Sorry for the late update, things haven't been going well from my friends, two of them were laid off from their jobs because the place there working at is cutting cost. As for myself I got demoted for the same reason and I may take another part time job for extra cash in all. Any way back to the story.

Oh yeah just for fun I have a poll up, just check my profile and you see it. We would like to know that you think so please vote. : )


Clannad

In Our Early Days

Chapter 9

Turn and Face Reality

The chapter hidden in Tomoyo and Youhei's Heart still beats on.

Hanoko didn't like the first thing she sees when she returns to the office with the refreshments; she didn't care about the mess she created, as coffee and green tea spill over the floor when she drops them as she rushes to sobbing woman.

"Tomoyo-chan, what's wrong?" the women knees in front of her placing her hands on the young woman's shoulders.

The young woman had no replies, no words leaves her lips, only the struggling gasps for breath from her lungs. The comforting words from Hanoko didn't reach Tomoyo's ears, just the words from a terrible man.

"You are poisoning his mind Tomoyo."

"I rather force him into treatment, and then let some simple girl add on to his delusion."

The words, even though painful, have truth.

There were many times when she experiences many of Youhei's depression during her time with him in university and even the times in high school late in his senior year. When he does fall, she spoke words of encouragement to him making him believe himself again. However despite all of his endeavours, when he tries to help someone, it always leads to... sadness.

First she was rape, and then force to break the heart of a very good friend.

"Hanoko-san...do you mind if I take a small vacation, I think I need time to get away from all of this," she asked standing up from the cold floor.

"Of course..." she answered staring at up at Tomoyo.

Youhei's small apartment is still empty by the time she arrives there from Haonko's office, she only realizes now, how 'empty' the place really is. The old couch resting in the corner of the tiny living room area that he mange to get from his old job from the taxi company. The couch had no television to point to; it only faces the other side of the apartment to a bare corner. A dinner table with four broken chairs, the only form of entertainment he has is his old cd player she remembers he has since high school in his dorm room, and a strange star shaped wood carving hanging on his window.

Her mother has always tells her that 'A man's heart can be describe by his room', after taking some time to see the apartment she wonders to herself.

Does this mean, he has an empty heart... or does his heart feel empty?

The woman just takes a deep breath as she tries putting the discouraging question in the back of her mind. She has little time left to gather all of her personal belongings and leave before he came back. Saying goodbye to him forever would be the hardest thing for her, and she didn't heart to bare it. Avoiding him would hurt him, but if she knew she would break down into tears if she ever faces him.

It happens to be a good thing that she didn't bring much with her when she 'moves' in last night. Only a week with of clothes and some personal items, most of them were already still in her suitcase. It would be good for her, to get out of the city avoiding all of this, Masao, her work, and the most important thing of all, not being a poison to Youhei anymore.

She nearly had everything prepared and headed out to the door until she froze when she heard keys unlocking the door.

"No...." is the word she whispered out when she saw the man walk it.

"Please don't do this to me," she thought.

"Oh, hello Tomoyo," Youhei smiled at her with his boyish grin of his.

"Don't make me hurt you..."

His smile disperse when he notice her suitcase in her hands.

"Are you leaving already?" he asked with a strong look of concern.

"Yes...Youhei I can't stay here anymore. I'm happy for it, but this isn't right," she replied trying to keep a straight face.

"I see, but you're not leaving because your pregnant are you?" he asked still standing by the door.

Tomoyo eyes widen, she completely forgot about home pregnancy test that the doctor gave her last night. She left it at the night stand, with all the events that been happening, she didn't even had the chance to use it. In fact the single thought of her expecting start to overwhelm her instantly, she didn't even know if she is or not.

"You are, aren't you?" he asked when he saw Tomoyo struggling with her emotions.

She didn't know the answer.

"Sorry Tomoyo, when I came back this morning to see if you were awake, but you weren't in bed," he paused taking a small breath. "I notice the pregnancy test on the night stand... Tomoyo if you are, you do know that I'm here for you right?" he asked.

She looked up at him.

