Clannad
In Our Early Days
Chapter 6
Dissociative
Thinking back on it, I was a fool.
Whatever made me think that she ever love me, as me?
I'm a loser, weed, and a nobody.
Wait... that's not right, I'm just man who people thinks' me as someone else
I guess I would be blamed because of that.
Why did I even consider coming here?
To re-live my past?
I hate my past, I can't move on if I keep living in the past.
I just have the future to worry about.
Sunohara Youhei, well known delinquent in Hikarizaka High School, stood in the exact place in the Theatre Club Room, like he used to do, next to the window, looking at the clouds in the sky. Back during the 'good times' in school, where his friends discuss about everything and anything, in which oddly never has to do with the actual Theatre Club. He stood next to the window, just watching the clouds go by, day dreaming to him wishing how he can be among the clouds. Watching the world go by, the people go by, being part of something that people never seem to appreciate.
Though, he doesn't have to be a cloud for not to be appreciate.
Thinking back on it...
"Youhei! Stop day dreaming over there, and pay attention!" Kyou yelled out to him.
"Eh? Sorry," Youhei apologized.
"Nagisa, are you sure you want a weed like Youhei to be your Theatre Club?"
"Yes, besides he's our friend," Nagisa smiled.
"I honestly don't know why I'm still friends with him," Kyou sighed.
He just had to settle being a no appreciate non-cloud in the sky.
Youhei could see in the corner of his eye Kyou staring at him, struggling to say something. He honestly didn't care what she had to say, it took him six long years to get over her, why opened old wounds? He didn't even want to come back here in the first place, how in the world Tomoyo ever convinced him to come here still left him confused. Sure he became good friends with Tomoyo after high school; in fact she is the only person that he ever kept good contact with, maybe because they happen to go to the same university. Which God must have a huge sense of hilarity if it made two completely different people come meet up with each other after high school, and become good friends, close friends that is.
"Youhei..." Kyou finally said.
"Umm?" he responded not even looking at her, just remain staring out the window.
Kyou stared at him.
I need to say something to him.
What can I say to him?
I miss him after all these years.
Thinking back on it I am the fool.
Whatever made me love him as Tomoya and not as Youhei?
I'm a brat, a whore, and a nobody.
Fujibayashi Kyou, a well known savage girl in Hikarizaka High School, sat there the same place in the Theatre Club room, beside where Tomoya would normally sit. During the good 'old times' she often discuss with the others about everything and anything, which in fact had nothing to do with the actual Theatre Club. Often she notices Youhei daydreaming by the window, she didn't know why, but it always started to piss her off. That's because she never gave the time to understand why he does that, what was so special about the clouds that made him admire it so much? He never told her, the only thing he said about it is, 'It's something between an old childhood friend and me.'
There was never even real closure, between the two of them; they just drifted off after they broke up, and after high school he completely lost contract with him. The only way she ever heard of him again, was through Tomoyo, it felt weird to hear news about the one she loves by someone who was a rival with Tomoya. She couldn't help to think that it may be a possibly of them together. She could see how Tomoyo's eyes light up whenever she did talk about him, it made her upset.
"Youhei... please look at me," she asked.
The man sighed to himself putting his hands in his pockets and turned to her.
The two stare at each other and remained quiet for the longest time. She could feel and see the hate in his eyes and he stared down at her, she deserved it. How she treated him, and how she played with his heart, yet he was still there for her when she needed someone. Ryou asked her the question that still plagues her heart during the time she dated him and since he broke up with her.
"Do you really love Sunohara as Sunohara? Or do you love him because you think of Sunohara as Okazaki?"
Thinking back on it, she made a mistake.
A mistake, that caused more psychological damage towards Sunohara then she can't even understand.
How in the world am I going to explain to him about my true feelings if he kept shutting them out? Kyou thought.
"Youhei please talk to me…" Kyou plead.
"Sure… let me tell you the story of my childhood, where I failed everyone, and how I met my 'other self' and how he was created," he gave her a cold stare making Kyou feel really uncomfortable
A chapter in Youhei's heart opened.
