork skills' because when we were as a unit we 'fought like a pack of wolves.' I was so saving that one for Jacob to use when he talked to the pack. Could you imagine... back on track.

When we arrived back at the campsite after some 'fun' activities (namely fishing, like I hadn't had enough of that in summers with Charlie) it was shortly before dinner (I was glad we'd missed lunch). I was walking randomly towards some tent-y thing when a guy came out. In only a towel. I was about to keep going when I heard my name.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I turned around and it was towel guy.

"Hi, my name's Sam, I was wondering, do you want to go for a walk with me later?" I looked at him. You could see that he was unfit; he had no muscles and more flab than was legal to go walking around topless. But the situation was more awkward for me than him; he obviously had no self-esteem issues.

"Uh, maybe later?" He nodded. He seemed to look up for a moment and then his eyes turned black.

"Fuck yes!"

"Excuse me?" I knew children were no longer, well, innocent but I didn't know they were quite so forward. That was borderline offensive.

"Fuck ya."

"What?"

"You know the Greek food?" Greek food, my arse. I shook my head and walked away. (Does anyone know how you spell that? My sister's friend was telling us about it. Plural sounds like fuck yes and singular sounds like fuck ya)

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About an hour after the towel incident a jock came up to me. He was hot, in the OMG sense of the word. He wasn't beautiful like Edward but he was gorgeous. He was really tan; I guess he had moved here from California or somewhere else warm not long ago. He was wearing a tight shirt that showed his perfect six-pack of abs.

"Hey, you're Bella right."

"Yeah, that's me."

"Cool. I'm Taine Rodgers, want to come with me?" I heard the double meaning and nearly gagged. Sick, perverted, twisted little hot child. He was the perfect candidate for the getting-even-with-the-husband plan.

"Not right now, I'd like to get to know you first."

"Walk with me."

"No problem."

"So Bella," he said as we cleared the clearing, reaching the trees, "I was wondering, have you got a boyfriend?"

"I definitely do not have a boyfriend," I said with conviction, it was a hundred per cent true. He just didn't know that it was more than that.

"What about the Edward guy? People say you two are like... together."

"Ever heard of Friends with Benefits? Let's just be more appropriate and call it adoptive siblings."

"So, you're available?"

"I wouldn't mind seeing what you're like first," I said, then began kissing him on the lips. I just imagined it was Edward, getting into the plan. His hair was sort of floppy and unruly; I just pretended it wasn't Taine's. I was the first to pull back. That should leave a resounding mental. It was plenty enough to get a jealous Eddie for sure. I skipped back off to the campsite, pulling my shield back from him. All of a sudden I heard an incredibly deep, sexy rumbling. Stage cue, enter Edward.

"Bella Marie Swan Masen Cullen," he began, emphasising his last names, "what on earth did you just do?"

"Nothing, love, just having some harmless fun. I'm sure you'll find certain other campers engaging in the same... interesting habits." I smirked slightly at the end, taking his signature move. Next stage in Operation DTHCAP (Drive the husband crazy as punishment) was pick-up lines. I'm sure they'd be good fun at dinner, I might just have to eat to emphasise some of the points.

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"Hey guys," Rose, Alice and I all said as we sat down at a now full table of jocks. They were perfect for our plan: fit, strong, dumb, popular and in most cases, hot.

"Hi girls," they said. We engaged in light conversation, each of us picking at our bread rolls and salad. We were pulling the 'I don't eat in front of guys' look really well. Thankfully, this started the chatting up. I was glad to see the cheesiness hadn't improved since '09.

"Hey, mind if I take your roll?" One of them asked Rose, she shook her head seductively. He took it, bit and swallowed. "Hey, are your parents bakers cause you've got nice buns," he said. Ah well, at least we wouldn't be alone in our cheese.

I laughed at whatever the guy next to me was drivelling on about when everyone else was done. I went to whisper in his ear, and caught Edward's glare at the dude and crooked smile for me. I don't think so hun.

"Are your parents terrorists, cause you're the bomb." He winked at me and grabbed my thigh, looking down at my leg.

"Do you use Windex on your pants cause I see myself in them." I laughed lightly, but exaggerated the movement. I leant my head on his shoulder and listened to Alice's conversation. Rose was already done with the guy, without doing any work.

Alice for some reason was talking about baseball. WTF, why would she do that? Then I heard what the guy said next.

"Darlin', if we were really playing baseball, you'd hit a home run."

"Oh, Sam you're so funny!" She laughed loudly and I heard Jasper hissing wildly. Annoyed that we went on this stupid camping trip yet boys?