"Youhei I know where this is going..Please don't make me hurt you," she prayed in her mind.

"I don't know much on it," he began to explain when she didn't respond to him earlier. "But I went to the library and took out some books on how to raise a baby," he finished.

"You're doing it...."

"Why are you doing this Youhei," she asked turning away not even facing him.

"I just want to help you...I'm not saying I want to be your husband, I'm sorry if I implied that. But I just want to show you that you are not alone, there are people who love you and want to be there for you, people like me," he answered.

"Youhei...I don't think you are capable of helping me," she whispered still not facing him.

"That may be true...but I am always willing to try," he force out a chuckle not revealing how hurt those words made him feel. "Besides I promise you that I help you whenever you are in a pinch right?" The man asked.

"I can't accept your help... it isn't right..."

"Maybe this might change your mind then..." he smiled as he exits out the apartment only to enter back in this time with a white coated baby crib in his hands.

Tomoyo was touch, even thought she may have not been expecting a baby or the fact that the baby isn't his, Youhei was fully willing to help her. She held back her tears, it was the only thing she could do. She didn't want to poison him anymore, and there was only one thing that she could think of that would make would break the friendship they had.

She needed to hurt him.

"Youhei, you need to stop this, stop doing this." She force out a fake frown towards the man.

"Yeah...," he paused when he looked back at the baby crib he drag in. "I guess I went a little overboard did I?" he rubbed the back of his head. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable Tomoyo..." he apologized. "I just want to help you..."

"Shut up Youhei!" she screamed out at him.

"Tomoyo..."

"Sunohara..." she turned away.

"Hey...what's with the last name all of the sudden?" he stuttered.

"Sunohara..." she continues to not look at his face. "We can't be friends anymore..." her eyes harden on him.

The man eyes widen and his heart sank when he saw the cold eyes on him, he didn't even expect her to answer like that. The environment that she was setting reminded him of high school, how she was often cold to him even though he actually didn't do anything wrong during some of those times.

"Tomoyo...listen," he stuttered slightly taking to find the right words to say. "If I did something wrong then I'm sorry," he couldn't help his eyes started to water but manage to hold them back. "Just tell me what I did wrong Tomoyo..." he practically pleaded her.

Her eyes soften when she notice that he was on the edge on a break down, she was very familiar how to break through his strong shell. It was the only way she can do, to push him away for good so his father won't send him away somewhere.

"You haven't done anything wrong... it's me Sunohara, I'm afraid I'm the person that is wrong, I've been helping you leading to a road that you don't belong."

"What do you mean?"

"Sunohara...why do you continue to try to help people even though it tends to lead to failure?" she asked him, finally facing him with tears in her eyes.

Youhei was taken back for a few seconds, his mind trying to figure out the answer. It wasn't the question that fazes him; it was the fact that Tomoyo ask him after all this time they started to be good friends. She always encourages him during his rough times, but now he couldn't help but feel hurt from the question that came from her lips.

"It's because of you, Tomoyo. The reason why I try so hard is because your words of encouragement, it makes me believe in myself that I am capable of helping people. My life in high school was been hell, I never felt I found a place there, even in the Theatre Club; I felt that I wasn't needed at all. The only place that I did feel needed is with Yukine, but when that incident with her father, it was taken away from me. I was afraid that I might fall into the same routine in university, but then I meant you..." he explains no longer holding back his tears.

"That's exactly the problem Sunohara, those words of encouragement, gave you false hope. I'm afraid that I push you towards a sadden life style Sunohara," she replied looking away again. "You always put your heart on your sleeve when you try to help people, but it always breaks when you never able to help people. I seen you many times when you were depress from it, and instead of helping you realize the truth, I've been diluting you from the truth...you're not capable of helping people," she paused. "You're not capable of helping me," she said softly. "I just don't want to be poison to you anymore,"

Even though the woman's eyes were astray from his, she could feel how deeply her words brought sadden in his heart. She avoided his eyes; the eyes that used to be full of hope and devotion...now turned into northing more than a pair of empty blue eyes. He was wordless as he stood there in silence when she walk past him towards the door but stop as she reached the hallway of the building.