Among The Clouds I Wish To Belong
Youhei lay back on the soccer field staring up at the clouds with his best friend Kazumi and team captain lay beside him doing the same. Their team won the quarter finals with a lucky pass from Youhei and with a well place kick towards the goal from Kazumi. After a long victory party, they both had decided to fulfill their daily ritual watching the clouds pass by above them.
"Hey Sunohara, have you decided on that high school you're going to attend next year?" Kazumi asked.
"You mean Hikarizaka High School?" he asked.
"Yeah that one, you were offer a sports scholarship the same as me right? Why not go both of us go together?" Kazumi sat up from the ground and look down his friend.
Youhei shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't think that school is right for me, someone like me in an environment wouldn't fit so well in. Besides the only reason that they offer me the sport scholarship is because you made a deal with them to include me when you accepted," he added sitting back up.
"So? Why not go together; we can make a name for ourselves Sunohara, just think Sunohara 'Howdy' Youhei star soccer player, and beloved among many cute girls!" he grinned.
"That does... sound pretty good, but it's not going to happen. After all, it's you that they really want," Youhei sighed.
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think I mean? Kazumi I think you don't realize you're own greatness. You're a star soccer player, with prefect grades, not to mention you get tons of love letters from girls, and you're a great nice guy. As for me, well I just that 'guy' beside you. When everyone cheers for us, I know that they cheer for you, everyone depends on you Kazumi, I sure the hell do," Youhei explained.
"Don't go emo on me Sunohara; I don't want to beat it out of you again!" Kazumi threaten after punching Youhei in the shoulder.
"Well, it's true, you're the main character, and I'm the side character, it's always been that way. Everyone puts you on their special mantle high up in the air, and people like me are down low to the bottom supporting you so you won't fall down and disappointed everyone," he explained.
"Sunohara, you don't honesty think like that do you?"
Youhei nodded.
"That's stupid to think like that! You are your own character, the main character for your story," he raised his voice.
"Maybe... even if I'm a character from the sidelines I still have this," he pointed to his right arm where the white ribbon should have been, unfortunately it has not there. Youhei eyes widen as he jump to his feet. "Damn it, it must have fallen off during the game," he yelled as his eyes desperately look around in his general area to find it. "It must be here, it must be here," he started to panic.
Kazumi jump to his feet as well.
"Let's search of it then. I take the right you take the left," he offered.
"Thanks Kazumi!"
Ikusuki Kazumi.
The team captain and my best friend since we were in grade school.
We were always together, him and I, school, sports, clubs, and just wasting idle time staring at the sky. I always looked up at him despite us being the same age and same class room. He's precocious and always thought of the blighter side of life, and always somehow made me feel better when I was discourage and unhappy. Having great grades, being popular among our fellow classmates and even the teachers, he's a prefect role model.
He's like a brother, and I love him.
Youhei search everywhere in the field, the white ribbon was the world to him. The white ribbon is a symbol of prove that he is capable of helping people and being a 'main role' something he always thought he can never be. He could still remember the smile of the little girl name Kyou when he was eight years old. His heart fell broken when he see her fade away in the distance with her family when the day was over. That white ribbon was his strength hopes and dreams, but with it gone, he was no one.
After searching the entire field three times, his best friend Kazumi decided to call it quits. He looked over towards his friend, to see that he is still desperately searching, up to the point that he started to crawl across the field.
"Sunohara, I know that ribbon means a great deal to you, but we been looking for over two hours already. I think you need to face the fact that it's gone, I'm sorry," he apologized.
Youhei sighed as he rose to his feet.
"Your right Kazumi, damn it," he struggled to hold back his tears.
Kazumi patted him on the back.
"Hey, as long as you remember her, then isn't that all that matters?" he asked.
"Yes, but it was that white ribbon that helps me with fighting for my dreams," he force out a chuckle after he lost the battle holding back his tears.
"Hey Sunohara, listen to me," Kazumi put his hands on Youhei shoulders looking into his watery eyes. "You remember what I told you about fighting for your dreams?" he asked, and sees his friend reply with a gentle nod. "To fight for your dreams you need two things; will," he pointed to his forehead.
"And heart," Youhei finish pointing to his heart.
"That's right," Kazumi grinned. "As long as you have both of them, then you don't need that white ribbon. Just remember that girl in your mind," he pointed to Youhei forehead. "And heart," he pointed towards Youhei chest.