"So Bella, aren't you with that Edward guy? Isn't he like, your boyfriend or something?" I laughed, this was almost exactly what Taine had asked me earlier. Our objective for the day was to get at least two guys each, and we appeared to be on around three at the moment. Maybe turning on the Cullen girl charm was a bit much for the purposes of this little revenge plan. We intended the whole thing to be over before day six; it was all a bit much. Alice saved me from answering the guys question.

"Jesus Derrick, do you honestly think we have boyfriends? Nope. We are not, in any single way, attached to a boyfriend." All three of us smiled, and I was glad to have learned the guys name. It made it easier. I picked up my fork to attempt eating salad, and saw my ring glitter dimly. I pretended to have dropped something, and slid my wedding and engagement rings off. As I came up I saw Edward's hurt expression. When I motioned for Alice and Rose to do the same Jasper and Emmett looked like they would kill me. What does that say about making us do things we don't want to?

"Nah, you three are too good to cheat on anyone anyways," he replied. I felt my smile fade. That was basically what we were doing, wasn't it? Cheating on our all too loving soul mates. Damn. I hated when I guilt tripped myself!

"Uh well actually," Rose began, shifting uncomfortably along with Alice and me, "we aren't exactly cheating, but we aren't exactly available either." I saw Plan A going down the drain at the same time as I saw her slipping her engagement ring on. Alice and I did as well. "I better get back to my fiancé and tell him to pay up for me winning the bet." We stood up, flashing our beautiful diamond rings and walked over to our men, placing ourselves in their laps. I snuggled up to Edward's chest. He was torn between forgiveness and annoyance at me and absolute humour in the guys faces. In the end humour and forgiveness won.

OOOOOOO LINE OOOOOOO

"Hey Nessie," I said into the phone as she picked up.

"Mum!" she exclaimed happily. Edward coughed lightly beside me. "Dad, you too!" she exclaimed again. Nessie always was partial to Edward; they had a better relationship with each other than any other father/daughter relationship I had ever seen.

"Hey Nessie, how are you?" he asked. I heard take a gasp of air before she let loose. She had spent a little too much time with her dear Aunty Alice.

"OhmygoshJacobtookmetoLAandwehadsuchagoodtimeIamsoexcitedwelookedatjewelleryandhelookedatrings!" Translation: Oh my gosh, Jacob took me to LA and we had such a good time I am so excited we looked at jewellery and he looked at rings.

"That's great honey!" I enthused, knowing that Edward wouldn't be too happy. I was wrong.

"He's finally making an honest woman out of my little girl? I asked him to do that so many years ago," he said. What? He always acted like Jake and Nessie being together was a pain, I guess he was faking. Hmm, what else was he faking?

"EEEEEEK!" Nessie squealed. I guess she was really excited.

"Hey, do you want to talk to Alice and have an entire wedding planned for you when we get back or do you have somewhere to go?" I asked, not really joking about Alice. She would jump to conclusions before he even proposed.

"I'm going with Leah to a movie and dinner," she said. "We haven't really had some partially-human girl bonding time in a while."

"Have fun Nessie," we said together. Edward continued, "Come back with your head please." We all laughed, joking about Leah's moody habits. When she had found Nahuel the half-vampire as her soul mate, she remained as a shape-shifter to be with him for longer. She had also imposed her moody presence on us forever, but we didn't really mind. All her prejudices were gone now. She had come back from South America a while ago, she and Nahuel often traded living spaces. This was because Seth had remained a wolf after meeting a half vampire, half real werewolf girl named Riley that he was in love with. She was a little volatile though, so they kept a house near ours, but she didn't visit much.

"I will," Nessie replied to both comments, knowing that Edward wasn't only joking. He was way too protective of his girls.

"Bye," we all said together, and then hung up. I walked back with Edward to the Cullen tent, where we changed into our pyjamas. Edward and I both walked back to the tents. He kissed me before I went in.

"Bella, will you promise me that you won't ever do that thing with the boys again?" he asked.

"Sure," I laughed. We kissed each other again, and I went inside to Alice and Rose. We had moved our beds into a row right next to each other so that we could talk more freely. I flopped into the middle one, causing the other two to bounce slightly. We sat talking until the female teachers came in and ordered us to go to bed.

We lay there chatting for hours, and I felt the loss of Edward deeply. At home there was hardly a night that went by without sex and here I was, in a bed when I can't sleep, wishing he was here as well. I saw Alice and Rose's puts as well, and heard Emmett's low snaps of annoyance. When we were convinced that everyone but the vampires were asleep we snuck into our tent and waited for the boys. They didn't take long. We snuck back into our tents at around five, feeling rather satisfied.

Well, how's that for y'all, hmm? Sam Hooker and Riley whatever her name is aren't mine either. Just my sad little plot. BTW, if you have perverted minds and are annoyed at me for not writing a lemon... well it is rated T. And I am one hundred per cent not about to change that. Review or pm me with your ideas please! Love y'all!