"Sunohara...goodbye..." she said softy as she ran out from him.

Something deep inside himself prevented him from chasing after her,t he only thing that he did was say two words...

"Goodbye Sakagami..." he replied as he closed door to his apartment.

***

She couldn't believe she came back to this town so soon; it hasn't been that long since she left Hikarizaka. But it didn't feel like the same town she left a few months ago, it felt different, like it wasn't her home anymore. The train ride there was pleasant, she just saw the world go by in her tiny window by her seat, and she needed to get her mind off everything. Taking a trip to Hikarizaka seems like a prefect idea after all she went through. She left the day after that day with Youhei, she tried her best to explain things to her brother, without going into much detail in the matter and last but not least she finally had the courage to take the pregnancy test and the test resulted negative...she wasn't expecting.

There was one important thing she needed to deal with before she went, the very man that raped her. However, much to her relief Masao was nowhere to be found in his usual places and hangouts. She didn't honestly know what she would do if she ever face him if she did, she wanted to beat him into a coma, but for some reason he was the only man that she ever feared in her life. Thankfully she didn't mention his name to Hanoko, if she didn't then Hanoko would step in and most likely ruin her own career for her.

Running away from him seem like the suitable choice, even though she would feel like a coward.

It didn't take long to find the place that she knew that she would be welcome with open arms. She was there many times during her senior year as she fought to clean up the streets with the increasing street thugs. She easily smell the aroma of coffee as she open the door and hear the chimes ring, its peaceful medley only added into the welcome atmosphere it gave.

It was still early in the morning and only few handful people were already inside relaxing enjoying themselves as a soft jazz music play out rather delicate then it usually would be. Tomoyo smiled to herself, this place completely chance from the last time she was here, from a nearly dilapidated bar into an affectionate and comfortable cafe. Her smile faded slightly as a young teenager approach her with a kind smile.

"Welcome to Charms Diligo quod Amicitia!" he bowed. "Table for one...wait Sakagami-san is that you?" the young teen boy ask.

She bowed.

"Hello Yu, it's been a while hasn't it?" she asked admiring on how the young boy she knew grew up.

"It has!" he smiled. "Yukine-san is in the back how about you go see her?" he suggested.

"Yes...that is a good idea."

It was no surprise to see the young woman teaching someone her usual outlandish charms or spells for that matter. She personally never believes in such things, but when it comes to Yukine her charms would always work, it seems unnatural though. She wasn't only good in charms, she seems to have a natural self awareness of danger, and she could easily tell what's on a person's mind. In other words, she full surprises and Tomoyo had a strange feeling that she hadn't see much yet.

Tomoyo stood by the door in silence while as Yukine finish teaching an older man a charm. Both of them didn't even notice her presence.

"Thank you Yuk-inee," the man beamed.

"You're welcome, but remember this charm isn't the solution to the problem it will only guide you there and you need to deal if it yourself Sodou-san," the young woman replied.

"Yes I understand...any more advice with her?" he asked.

"Don't stare at her breast," she answered quickly that sounded like a small scold.

Sodou eyes widen.

"Ever?" he asked with an obvious tone of disappointment.

"Well... not at first!" she giggled.

"Thank you Yuki-nee you're the best!" Sodou beamed and he started to head towards a window with excitement in his eyes.

"Wait Sodou I have a door!" she called out, but it was already too late when he jump out the window. "Honestly why do people always jump out of my window....maybe I should try locking them," she said to herself. "What do you think Tomoyo?" she asked when she turned around to greet her friend with her usual smile.

Tomoyo smiled back and chuckled.

"I should have known better then try to hide my presence from you."

"Well you did teach me well," she walked up to her and hugged her tightly. "It's always good to see you again let me guess you need a place to stay for a week?" she asked.

"How did you know? Have you been reading my mind?" she hugged Yukine back.

"No...I notice the suitcase behind you. You're always welcome here Tomoyo."