"You got it?" he asked.
Youhei stare at his friend for a long moment and nodded.
"Good. Okay, perceptive guy moment is over," Kazumi punch Youhei in the shoulder. "It's getting late, you wouldn't want to worry your imouto right?" he grinned.
"Yeah," Youhei nodded giving out his signature grin.
"Good," Kazumi chuckled that quickly turned into a violent cough tend started to wheeze for air.
Youhei eyes widen as he saw his friend in pain.
"Hey Kazumi are you alright?" he panic.
After a few minutes Kazumi eventually started to breathe normal again, and then gave him thumbs up.
"What was that?" Youhei asked with a serious concern on his face.
"Ah a bug must have invaded into my mouth when I was laughing," he smiled. "Any way it's time for me to go, I need to see my mother before she takes her business trip, have a good night!" he punch Youhei in the shoulder, harder this time, as he pass by him leaving him alone in the field.
Why are you lying to me Kazumi? He thought.
***
It was night fall by the time Youhei made to his home; he could smell food as he enters through the door. He smiled to himself; her mother made him his favourite dish, curry. He smiled even blighter as he could see her sister Mei helping setting up the table. After Mei place the final plate on the table she notice Youhei standing by the door way.
"Onii-chan!" she cheered as she ran up to him and gave him a big hug. "Congratulations on the game!" she cheered.
"Thanks Mei-chan," he smiled as he hugs her back.
"Mei, you shouldn't hug your brother when he's covered in mud. Besides you already congratulated him in the victory party," her mother smiled.
"Aw," Mei sighed.
"Youhei, supper is almost finishing, why don't you take a bath," her mother suggested as she smiled at her son.
"Yay, we could take a bath together Oni-chan, I could help wash your back," Mei cheered.
Youhei heart almost skipped a beat.
"I'm sorry, we're too old for that now," he reply softy.
"Aww," Mei sighed again.
Youhei put his hand on top of her head and rubbed it gently
"I tell you want," he bends over to meet Mei face. "How about we wash dishes together," he winked.
Mei looked up and smiled.
"Yay!" she cheered.
"Youhei, you're kind to Mei," he mother stated.
"Of course, she's my imouto."
"I'm prove of you Youhei, and I hope you do consider going to that school with your friend Kazumi-kun,"
Youhei nodded.
"Well, I'm going to take a bath," he stated.
When he left the kitchen and made his way to the living he froze as he saw his father there, sitting down on his favourite chair reading the news paper. He frowns as his father didn't even acknowledge him standing right in front of him.
"You weren't at the victory party..." he manages to force out.
"Why should I Youhei? You didn't make the winning goal, your friend did," his father said turning the page of his newspaper not even looking at his son.
"But I made the pass to win,"
"Who cares about the pass? The only person that is remembered is the person who scores. Is that how you see yourself Youhei? Are you happy enough for being in a role that no one is going to remember? If so then don't bother speaking me for the rest of the night," he ordered.
The boy just sighed as he walk pass his father and into the bathroom.
This is my family...
My father has been always like that, treating me like dirt, and never was proud of me. I'm not complaining about it, I already accepted for what he is long time ago. I just wish sometimes he accepted me on who I am. Unfortunately, my father has been in a long history of lawyers, his father was a lawyer and his after that. When I told him I had no interest in becoming one that was the day he started to hate me.
My mother was never there for me when I need her the most, but I could tell that she loves me, and I love her. I worry about her with a great deal, last year I found out that she got diagnose with an depression disorder when she was in her twenties. This would explain many times when she had several anxiety and panic attacks. I felt useless not being to help her, and I felt even more useless when Mei witnesses some of them. Apparently I might have it as well since doctors say that mother's depression disorder can be generic.
Mei, my imouto, someone I cared about deeply more than myself. She grew to depend on me; she held me in high esteem and put me in the highest of her mantle. I could never turn my back on her, or hurt her in anyway. I was her 'main character' in her story, and I love her for that. I swore to myself that I never to turn my back her.
***
It was a new day, when the sun started to rise through the window of Youhei's room, he cover his face with his blankets shielding himself from the light. He enjoy the short amount of resting until his alarm clock let off, he moan as he quickly turned it off by plugging the plug from its socket. Enjoying peace and quiet, until he felt being watch, he slowly peak out of the covers to see Kazumi and Mei standing in front of them, then slowly crept back into his covers.
"Wake up, Sunohara! Honestly it's the new week, besides the test scores are being shown today," Kazumi groaned.
"I know what the results are," he replied as his slowly arm peaked out of the covers like a snake.
"A," he pointed at Kazumi.
"C-, despite me studying like crazy," he pointed at himself, and then his arm slowly crept back into the covers.
"Fine you left me with the choice...Mei-chan let's take a bath together," Kazumi asked with a little wink.
"Yay, I can't wait for Kazumi-san to wash my body!" she cheered.
Youhei jumped out of his covers.
"Don't touch Mei-chan!" he threatened.
"Ah! An opening!" Kazumi quickly grabbed the color of Youhei shirt.
"Eh? NOOOO" Youhei screamed as Kazumi dragged him out of his bed towards the washroom.
***
"I can't believe I fell for a trap like that!" Youhei yawned as she straggles on the side walk with his friend.
"I can't believe it works every time," Kazumi beamed as he could see Youhei struggle to walk in a straight line still exhausted.
It was their finest hour, the greatest hour, the hour where their test scores were posted in the main lobby. Every student scrambled near the posting trying and hoping for a passing grade.
"See C-," Youhei sighed as he cross his arms. "I don't understand it, I study really hard and all I got was a C-?" he asked.
"Don't sweat it Sunohara. You passed," Kazumi replied.
"Easy enough for you to say," Youhei sighed again. "Come on let's get something to eat before we go to practice," he suggested.
Practice was usual for Team Kyoto, doing laps, passing, and shooting, nothing really that special when it comes to training for the semi-finals. The team would be lying if they said that the pressure to win wasn't heavy on their shoulders. They were going to go against team Tokyo, the biggest and most fierce rivals; their actual chances of beating them were very slim. Lucky they have an answer that might help tip the scale more to their side; Kazumi known for his precision and great dribbling skills, and Sunohara known for his massive running speed and power strikes, made a perfect duo.
"So have you given it much thought about Hikarizaka High School?" Kazumi asked when running beside with Youhei during the laps around the field.
"Haven't decided it yet, why do you keep asking me?" Youhei replied.
"Because it's right around the corner, Youhei," he answered wheezing slightly.
"Hey Kazumi, you're doing it again," Youhei grabbed his arm so they both stopped in of the tracks.
"Sunohara!" he pulled his arm away from his grasp. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked trying to catch his breath.
"You're wheezing again, you been like this since our last year, and it's been getting worse lately. I know you Kazumi, there something wrong with you!" he yelled.
Kazumi frowned.
"Shut up Sunohara I told you, there is nothing wrong with me," he then started to cough. He covers his mouth with his hands in response as Youhei powerlessly look on trying to figure out what to do or say, finally Kazumi slowly started to stop coughing.
"You see," he gave him thumbs up. "I'm fine!" he grinned then it slowly faded away he notice his hand.
Both pairs of eyes widen.
Blood was dripping out of his hand and into the field.
"That's new..." Kazumi force out a chuckle but blood split out of his mouth onto Youhei's face. "Damn it..." he mange to say before passing out.
Youhei quickly caught him in his arms and gentle laid him down on the ground.
"Kazumi!" he screamed out grabbing everyone's attention in the field rushing towards them both.
Everything went slow...
***
Youhei sat nervously in the waiting room, he work up at the clock hanging in front of him. 6:30 in the evening. It's been a whole two hours since they both arrived in the hospital, and still no word on what is going on. He found himself vulnerably looking back on the door to Kazumi room, close off, he been during this for every five minutes since then. His mind went numb; his legs uncontrollably fidget up and down causing them to tap against the ground. His fingers entangled with each other press against his forehead.
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. I knew there was something wrong with him. Why I didn't I drag him here the first moment he started to show signs? I was so damn feeling sorry for myself, I didn't even think of Kazumi before it was too late. Your a real loser Youhei, can't even help your best friend. He thought.
"Sunohara-san?" a voice called to him.
Youhei looked up to see a doctor standing right in front of him.
"How is my friend sensei?"