"Thanks, I just needed to a place to stay for a few days to get my mind at ease; last couple of days were not really enjoyable..."

"Oh?" she paused. "Would you like to talk about it?" she politely asked her. But Tomoyo simply shook her head in response.

"No...Not yet at least, I just decided to avoid from it all. I rather not face directly."

"It's strange hearing that from you Tomoyo, I always known you to be a strong woman that would face problems head on, but now you seem..."

"Weak?" Tomoyo interrupted.

"No...Human, Tomoyo you do know that I'm willing to listen right?" her eyes full of concern.

"I know...Yukine just not now...it sounds like building walls around myself isn't it?" she asked.

But Yukine just shook her head and smiled at her friend.

"It is fine to build walls around yourself Tomoyo...just make sure you have a window so people can reach out to you," she answered in her usual sweet motherly demeanour.

It didn't take long for Tomoyo to feel welcome; they both sat down in cafe drinking coffee enjoying themselves how they usual do. During their time in senior year where almost everyone had already graduated, Tomoyo, Yukine and Nagisa grew close. They would spend time with each together whenever they had the opportunity to do so. However Nagisa continue to grow distant since her theatre club shut down despite the help that Yukine and Tomoyo tried their very best to keep it open. It was truly fortunate that Nagisa had Tomoya to be with every day, to make her feel happy and safe.

Nevertheless, fortune didn't shine too much on Tomoyo and Yukine; they didn't really have anyone with them to morally support. Tomoyo had her reasonability's as school president and her brother, while Yukine had the reasonability's of taking care of her brothers friends. In retrospect they were easily happy with it, but they still couldn't feel empty.

"So has been any trouble on the streets lately? " Tomoyo asked who finished her cup.

"No, things have been very quite lately, peaceful," she answered pouring Tomoyo another cup of coffee.

This was true, Tomoyo notice this when she made her way here. Yukine done well so far to keep the town in order, but it was quite odd on how she did it. Usually Yukine would just be a source of information about various gangs running about, but when she actually asked her to teach her how to fight, it didn't feel right. She always wonders why sweet girls like Yukine who hated fighting ever since she young decided to fight, but with the incident with her father...it would make sense.

"Yukine..."

"Yes?"

"I always wanted to ask you this, I thought I already knew the answer but looking back at it I may have been wrong to assume. Why did you decide to fight even though you hate fighting?"

"You ask me this now after all this time?"

"Yes I would like to know."

Yukine took a deep sight and close her eyes.

"There are two reasons why, the first one is because I don't want to be a victim anymore. Everyone been trying so hard to protect me and getting them hurt over me. The second is to fulfill my brother's dreams," she answered.

"Your brother's dreams?"

"Yes, at first I thought if I fight like my brother then I would truly understand him, to be like him, in his shoes. The first time I did I was protecting Yu from some older men, I felt something in my heart," she paused taking a small breath. "It felt warm, when I protected him. Then I realize how my brother feels when he fights to protect his friends, I know it sounds hypocritical, but sometimes you have to fight to protect to people you care about no matter how many times they may be hurt in the end," she explained.

"Yukine," Tomoyo smiled. "You changed."

"I have? I don't enjoy fighting..."

"No no..." she interrupted. "That isn't what I meant, I mean you have this inner strength to help people and you do not hesitate to do so, no matter how much pain you will get in the end. I wish I had that..."

"You do Tomoyo..."

"No...I easily break down when someone I care about gets hurt, and I just run away from it."

"'That's a good thing about running, you get tired after a while and whatever you're running from will catch up to you. So why not stay firm and turn and face reality.' That is something my brother taught me before he...left,"

"Turn and face reality," Tomoyo repeated. "Your right Yukine, sorry but I need to go back," she stood up from her chair and grabbed her suitcase.

"Go back where?"

"Go back to Youhei"

The chapters hidden in Youhei and Tomoyo hearts are almost complete.

To Be Continued

A/N: Just in case you guys are wondering...Ryou and Kappei's Arcs are going to be next after Tomoyo is done.