"Kazumi-san is stable however..." she paused briefly causing Youhei stomach to turn.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Why don't you talk to him?" she gave him a sad smile as she walks pass Youhei into the nurses' station.
Youhei took a deep breath and enter Kazumi room knocking beforehand, he saw Kazumi laying there in his bed stating at the window.
"Hey buddy," Kazumi sat back from his bed smiling at him. "How's it going?"
"That's my line Kazumi," Youhei replied grabbing a chair and placing besides his bed sitting next to him. "Kazumi is there something wrong with you?" he asked.
Kazumi just chuckled to himself.
"Nothing wrong....Sunohara...,"
"Ikusuki," Youhei interrupted him. "Stop lying to me," he begged.
Kazumi stared at his good friend and gave a weak smile.
"I'm dying Youhei," he answered.
"What?" Youhei manage to say.
"Pulmonary edema... I started developing it for the last few years now,"
"But... why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep it a secret? I thought we were best friends?" Youhei sobbed struggling to fight back his tears to no prevail.
"Because, Youhei. I was afraid."
"Afraid?"
Kazumi nodded.
"Youhei, you always have been disheartened ever since I know you. You were always so sensitive and devoted into helping people, yet you struggle with yourself esteem, your true self, then you hide away from it all. But you change every time you with me, every time you with me, you manage to do great, astonishing things. Like that time when we both defended that woman for being mugged or when we saved that cat from that tree. It felt good, seeing the 'true you' every time you're with me, you always looked up to me and depended on me. So I was afraid telling you that I was sick, if I did, I thought you won't be your 'true self' anymore and I don't want that to happen to you Youhei," he explain, tears running down his cheeks.
"Damn it Kazumi...." Youhei cried. "You should have told me anyway, how do you expect me to feel now? I feel so useless, I been so concern about my life, that I haven't even seen my best friend in trouble," he yelled out. "We're Kazumi and Sunohara damnit!"
"We're Kazumi and Sunohara..." he repeated with a smile.
"Yes, it feels like a hundred years that we're friends," Youhei grinned.
Kazumi turned to his best friend.
"A hundred lifetimes..." he grinned back.
"With us together, we can accomplish and overcome everything," Youhei put his hands on Kazumi shoulders.
"Even over come death Youhei?" he asked.
"Of course, why not?" Youhei smiled.
"Because I'm dying Youhei, this sickness, its killing me. I've been through many doctors and treatments but its not working. I don't think I have the strength to fight back,"
"Don't say that!" Youhei hugged him. "Don't give up, you need to keep fighting!"
"It's only a dream Youhei," Kazumi hugged him back.
"Hey, you remember what you always told me about fighting about your dreams? You need two things... will,"
"And heart," Kazumi finished.
"Listen to me Ikusuki. Never give up, not matter what, you keep your will and heart strong," Youhei begged.
"I will," he answered.
The both broke off the hug.
"Okay now stay here and rest, and let me handle the big game next week," Youhei patted him on the shoulder.
"Sure, but before I forget, I need to give you something," Kazumi grinned as he reach underneath his pillow and handle him a clean white ribbon. Youhei eyes widen as he received it from his hands.
"But I thought it was lost?"
Kazumi shook his head and smiled.
"No it wasn't, I found it, but it was dirty. So I decide to not give it to you until I hand washed it clean, after all it is a gift from the girl you fell for isn't. You need to keep care of gifts," he chuckled.
Youhei nodded with a smile.
"What about when you I don't need this because all I need to do is remember her?"
Kazumi shrugged his shoulders.
"Keep sakes are always nice," he grinned. "Hey Youhei, I'm getting a little tired, how about we call it a day. Come by tomorrow."
"Sure thing,"
"One more thing, Youhei."
"What is it?"
"You are your own main character, everyone will depend on you. Your team mates will depend on you, your sister will depend on you, and I will depend on you. Go kick some ass!"
"I will!"
***
He didn't wake up for tomorrow, he just slept and eternal sleep his bed alone.
I felt lost, and very empty.
In a blink of an eye, my best friend is gone.
The whole school was devastated with the lost of him.
Her mother sadly wasn't even there in his final moments.
Before I knew it, I was at the semi-finals, tied game and I was taking the penalty shot to win.
I took aim and kicked, having the thought of people depending on me became my strength, my hope, and my dreams.
The ball flew in the air, fast; the goalie didn't have time to react.
The very ball I put my every own soul into, from the depended on others, flew and hit's mark...the goal post.
The ball reflects off the goal post and I fell down to my knees
I failed everyone.
Despite my team being on the losing side, I was still offered to scholarship, and I took it, hoping to live out my dreams for the both of us.
However
***
"Hey come on guys, are we not all friends here?" Youhei asked his fellow soccer members with a force smile. "I know its custom to treat the newest members like crap, but don't you think you're over doing it?" Youhei asked.
"Welcome to high school, this isn't junior high anymore kid," one of them answer as he splashing water in Youhei's face.
Youhei just shrugged it off, but the others continue the onslaught.
"Take it like a man Sunohara, you wouldn't want to shame your dead friend," one of the older ones asked.
".... What the hell did you just say?" he frowned.
"I said you wouldn't want to bring shame on your dead friend Sunohara? That's right I heard about you, it's pretty pathetic that you couldn't win a simple game for your best friend. It's even more pathetic that your best friend actually depended on you," the older laughed all his friends joined in.
Then something deep inside Youhei snapped, everyone was on the ground in pain, some of them was bleeding by the face.
Then before I knew it, rumours' started to surface about me, and in time I became Sunohara Youhei, infamous delinquent my role set for me, in my first year.
A few days after that fateful day when I quit the soccer, I met up with someone that I could never dream of meeting again.
However
***
"Excuse me, your blocking the door way!" a girl voice yelled getting Youhei attention as he quickly turned around to see Kyou standing there in front of him, her hands on her hips. "You're going to move or not?" she asked.
"Hey, it's me... don't you remember me?" Youhei asked his eyes started to light up.
Kyou cross her arms and study him up and down.
"How can I remember a weed like you, whoever you are!" she snapped at him.
His heart broke.
"But, it's me, Su..." he stopped as Kyou raised her hand in front of his face.
"Don't tell me your name, I not interested in weeds or delinquent, and from what I heard you're both! Now move!" she pointed her finger at her.
"But this," Youhei reached out into his pocket and showed her the white ribbon, his eyes started to water.
Kyou eyes widen and she snatches it from his hands.
"Hey this is mine! How did you get this, did you sneaked into my locker?" she pulled on his tie nearly choking him. "Answered me! Now!" she ordered.
Before he could even answer the bell rang and Kyou let go of his tie.
"Argh, now I'm late for first period," she yelled as she ran pass him. "You better pray we won't meet again!" she yelled back at him.
Youhei stood there watching the girl he loved; fade away again in the distance forever.
"Yo Sunohara," Tomoya patted him back. "Having troubles with women again I see. So who was she? She isn't in our class is she?" he asked.
"No," Youhei answered putting his hand in his pockets.
"That's good, let's just hope she won't be in our class next year, first year is annoying as it is." Tomoya sighed. "Hey Sunohara lets skip school, and hang out in your room, we just need to make sure that Sagara-san doesn't catch us."
Youhei shook his head.
"I'll pass today, I need to be alone now," Youhei walked out of the school.
He found himself on hill watching the clouds pass by, holding back his tears, something he had been doing by himself for a while. It didn't feel right without Kazumi, he was gone, and only thing he had with him is guilt and pain when he kept thinking on that game. He failed everyone that depended on him, and the girl from the past that he fell in love with, doesn't even remember him.
"Is this is who I was destine to be Kazumi? Is this my character? A main character that fails everyone that people depends on. If it is, then I gladly accepted then..." he said to himself staring at the clouds. "Are you up there, watching down on me? I need help."
"I could help you... if you want?" a voice called out to him.
Youhei sat back up to see an image of himself right in front of him.
"Who are you?" Youhei asked him.
'Youhei' smiled at him.
"I guess I can say... I'm your created image that everyone makes of you. You know, a loser, a weed, and delinquent, I'm all the things that the people expect from you. I can help you guide you down that path," 'Youhei' answered.
"How can you help me?" Youhei asked.
"Well... you have a major mental break down right now. After all, our best friend died, the girl we love doesn't remember us. There already rumours about you as we speak, all of them bad, and it's obvious that you're not fitted to be in a main role for anything. So why not just become a side character, that everyone is expected nothing much from you?" 'Youhei' asked.
"Yes, that does sound nice. I don't want to live in a world where I fail someone I care about again. The pain is too much to handle. There's no point of me fighting it anymore... so help me," he softy pleaded.
'Youhei' nodded.
"Okay then, let me take over your mind, don't worry I won't take full control for your mind, yet, but then soon enough I will. Then you be finally free from burden of the pain of not disappointing others who depend on you. You will forever be a side character, a role that you are destines to play," 'Youhei' smiled as he reaches towards Youhei, into his mind as he slowly started to enter.
The chapter hidden in Youhei's heart remained opened.
(Present)
"Then over time my other self took completely over me, 'he' was my escape, my guide. However, 'he' made me do something that I never forgave him for; 'he' made me turn my back on Mei. Something I swore never to do, thankfully Okazaki was there to help me snap back into reality. I've been so blinded by my other self, I never realize how many people depended on Okazaki, despite him being typecast as a delinquent and a loser. Then after he helped Yukine, it clicked in my mind that everyone is capable to help others, after that I decided to change. I didn't need my 'other self' anymore... 'he' didn't like it one bit. So I struggled fighting him out of mind, I was slowly losing, I needed something or someone to help me change, to finally get rid of 'him'. That someone was you, Kyou, but... well you know the rest," he finished his story.
Youhei turned away from her staring back to the window.
"So that's my story, Kyou. You always wanted to know about why I became that way in high school," Youhei said coldly.
Kyou, who have been crying all this time during the whole story, struggle to say something, she couldn't. She didn't even realize the pain he went through, he was trouble from the beginning.
Despite all the suffering he endures, he was still there for her, not matter how terrible she treated him, he was at sidelines watching her, making sure she was always alright. He was a shoulder to cry on, a friend to comfort her, someone who always made her laugh when she was upset, and not once has he ever shared about his past struggles to her, not even once. He only was concern about her troubles, her pain, and filling her heart with love and joy.
She didn't deserve the kindness and love from Youhei, she kicks him, punch him, called him names and abuse him completely do her enjoyment.
Then there was the part of the story that she kept close to her, the part when they both met when they were children, and how he help her. She tried to remember, but couldn't, how did he ended up with her own ribbon?
"Youhei please you need to let me explain about us," she softy said to him.
"What us?" he snapped. "There was never any us, because you never loved me as me. You only love me because you made yourself think I was Okazaki," raised his voice at her.
"That isn't fair! If you only let me explain..."
"What's the point? You did love me thinking me as Okazaki right?"
"It's difficult to explain..."
"It's yes or no answer,"
"Yes..." she cried. "But..."
"That's all I needed to hear. I need another walk," he groaned as he started to walk out. But Kyou jumped off her chair and hugged him from behind and rested her cheek against his back.
The man stopped in his tracks when he felt her warmth, something that he could never get enough of. Her delicate yet strong hands around his chest, the very same hands the he held. He could see her hair from the corner of his eye, the same hair that he caress through completely and he could feel her tears soaking down his shirt on to his back, the same tears that he wiped away when she was crying.
But there was one thing that he always longs for... her lips.
The woman took everything in when she embraced him. His warmth something she always long for, his strong yet soft hands, the same one he caress her hair making her feel beautiful. His chest, a place where she always found that gave her comfort. The beating of his heart, so strong yet peaceful, something that makes her calm down and relax.
But there was one thing that she always aches for... his lips.
"Why don't you touch me anymore?" Kyou whispered noticing that he is completely motionless.
"I just can't Kyou..."
"Why?"
"Because I hate you,"
To be continue
Preview on the Next Chapter
The three women in the Reference Room stood silent; it was obvious that Yukine had strong feelings towards Youhei. Tomoyo knew exactly how Yukine felt about having feelings for someone, but didn't have the courage to tell him. She felt the same toward Tomoya; however she didn't win the battle, Nagisa won in the end. Of course she felt happy for Nagisa, but she always had an empty spot in her heart, never to be filled again, until she met him.
She found her happiness with him.
She found her strength with him.
However, history may repeat itself, and her heart maybe empty once again.